TNA Impact TV report
10.29 TNA Impact
By Jeff Hamlin (
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The Big News: Hulk Hogan is officially in TNA, words I never thought I’d type. Hogan’s arrival in TNA was played up in every segment of the show, right up to Mike Tenay even admitted that the matches were taped before Hogan’s press conference with President Dixie Carter and Spike TV president Kevin Kay on Tuesday. As for the wrestling itself, the less said the better.
The entire show was built around the final segment, which consisted of highlights of Hogan’s press conference. Taz and Tenay made mentions of how the modern TNA talent would perform under the spotlight of Hulkamania.
Desmond Wolfe came out for the opening interview. It’s likely the name "Wolfe" was lifted from Harvey Keitel’s character in "Pulp Fiction," a film that Vince Russo has never been shy about referencing in the past. In fact, Wolfe’s interview sounded almost like Keitel’s dialogue. Wolfe ran down Angle winning the gold medal at the Olympics, saying the only reason he won it was because the judges felt sorry for him so they gave him points. Maybe that’s Cecil Peoples excuse. Angle came out and said Wolfe would be leaving the company tonight. After Tuesday, Wolfe may wish to be as fortunate. Angle said A.J. Styles, Matt Morgan and Eric Young earned his respect, but Wolfe didn’t. Angle challenged Wolfe to a street fight, and yes this is the first match in the program.
Styles was in the locker room watching the videotape of last week’s attack by the unknown bald guy. Samoa Joe walked in and told him it was Daniels, but Styles wasn’t buying it. Joe said Daniels was jealous of him because he wants Styles’ spot. Joe told him maybe Styles was so angry at him, he couldn’t see his best friend stabbing him in the back.
Awesome Kong was destroying things in a dressing room for some reason. It looked like Booker T’s old dressing room, so maybe this was his symbolic farewell, too.
1. Tara defeated Alyssa Flash in 5:09. Not good. Tara opened with the old Tajiri tarantula and followed with a slingshot somersault legdrop. Alyssa Flash came back with a clothesline and Keiji Muto elbow drop. Tara caught Flash going to the top rope and caught a superplex. Tara got a near fall on a fireman’s carry. For real. Flash came back with an exploder suplex for a two count. Flash pulled a piece of Tara’s hair out when executing a surfboard. Then out of nowhere, Tara caught a spider’s web for the pin. *
Postmatch, Kong came down, gave Tara a big boot and gave her the implant buster on top of Flash. Kong mouthed "I’m back" to reestablish her as a monster heel. You’ll notice a pattern in tonight’s report regarding run-ins.
Team 3-D were talking backstage when Rhino walked in and said that Hernandez was going to border toss him to eliminate him from the company. Brother Ray called him a conspiracy theorist, and said they saved Rhino because Hernandez would have been suspended if he had finished the border toss. Rhino offered to help 3-D in their match against the Motor City Machine Guns, but Brother Dvon laughed him off saying the guns would never beat them.
2. The Motor City Machine Guns defeated Team 3-D in 4:45. Chris Sabin hit a springboard crossbody on Ray, but Ray did an uranage on Sabin where he suffered his stinger. Match was heavily edited at this point, but not before several replays of Sabin getting absolutely drilled into the mat. They even had a trainer come to ringside to check on him while Alex Shelley was fighting two-on-one. Taz mentioned the tag match in 1995 ECW when Chris Benoit (who he didn’t mention) gave him a German suplex, which left his neck shot for good. Eddy Guerrero had to finish the match for him against Benoit and Dean Malenko. Even if Sabin hadn’t have been injured, the match would have been ruined by a lame finish that played into the angle with Rhino. Shelley put Dvon in a half crab. Dvon reached for the ropes but slammed his hand into the mat, and the referee ruled that he tapped out. 3-D couldn’t believe it, which likely leads to a heel turn. This was actually a similar finish to a 1995 Vale Tudo (forerunner to MMA) match with former WCW wrestler Craig "Pitbull" Pitman, who lost to Yuki Naki in basically the same way. *
Lauren asked Scott Steiner if he was going to apologize to Krystal Lashley after coming on to her last week. Steiner said he was sorry, but only because she couldn’t be with a real man like him. Steiner said he had the largest arms in the world. I’ll bet that’s the last time he says that in TNA. Steiner looked down his vest and said he had a surprise for Krystal and Bobby Lashley tonight.
Hermie Sadler, who is apparently back in an interviewer role, did a sit-down with Amazing Red and Don West. What Sadler adds to the protect is beyond me. His interviewing skills are awful because he has no voice. I guess he's there to attract the NASCAR demo because he's raced before, but even then it was on the developmental circuits. Red pretty much admitted West joined him because he sucks on interview. West started cutting a babyface promo, and just as he was getting warmed up, they cut away in mid-sentence. Sigh.
3. Bobby Lashley defeated Eric Young went to a no contest in 1:40. This was a total catastrophe. It shouldn’t have been booked to begin with because Young looked like a jobber, which ruined his role as the leader of the company’s top heel group. Not to mention the damage it did to the Legends title. Then the match began. As Lashley brawled with Young on the floor, you could see Young giving instructions to Lashley just as Steiner did a run-in. That was this week’s "Why the hell didn’t they edit that off the show?" moment. Lashley put Young in the dragon suplex when Steiner ran in with a chair. Steiner left Lashley laying with a Steiner recliner. If you didn’t know any better, you would think Hogan has been booking Lashley to look bad for the past month. The handling of Lashley thus far has been straight from "The Death of WCW." –*
World Elite came out to join Young, who was selling nothing after looking like a jobber champion moments ago. All the World Elite members are wearing these jumpsuits which just kill any chance they have of being taken seriously. It looks like pregame warmup uniforms worn by an ABA team from the 1970s. Brutus Magnus announced that the British Invasion have been suspended without pay until Turning Point because they decked the referee in last week’s cage match, which resulted in the DQ. Magnus said they were trying to make sure they left with the belts since it was Beer Money’s last chance at the titles. There was so much in the prior sentence that didn’t make sense I could go on for hours, but I’m trying to keep this week’s report under 3,000 words so something has to be preserved. Young claimed he just ended Lashley’s undefeated streak. Young then announced the Legends title is no more, and he’s renaming it as the TNA Global Championship. I was waiting for The Patroit and Iceman King Parson to do a run-in trying to claim the title was theirs while an Elvis impersonator provided color. Young said he would never defend the championship on American soil and would never defend it against an American wrestler. Kevin Nash came out with a chair wanting to know what happened to the deal he arranged with Young before Bound for Glory. Nash joked that Sheik Abdul Bashir paid him $60,000 in Iranian dollars, which is chump change in America. Young challenged Nash to come to the ring, but Beer Money ran in and cleaned house on the Invasion, Bashir and Kiyoshi with a chair and a stop sign. Nash told Young he could run but he couldn’t hide.
Daniels approached Styles backstage. Daniels thought Joe had talked Styles into believing that Daniels really did jump him last week. Daniels said he was going to settle this with Joe.
4. Lacey Von Erich, Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne defeated ODB, Christy Hemme and Hamada in 4:39. Lacey Von Erich was only in for a few seconds, and even then she botched her only spot. ODB gave Madison Rayne a bronco buster, and Mike Tenay said he didn’t know whether to call it the "Bronco Muncher" or the "Carpet Buster." Christy Hemme missed the FFG on Velvet Sky, leading to Von Erich getting tagged in and pinning her with a choke slam. Hemme, with her bad neck, barely got up in the air and the finish looked bad. ½*
Postmatch, Kong did a run-in teasing laying out the babyfaces, but Tara showed up and started fighting with her and they had a long pull-apart brawl which saw Tara break free from security several times. They continued to fight backstage.
5. Abyss defeated Dr. Stevie in 3:25 in a no-DQ weapons match. Hasn’t this program run its course by now? Another weird match. Tenay mentioned this was originally supposed to be a handicap match, but it was changed to a no-DQ singles match with no explanation why. There were garbage cans filled with weapons around the ring, and Abyss threw both of them into the ring onto Dr. Stevie. As Abyss was about to charge into a corner, Stevie threw a chair in his face and followed with some George Laraque-caliber slashes with a hockey stick. I hope Adam and Mike like that reference. Abyss blocked a Stevie kick and gave Stevie shock treatment for the pin. *1/4
Postmatch, Stevie jumped Abyss with a kendo stick and started choking him with it when Mick Foley came out. Foley teased punishing Abyss even more, but walloped Stevie instead and left to Foley chants. What’s better than another postmatch run-in? How about a run-in with an angle that makes no sense?
Jeremy Borash wanted to know why Foley would help Abyss, but Foley said it was between him and Abyss, "and that was all the people need to know." Then Foley held up his claw hand like he was Baron Von Rasche.
6. Matt Morgan defeated Rhino in 3:10. They had just enough time for a finish, which saw Rhino give Morgan a belly-to-belly suplex and go for the gore, but Morgan caught him with a carbon footprint for the pin. *1/4
Postmatch, since we can’t go one match without an angle, Rhino gave Morgan another belly-to-belly and gave him the gore. Morgan took the worst bump for a gore in recorded wrestling history. Hernandez ran out and Rhino bailed. Rhino said nobody was going to take him out of TNA.
Daniels confronted Joe backstage. He told Joe to cool it with the games. Joe is now doing more of a sinister cerebral gimmick as opposed to a MMA fighter. He said when he told Styles that Daniels jumped him, A.J. rolled his eyes. Joe said he took that as meaning that Styles didn’t believe that Daniels was tough enough to jump him.
Homicide interrupted West during his weekly house show rundown and demanded a title shot with Amazing Red. Homicide grabbed West, who acted like a total coward in agreeing to the match. So much for him being taken seriously as a babyface manager. Homicide then took West’s wallet, including a driver’s license.
Borash interviewed Angle, who ran down Wolfe. Borash asked him if someone might be putting Wolfe up to taking out Angle, who didn’t know what he was talking about.
Elsewhere backstage, Styles was found laying in blood where Terry Taylor and several others rushed to him. Styles was rushed away in an ambulance.
7. Desmond Wolfe defeated Kurt Angle by referee stoppage in 5:07. They beat the hell out of each other. It was like something out of 1990’s All Japan, just 35 minutes shorter and without the hot moves. Match mostly consisted of both men trading stiff forearms and punches. The highlight, of not only the match but the entire show, was how they instantly put over Wolfe’s jawbreaker lariat. Wolfe’s first attempt at the lariat was a whiff, and Angle responded with three German suplexes. But Wolfe no sold them and immediately hit the lariat, which Tenay and Taz did a great job in getting over on commentary. Referee Earl Hebner stopped the match when Angle couldn’t move, but Wolfe got in Angle’s face on the mat and said he ended his career. **3/4
The finish of the show came with Hogan’s press conference with Carter and Kay. It lasted all of five minutes. Eric Bischoff was shown introducing Hogan, who got the chants and mentioned how the previous company he joined up with had the best wrestling in the world. He didn’t elaborate, but I sense he was talking about WCW. Everyone in TNA should hope to god they avoid that path. Hogan didn’t even mention one TNA wrestler on the active roster, and appeared to have little knowledge of the current product. He spent more time putting over Carter and Kay.
SUMMARY: It’s tough to judge a show at this point knowing that a major pull of the reset button coming soon. The show was filled with the usual angles that never get over and run-ins left and right. Whenever Tenay mentioned Hogan’s arrival, it was referred to as a business arrangement. Where it goes from here is anyone’s guess. As for my two cents, it’s clear that Hogan is one delusional human being. In his last substantial WWE run in 2002, he still thought he could be the Hogan of 1985, not realizing that the wrestling world has changed. Even when the time came to pass the torch in WCW, Hogan never truly did. The amount of young wrestlers he put over in the 90’s can be counted on one hand. If he didn’t do it back then, why should we believe that’s going to change now? He’s always been in this business for himself, and until the time comes when he realizes it’s time to put over the A.J. Styles’ of this world, I doubt if one stint in TNA is going to change that.
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