Wrestlicious Takedown Report
Episode 3 – 3/17/10
I had to crank these first three reports out quickly because the new one comes out tomorrow, and no one wants to play Wrestlicious catch up, no one.
After watching three episodes, I realized that while this will end up being a failure of a product, some good things did happen from which other companies could learn. First, have a product to sell before you produce a TV show. There is no product here since Wrestlicious doesn’t do house shows or PPV’s or live events or even sell merchandise. Maybe these things are in the business plan down the line, but I doubt it, so I’m assuming JV Rich is just doing this to satisfy his own ego. Fine. However, the show does a good job of back selling angles and previewing things to come. They use a shit load of graphics, tell us who is wrestling in the main event, flashback to remind the viewer of what happened earlier, and keep you constantly up to date with the stupid 20 Girl Battle Royal. So if they had a product, people might give a shit about going to see it, because at the very least, they’d tell you what you’re going to see.
This company also keeps things very simple. They flat out tell you who are the heels and faces, and the gimmicks they use for the girls are self explanatory, and if you’re that big of an idiot and need it explained the commentator does that too. They use comedy, but not to sell angles. It’s just there for fun. If you miss it, it’s no big deal, and if you didn’t like it, well it only lasted 11 seconds. It’s corny, it’s useless, but Cousin Cassie is in a lot of it, and she’s a babe. On with the show…
Intro
Leyla Milani and Jimmy open up the show and tell us how awesome and hot the show has become, but Jimmy is depressed because everyone only compliments Leyla and not Jimmy. She then makes fun of him and tells him to get her bag from her car. Didn’t that just happen? What the hell, I swear I wrote this last time. Oh well, I’m not going to lose any sleep over this.
Rewind
Autumn Frost defeats Paige Webb using her feet on the ropes in the main event from last week. We got to see all the highlights and the finish again. TNA, are you paying attention?
20 Girl Battle Royal
Next three participants are: Glory, Autumn Frost, and Tyler Texas
Segment 1
Leyla is on the beach reading a book and makes a terrible pun, but she’s in a bikini.
Takedown Spotlight: Cousin Cassie
Alright, as I’ve said numerous times she’s hot, but if you ever want to over expose the beauty of a girl, make her stand in the ocean and try to look sexy for a retardedly long time. This fucking segment lasted literally 1:44. As each second passed I was forced to examine my beautiful Cassie’s every detail, and by the end, I had rated her about a full point lower. She went from an 8 to a 7. TOO LONG~!
Segment 2
Cheerleader Amber is in Dr. Gross’s office and they make a joke so bad I didn’t really even understand it.
Main Event
White Magic and Draculetta vs. Cheerleader Amber Lively and Lacey Von Erich
Draculetta’s entrance was nice. She rose out of a coffin, seemingly with the help of White Magic. Amber did a terrible round off on her way to the ring. Lacey isn’t wearing any shoes, because you know, she’s a Von Erich. So yah, hide her rifle too. What, Ed? What, too soon? Passable wrestling, but holy crap Amber is annoying with her cheerleader voice and expressions. Lacey is just miserable in the ring. So how do they get the heat? Oh yes, White Magic stabs her Lacey Von Erich voodoo doll for the cut off and Lacey sells. AWESOME~! More heat on Amber, who is at least athletic. The baddies are good at working their gimmick. This is paint by numbers booking, but it’s works. KEEP IT SIMPLE~! TNA? Never mind. There’s a nice move where Draculetta pulls Ambers legs up to her ears so there’s basically a 5 second shot of Amber’s sqwank. Amber makes her own comeback, tags Lacey who gets the claw on Draculetta, but White Magic hits Lacey with her big stick, and the ref DQ’s the baddies. Amber and Lacey win via DQ. ¾ boner
JV’s Crib
A random girl is on the bed. Boot Camp Bailey is standing in a bikini yelling at a girl to do crunches. Jimmy Hart and Felony with Officer Bubba, walk in to JV’s bedroom. Jimmy tells everyone to get out because he has work to do. JV walks in with Cassie on his arm (I hate him) and asks Jimmy what he’s doing in the bedroom, and Jimmy tells him that someone has to make the bed. Then Jimmy gripes about not needing this because he is a hall of famer. All right folks; let’s break this down. I guess everyone lives at JV’s house. Fine. I guess they’re all required to wear bikinis at all times. Fine. However, JV doesn’t seem to know why Jimmy is there because twice now he’s asked him what he’s doing in his house as Jimmy just keeps showing up doing chores. So I guess the storyline is that Jimmy thinks he’s paying back JV his families reparations for slavery but JV wasn’t informed, so the big pay off will be Jimmy learning that blacks and whites are equals.
Final Thoughts
The best of the three shows so far, but that’s not saying a lot. I’d like to see two matches rather than one super long match. These girls just don’t need to be doing 12 minutes of wrestling. I like the randomness of the segments, and the comedy is so bad it’s good. Finally, Jimmy Hart really is charismatic, but even he and Wrestlicious couldn’t keep away from referencing WWE’s Hall of Fame.
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