Due to some minor technical difficulties I'll be starting the pay-per-view ongoing play-by-play right around 5:30 PM Pacific/8:30 PM Eastern.
1. Daniels vs. Kazarian vs. Bryan Kendrick vs. Red in a four-way ladder match with the winner getting an X-Division title shot. It was fine. Some of the spots were really cool. Some of them were kind of a mess. A few crazy bumps. Crowd would pop big for certain spots and then get quiet for the rest. Finish with everyone brawling at the top of two ladders was kind of clunky, and ended when Kazarian won the battle and got the contract.
Chelsea wheeled Flair out in a wheelchair. He cut a promo desperately, I mean desperately trying to get people to boo him. They refused to cooperate, just going "WHOO!" after every sentence. He said Hogan and The Abyss would pay the price tonight for putting him in the chair.
Hogan gave Abyss a pep talk, then Bischoff walked in. His hair has already grown back to buzz cut level, only slightly shorter than before it was shaved. So that was a waste of time in every conceivable way. Hogan said they needed to get back to the task at hand, making TNA a success.
2. Tara vs. Daffney for the Knockouts title. Tara won with the widow's peak after Daffney missed a belt shot. Match was pretty much horrible, although I will say it was better than I expected. I had very low standards. Daffney stole the spider afterwards. Now THIS was a feud we needed continued.
3. Rob Terry vs. (No longer Brutus) Magnus for the Global title. THIS was what they chose to follow Daffney vs. Tara. It was over in like a minute. Rob did three moves, wildly flexing after each one, then hit a sidewalk slam for the pin.
Dixie did a promo on the pre-show saying she pushed hard for the Destination X PPV because she loved the X-Division and the fact that this PPV gave those guys a chance to main event. So apparently the main event position is fourth on the card.
4. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me in Ultimate X for a tag team title shot. Guns did a promo burying the babyfaces and basically calling them young Hardy Boyz knockoffs. Using the term "Hardy Boyz". The X was super low, like maybe 8 feet or so above the ring, and the way it was shot made it look like anyone could have stood underneath it, leaped up and grabbed it. They had a fun match with lots of video game-style highspots. It was fun watching them try to pretend that the X was much higher than it was. Ended with Sabin and Jeremy Buck crawling to the middle, the Buck taking a bump from what Taz said was fifteen feet up, and then Sabin grabbing the X for the win and the title shot. Nowhere near the level of previous Ultimate X matches, but fun stuff.
5. Hall & Waltman vs. Nash & Eric Young where if the former win they get TNA deals. This was so sad. It wasn't too awful early but then it went longer than 30 seconds. Hall tried but he doesn't have it anymore. At all. They were making it so obvious that Nash was turning on Eric that I thought for sure it would be a swerve. Not swerving the swerve ended up swerving me. Or something like that. Anyway, Nash turned on Young, gave him a powerbomb, then Waltman had to help Hall do the edge for the win. There was other TNA-related comedy like Waltman not being able to find a can of spray paint (twice), Nash getting paint sprayed all over his face and the ref just ignoring it (even Taz asked how the hell the ref couldn't see that), etc.
6. Doug Williams vs. Prince of Punk for the X title. Solid match. Doug won after hitting him with a BRICK and busting him open. The highlight of this was after the match when Doug cut this promo about how he was what the X-Division should be all about, technical catch-as-catch-can wrestling. He said the X-Division guys were geeky acrobats pretending to be wrestlers and acrobats belonged in the circus with the clowns. He then grabbed a woman's purse out of the crowd, got some lipstick, and painted Shannon up.
7. Morgan & Hernandez vs. Beer Money for the tag titles. Hernandez was the only babyface in the match. The story was that Morgan was being a prick and kept berating his partner for being no good. Storm tried to blow beer into Hernandez's face at the finish but hit Morgan instead, then Hernandez pinned him with his finisher. So the champs retained, and then they did the swerve -- if you even want to call it that -- of Morgan laying out his partner with the big kick. So we're back to the old Russo stand-by, tag partners who hate each other, and they're champs.
8. Kurt Angle vs. Ken Anderson. Also below the level of most Kurt PPV matches. Not a bad match but it went on too long and the fans lost interest when Anderson had the heat. The ref took a bump and Anderson got a chair. But then he threw it away because he wanted to use the medals instead. Angle avoided them and used the medals himself on Anderson, who gigged. The blood might have gotten over better if we hadn't had massive juice two matches earlier with Shannon Moore. Angle then put him in the ankle lock for the submission, so Kurt got his revenge -- again.
Anderson cut a promo after the match saying that Kurt was going to go to bed tonight and the only word that would be going through his head all night was "ANDERSON!" Hopefully they follow up on that because I have no idea what he was talking about.
9. AJ vs. Abyss for the World Title. OK. So here is what happened. AJ, who is a heel, did all of his usual babyface highspots and the people cheered him. Abyss, who is a babyface, sold for awhile and then made a comeback. Then it became bullshit. Flair sprayed stuff in the ref's eyes and gave AJ the title. AJ hit Abyss with it. Hogan came out with Earl Hebner as replacement ref and wheeled Flair to the back. AJ hit a springboard 450 but Abyss kicked out and Hulked Up. He did the punches and the big boot, then chokeslammed AJ, who went through the ring. Hebner then rang the bell. Hogan came out with the belt and gave it to Abyss, but Earl said no. Announcers had no idea what was going on and said Earl had to throw out the match because, hey, what else could he do? AJ apparently retained the title on a ref stoppage. Or something. Hogan and Abyss beat up AJ, Flair and Desmond Wolfe, and then all three of the heels took a bump into the hole in the ring to end the show. I am not making any of this up. That was the payoff given to the minuscule number of hardcore fans who were kind enough to actually pay $34.95 for this show. These people have no idea what they're doing.
And yeah, no idea what the hell Ken Anderson was talking about. He was left bloody and beaten into complete submission and then cut a post-match promo saying Angle would be dreaming of his name all night. Can someone please ask Bischoff on his Facebook to explain that one to me?
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