You know when sometimes you just aren't in the mood to watch wrestling? And then you see the line-up for Heat...
(Commentator - Todd Grisham)
Eugene & Hacksaw Jim Duggan Vs Caden Mathews & Navajo Warrior: Duggan shockingly starts up a 'U-S-A' chant and makes the crowd go 'hoooo', as Eugene is trying to start the match with the Navajo Warrior. Eugene does his airplane spin and tags in Duggan as Warrior tags in Mathews. Mathews does his best to bump around for Duggan, and then for Eugene as he comes back into the match. Mathews avoids Eugene in the corner, and the Navajo Warrior necks the rock-hard retard on the ropes. Eugene comes back on the Navajo Warrior with a back suplex, and Duggan comes in and beats up both opponents. Mathews and Warrior are thrown into each other, and Eugene stunners the Warrior out of the ring as Duggan slams Mathews. Mathews is then clotheslined by Duggan for the easy victory. This was a bloody mess. Even more of a mess than what that I have just wrote about it.
Winners: Eugene & Duggan (Time 4:13)
Charlie Haas Vs John Williams: I said last week that Charlie Haas could impress if given a chance. This is not the type of chance I was talking about. Haas tries to finish the match quickly with a jackknife pin attempt, but Williams is having none of that. Then they do some reasonable enough technical wrestling, and the crowd simply doesn't give a shit. Williams starts to dominate the match until he runs into a spinning back kick from Charlie, who throws some Muay Thai clinch knees. Can you 'throw' knees? Haas gets a two from a dropkick, then keylocks Williams' arm. Williams gets to the ropes to force the break, then necks Charlie to regain the heat and scores with a belly-to-belly for a two. Williams tries to control Charlie on the mat, but Haas gets up and hits a big release German to get himself back in the match. Haas wins a battle of the punches, then throws Williams off the ropes into a big boot, setting him up for some kicks to the back and front. Haas picks Williams up and hits the inverted DDT for the win by pinfall. There's really not much to say about this match, so I won't.
Winner: Charlie Haas (5:35)
Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch Vs Snitsky & Goldust: After a couple of weeks sweet relief due to random Raw appearances, this feud sadly must continue. That doesn't mean I have to actually watch the match though. It's such a shame that someone of the calibre of Gene Snitsky has been forced to slum it with these guys. Ah well, one day he will rise, as the cream always does, to the top. Sadly, he first has to job on his way up, as Cade and Murdoch double team him for the win.
Winners: Cade & Murdoch (6:10)
Carlito Vs Rob Conway's Music: Carlito gets a huge reaction. I wonder if he has become exclusive Heat property, like Raven once decided would be a good idea, because this is three weeks in a row now. The bell rings and they tie-up, with Conway throwing Carlito down by the hair. He does this again after a brief battle for arm control. Carlito then comes off the ropes, and throws Conway down by the hair, and slaps him. Then Carlito begs away into the corner, and slaps Conway again. Then one more slap, just for fun. Carlito runs off the ropes into a clothesline, and Conway throws him to the outside, following him out and shoving him back first to the barriers, the apron and the ringpost. Back in the ring, Conway drops a triumvirate of elbows onto Carlito's back, and gets a two count. The Conman beats on Carlito in the corner and gets another couple of two counts before putting a chinlock on, on the canvas. Carlito fights up and they trade strikes, then trade sleepers: Carlito lands on his feet as Conway tries to suplex his way free and hits a running knee and a pair of clotheslines. Conway reverses Carlito into the ropes, but Carlito comes off them with his springboard back elbow for a two. Conway tries for his Ego Trip, but Carlito holds onto the ropes to avoid the move and hits the backcracker for the win. This was not a good match: Conway was his usual adequate self, but Carlito just looked liked he couldn't be bothered.
Winner: Carlito (5:05)
(Commentators - Josh Mathews & Steve Romero)
Simon Dean Vs Gunner Scott: No 'Dean Machine' for Simon this week, but he takes control of the match early, and dominates for over three minutes until Scott suplexes his way out of an abdominal stretch. Scott goes to work, and is trying to show some sort of personality, mostly by shouting 'raaaah' at the crowd. A German suplex gets a two count for Gunner. Dean pushes Scott into the corner but runs into a boot, then runs off the ropes into Scott's belly-to-belly overhead throw for the three count. Uninspiring.
Winner: Gunner Scott (Time 4:39)
Gregory Helms Vs Wavel Star: To symbolise the worthlessness of the cruiserweight belt, the ref calls for the bell to start the match before Gregory Helms has even taken it off. Once belt-free, Helms starts by taking Star down and a battle for control on the mat ensues. Back on their feet, there is some childish shoving before Star gets thrown over the top to the outside. Back inside, Helms gets a two from a top rope crossbody and then takes the match back to the mat. Star eventually fights up to his feet and knocks Helms down with a shoulder block following up with some right hands. Helms is whipped corner to corner, but Star runs into his shoulder, and Helms soon finishes the match with the Nightmare on Helms St. Another Velocity match that wasn't bad or anything, but just blah.
Winner: Gregory helms (4:20)
Tatanka Vs John Williams: Good to see that Tatanka had all those video packages to build him up for this Velocity squash match. Williams attacks Tatanka from behind but Tat' arm drags him down. 'Anka controls the match in a basic manner for a while, until Williams gets a comeback by nefarious means, and locks in a chinlock. Tatanka fights up, but is knocked down again, as Williams draws some heat from the crowd. Tatanka turns the tide with some chops, a back drop, some native skipping, and a body slam, before winning the match with a swinging side slam. Too long. Not good.
Winner: Tatanka (6:04)
Brian Kendrick & Paul London Vs Psicosis & Super Crazy: This had better be good. Crazy and Kendrick start, and the crowd get right behind the Mexicool member. They wrestle for a couple of minutes - they flip around, they roll about together - and it's good, and all very good sportsmanlike. They shake hands and tag in their respective partners. There's some more friendly wrestling between Paul and Psicosis before London tags in Kendrick who drops a big elbow to Psicosis' back and gets a roll up two. Brian tries another roll up, but Psiduck holds on, rolls through and picks Kendrick up, swinging him down face first for a two, the pin broken by London. Super Crazy throws London to the outside and looks for a pescado, but London grabs his leg and pulls him out under the ropes as Psi' and Bri' continue their fight in the ring. Paul London is thrown into the ringpost as Kendrick looks for the Sliced Bread #2 but is caught again by Psicosis and hung up on the ropes. Psicosis schoolboys Kendrick and gets the pin using the ropes. This was ok while it lasted, but as it only lasted four minutes, it ended up very disappointing. There was possibly an edit point early in the match, so it may have been cut to make sure Tatanka got his full time, or maybe they just cocked something up.
Winners: The Mexicools (4:19)
Whatever happened to make the Velocity main event so short, it was a crappy end to an overall underwhelming show. Indeed, a pretty crappy week all round. There is no match I can recommend anyone watch. Maybe they just don't want me to miss Velocity so much when it disappears. No points for anyone this week.
Next week: THE FINAL VELOCITY EVER. I think.
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