WWE HEAT
(Commentators - Todd Grisham & Jonathan Coachman)
Charlie Haas Vs Val Venis: A battle between two of the most under-used and under-appreciated guys in wwe. < /broken record> Charlie has had a radical image change - he is now wearing a black vest to the ring. He takes it off before he fights though. < /pointless information> Val Venis and Charlie Haas: They should form a group, with a new diva called Louise Magina. < /crappy jokes> < /annoying http gimmick> Haas gets the better of the opening exchange, but Val comes back with a hiptoss and an armdrag. Charlie hops over the top rope to the floor, whilst holding onto Val's arm, thus 'arming' him on the rope. The advantage is kept by Charlie, and he works over Val's arm for a while. Eventually Val fights back, wins a punching duel, and does some more basic wwe offensive moves. You know, a couple of clotheslines and a back body drop. Val gets a two from a fisherman's buster suplex, then hits his half-nelson slam and goes up top for the money shot. Naturally, Charlie moves out of the way, but unlike most, he has the good grace to do it before Val has even had a chance to jump. Charlie uses a backslide and gets the pin with his feet on the ropes.
Winner: Charlie Haas (Time 8:20)
That was exactly as I expected. A good, solid wrestling match, with no bells or whistles. Apart from the ring bell, obviously. A fine start to the show.
The Highlanders Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch: I would make the point about these two teams facing each other every week, but it's not like there's anyone else for them to fight on Heat. For those who care (anybody?) the Highlanders won last week. In that match Cade and Murdoch attacked before the bell, and they try again this time, but the McAllisters are ready for them and get the upper hand, throwing the southerners out of the ring. The match settles down with Rory taking on Trevor. Rory uses his head. Robbie doesn't use his though, as he distracts the ref whilst Cade and Murdoch double team his bro'. Or are they cousins? Cade and Murdoch make some quick tags and beat on Rory, including Murdoch with a Cade assisted legdrop. Rory gets some respite as he avoids a Cade elbow drop, and he manages to tag in Robbie. Robbie uses some axe handles and dropkicks to take down both foes, and he attempts to hurl Rory from the top onto Murdoch. Lance Cade has other ideas and pushes Rory to the floor, allowing Trev' to hit Robbie with a DDT for the predictable victory. Same time next week lads?
Winners: Cade & Murdoch (5:55)
I don't normally watch the Raw highlights between the matches, but I paid attention to the women's battle royal that Victoria steamrollered through. Two things: firstly, that whole Candice getting her nose broken thang is a work so she can have some work done on her face, I'm sure of it; secondly, and more importantly, Mickie James used the phrase 'Jeez Louise'. Could she be any more perfect?
GENE SNITSKY Vs Shawn Reynolds: YAY, GENE MOTHER LOVING SNITSKY IS BACK!!! Snitters knees Reynolds in the face and mauls him on the ground. Mean Gene slides Shawn into the ringpost, then goes outside and kicks him in the head. Instead of the cover, there's more punishment with a throw into the corner and a headbutt, then the match is finished off with a MOVE~! I was going to pretend that Snitsky used a Canadian Destroyer, the Chaos Theory and a Dragonrana, but his finishing move was actually pretty cool in itself. Maybe it has a name that I'm too ill-informed to know about, but it started off with Reynolds up on Snitsky's shoulder in a running powerslam position, then Gene swung him round and slammed him to the mat in a uranage stylee. I'm going to call it a swinging uranage.
Winner: THE SNIT (1:54)
Rob Conway Vs Super Crazy: This had better be an improvement on Crazy's match with Shelton Benjamin last week, which was shit. Crazy starts off with a hint of sloppiness, but Conway takes control of the match, so all is fine for the moment. Crazy tries some faster paced stuff, and most of it comes off alright, including a crucifix (I love that move). Conway kicks Crazy, then hits his top rope legdrop to the standing Crazy, but Conway can't get the victory. Crazy scores with a missile dropkick, then uses a standing moonsault for the three count.
Winner: Super Crazy (5:01)
Well that was a slightly better match than Super Crazy had with Shelton last week, but it still wasn't what you would call good. The rest of the show was cool though, but it would have been better had the match order been reversed. I give Heat this week a 6/10, thumbs in the middle, three stars (out of seven), a C+, a lollipop and a smily face sticker. No gold star though.
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