TNA Impact TV report for November 1

By Larry Csonka
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TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We see highlights of last week’s show.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and run down tonight’s card.

-Kurt Angle is now out to kick off the show, wearing a suit and with Karen as usual. Kurt is not greeted kindly by the crowd. He says he is a superman and a great guy, who’s partner wants to tear his throat out and they have to battle an angry parent and a mystery guy and his TNA title will be on the line. The cripple Kevin Nash has been riding his coat tails Kurt kicked him to the curb and now Nash wants to kill him and of course Cornette makes him the tag team partner. Sting is on the other side, the PTA president and stay at home mom and a partner of his choosing. Why is it a mystery? Kurt says he should know. But of course Sting has underestimated him, and the crowd chants that he sucks more. STING’S MUSIC PLAYS and he is out on the ramp. Kurt says that he is a world class champ, Rhodes Scholar and has two degrees and that makes him a genius. He also watches Law and Order, CSI and 24, so he can crack the case by the end of the night. Sting makes fun of Angle being a GYM major. Sting says his partner was a champion in WWE and WCW, and doesn’t like Angle because Angle rubbed him the wrong way. Angle says everyone loves him…ENTER NASH. Nash doesn’t love or even like Angle. Because he’s a jackass. Nash says not to worry who Sting’s partner is, but worry about Nash. Angle is tired of running and says he can take Nash. He calls out Nash and Nash makes his way to the ring very slowly. Kurt runs, but Sting starts to beat his ass. Sting tosses him in the ring and Nash starts to beat on him. They work Angle over until he escapes. Security is in to keep Sting and Nash apart.

-Tenay and West discuss the mystery man, and apparently Nash will have an interview about the mystery man. They say that Fatu will not be here tonight and Cage will face a mystery opponent.

  • Fight for the Right Tournament Match: James Storm w/Jackie Moore vs. Kaz

    Storm tries to attack at the bell, but Kaz sidesteps and tosses him to the floor. PLANCHA by Kaz! Jackie argues with him, and that allows Storm to kick him on the way in and get the hanging DDT. Whirly Bird by Storm gets 2. Enziguri by Storm followed by a lung blower for 2. Last Call blocked, but Storm gets a high knee off the ropes and covers for 2. In the corner, slaps by Storm, Irish whip and a corner clothesline lands. Irish whip again, Storm misses Kaz as he floats over and gets a roll up and back bridge for the pin.

    Winner: Kaz @ 2:20 via pin

    About as good as you can do with 2-minutes. God forbid we have more wrestling than talking, especially from a tournament that is supposed to crown a #1 contender.

    Rating: *½

    -Eric Young is out with a 6-pack of beer and gives one to Storm. Storm gives Young one and he drinks it. We have an impromptu beer drinking contest. Storm drinks another, Young drinks another. Jackie is impressed and they drink another. Storm opened one in his teeth and cut his lip. Apparently they have mutual respect now.

    -Back from commercial and Angle is smoking a cigar and has an interrogation room set up, and Borash is with him. Karen mocks him as he is a goof. Karen says SHE will take care of business.

    -Tenay says Angle is interrogating the entire roster, and we go to an interview from earlier today. Nash says there are no CAHOOTS. He has a chance to win the title, and he sure the hell isn’t helping Angle. Crystal says he hasn’t been in the ring in over a year, and the odds are against him. Nash says he hasn’t forgot how to main event. He knows he has to deal with Sting and Angle, as for the last guy, well, he is calling people and he will find out who the mystery guy it.

    -Team 3D makes their way to the ring. Ray says lets hear the “that was awesome” chants, because they blindly chant that during X-Division matches. The only thing that was awesome was the tag team match that they had in the hotel room with Sabin and Shelley’s moms three hours ago. The X-Division is a bunch of little boys flipping and flopping all over the place. He has taken craps bigger, now he is stealing from Scott Steiner. Ray then makes fun of the star ratings for matches, and the only stars that matter are them, the only stars in TNA. He then makes fn of the Internet writers. Little boys that couldn’t hack it in wrestling. Really now? Is that a shoot? They have new “X SUX” shirts on. They will destroy the X-Division, because it is simple, they will do it because they can. The MCMG’s music hit and they are out. Shelley on the mic and says they should shut the hell up. For the last few weeks they have listened to what Ray hates, like low carb diets, exercise, and more importantly the X-Division. Well then tons of fun, the X-Division hates you too. They are bullies and they will show them how to stand up to bullies right now. Shelley says the hand doesn’t just represent “Michigan, you fat pig” but it is the hand of vengeance and bitch slap the taste from your mouth! Devon calls them out and says that it is over, and 3D will end it tonight. Ray then agrees with him and will take pleasure in this. He sends Devon for the tables and there aren’t any tables! Sabin then says he knows they are hungry, but there aren’t any Twinkies under there. Havok and XXX come out with the tables, and Dutt, Sharky and Petey attack 3D. 3D fights then off and whips them with belts, but the MCMG’s hit the ring and starts to lay them out. XXX and Havok are in now and they all beat down 3D. 3D escapes as the X-Guys were about to whip them with the belts. Shelley says it sucks being attacked from behind doesn’t it! Sabin and Shelley then challenge them for a match at Genesis.

    -Back from commercial and is interviewing Black Machismo. He then thinks he sees “Snake Roberts,” and when asked about the face paint, he says it was Warrior. They wrestled in front of a million people. Machismo walks him through the match and Angle is totally enthralled and wants to hear more. Machismo says maybe Wahoo McDaniel will be Sting’s partner. So Cal Val walks in and Machismo is smitten!


    -Hoyt, Rave and Hemme are here. Hemme says Rave is getting into their relationship. Rave says he never did anything wrong and called her a red snapper. Rave them tells her to focus, and the Rock and Rave Infection will take care of business. Hoyt says they are boys and that’s how it goes. Hemme says NO SEX FOR YOU. Hoyt then says Rave ruined it. Bro’s before Ho’s dude.

  • Awesome Kong vs. Christy Hemme

    Kong again has the picture of Gail with her, so focused on her destruction. Hemme gets psyched up and charges in, she hits Kong repeatedly and then Kong just levels her with a clothesline. Hemme counters a slam into a sleeper, Kong slams her to a corner and Hemme pulls her hair, clubbing shots and Kong throws Hemme with her hair! Off the ropes and a back fist by Kong. BACK BREAKER OF DEATH BY KONG~! She tosses Hemme to the mat. Kong then drags her center ring, KONG BOMB~! Hemme has a bloody mouth/nose, likely from the back fist.

    Winner: Awesome Kong @ 2:09 via pin

    Kong is the best booked thing in TNA right now.

    Rating: **


    -Crystal is with Sting. Eric is there listening at the door. Young says he heard who the partner was, and whispers it to Crystal. Eric says they can’t tell anyone. Crystal is very happy and is showing 100 times more charisma than Leticia Cline ever did.


    -Angle interviews Robert Roode. He likes Roode because of how he beats down Joe and smacks around chicks. Roode says to wear the pants in the family and lay the hammer down. Angle takes notes. Roode asks where Karen is and Roode laughs at the assumption that she is taking care of business. Roode says she is screwing someone or something, and then says Kurt needs to send her back to the kitchen. Angle and JB wonder where she could be.

    -Tenay and West ramble on.


    -Crystal is with Dustin Rhodes. Crystal asks where Black Reign is. Rhodes says he wouldn’t be responsible for what he did. Rhodes says “Black Reign” is crazy and has nightmares and monster’s to deal with. Abyss attacks Rhodes and throws him through a wall. Abyss doesn’t give a shit, he’s whooping someone’s ass. Abyss breaks the black box over Rhodes’ head and finds a key. Could it be to the Dead Man’s Chest?


    -Angle is with Harris now and Harris reads off a bunch of complaints about Angle taking over the show, Angle’s wife, Tenay and West not shutting up. I guess we all know that Harris reads the 4R’s and the impact Crater.

    -IN THE BACK Angle interviews VKM now. Angle sniffs Kip’s hair. Angle makes fun of being “Mr. Ass,” the Gay Marriage and other dumb stuff. Kip gets angry and BG then says they’ll talk and to be calm. BG and he reverse roles and they interrogate Angle. They ask if he has father issues and Angle begins to cry. Your World Heavyweight Champion folks.



    -Cage complains about Fatu no showing and the fact that he has to face a mystery opponent instead of receiving a bye. Cage wonders where Tomko and AJ are. Now we see Nash on the phone and is angry.

    -Roode and Brooks make their way to the ring, and RAIN is here in the crowd again. She dyed her hair blond, not sure I dig that.

  • Samoa Joe and Gail Kim vs. Robert Roode and Traci Brooks

    Sweet lord Gail is hot. Roode throws Brooks into the ring. He then tries to sneak up on Joe, but that fails and Joe kills him with a leaping knee. Roode bails to the floor and wants a time out. Gail and Brooks in, chops to Gail, knees, off the ropes and a back elbow by Gail and then a dropkick Forearm shots to Brooks, Irish whip and Gail misses a cross body, allowing Brooks to cover for 2. Knees by Brooks, gut wrench suplex gets 2. Brooks trips up Gail, and gets the double knees to the back and then a clothesline for 2. Gail fights back, up top and a missile dropkick connects. Roode refuses to tag in and Gail then gets an Enziguri and tags Joe in. He nails Roode and tosses him into the ring. Backdrop by Joe. Knee of DOOM in the corner. Set up top, Muscle Buster stopped by Roode, but a snap powerslam by Joe into the choke! Brooks smiles and says she is still legal or something. Joe scares her off and Gail tags in and tackles Brooks. Roode tossed to the floor. ELBOW SUICIDA by Joe! Gail with a roll up and gets the pin on Brooks.

    Winners: Gail Kim and Samoa Joe @ 5:10 via pin

    Good mixed tag, which gave us more wrestling in that segment than the entire show had.

    Rating: **¼

    -Roode is pissed and calls Brooks pathetic and worthless. Gail looks OFFENDED! Roode wants to fire her and Gail in and shoves Roode. She is sick and tired of seeing this. She asks Roode what he needs and then she SLAPS him! Joe is in and attacks Roode. They brawl to the floor and we head to a commercial.

    -Back from commercial and Joe is bleeding horribly. He was tossed to the steps apparently and is GASHED open. Yup, Joe hit the point of the steps.


    -Angle is with Angel and Talia. JB has taken over the interrogation, and says it is about the three of them. Angle says it isn’t about three-ways, it is about Sting. They say they know, Eric Young told them. Talia asks what is in it for them. Angle says he sucks with women and JB offers them his hotel key and they agree. They promise to tell JB. Talia knees him in the gut and they leave. JB says pain and Angle asks if it is the Powers of Pain! If only.

    -West and Tenay again say Fatu is not here and say Cage will have a mystery opponent.

  • Fight for the Right Tournament Match: Christian Cage vs. Chris Harris

    Harris charges in and Cage beats him down. He chokes out Harris, off the ropes now and a back elbow by Cage. Joe will face Roode at Genesis. Off the ropes and Harris with a clothesline to Cage. A backdrop connects and then the stalling suplex by Harris for 2. Full nelson slam by Harris gets 2. Cage on the apron, Harris out as well and they brawl. Cage manages to get a kick to the face of Harris and we head to a commercial @ 3:00.

    Back from commercial @ 7:15 and Cage MISSES a frog splash. During the break Cage wanted to use the ladder but was stopped. Harris with a spinebuster for 2. Back elbow by Cage, elbow off the 2nd rope gets 2. Cage rakes the eyes now, rights to Harris and he is down. Cage to the 2nd rope, but Harris caught him and gets a flapjack. Both men are down, they trade blows from their knees. To the feet, off the ropes and a lariat by Harris. Bulldog by Harris gets 2. Cage tries a reverse DDT, Harris fights out and misses a spear and hits the post. Reverse DDT by Cage and that gets 2. Slaps by Cage in the corner, Harris tosses him but Cage to the apron and leaps in but eats a spear, Harris covers for 2. Eye poke by Cage, unprettier try, countered and Harris gets the unprettier for 2. To their feet again, Harris misses a spear, but grabs up Cage, Catatonic countered and Cage gets rolled up for 2, but then rolls through and grabs the ropes for the pin.

    Winner: Christian Cage @ 12:30 via pin

    The match was fine, but there was no heat for Harris and no one bought the near falls.

    Rating: **

    -Harris complains after the match, which allows Cage to nail him with a ladder shot. Cage sets up the ladder, lays Harris out and climbs the ladder and gets a HUGE frog splash on Harris.

    -It will be Kaz and Cage next week to crown a #1 contender.


    -Crystal is with Nash. He says he never expected “this” to happen. He has to go and talk to Kurt.

    -Back from commercial and angle has Eric Young tied up and demands to know who the partner is. Eric says it is the Shockmaster and then Angle hits him with a phone book. JB stops Angle and then Angle dismisses them both.

    -Tenay and West hype Genesis. Gail will defend against Roxxi, Angel Williams and ODB. Team 3D vs. the MCMG’s. Roode vs. Joe. Angle and Nash vs. Sting and the mystery opponent.

    -Black Reign is here and talks about Abyss playing with his toys. He invites Abyss to a “shop of horrors match” at Genesis. He says Abyss should have taken the key, but now, Abyss’ worst nightmare will be released.

  • TNA Tag Team Title Match: AJ Styles and Tomko © vs. LAX (Homicide y Hernandez)

    Hernandez is wearing the big red X to the ring like a piece of BLING~! Hernandez and AJ to begin. They talk shit and Hernandez levels AJ. AJ tries a single leg, gets tossed off and then tries a cross body and it was like hitting a wall. AJ gets mad and then tags in Tomko. They stand off and exchange shots, back elbow by Hernandez and Tomko to the floor. AJ dives in, Hernandez catches him and AJ tossed to the floor. TOPE CON HILO by Cide onto both men! We head to a commercial @ 1:45.

    Back from commercial @ 5:35 and Cide backdrops AJ. Tomko and Hernandez talk on the floor, the ref is there and Cide covers AJ for no pin because there is no ref. Neck breaker on AJ and still no pin because the big guys are arguing. AJ LOW BLOWS Cide, Tomko in and pres slams Cide into the sack of shit slam for 2. Tomko chokes out Cide, AJ back in and AJ lays the boots to him. Cide off the ropes and a superman leaping punch by AJ. Off the ropes and a dropkick by AJ gets 2. Elbows by AJ, rights to Cide now. Misses a clothesline and Cide counters with the Gringo Cutter. Cide rolls and tags Hernandez. Shoulder block to AJ. Corner splash onto Tomko. Spinebuster on Tomko now. Boots by AJ, Hernandez catches him and a SITOUT POWERBOMB on AJ. Border Toss try stopped by Tomko. Cide dropkicks Tomko and Hernandez clotheslines him to the floor. Rolling suplexex by Cide into the Mexican back breaker for 2. Cide up top and they go for a doomsday gringo killer, but Tomko stops that, Pele on Hernandez, Cide tossed to the floor and Tomko kills Hernandez with a clothesline. Springboard 450 by AJ onto Hernandez and that is all.

    Winners: AJ and Tomko @ 10:45 via pin

    First of all this is the “main event” match, but they can’t even buy a main event spot because we have talking to do still. Let them end the show please! Secondly, this is a main event tag title match, and with all of the talking, you’re telling me that they couldn’t get an uninterrupted match? Finally, on their biggest PPV of the year one team wins the titles and one team wins a chance to challenge for them, and they put it on free TV. So we used PPV to build to TV? NO BUYS!

    Rating: **¾

    -After the match AJ and Tomko beat down LAX. Tornado Plex on Hernandez, the Latino Mystery Member gives Cide a weapon, and LAX cleans house of the champs. The Steiner’s are out and attack AJ and Tomko.


    -Angle questions Karen. Angle smells cologne all over her. Nash is here and says they have to talk about Sting’s partner and Nash knows who it is, Scott Hall. Nash says Hall will be here next week.

    -Closing wrap up video runs.

  • Remember to send your thoughts on the show for the 4R's!

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