TNA Impact TV report for January 31

By Larry Csonka
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TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get an AWESOME video package about TOMKO!

-AJ meets with Angle, and says it is a bad idea to face Tomko. AJ tosses down his crown after Angle bashes him and AJ reminds him that he was TNA champ, THREE TIMES. Angle says back when it was a start up with no real roster. Angle then grabs AJ and says not to get involved tonight. AJ bails on him. Did AJ just show some balls?

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and hype things. Tenay reminds us that if Team 3D win at AAO’s the X-Division is dead, if The Guns and Machismo win, 3D have to weigh in at 275lbs. Also the winner of the fall is X-Division champion. Not complicated at all.


Team 3D and Brother Devine come to the ring. At the PPV, The Guns and Machismo go into the ring with the greatest tag team that ever existed as well as the greatest hardcore wrestlers ever. But The Guns and Machismo aren’t taking this seriously. They wouldn’t be making jokes if they were. Devon is 305…we are stopped by The Guns and Machismo dressed as 3D and Devine. They mock the stuttering gimmick of Ray’s and have the old clothes on. They make fun if Devine falling on him head in Ultimate X. 3D and Devine find them backstage and attack them with the canes. Out to ringside they brawl and Shelley gets tossed into the ring steps. They now get chairs and tables and beat down Sabin. They cane Shelley and set up the tables. Ray powerbombs Shelley through a table as Machismo eats a cane shot and is busted open. Sabin is now powerbombed through a table as Machismo eats a chair shot. Ray on the mic and calls them little boys in a man’s world. They know this because at one time they were little boys, back in ECW they were little boys, but were forced to become men. They became hardcore heroes. They then went to WWE, and they became legends. And now they are in TNA, and the legends have become Gods. If God was a heel, he’d be in Team 3D. He gives them fair warning, don’t show up at AAO’s. He also lays on some extra cane shots to get the point across.

-Tenay discusses what we just saw and we get REPLAYS! They have been improving with this, I approve.

-Crystal is with Steiner and Petey. Steiner is cool with the X-Title shot now, but Crystal mentions that there may be no X-Division after the PPV. Steiner then steals a Rock line and after he realizes that his title shot maybe no good, he questions Petey. Petey says it isn’t his problem. Steiner disagrees with this.

-Hemme does her sound check deal, and Rave loves Cincinnati.

Petey Williams and Scott Steiner vs. The Rock and Rave Infection (Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave) w/Christy Hemme

Petey has morphed into a weird cross of Chris Masters and Scott Putski. Petey and Steiner pose, Team Baseline test in effect! Petey and Rave to begin. Lock up and Rave works the arm, Petey escapes, leg lariat and he poses. Irish whip and Rave to the apron, Petey with rights to Hoyt and then clotheslines and does the Steiner elbow drop and pushups. Petey shoves Rave into Hoyt, Rave to the floor and a top rope RANA to Hoyt! Back elbows to Rave, and into the Steiner recliner. Hoyt breaks that up as Steiner is not pleased. Hoyt tags in, misses a clothesline but eats a big boot. Hoyt does his guitar posing and tags in Rave, cover for 2. Snap mare and a boot to the head by Rave. Off the ropes and a neck breaker by Petey. Petey looks for a tag, gets it and Steiner cleans house. Backdrop to Rave. Clothesline to Hoyt, elbow drop and pushups. Super belly to belly on Rave. Regular belly to belly on Hoyt. Tag to Petey, lung blower on Rave, and Steiner is now leaving with both cases. Before he does he hits Petey and KO’s him. Rave gets his wacky spinning neck breaker like deal and gets the pin.

Winners: The Rock and Rave Infection @ 4:55 via pin

  • Not a bad little match, the ending was predictable, but overall not bad and the RnR get a much needed win.

    Rating: **

    -We see Bullet Bob and BG training for their tag title match. Bullet Bob is owning his son here.

    Hernandez w/Homicide and Salinas vs. Kip James w/Roxxi

    Lock up and a side headlock by Kip. Off the ropes and they collide. Again and Kip tosses Hernandez to the apron. Rights by Kip, charges and a shoulder block by Hernandez gets 2. Eye rake by Kip, knees by Kip and slams Hernandez to the corner. Kip slams Hernandez to a corner, rights and then celebrates. Chops by Hernandez, off the ropes and a corner splash by Kip, who is looking smaller this week I have to say. Hernandez up top, rights by Kip and he follows. Salinas gets pulled off the apron by Roxxi, but Hernandez then misses a top rope splash. Roxxi on the apron, tosses powder but gets Kip by accident. Hernandez pins Kip and that is all.

    Winner: Hernandez @ 2:23 via pin

  • That wasn’t very good at all.

    Rating: ½*

    -After the match Kip is not happy with Roxxi. He gets the mic and says she has done nothing but suck. He says she has too much make up, shakes around and dresses like Stevie Nixx. He then says she talks way to much. He then fires her. GET TO STEPPIN! Nobody gets along.

    -JB is with AJ and Tomko. AJ apologizes for last week and says they are still champions. Tomko tells him to shut up because he should have punched him. Kurt challenged him and he can’t back down. AJ says Karen is into him. Tomko tells him to stay out of his damn way tonight.

    -Tenay hypes UFC All Access and UFC 81.

    -We get video of Angle discussing Brock as an opponent and his move to MMA. We also have clips of comments from Frank Mir in thee as well.

    -We get a video package for Barbed Wire Massacre II at AAO’s.

    Judas Mesias w/Jim Mitchell vs. Cory Chavis

    Judas beats down Chavis. Chavis charges, but is tossed to the floor. Plancha by Judas, rights and back into the ring we go. Rights by Chavis, ff the ropes and eats a spear. Judas gets straight to hell and that is all.

    Winner: Judas Mesias @ 1:15 via pinv

  • Squash.

    Rating: Squash

    -Mitchell on the mic and tells CHRIS that he can refer to him as his son because everyone knows that he is his father. Mesias has a piece of barbed wire while Mitchell says that CHRIS is ashamed of the handsome, charismatic genius that is Mitchell. It isn’t shame, but guilt CHRIS feels. That’s why he rolls around in tacks and barbed wire. It will come to a close at the PPV. Because just like he used to beat CHRIS with a wire cord, his stepbrother will do the same with barbed wire. And like years ago when his mother tried to kill him, he will sit back and watch the humiliation as Mesias ends his existence.


    After clips of Sharky’s transformation, he arrives. He has a skull like shark head on his vest now. Sharky says there is a new king of the seas here in TNA. Ever since he came out of his shell, no one wants to get an ass kicking by old Shark Boy. It’s like swimming up stream. He has an idea, he will issue an open challenge for any dumb son of a bitch who wants to swim a few laps with Sharky. Give him a hell yeah. It can be a wrestler someone in the office, a janitor, a concession guy, a fan, anyone. He has a ref here, so if someone wants to get their ass whipped, come on out here. Nobody comes out, so he accuses Slick Johnson of saying something. Sharky is pissed and calls him a jackass. He asks if Slick is afraid, and then says he can leave. Nope, stunner for Slick. Stunner for a security guy. Low blow and another stunner. And another. Dare I call this a feeding frenzy? And now we have clam Juice celebration time.

    -Crystal is with Cornette and Morgan. Morgan says Joe dropped him on his head and he will go over Cornette’s head. Cornette says to calm down because they are about to lock Joe into a contract, and then he will be under their control. Morgan says Nash started the fight last week, and he then says he will take care of Joe. Nash arrives and he makes fun of Morgan’s breath. Nash says he doesn’t fight for free and calls Morgan giant Val Kilmer. Nash says if the contact signing doesn’t goes smoothly, he will wash his hands of the situation and that if it doesn’t go well, they will both be out of a job. AJ then arrives and begs Cornette not to let the Angle/Tomko match happen tonight. Cornette will do something about it, but won’t say what. He’ll call for AJ and when he calls, come alone.


    Back to Cornette in the ring, and he says AAO’s will be a huge show. Angle will defend against Cage, with Joe as the enforcer, Abyss vs. Mesias and Roode vs. Booker. He then calls out one of the most talented performer’s in TNA history, AJ Styles. Cornette says he feels his pain because AJ is in a tough place. Cornette says that AJ can do something about this. The match will go on as scheduled, and the change is that AJ will be the special referee. Cornette gives him a ref’s shirt and there must be a winner, AJ will count a pin for someone, if not, his contract will be terminated. AJ hits his knees to beg off, but he’s screwed.

    -To Crystal and Awesome Kong and Masked Melissa. Masked Melissa, Raisha Saed says that Kong comes in peace and wishes to hurt no one. If you stay out of her way, you’ll be safe. But if you choose not to, Kong will cripple, destroy, main you and break every bone in your body. She will become a complete monster. ODB has agitated the monster, and this is her last warning.

    ODB vs. Roxxi vs. Angelina Love

    Roxxi attacks Love and she is to the floor. Roll ups by Roxxi, but ODB escapes. Roxxi ad ODB do their odd dances, and then ODB mocks Roxxi. Clothesline by ODB, Love back in and forearm shots to ODB. Chops to Roxxi, bulldog on Roxxi and a kick to ODB. Love with a jawbreaker, covers ODB for 2. We head to a commercial @ 1:30.

    Back from commercial @ 6:00 with Roxxi chopping away at Love. ODB takes her turn now. More chops by Roxxi, then by ODB. Roxxi slams down Love, covers but ODB picks her up and slams her down. Roxxi saves Love, goes for a dominator, but ODB stops that. Roxxi kicks ODB down, grabs Love and gets a whip and charging ass attack. Sit down spinebuster by Roxxi on ODB for 2. Forearms by Roxxi, off the ropes and then ODB gets a running powerslam as Love hits on the ref to stop the pin. Love tricks ODB, slides in and pins Roxxi.

    Winner: Angelina Love @ 8:20 via pin

  • You know, if they would have just cut the Cornette/AJ segment out and dealt with it in the office, they could have had more match time and wouldn’t have gone to a commercial. I am just saying. The end was lame as shit. The match was 3:50, the commercial was 4:30. See my point? *Sigh*

    Rating: ¾*

    -After the match Love and ODB argue and ODB kicks her ass and then gets a running powerslam.

    -JB, who is sporting a neck brace is with AJ and asks what AJ will do. He says crap his pants. Angle and Karen are there, says he will kick Tomko’s ass and AJ will count the pin. Simple. Tomko arrives and he and Angle brawl. Security comes to break it up.

    -Don West takes us back to Final Resolution to see what Roode did to Sharmell.

    -Tenay is in the ring now. Booker sent a video message to TNA. He apologizes for not being there, but he is with Sharmell as she recovers. He thanks everyone for the well wishes and support. “I’ll see us soon and God Bless.”

    -Roode is out for the next match and says that Booker is pathetic. But bless him, and he hope she got the candy and flowers he sent Sharmell. He tells Tenay to go to break.

    Eric Young, Sonjay Dutt and Tracy Brooks vs. Robert Roode, Payton Banks and James Storm w/Miss Jackie Moore

    Roode and Dutt to begin things. Clubbing shots to Dutt, off the ropes and after some counters a hip toss by Dutt. Basement dropkick and then more arm drags. Banks attacks Dutt, Brooks in and that allows Roode to attack Dutt. Kicks by Dutt, nails Storm but then gets pulled to the floor by Storm. Roode lays the boots to him, backdrop suplex and a cover for 2. Storm in the ring, he’s wearing a shirt due to too much beer I suppose. He the gets a cool version of the 8-second ride to Dutt for 2. Now he chokes Dutt with his shirt, tags in Roode who beats Dutt down. To the corner, lays the boots to him and the ref holds Brooks back. Dutt manages a tag to Eric, he cleans house with dropkicks. DVD to Roode gets 2 as Storm makes a save. The four men are in and Brooks attacks Banks! They all brawl, Banks runs and Brooks chases her. Storm super kicks Eric, pay off by Roode and that is all.

    Winners: Robert Roode, Payton Banks and James Storm @ 4:00 via pin

  • I really dug the ideal of the match, because it played well off of the last two weeks of action, as well as the Banks/Brooks and Young/Storm feuds. As for the match, it was fine and set a brisk little pace. Not bad but could have used some more time. v Rating: *¾

    -FOOLED YOU! Booker is here and attacks Roode and chases him to the back.

    -Crystal is with Light Sunshine (Kaz dressed up like a goof.) He bleached the art. He then says he is messing with Dustin because he has messed with him. If they want to play games, next week, in the ring, RAT ON A POLE MATCH! Mousetraps in three boxes, rat in one…wow.


    Cornette is in the ring. He has the biggest contract ever for a TNA talent. Morgan is with him and he introduces Samoa Joe.

    Joe is out with Nash. Cornette says they have had a rocky road, but there are no hard feelings. Cornette says Joe has been important for TNA and he is glad that they have put the past behind them, and he has the contract he asked for. 5-years, no cut and the money he asked for he is in there. All Joe has to do is sign. Cornette doesn’t have a pen, but Morgan does. He throws it at Joe, bad move chief. He drops his jacket and pie faces Joe. Joe then backdrop suplexes Morgan through the table and tears up the contract. Well that didn’t go as planned. Cornette then yells at Morgan.

    NON-TITLE MATCH: Kurt Angle © w/Karen vs. Tomko w/special referee AJ Styles

    Tomko charges Angle, rights and he is beating Angle down. AJ tries to separate them, but Tomko clotheslines Angle to the floor. Tomko follows and slams Angle to the barrier and then the steps. AJ counts, Tomko tosses Angle back in and rights to Angle again. Tomko counters an Angle slam gets a running powerslam and AJ refuses to count. Rights by Tomko in the corner, lays the boots to Angle and AJ backs him off. Angle pulls Tomko to the corner, gets a release German and of course we head to a commercial @ 2:05.

    Back from commercial @ 5:25 with Tomko fighting back on Angle. During the break AJ was hesitant to count for Angle. Forearms exchanged and Tomko levels Angle, covers and AJ drops down and only counts a slow 2. Tomko is pissed, but gets a snap slam on Angle, slow count by AJ for 2. Super slow count. Irish whip and a back elbow by Angle, but a big boot by Tomko gets a super…slow…2. Tomko grabs Angle, but Angle gets the Angle slam and then drops the straps. Ankle lock applied, but Tomko rolls Angle into AJ and he flies to the floor. Tomko and Angle clothesline each other as Karen checks on AJ. Cage is out and LEVELS Angle with the TNA title. Tomko gets the TKO and covers, AJ in and counts slowly 1…2…3.

    Winner: Tomko @ 8:46 via v

  • It wasn’t much of a match. They worked hard and worked well together, but it was all about AJ as referee. Tomko continues to be booked strong and I like the way Cage keeps getting weaved into the story. The commercial break did the match no favors, my kingdom for a 8-10 minute main event with no commercial break.

    Rating: *¾

    -Karen slaps AJ and yells at Tomko.

    -In the back Cage says Tomko just wants to do what is best for Tomko, and so does he.

    -Closing wrap up video runs.

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