WWE Heat 501
(Commentators - Todd Grisham & Josh Mathews)
Melina Vs Mickie James: Melina is accompanied down to the ring by Beth Phoenix, her tag partner for the 'BunnyMania' match against Maria and Candice. I'm saying nothing. Whilst I'll never get bored by seeing Mickie and Melina kick the crap out of each other, one does kind of run out of original things to write about their matches: especially when I've never written an original thing in my life. One thing I will point out is that Mickie is wearing the same outfit that led to a wonderful series of gifs involving her arsecrack making an appearance in a match against Beth, although she is now wearing sturdier undercrackers. Beth makes the distraction, Melina snaps Mickie in the ropes and hits her legdrop inverted ddt for the three count.
Winner: Melina (Time 3:53)
Beth gets on the mic and tells Candice and Maria to pay attention, then she and Melina give Mickie a top rope clothesline/electric chair combo that some old tag team used to do.
Charlie Haas and Robbie McAllister Vs Paul London & Brian Kendrick: Paul London is back, and he's wearing kooky glasses. L&K work with Haas early and it's rather fun. Robbie gets tagged in but the smaller pair continue to dominate, even through some Haas interference. Indeed, said interference leads to Haas being dropkicked to the outside giving him the chance to reappear avec mask. Masked Haas takes control of the match before handing a mask to Robbie who comes in with an over the top rope legdrop. Robbie obviously doesn't like the mask as he soon takes it off and chucks it as Charlie. Haas picks Kendrick up for a powerbomb, but Brian pulls off the mask and escapes the move, tagging in London for a fast pace comeback. Haas tries to put his mask back on but Kendrick hits a dropkick and steals the mask for himself before hitting a pescada to Haas on the floor. Kendrick throws his partner the mask and London hits a big mushroom stomp followed by a running SSP on Robbie for the victory.
Winners: London & Kendrick (6:45)
A reasonably entertaining show so far. When's Duggan on?
Snitsky Vs Val Venis: WWE needs to bring A-Train back to feud with the Snit so we can have duelling chants of "Brush Your Teeth" and "Shave Your Back". Snitsky wins this match with the pump-handle slam.
Winner: Snitsky (3:38)
Paul Burchill Vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan: We get a replay of the angle from the end of last week's show. Why can't Katie Lea pronounce the word 'hero'? It's like she's saying it in a bad American accent. We have a little promo here, and she says it again. Weird. Personally, I'd like her to speak in her native German accent, 'cos there's nothing sexier than that. The match starts with a tie up and Duggan gets a hiptoss and two clotheslines. Katie distracts the ref allowing Paul to snap Duggan's neck on the ropes. Not sure why you'd need to distract the ref for that move that nobody has ever been dq'd for, but nevermind. Duggan hits some punches, but comes off the ropes into Burchill's knee, then more knee related offence gets Burchill a two count. Duggan avoids getting his head rammed into the turnbuckle and reverses the move on Burchill, then looks for his mounted counted punches. The ref makes him break and gets told to "Get off my ass" for his troubles. Burchill reaches for Duggan's wood, but the ref stops him. Duggan tries his three-point charge but hits nowt but corner and gets rolled up with a pull of the tights for the hugely inconclusive Burchill win. I guess this feud must continue.
Winner: Paul Burchill (3:56)