WWE RAW
(Commentators - Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler)
The Highlight Reel: Chris Jericho is in the ring with his talk show set. First, naturally, he puts himself over for winning the Intercontinental Championship for the eighth time last week, then he introduces Big Show. Jericho shows the footage of Show tossing Mayweather over the top last Monday. The segment turns into a slanging match between Show and Jericho, with a challenge made and accepted for an IC Title match tonight. An enjoyable segment, but looking at it from the whole heel/face dynamic would be enough to turn one epileptic.
Mr McMahon has some pre-recorded comments, where he talks about some of his accomplishments, like being given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame; appearing on Larry King Live; having a third grandchild on the way. What else could McMahon accomplish? How about retiring Ric Flair? McMahon will have his go tonight, in a streetfight.
CM Punk Vs Carlito: Hmm, what's that deeply unpleasant music? Oh, that be Punk's entrance music. Hmm, what's that deeply dull series of moves? Oh, that be Punk's wrestling style. Carlito loses, by jumping off of Punk's shoulders and headbutting his knee.
Loser: Carlito (Time 5:18)
Snoop Dogg, the guest MC for the BunnyMania match at WrestleMania has some words to say about Maria. He feels she should have never posed for Playboy: staying loyal to Santino instead of showing her boobies. Dogg trails off realising what he is saying, and Santino comes from behind the camera with cue cards under his arm, telling Snoop to stick to what's written. Snoop refuses and walks off.
Brian Kendrick & Paul London Vs Umaga: (Handicap Match) L&K are in the ring, as William Regal comes out to announce their opponent. Double Samoan drop: always fun. London gets Umaga's arse rammed into his face, but Kendrick manages to avoid it - then walks away, not saving Paul from the Samoan spike.
Winner: Umaga (2:19)
After the match, Regal looks on with pleasure at a monitor. HHH appears, and Regal asks him how he can assure Cena or Orton won't leave the other in their match against the world tonight. HHH tells Regal that if they do, they'll be out of the WM championship match, and if it's Orton he'll be stripped of the title.
Shawn Michaels is sat backstage, but Ric Flair tells him to leave the building, because he doesn't want his help tonight to beat McMahon. I guess HBK isn't here for the main event then.
JBL Vs Colin Delaney: Finlay is not here tonight, so JBL has found WWE's second toughest Irishman. Colin doesn't win.
Winner: JBL (1:17)
Ric Flair Vs Mr McMahon: (Streetfight) We get a recap of the whole forced retirement angle, then we get a fun little hardcore bout. The usual suspects are involved (travelling through the crowd, monitor, garbage can, kendo stick, chair) and McMahon gets the upper hand with Flair pulling his trademark blade job. HBK comes down and pulls the ref out of the ring to save Flair from a count, then Flair hits a couple of nut shots and splashes McMahon through a table for the three.
Winner: Ric Flair (8:28)
Maria & Candice Michelle Vs Victoria & Jillian Hall: Before the match, Jerry Lawler interviews Jared, The Subway Guy, who gives Lawler a sandwich. After this the ladies come out, followed by Santino who joins the commentary team. Unsurprisingly, Santino is five gazillion times better than the match, which Candice wins with the Candi Wrapper on Jillian.
Winners: The Playboy bints (2:59)
The result outrages Santino, who punches Lawler and STEALS HIS SANDWICH.
Chris Jericho Vs Big Show: (Intercontinental Championship) Apparently they've decided that Jericho is WWE's version of Floyd Mayweather - brash, loud and arrogant. Show dominates early, until Jericho lands on his feet and low bridges Show to the outside. In fact, this doesn't stop Show from dominating as he swings Jericho head first into the barriers. Back in the ring, Jericho avoids a Vader-like corner splash and gets two from a Lionsault. Show's kickout sends Jericho through the ropes, where he grabs a chair and waffles Show with it for the dq. Show knocks Jericho out with one punch, and gives him a chokeslam.
Winner: Big Show (3:05)
Looking at the replays, Jericho really ran into Show's fist. That was a stupid thing to do.
Kim Kardashian is really excited to be the host of WM. Only the coolest and hippest will be let in. To a wrestling show. Alrighty then.
Orton and Cena have a chat backstage. Orton has decided that the sensible thing for them to do would be for Cena to lie down and take the loss. Cena ain't down with that, telling Orton to fight like a man.
John Cena & Randy Orton Vs Raw: The rules of the match are that Orton and Cena have to beat each and every one of their opponents. 'The Raw Roster' apparently doesn't include Raw's biggest names, and thus it is only two on seventeen. The Raw guys all stand on the apron to wait for the tag as Snitsky starts against Cena. Snitsky gets the better of him for a short while until Santino tags himself in, misses the bestest splash I ever did see and gets rolled up for the elimination. Trevor Murdoch taps out to the STFU and Lance Cade is RKO'd for three but Umaga knocks both men down taking us to a break.
As we return, Super Crazy has been eliminated and JBL is beating down Orton. Jim Duggan and a few others have a very quick go before Cena takes the tag and he and then Orton pin a bunch of guys with ease. They even team up for a fancy pants RKO. Half a dozen jobbers jump Cena and Orton and the ref calls for the bell, presumably for a crappy dq finish.
Winners: Orton & Cena (8:36)
Cena gets a chair and twats himself a bunch of jobbers, before being spiked by Umaga. JBL and Umaga are the only two members of the Raw team still around, but Orton ducks a chair shot and JBL hits Umaga instead. Umaga spikes Orton then chases JBL to the back. Cena and Orton are left on their own, until one more member of the Raw roster makes his way out: HHH. Huntor hits a pair of pedigrees and goes 'raaaargh'.
I guess that was a predictable finish to a slightly bizarre, occasionally entertaining show.
{plug}
Send us a news tip: newstips@wrestlingobserver.com
Note to webmasters/reporters: When recapping news from this site or from our newsletters, please include a link to www.wrestlingobserver.com
For the most in-depth and detailed news and analysis on pro-wrestling and MMA, always turn to Wrestlingobserver.com/Figure Four Weekly Online, the #1 website of its kind on the Internet. Members receive online access to both the Wrestling Observer and Figure Four Weekly newsletters and growing archives, Wrestling Observer Radio with Bryan Alvarez and Dave Meltzer three times per week, the popular Bryan and Vinny Show twice per week, additional radio shows including Figure Four Daily with Alvarez, Mike Coughlin's Five Star Radio, the Dr. Keith Lipinski Show, The Adam and Mike Big Audio Nightmare, Tough Talk and the Karl Stern Wrestling History Show, the infamous BOARD, and more! Members also have full access to the thousands of hours of audio in our radio show archives which date back to 2005. For your convenience, we offer secure online payments using your VISA, Mastercard, American Express, Discover card or PayPal account. Don't miss out on the fun, sign up now! Don\'t miss out on the fun, sign up now!
Want full access? QUICK AND EASY $10.99 SIGNUP!
