'THE BATTLE OF THE 'C' SHOWS'
I apologise in advance for what is likely to be a more negative review of Heat and Velocity than normal. Yesterday evening I was present at Universal Uproar in Coventry. That show was fantastic. Seven matches plus a dark match providing as good a mix of wrestling entertainment as you are likely to see. Every match was pretty much as good as they could have been, and the crowd was on top form for each match, providing a terrific atmosphere. Let's look at the card:
Jonny Storm, Spud & Amazing Red Vs Jody Fleisch, James Tighe & X Dream Joe Legend Vs D'lo Brown Colt Cabana Vs Nigel Mcguinness Low Ki Vs Homicide Shannon Moore Vs Sonjay Dutt Mick Foley, The Sandman, Steve Corino & Paul Travell Vs Alex Shane, Stixx, Martin Stone & Iceman Kenta Kobashi & Go Shiozaki Vs Jun Akiyama & Doug Williams
Amazing high flying; solid mat wrestling; traditional English style; modern 'American strong style'; Kendo Nagasaki being inducted into the British Wrestling Hall of Fame; Sandman's beer in my face; much, much violence; a referee balcony dive; and the best wrestler of the last decade. And a whole lot more. Plus, at the 'wrestling expo' held before the show, I got a veritable smorgasbord of autographs: from Spud to Kenta Kobashi, by way of Kendo Nagasaki.
Now let's look at Heat and Velocity. Whoopee:
(Commentators - Todd Grisham & Jonathan Coachman)
Tajiri Vs Matt Striker
So I guess Striker's superfeud with Shelton Benjamin ended last week, with Striker walking out on their match in the main event of last weeks' show. Whatever. Tajiri gains some revenge on Benjamin's behalf by hurting Striker early with some elbows to the mouth. Striker takes control, including using what can fitfullly be described as a whacky submission hold. Tajiri fights back, backing Striker into the corner and chopping him, like a mini, 99% less painful Kenta Kobashi. Tajiri nails a pair of high kicks, a springboard back elbow and a spinning heel kick for a near fall. Tajiri locks in the Tarantula, breaks on five, misses with a kick and Striker rolls him up, using the tights to get the win. A typical basic WWE style match. Which compared to last night is really, really not a good thing.
Eugene Vs Colt Cabana
In an exclusive interview I held with Colt Cabana yesterday, he described this match as a 'battle of wits'. OK, it wasn't that exclusive: there were a couple of hundred people there and I didn't ask any questions, but he said it and I heard him. They lock up to start, trading arm reversals, before Eugene drops to the mat and tries to cunfuse and confound Cabana. This he does, and Cabana misses a big elbow drop. Eugene summons the spirit of JYD and headbutts Cabana on all fours, before pissing on him. After a drop toe-hold, Eugene starts to ride Cabana around the ring. Eugene needs to start copying some new dead wrestlers, but this crowd are still enjoying it. Eugene runs into a back elbow in the corner and Cabana gets a two from a vertical suplex. Cabana is really trying hard to show some personality in the ring. As Cabana rams his head into the top turnbuckle, Eugene starts Eugeneing up and knocks Cabana down with punches. An aeroplane spin dizzies both men, Cabana misses a wild swing, and Eugene hits an atomic drop followed by a Rock bottom for the win. Colt Cabana tried his best, but this was just your typical Eugene match. Funnily enough, nowhere near as good as Colt Cabana Vs Nigel McGuinness at Universal Uproar.
Backstage, and, yes, it's Snitsky time. Even better, it's Snitsky and Tomko time. Sorry about this, but I can't resist transcribing it:
Location: The Locker room. Tyson Tomko is lacing up his boot. Gene Snitsky walks in.
Snitsky - "Tomko! I like those boots, you shine those yourself?" Tomko - "Thanks buddy. You know what man?" Snitsky turns around, his back now facing Tomko T - "I like your umm...acne." Snitsky turns back to face Tomko. He seems genuinely pleased. S - "You do? Thanks man. It's a very common skin disorder. But anyway, you're not gonna regret teaming up with me: we got our first match tonight, you ready?" T - "Yeah I'm ready. You know what? Tonight I'm taking out Val, and Viscera. I can already taste it." S - " Hah ha. Two great tastes that taste great together. See you out there buddy!" Snitsky leaves. Tomko smiles. Genius reigns.
Kerwin White & Nick Nemeth Vs the heart throbs
I have very little desire to watch this match. However, it's my first chance to see Nick Nemeth in action, so I will. Well, I watched it. The heart throbs were somewhat entertaining; Nick Nemeth showed very little; Kerwin White won with a brainbuster.
Gene Snitsky & Tyson Tomko Vs Val Venis & Viscera
There is no way that this match is going to be anywhere near as good as the Snitsky/Tomko skit from earlier. But it's not as bad as one might imagine. Just to qualify that statement, imagine how bad this match could be. Both teams have some reasonable double team moves, and it's fun to see a tag match where Val Venis has more wrestling ability than the other three participants combined. Predictably, Venis spends most of the match selling, before the hot tag brings in Viscera. Actually, Viscera doesn't get the tag, but he comes in anyway. As the ref sends Viscera out, Snitsky throws Val into a Tomko big boot, and the tag team of the year are victorious.
(Commentators - Josh Mathews & Steve Romero)
Animal & Heidenreich Vs Nunzio & Vito
Animal starts by pulling Nunzio into the ring and dropkicking him to the mat. He misses an elbow drop and Nunzio rolls out of the ring. Animal tags in Heidenreich, Nunzio squares up to him, slaps him, then runs away again. Back in the ring Heidenreich takes control with a big boot, before Vito interferes giving Nunzio the chance to hit a dropkick to the sitting Heidenreich. Vito and Nunzio keep the heat on Heidenreich, until he hits a double clothesline and gets the tag to Animal. The match breaks down into a four way, very sloppily, and Nunzio tastes the doomsday device for the three. Rubbish, but mercifully short.
Simon Dean Vs Hardcore Holly Vs my patience
They say some stuff to start. Whatever. Holly chops Dean. Wow, aren't those chops stiff, they must really hurt, I'm very impressed. Am I bollocks. Watching Kenta Kobashi chop and slap the living piss out of Jun Akiyama and Doug Williams is really something else. So much so that I'm going to ignore the rest of this tedious match. Holly won, by the way.
Scotty 2 Hotty Vs Kid Kash
Kash has looked pretty good over the last two weeks, so I'm at least going to give this match a chance. Scotty gets the crowd a-clapping and they lock up. They trade control of the arm, before Scotty eventually gets the upper hand with three whips into the corner and goes for a ten punch salute. He gets to four before Kash tosses him off and goes to work on his left arm and shoulder. Scotty punches his way up, and Kash runs into a boot in the corner. Scotty knocks Kash down, before throwing him into the corner. Kash flips over Scotty, but Scotty nails a superkick, followed by a reverse Bulldog, leading to the W-O-R-M. Kash rolls out of the ring just in time to avoid the dreaded chop thing, goes up top, but is crotched on the top turnbuckle. Scotty goes for a superplex, but Kash throws him off so he lands arm first on he ropes and lands prone in the ring. Kash hits his spinning springboard moonsault to continue his winning streak. The winning moonsault initially looked like there was a bit of a dodgy landing, but I'm pretty sure that Kash intentionally aimed to land on Scotty's arm and hit it well.
Paul London & Brian Kendrick Vs William Regal & Paul Burchill
Another match that I don't feel unpleasant at the mere thought of, that's two in a row, nice one Velocity. London and Regal to start. Unsurprisingly Regal gets control on the mat. No wait, Paul London actually gets control, and tags in Kendrick, who comes in off the top rope with a mushroom stomp to Regal's back. Kendrick's double fot stomps aren't exactly like Low Ki's, which appeared to actually kill Homicide. Kendrick maintains mat control over Regal until he eventually gets the tag to Burchill, whom Kendrick immediately dominates on the mat for a while. London comes in and gts a one count from a dropkick to the back of Burchill's head. London and Kendrick continue to dominate with quick tags, including hitting a nice double hiptoss into a backbreaker on Burchill. Eventually, Burchill throws London into the ropes and Regal low bridges him to the outside, where he rams his back into the apron and rolls him back in. Burchill takes control on London with some knees and a bodyslam. Regal and Burchill then make some quick tags, Burchill hitting a Samoan drop and a fantastic standing moonsault. Regal scores with a double underhook suplex for a two count. London makes it to the corner for the tag, and Kendrick comes in with a plethora of dropkicks to both opponents. Kendrick hits ten mounted punches to Regal in the corner, then jumps backwards and gets Burchill with a Tornado DDT. Kendrick and London double dropkick Regal out of the ring, before Kendrick uses a London en zuguiri assisted face plant on Burchill for the victory. London and Kendrick hug. Decent match to end the show: the start was slow, with the smaller guys dominating on the mat, which perplexed me somewhat, but with a top finish, and at last we got to see a small glimpse of what Burchill is capable of with the standing moonsault.
So, if you are going to watch one c show this week, which should you watch? Neither, go out and watch a local wrestling show. Buy an independent show on DVD and watch that. Spend some time with your loved ones. Get in touch with that old school friend you've been meaning to call. Find an injured bird and nurse it back to health. Still, I'm going to give a point to Heat, by virtue of Colt Cabana, and the continuing joy that is Gene Snitsky and Tyson Tomko.
Heat - 2
Velocity - 1
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