I approached Kayfabe Commentaries about doing a 'Guest Booker' DVD at a recent convention. Unfortunately I was turned down. Sean Oliver felt I had no booking experience and I needed to prove my booking skills. I decided to display my booking skills and a limited budget in booking "F4W Final Battle".
Hopefully everybody bought the 'Battle Of The Empire' DVD. The story dealt with a cocky 135 pound Bryan Alvarez against Vinny. The DVD went in to depth about their training, cribs, protein shake recipes, and how to seduce a disinterested Asian alcoholic. The program ends with the lovable-comic book goof beating Bryan in a sold out back yard of Buddy Wayne. I can't knock a product that grossed over $3,000 and sold DVD's. Bottom line is this simple story made $$$$.
I'm going to book the rematch and add new characters in my guest booker article. Keep in mind that I will stay within the same $3,000 budget in creating the rematch.
Back Story:
Bryan and Vinny have made up and decided to continue their great wrestling audio product. Their relationship is interrupted by "Big Dave". "Big Dave" plays them against each other by using them as alternate hosts for his "Big Dave 4 Star Loving Hour" show. Vinny is brought on daily to be ridiculed about his weight and eating habits. Bryan is used as "Big Dave's" annoying side kick. Bryan gets to laugh at all of "Big Dave's jokes at Vinny's expense. Eventually "Big Dave" decides to invade the other audio shows. Dragon King radio is now a weekly show that covers the history of Roller Derby and the WBF to the delight of no one. The "Adam And Mike Hardcore Radio" is reduced to "Big Dave" screaming at them for talking about hockey and not enough about MMA. Eventually somebody has to step up for the Empire. That man is Vinny.
Back Story:
Bryan is ordered to show his loyalty to "Big Dave". Bryan decides to run Vinny out of the Empire. Bryan has even enlisted the services of Granny. Granny boasts how Bryan is as talented as Rob Van Dam. Vinny questions if their similarities is being a runner up to "High Times Man Of The Year". This results in Granny slapping Vinny and threatening to have him banned from attending Tulalip Championship Wrestling shows. Vinny tries to enlist Lynn [the sauced out chic from the original DVD] to be his valet. Lynn declines the offer, since she has a prior engagement [F4W Celebrity Rehab?]. Lynn reveals that the wrestling date coincides with her AA meeting. She recommends that Vinny should come to the AA meetings. That way Vinny can seduce recovering teenage alcoholics. Vinny can multiply his chances of scoring by enticing them with his Jack Daniels/Protein shakes. Vinny still needs to enlist somebody to counteract Granny.
Promos:
Bryan and Granny cut a big time heel promo at Vinny's home. Bryan questions what kind of man has Godzilla toys, alcohol, a vintage porn collection, Transformers, and a Star Wars light saber. Bryan comments that the message board must be infested with Vinny's. Granny makes fun of his lack of house keeping. She laughs how if Vinny had any sexual prowess, than he would be able to find a woman to clean his home. Bryan mocks Vinny by using his weight training equipment. Bryan reveals that "Big Dave" and him have conspired to take over the web site for quite some time. The only reason that they kept Vinny around was for comic relief and fears that Vinny might go postal. Granny finishes the promo and dares Vinny to find any woman to counteract her at the "Final Battle".
Vinny Vignette
Vinny calls all of the escort services in his desperate attempt in finding a valet. Vinny even searches out the local strip clubs in his quest. Vinny even tries to enlist the services of illegal immigrants. A desperate Vinny decides to email Missy Hyatt. Vinny sends a email that he's a big time wrestling promoter in the Washington/Oregon area and can get me a daily radio show. Vinny tells me that I just need to relocate to Washington. Vinny says I can crash at his place until I get set up. He even offers to fly out any of my female friends. He finishes his email with requests for polaroids of me dressed in a Wonder Woman outfit [request was declined].
We cut to Vinny picking me up at the airport and taking me to his apartment. I take a look at his toys and his apt. I ask if he's the "40 Year Virgin"? A angry Vinny replies he has had sex twice. Three times if you count the hooker that he bought with misapropriated F4W funds at the F4W convention in Las Vegas. I cut a promo and mention how I could be hanging out with celebrities, athletes, wrestlers, etc. But I fell for Vinny's one way plane ticket, lies about a wrestling territory, and radio gig. Vinny asks if I want to share a glass of Jack Daniels with him. I decline drinking out of the same dirty glass. I'm totally skeeved out by his wardrobe that consists of a Spiderman club shirt with a X-Men dress tie. Vinny says we need to go to Granny's house for the contract signing.
Contract Signing:
Bryan is shocked that I'm accompanying Vinny. Bryan utters the comment "what happened, did Chyna & Mae Young have a prior engagement"? I make fun that Bryan lies on his message board that I like him. Bryan comments that "if it is said on a message board, than it must be true". I slap Bryan and his Baby Gap cap falls off. Granny tries to put a paper bag over Vinny's head. The paper bag has a drawing of "Big Dave's" face on it. Total bedlam ensues. Buddy Wayne calms everybody down. Buddy Wayne announces the stipulations. The stipulation is if Bryan wins, than Vinny must leave the Empire. If Vinny wins, "Big Dave" must leave the Empire. Buddy Wayne than adds another stipulation. The losing valet must stay with the winner for 30 days. Granny threatens everybody out of her home in protest. She argues that there is no way that she's going to stay up with Vinny every night and watch Adult Swim on the Cartoon Netowork. I argue that I'm not staying with Bryan. He might make me listen to his tales on how much $$$ he lost with his 900 line and tales of his Texerana title defenses.
Training:
Vinny has difficulties in dropping weight. I recommend that I used to eat as much as I want, but than I would make myself puke up. "Its just like how the models do it". Vinny comments that puking takes too much work. He decides to pig out on junk food and laxatives as his regimen for weight reduction. Vinny also drinks 'Ripped Fuel' with his pizza. I'm totally grossed out and leave his apartment in disgust.
Granny has Bryan chase after a chicken in the backyard to improve his foot speed. She really does this to embarass Bryan in front of her bingo friends. Granny admits later on that she posts these videos on Youtube to the delight of "Big Dave". Later on we have Bryan at a sauna, to the delight of no one. Granny promises to keep Bryan locked in for only 20 minutes. Granny comes back 45 minutes later to a passed out Bryan. Granny finishes this segment screaming at Bryan to "put Vinny in the camel clutch and make him humble".
Promos:
Bryan and Granny mock Vinny. Granny is dressed in a Incredible Hulk club shirt, Incredible Hulk gloves, and stands in the background as Bryan cuts his promo. Bryan threatens to run Vinny out of Washington. He says this will result in a increase in unemployed strippers, overstock comic books, overstock nudie magazines, and excess corn dogs at all of the local conveniant stores. Granny screams that Vinny should have Missy clean his apartment. Granny than says "if Missy Hyatt is hanging with Vinny, than she must be in to beastiality". Bryan closes the promo with his lists of chores for Missy.
Bryan's chores for Missy are:
1. deleting all message board threads that calls him gay, mentions when he's wrong, questions his relationship with "Big Dave", and any criticism
2. break up any Jiu Jitsu fights if Bryan is getting choked out by a minor [again!]
3. write lengthy transcripts on Bryan gushing all over "Big Dave" on their radio shows
4. listen to Bryan's endless stories on how his feud with Larry Sweeney "revolutionized" wrestling
5. hang out with Bryan as he acts like a big shot to Buddy Wayne's students
6. read Bryan a Observer yearbook every night
Vinny cuts his promo from a Chinese Buffet. He said he hopes Granny gets her cholesterol checked out. Since they will be eating there every night. Vinny than reads his list of choires for Granny.
Vinny's chores for Granny are:
1. light saber fights
2. post missing flyers for Lynn [presumed to have fallen off the wagon]
3. critique vintage porn with him that features John Holmes
4. watch DVD boxed sets of Robot Chicken, Metalocalpyse, X-Men, Spiderman, Godzilla, etc.
5. place all of Vinny's comics in acid free back boards and mylor plastic sheets [don't ask me how I know this]
"Big Dave" Taped Promo:
Since the "Final Battle" is being done on a budget, we get a video tape promo of "Big Dave". "Big Dave" wishes Vinny luck in all of his future endeavors. "Big Dave" suggests new careers paths for Vinny. Those jobs consists of being a annoying comic book store clerk, peep show booth cleaner, and Extreme Associates intern. "Big Dave" uses the old "my wife has foot problems" excuse to get out of coming to the show. Than "Big Dave" says he can't make it due to a late breaking UFC press conference that needs to be over analized. "Big Dave" even suggests that there is no need for Bryan to contribute to the Observer or any radio shows as he prepares for his match. "Big Dave" says he can handle it all on his own. This heel promo plants seeds that "Big Dave" doesn't care about Bryan or the Empire.
Bryan go home promo:
Bryan opens up a box that was a present from "Big Dave". The present is a pair of blood stained Zubaz work out pants. Bryan explains that "Big Dave" has worn these pants in his battles to become the #1 wrestling newsletter writer. Bryan explains what a honor this is.
Bryan invites his message board to come and see the end of Vinny. He says all the board does is complain, trolls, and are never satisfied. Bryan threatens to bitch slap every board member who is not happy with the match. He mentions all they do is make posts that debate which diva is better, daily critiques of his radio shows, and insult each other. Bryan threatens to shut the board down if he wins. Big time heat promo. This is the promo that hopefully will entice subscribers to attend the show live.
"Final Battle"
Bryan comes out with Granny to the song of "Mama Said Knock You Out". They receive boos from the message board audience. The crowd heckles Bryan with the chant of "Grandma's Boy" at him. Bryan flips them off and cuts a promo. He mentions how they have been living vicariously through Vinny. But tonight their life with Vinny ends and so does the message board. Vinny comes out with Missy to the song "Final Count Down". Missy and Granny shove each other. Bryan and Vinny break it up.
Bryan starts the match by cracking Vinny over the head with a bottle of 'Mike's Hard Lemonade'. Vinny juices. Bryan smears the blood on his chest and writes F4W on his chest. This gets major heat. Granny screams to not touch Vinny's blood. "You never know who who he gets lap dances from". Vinny tries to make a comeback, but Bryan cuts him off. Granny even trips Vinny to major heat. I start banging on the canvas to rile Vinny up. This gets the crowd to stomp in unison. This leads to Granny attacking me from behind and pulling on my hair. "Cat Fight!" "Cat Fight". We roll around on the mat for a few seconds. Bryan picks me up by the hair and piledrives me to a surprising pop [you can never please the board members]. I'm carried out.
Vinny starts to make his comeback. They end up brawling out of the ring. Vinny grabs a Incredible Hulk glove that is wrapped in barbed wire from a ringside fan. Vinny uses this on Bryan and gets juice. Granny screams for Bryan to "beat him like the children you fight against in Jiu Jitsu". Bryan gets the glove and juices Vinny's arm. "Big Dave" is not going to be pleased rating this brawl. Bryan starts celebrating and sets Vinny up for the figure four leg lock. Bryan screams out "Woooo"!. Vinny gets a small package for the win. Everybody from the audience comes to the ring and places Vinny over their shoulder. "Final Count Down" is blared on the speakers as everybody sings along.
Aftermath:
Bryan cuts a desperate promo to keep himself in the Empire. Granny berates Bryan in the background. Bryan is than handed a telegram. The telegram is from the "Board Of Directors Of The Empire". "Big Dave" has embezzled all of the merger $$$$ and has relocated to Tijuana, Mexico. The F4W Empire will go back to its original format. A tearful Bryan is on his knees, as he pleads for Vinny to give him a job. Granny chimes in the background that he might have to get a real job. Granny screams to Bryan that "teaching gymnastics and wrestling in Tulalip will not pay the bills". Bryan is than notified that he has been down graded to board moderator. Bryan closes the DVD screaming "shenanigans" as Granny is being dragged to the Chinese Buffet with Vinny.
I hope everybody enjoyed my "Guest Booker" article. I am available for guest booking the "Death Of WCW" for a future DVD or article.
Missy Hyatt
www.missyhyatt.net
1st. Lady Of Wrestling
1st. Lady Of Texerana Wrestling
Guest Booker
F4W Money in The Bank Holder
F4W War Hero
Listed #15 In Greatest Wrestlers From Canada
{plug}
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