Larry Csonka's TNA Impact TV report for August 28



TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get a video package on Sting and his most recent actions.

-Earlier today Sting arrived and Lauren tried to talk with him questioning if he will speak, he says tonight is the night.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show and run down the card.

Awesome Kong w/Riesha Saeed vs. Sojourner Bolt (Josie from SHIMMER)

Some will know Josie from her work in SHIMMER, as well as her appearance in the Kong challenge on PPV a while back. Bolt has blond hair now, which doesn’t help as Kong tosses her down. She comes back with rights, dropkicks and rocks Kong. That doesn’t last long as Kong tackles her to the floor. Kong follows and tosses Bolt to the railing and then chokes out. Back in the ring, Bolt makes a comeback, leaps off of the 2nd rope and is leveled by Kong. Bolt avoids the spinning back fist and slaps Kong. Off the ropes, but Kong gets the spinning back fist. KONG BOMB and that is all.

Winner: Awesome Kong @ 3:00 via pin

  • This was a fine little match to show off Kong’s dominance and to follow up on her destruction of Gail Kim last week. Josie (Sojourner) is a spunky face and looked good again working with Kong. The after match angle was also a good brawl.

    RATING: *

    -Kong beats her down after the match while Saeed gets her a few chairs and then sets them up. Kong looks for the bomb, but ODB rushes out and makes the save. She tosses a chair at Kong, tosses Saeed to the floor and then she and Kong brawl! Slick Johnson tries to break it up, fails and ODB gets a tornado DDT on Kong. Rights by ODB to a downed Kong as another ref is out and gets tossed away. Security is finally out to pull ODB off of Kong.

    -JB is with AJ Styles. He will face Cage next week in a Four Ways to Glory Qualifying Match. As far as Cage goes, they have history. They were brothers, enemies and now they get along. He says that Cage is one of the best, and that they are both up to the challenge. Talk turns to Sting, and AJ says Sting is getting a receipt. He will let him speak, and then take his right hand and put it down Sting’s throat. JB asks about the Gold Medal, and AJ says it is in good hands.

    -Rough Cuts featuring Consequences Creed airs next, as he explains how he came to join TNA.

    Petey Williams w/Rhaka Khan and Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal

    Jay and Bashir to begin. Lock up and to the corner they go, Bashir almost hit Williams and Jay takes control. Double sledge off of the top and a cover for 2. Tag to Creed, dual jabs to Bashir and they take Bashir down and Creed covers for 2. Bashir rams Creed to the corner, tags Williams and they beat down Creed in the corner. To the corner, reversal and a corner clothesline by Creed. To the apron and Khan pulls him to the floor. Williams to the floor and tosses Creed back in and covers for 2. Sidekick, jawbreaker and a spinkick by Williams all connect. A tag to Bashir and he lays the boots to Creed, chops follow and Creed fights back but gets slammed to the corner. Back to the corner and a tag to Williams, a slam and then the slingshot senton misses as Williams lands on the back of his head. Tag to Jay, he cleans house on Williams, cartwheel into the dropkick and a cover for 2 as Bashir made the save. Williams back in, Jay with the DDT/Flatliner combo to both men. Jay up top and Bashir tosses him off the top. Bashir up top and Williams grabs Jay, Creed tosses Bashir off the top into Williams. Jay rolls Williams up for the pin.

    Winners: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal @ 4:25 via pin

  • They did some good stuff, but it felt like doing stuff just in order to get to the miscommunication ending. It just lacked.

    RATING: *½

    -Williams and Bashir argue after the match. Refs are out to break them up. This looks familiar.

    -Lauren is with ODB, who is drinking. ODB is more of a beast than Kong will ever be because she’s one dirty bitch. She wants Kong to bring it hard because that’s the way she likes it. This zoo isn’t big enough for the both of them.

    ~KAREN’S ANGLE~

    CHRIS PARKS, not Abyss is Karen’s guest this week. It’s a pleasure for him to be there, as he tosses some shit around and sits on the floor. The mental institution was a home to him. Abyss was a destructive force that destroyed people and dreams. He was taught to be Chris, a good person. Abyss is a part of him and is always trying to get out. He doesn’t now what lies ahead for Abyss or Chris, but right now Chris and Abyss are one. He just wants to wrestle and he challenges anyone to wrestle him, he is rehabilitated. Chris asks Karen what she looks for in a man, since she is single and all. Snarling, whispering, or someone that screams! He wrote Karen a poem: “Your skin is golden, your eyes are brown, I can take you with me, but you can’t make a sound. Not a cry, not a whisper, not a peep, like a pool of blood, my love is so deep. Oh Miss Angle, I can be your teddy bear, but just for now, accept this gift. RAAARRRRARARARAR! My hair.”

    -Kip James tries to fix Lauren as the Beautiful People bitch. She leaves and they say that they will face Wilde and Roxxi tonight. They are the Beautiful People and they are better than them and everyone else. The women want to be them and the men want to be with them. Love then says a lot of ladies would like to be with them as well, but they don’t swing that way. She will face Wilde for the title at No Surrender, and tonight she will hurt her. At No Surrender, she will pin her cottage cheese ass. Sup catfight.

    -JB is with Angle and Trigg. He calls Angle a FORMER gold medallist, and Angle gets pissed. He then says AJ used a guitar to steal his medals. He prays that AJ is here so he can whoop his ass in front of everyone. He won’t sleep until he gets the medal back. JB informs Angle that AJ doesn’t have the medal anymore, he tries to kill JB and Trigg pulls him off and says not to sweat the small stuff. Trigg has AJ and that wife of his, he won’t leave like Tomko to try and be a Japanese shoot fighter, Kurt’s problems are his problems, and he has his back.

    -Funny statement by Trigg, considering he just came back from Japan, where he won his latest MMA fight at the Sengoku 4 show.

    Jimmy Wave w/Hemme vs. Curry Man

    They brawl on the floor, Hemme tries to distract Curry Man, does and Rave gets an STO on the apron. Back into the ring and Rave takes control with boots, and a cover for 2. Rave with a shoulder block, Curry Man battles back with chops and then a spinkick. Jabs by Curry Man, off the ropes and a backdrop by Curry Man. A clothesline follows, springboard cross body by Curry Man gets 2. Rave counters a suplex, Curry Man dances, off the ropes and a clothesline and then shining wizard by Rave connects and he covers for 2. Side back breaker by Curry Man, SPICE RACK and that is all.

    Winner: Curry Man @ 3:30 via pin

  • I like both guys, but this just didn’t click for me. At least they are building a feud, but then again, it isn’t one I want on PPV.

    RATING: *

    -Hemme in and slaps Curry Man. Rock is in and as Curry Man fights him off Hemme gets a low blow. Black out by Rock and they beat down Curry Man. Hemme slaps Curry Man as they hold him, but here comes the rest of the Prince Justice Brotherhood. Super Eric and Sharky rush the ring, they clean house and save the day.

    -Lauren is with Jim Cornette backstage. He says if Hemme wants to wrestle, then it will be the Prince Justice Brotherhood vs. Hemme, Rock and Rave at the PPV. Brooks is now in and Cornette says the offer she made is a deal. Cornette says they have enough Knockouts to make him crazy, and he needs her to be the Knockout Law here in TNA. He doesn’t care what she does, but she needs to keep them out of her hair. This is not a popularity contest. Wrestlers are products, and when they are past their shelf life, then wish them well in their future endeavors and replace them. He then makes a joke about her tits saying that she’ll never drown, and leaves. When Lauren asks what shelf life means, and Brooks says she may just find out.

    -Back at Booker’s locker room he has invited Team 3D to watch Sting’s speech. Ray eats, and then argues over robe choices with Devon. This angers Booker, who tells them to sit and shut up. Booker says that there will be no guitar at No Surrender, and he will be victorious. They all drink champagne, Ray spills some and Booker yells at him.

    -Tenay hypes No Surrender.

    -JB is with Nash. They talk about the Four Ways to Glory Qualifying Match tonight, which could give Nash a world title shot. Nash says he did Cornette a favor a while back, and Cornette owed him. This is his payback. He tried to find Joe and talk to him, but he is chasing Sting. He will beat Kurt tonight so that he can watch Joe’s back. If Joe isn’t focused, Nash just may walk out world champion for the 6th time.

    -Samoa Joe makes his way out to do commentary for the match.

    Four Ways to Glory Qualifying Match: Kevin Nash vs. Kurt Angle

    Joe says Nash is a man reborn as they have been working out together. Angle and Nash circle, Angle bails to the floor, complains that Joe is out here and then goes back into the ring. Lock up, elbows by Nash and then big rights. Off the ropes and Angle goes for a cross body, caught, slammed down but Nash misses the elbow drop. Rights and uppercuts by Angle, an Irish whip and reversal by Nash. A clothesline in the corner follows, and then a back breaker by Nash. He bends Angle over his knee and then goes into a cover for 2. Another cover for 2. We move to the Nash corner offense; knees, back elbows, posing, more elbows and Angle is down. To the other corner and Nash chokes out Angle with the boot, and we’ll head to a commercial @ 3:00.

    Back from commercial @ 8:00 and Angle is in control now, working the knees of Nash. Angle breaks him down to the mat, drops elbows on the knees and works a knee crank. Angle now applies the figure four-leg lock, and has Nash trapped in the center of the ring. Nash tries to turn the hold, but that fails. Joe’s great on commentary here. Nash turns the hold, and gets the ropes. Angle right back to attacking the knees, but he runs into a side slam by Nash and BOTH men are down. They get to their feet, trade rights, and a short-armed clothesline by Nash. Snake eyes follows, lays Angle on the ropes and limps into the leg over the back choke. A shoulder block by Nash gets 2. To the floor they go, Nash SLAPS Joe and says to watch him. Joe is pissed and Nash is back in with Angle, big boot to Angle. Straps down, the ref tries to get rid of Joe, and this allows Angle to low blow Nash, Angle slam and that is all.

    Winner: Kurt Angle @ 13:00 via pin

  • For a match without the smoke and mirrors, this is about as good as you can expect from Nash right now. They told a decent enough story, unfortunately it is the same one they have worked in every Nash match this year.

    RATING: **

    -After the match Joe and Nash argue, as Joe tells Nash to practice what he preaches. Nash leaves, and he may be crying.

    -Four Ways to Glory TNA World Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Booker T vs. Kurt Angle vs. Winner of Christian Cage vs. AJ Styles

    -We get a video package on…THE GUITAR!

    -Tenay and West say that we have been speculating on the source of the guitar. Really?

    -We then get a Jeff Jarrett video package, since he is synonymous with the guitar. God bless Jarrett, using that Hogan footage again. A damn fine video package actually.

    -We get highlights of SoCal Val being injured last week at the hands of Jay Lethal. She has a black eye. Because of the foolishness she got hurt. If Jay and Sonjay want to fight over her, fine. They can hang the ring over the um, ring, and who ever gets it gets here. SOCAL VAL ON A FUCKING POLE MATCH! And people bitched when it was said at the beginning of their feud.

    -We get a Knockouts video package.

    The Beautiful People (Love and Sky) w/Kip James vs. Roxxi and Taylor Wilde

    Roxxi and Love to begin, Roxxi tosses her down and Love talks with Kip James. Love back in, front facelock by Roxxi, into the arm ringer and tags in Wilde. Love runs away, Kip fixes her hair and she then makes her way back into the ring. Sky tags in and Wilde scares her, she falls and rights by Wilde follow. Jesus they blew a Thesz press, Velvet Sky sucks. To the corner, a whip and kicks by Wilde. Mounted rights, Kip distracts the ref and Love nails Wilde with the makeup case. Sky lays the boots to the gut of Wilde, chokes her in the ropes, snap mare and a kick to the back by Sky. To the corner, Love in as Roxxi is distracting the ref trying to get into help Wilde. Snap mare and a basement dropkick by Love, and then slams Wilde down by her hair. Love slams her down by the hair once again, and we head to a commercial @ 4:00.

    Back from commercial @ 8:00 as Roxxi got the hot tag, she cleans house and is looking awesome in doing so. Sky blows a break up spot and about falls on her face, Roxxi rolls up Love for 2. Spinebuster by Roxxi for 2. Wilde and Sky brawl, and then I just saw the WORST cross body miss ever as Sky dove out of the way like, 10 seconds early. Kip James tosses in a spray bottle, Sky sprays it in the face of Roxxi as she goes for the Voodoo Crusher. Bicycle kick by Love and she gets the pin on Roxxi.

    Winner: The Beautiful People (Love and Sky) @ 10:00 via pin

  • It had moments when it was good (Roxxi off of the hot tag) and moments where it looked very bad (when Sky and Wilde were in there). In the end with the commercial cut factored in, his was not good.

    RATING: ½*

    -Kip and the Beautiful People go to brown bag Roxxi, but Wilde slaps him and that leads to a beat down of Wilde. Kip gets scissors and they go to cut Wilde’s hair, but RHINO of all people makes the save. I guess he’s doing Taylor Wilde.

    ~MAIN EVENT INTERVIEW: STING SPEAKS~

    Sting makes his way to the ring and says a few months ago he had an interview with Mike Tenay. He discussed his retirement, but he had a question. What would happen if he turned the business over to the next generation. It would be the end of TNA as we know it today. It would be a grave mistake, because they would spit in the face of TNA like they spit in his face. Joe had his opponent beat 1, 2,3; but he didn’t take it, he bloodied his opponent. A jewel in wrestling, Booker T is a legend in this business. But Joe disrespected that and so he got involved, and he wanted to help Joe. He looked at Joe as someone who could carry the torch of TNA, but Joe rejected him and disrespected a man that paved the way for him. When he was Joe’s age and Ric Flair took him under his wing. Flair believed him Sting like he believes in Joe. He respected Flair’s peers who paved the way. AJ one day called him Mr. Sting, and now he calls him a coward and says he owes him something. Sting doesn’t owe anyone anything. AJ owes him because he paved the way for him to be a wrestler. AJ should thank him for the chance to be a pro wrestler. Sting will not pay homage to this generation. They are a bunch of spoiled, rotten brats. One way or another, he will bring respect back into the business. He will be a babysitter, the parent that no one wants to listen to. If you think he’s wrong, come tell him to his face.

    AJ Styles now makes his way to the ring. He says that Sting is wrong, dead wrong. He looked up to Sting, he idolized him and never, EVER disrespected him. AJ says he helped get this company started. Sting says he wanted to help AJ, and that’s why he got involved at Hard Justice. You cannot respect someone you call a coward. At Hard Justice, you took it one step too far with Kurt Angle. You could have walked away. Angle was a champion in WWE, a champion here, and has done something none of us have done, win an Olympic Gold Medal. Michael Phelps doesn’t spit in Mark Spitz face, does he? I will give you my bat, turn my back and let you take it too me. Go ahead AJ, take it and I will turn my back. Use both hands AJ come on. AJ refuses and Sting shoves him. HIT ME OVER THE HEAD AJ! Some of them are asking you to do it AJ.

    AJ turns Sting around, boot by Sting and he gets the scorpion death drop on AJ. That didn’t work out as planned.

    Jarrett’s music hits….

    End scene… NEXT WEEK Non-Title Match: Beer Money © vs. Shark Boy and Super Eric Riesha Saeed vs. ODB Winner: @ via

  • . RATING: {plug}
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