Larry Csonka's TNA Impact TV report for August 14



TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get a video package on Sting and his most recent actions including comments from last week’s promo.

-Tenay and West welcome us to the show, and Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring as well as Booker T with Sharmell.

~ROYAL T and KURT SPEAK~

Angle says that Samoa Joe is looking at what real world champions look like. Booker T and Kurt Angle. They carry themselves with dignity, honor and respect. Traits Joe will never have. Angle will not speak for Sting, but what Sting said last week was aimed at Joe. Joe is a disgrace to the TNA World Title. Booker agrees and calls Joe, Joseph. Sting spoke the truth last week, about today’s wrestlers. Spoiled brats who want everything, but they have earned nothing. What you see in this ring are two champions. Not only champions, but distinguished gentlemen. At No Surrender, the world title will be decided between two gentlemen, Angle and Booker himself. The old fashioned way, like champions should. Angle agrees, and says that they will take the winner of AJ and Cage, and take them out. Then they will search the country hick, and shove the guitar up his ass. And then, they will make an example out of Samoa Joe and humiliate him like the punk he is. It’s damn real.

Christian Cage now makes his way out to the ramp and says that he heard them running their mouths, and says they won’t have to worry about AJ at No Surrender. He will win tonight. And while AJ is the future of the business, but No Surrender is in his backyard, and this is all about the main event. They seem distracted, and that’s fine because he will think about becoming the three-time world heavyweight champion. Booker snaps at Cage! He says Cage is a fairy tale dreamer. Booker says that Cage needs to be rolling with them. The young guys haven’t showed them anything, and they never showed Booker T, the ROYAL T any respect. Cage calls Booker Whoopie Goldberg and says that maybe it is about Booker losing his spot. Angle says it is fine if Cage wants to be a super hero, but they can do this the hard way if Cage wishes. Cage asks what the hard way is, and Angle takes off his jacket. He charges Cage and they brawl on the ramp. In the ring and he and Booker battle, but the numbers game gets to Cage and they begin the beat down. This brings out AJ Styles to make the save. Angle says he and Booker will make sure neither of them make the PPV.

Jim Cornette is out and says not so fast. He thinks we deserve to see the match without Angle and Booker getting involved. If either one gets involved, BOTH of them lose their spot in the Four Ways to Glory Match. AJ and Cage shake.

-JB is with Samoa Joe. They discuss the confrontation with Nash last week, and Joe says that Nash had Angle beat but his temper lost him the fight. Since Nash laid his hands on him, the next time he sees Nash, he will beat his ass. JB mentions Sting, and Joe asks if Sting will preach that Joe is disrespectful. Joe says to EARN some respect, for the first time in TNA EARN something. Joe says Sting stays in the rafters and steals money from the boys that work and from the fans that pay to see him WRESTLE. Joe will be there tonight when Sting speaks.

-We return with more Rough Cuts on Consequences Creed. He graduated with TWO degrees from College, rock on dude.

-Lauren is here with Sheik Abdul Bashir. She says he has made this a war with the US, and Bashir says he slightly respects her for talking the way she does, but HE is the victim. Lady America gave him freedom and the ability to live the dream. And HE reached godly levels in this country. He didn’t hire illegal immigrants to do work for him, he hired union workers. But an act of terrorism took place and AMERICA took everything from him. He is left with no choice to take back what is his, and if he has to torture innocent people along the way, he will. He doesn’t love Lady America anymore.

-Wow, he DOES have the plane sound before his theme music begins.

X-Division #1 Contender's Match: Consequences Creed vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir

Lock up to begin, Creed works the arm with a wristlock. To the corner and as Creed goes to the 2nd rope Bashir pulls him off. Rights by Bashir, a backdrop suplex follows and a cover for 2. Bashir into the chinlock, Creed battles to his feet but Bashir gets the sleeper. An escape, sleeper by Creed. Bashir escapes, off the ropes and they knock heads and that slows both down. They trade forearms, back elbow by Creed. Jabs now, dance, split and the big right hand by Creed gets a cover for 2. An Irish whip by Creed, rolling thunder follows and another cover for 2. Creed misses the corner splash, Bashir gets the roll up for the win as he had his feet on the ropes.

BUT WAIT, Creed argues that he had the ropes and they restart the match. Bashir and the ref argue, Creed in and as Bashir grabs the ref, he kicks his arm off the ropes and Creed gets the sunset flip for the win.

Winner: Consequences Creed @ 4:00 via pin

  • What they did was fine, but unsatisfying as far as a wrestling match. They seemed too concerned with getting to the end and after match angle.

    RATING: *½

    -After the match Bashir shoves the ref. Referee Shane Soul (Glamour Boy Shane from Puerto Rico) tries to walk away but Bashir slaps him. Shane starts to fire away at Bashir! A big backdrop off the ropes and then a clothesline to the floor! Earl Hebner is out to control the situation as Soul looks apologetic.

    -JB is with Kevin Nash. He says he didn’t practice what he preached, and he fractured the relationship with Joe. Nash says he wants to talk to Joe, but he is afraid that he will not listen. But he agrees that Sting is making a lot of sense, and maybe Joe will listen to him.

    -Lauren is with BEER MONEY! They announce that they are both going to be in the TNA Video game! BEER! MONEY! Roode dances with Storm’s hat on! Roode explains to Storm that it means they make more money. The Prince Justice Brotherhood is here and Super Eric wants to have them pulled from the game to protect the kids. Roode says screw the kids, which pleases Rob Feinstein, then tells him to piss off and says he does anything for money. Man says he is rich in Japan and drinks lots of Sake. Sharky then makes a gay joke, and they have a pull apart.

    -Tenay and West run down the show again.

    -We get a video package for CHRIS ABYSS.

    -Lauren is with the Beautiful People and they have a special announcement. Kip demands she shows respect, and Sky then says next week they have a special challenge just for her. Beating Wilde at the PPV isn’t enough, they want to humiliate her. Next week will be the first ever Beautiful People Beauty Contest with Wilde vs. Love. Bikini, Evening Gown and Talent contests included. Kip says he has outfits for her to try on and they leave.

    -We get a knockouts video package.

    -Curry Man is announced and Shark Boy comes out. We see Curry Man backstage with Christy Hemme. He’s trying to get some.

    Non-Title Match: Beer Money © (Storm and Roode) w/Miss Jackie vs. The Prince Justice Brotherhood (Sharky and Super Eric)

    Storm and Sharky to begin. Sharky fights off both Storm and Roode for a moment, but Beer Money takes control. Roode tags in and lays the boots to Sharky, backdrop suplex and a cover for 2. Rights by Sharky, off the ropes and a knee buster by Sharky. Tag to Eric but the ref didn’t see the tag. DOUBLE SUPLEX! BEER! MONEY! Backstage the Rock and Rave Infection beat down Curry Man. Storm crotches himself, tag to Eric and he sets the ref on the top rope and cleans house. The ref says he didn’t make the tag. Superkick by Storm, payoff from Roode and that’s all.

    Winner: Beer Money @ 3:30 via pin

  • it was fine, but again short and more about the backstage and after match angle. That’s not all bad, but some wrestling would be appreciated.

    RATING: *½

    -LAX’s music hits and here comes Hernandez. Beer Money runs but Homicide is back! He has a patch in his eye and the brawl. LAX cleans house and gets some payback on Beer Money.

    ~CHRIS ABYSS MAKES AN OPEN CHALLENGE~

    We get video of his appearance on Karen’s Angle last week.

    Johnny Devine and Team 3D make their way out with a grocery cart of fun. They discuss the open challenge, and they call him a moron. They all accept, a HARDCORE match, for Devine.

    Hardcore Match: Abyss vs. Johnny Devine

    Devine hits Abyss with a cookie sheet, and that didn’t work. He begs off, 3D distracts Abyss, Devine uses a trashcan and that doesn’t work. He tries a chair as Ray distracts Abyss, chair shot and Abyss is rocked. He then punches it into Devine’s face. CHOKESLAM to Devine. RAAAAAAAAAAAR! Abyss has the chair, but holds up. Ray in to low blow Abyss and he and Devon beat him down. They toss the ref, but Matt Morgan now makes his way out to the ring. He cleans house on Team 3D, boots Devine to the floor and grabs a chair. He tosses it to Abyss, but Abyss throws it down.

    Winner: No Contest @ 3:00

  • Another “match” that wasn’t about the match but the after match angle. This is getting annoying. And we have a no contest for a hardcore match? Really?

    RATING: N/A

    -Lauren is with ODB. She apparently has the runs due to beans and heads into the men’s room. Lauren keeps trying to interview her as we get shitting sounds. She didn’t even wash her hands! Kill me now.

    -Earlier today Lauren caught up with Sting. Sting blows her off.

    Raisha Saeed vs. ODB

    Kong is banned from ringside. Saeed is wearing a ton of makeup tonight. ODB pulls her to the floor and they brawl at ringside. ODB slams her into the barrier, but then Saeed returns the favor. Saeed lays the boots to her and takes control. Saeed slams her to the apron, but ODB fires back and into the ring we go. Saeed rakes the eyes and then dropkicks her back to the floor. Back in we go and more kicks by Saeed, who covers for 2. Cross faces by Saeed, she chokes out ODB but ODB fires back only to be taken back down. More boots by Saeed, a slam by Saeed and she goes up top…MISSES the moonsault. ODB slaps her boobs, gets a clothesline and another. Sack of shit slam by ODB, kip up, rusty trombone celebration and then gets a drink. Running powerslam by ODB and that is all.

    Winner: ODB @ 4:30 via pin

  • Rise and repeat.

    RATING: *

    -After the match ODB tries to unmask Saeed. Saeed runs to the floor, but ODB follows and they brawl some more. ODB tackles her on the ramp and tries for the mask again. They brawl backstage, and ODB comes back out and she has the mask! KONG is out now and attacks ODB. She slams ODB to the steel post and they brawl into the ring.

    -We come back from commercial and Kong lands the implant Buster on ODB. Saeed brings a chair in, but Roxxi is out with a chair to fight off Kong. Saeed is in and takes down Roxxi. They beat her down and Kong has the chair again and lays it on the mat. KONG BOMB TO ROXXI ON THE CHAIR! And where is Traci Brooks in all of this?

    -We get a Kurt Angle video package.

    -Moments ago Lauren is with Kip and the Beautiful People. Angelina gives us a preview, well them, not us. That appeared to be spliced together by a first year film student, horrendous.

    -Tenay and West discuss No Surrender.

    -We then get a video package on the history of AJ Styles and Christian Cage.

    -JB is with AJ Styles. JB brings up Sting, which angers AJ. He admits that Sting dropped him on his head, because he was a fool and listened. He then says that Sting has done NOTHING for them and that he has to earn respect. He says Sting jumped on the bandwagon like Angle and Booker. They should thank him for helping to start this company. They should call and thank his wife for taking him to MRI appointments for his injuries. Thank his kids for playing alone, “BECAUSE I AM ON THE ROAD, BUSTING MY ASS TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY!” As for Cage, he respects him. They haven’t always agreed, but they have always laid it on the line to each other. AJ vows to win tonight and to go on and win the TNA World Title.

    Four Ways to Glory Qualifying Match: AJ Styles vs. Christian Cage

    They lock up, a go behind by Cage and then a reversal by AJ. To the mat they go, front facelock by Cage, to their feet and a wristlock by AJ. Off the ropes and a shoulder block by AJ. They lock it up again, Cage tackles AJ and covers for 2. They stand off, a boot by Cage and as he tries a suplex AJ gets a roll up for 2. Cover by AJ, bridge by Cage and then a backslide gets 2. Chops by AJ, side headlock and Cage shoots him to the corner, AJ back flips in and then goes for the dropkick, Cage grabs the ropes and goes to the floor. Cage avoids a dive, AJ to the apron and as he tries to spring back in Cage trips him up. Cage then misses a plancha as AJ rolls back in, and then AJ with a baseball slide into a head scissors on the floor. We’ll head to a commercial @ 3:30.

    We’re back from commercial @ 7:00 with Cage hitting a neck breaker and covering for 2. Rights and chops by AJ, off the ropes and a back elbow by Cage gets a cover for 2. Chops by Cage in the corner, but AJ fires back and then delivers rights to Cage. To the corner, back elbow by AJ and then the inverted DDT is countered. AJ then goes right back to it and hits it, covering for 2. They trade rights, Cage off the ropes and AJ gets the dropkick. Clothesline and a back elbow follow, and then misses the corner charge. Cage kills him with a clothesline, Cage up top and MISSES the frog splash. Clash try by AJ, stopped and Cage looks for the unprettier, that is countered and a PELE by AJ! 1…2…NO! AJ to the apron, Cage ducks the Superman forearm and gets a corkscrew elbow and cover for 2. Cage back up top, AJ up and up top with Cage. They fight…SUPERPLEX by AJ is blocked and a FROG SPLASH by Cage right away gets a CLOSE 2! AJ trips Cage to the floor, but Cage is back up top and AJ is up to stop that. They fight up top again, backdrop by AJ! AJ is up…SPIRAL TAP MISSES! Unprettier try by Cage is blocked again and he flies into the ref. Damn. Frank Trigg is out and NAILS AJ with the kendo stick! Unprettier by Cage and that is all. Cage never saw Trigg.

    Winner: Christian Cage @ 13:30 via pin

  • Finally something that felt like an actual wrestling match! This was pretty good overall, although I wish we didn’t have to so the ref bump finish, because it made this match feel like everything else on the show. Good work from both guys here.

    RATING: **¾

    -The main event for No Surrender will be: Four Ways to Glory Qualifying TNA World Title Match: Samoa Joe © vs. Booker T vs. Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage

    -We get a Jeff Jarrett video package.

    -We get a Sting video package.

    ~MAIN EVENT INTERVIEW: ANGRY OLD MAN STING SAYS TO STAY OFF HIS LAWN~

    Sting says last week he came out here to talk about the lack of respect, he thought he would get boo’d out of the building. But to his pleasant surprise he wasn’t. He thanks the fans for that because he knows they want respect back in the business. He wants to say that without them that there is no wrestling. There is no TNA. And without them there is no Sting. But he wants to revisit Victory Road, and a helpless Booker T. Some fans wanted to see Joe take out Booker T, and the same with AJ and Angle at Hard Justice. Last week, there were some of you that wanted to see AJ hit him with the bat. He knows they want to be a part of the show and they should be, but there are some of you, and you know who you are, that you just cannot be part of the show. Ok. He says he will draw a line and wants to know where people stand.

    Joe is out and he says he is there to stand of Sting’s throat. Sting asks if he will beat him up, and says Joe wants to take the bat and hit him. He offers the bat to Joe, and turns his back. Sting says to do it, and Joe says he doesn’t need a bat just like he doesn’t need Sting’s respect. And like his past, when you turn your back on the future, you’ll regret it.

    Nash is now out and says Joe doesn’t want to see him, but it doesn’t have to be this way. If he wants to do it, do it man on man with out the weapons. Sting then hits Joe with the bat and lands the scorpion death drop.

    JJ’s music now hits, and Sting says to cut the music. He says maybe next week he and Jeff can talk. Sting’s music plays as Nash questions what Sting has just done.

    *End scene…

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