WWE Smackdown TV report
Got a little broadcast message before the episode this week for some reason, and apparently this week’s episode is called “Angels and Demons”. What could this possibly mean? hurm....
CM Punk & Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry & MVP vs. Christian & Kane & Finlay & Shelton Benjamin
Match starts with Kofi and Christian starting things off as they exchange the standard wrestling maneuvers early before Christian gets the better of it, snapping Kofi off the ropes and hitting a neckbreaker for an early nearfall. Kofi tags in Punk who enters with a senton on to Christian and jaws to his partner Kofi which distracts him and lets Christian to take advantage only to be caught in the can opener between the ropes followed by a top rope cross body. Christian escapes and tags in the Belfast Brawler, Finlay who proceeds to stiff the bejaysus out of Punk in to the corner, but Punk uses his speed to try and gain control and gets Finlay up for a GTS but Kane enters and boots the Straight Edge Superstar in the face as we go to commercial. We come back to find Benjamin putting the hurtin’ on Punk who manages to tag in Henry. Benjamin flees to Kane and tags him in. (Dear Lord it’s hard to keep up, at least it ain’t Lucha!) Kane lands some strikes on Henry but gets squashed in the corner before Henry tags in the new US Champion MVP who was no match for Kane, who knocked him down easily and tagged in Benjamin who leapt on MVP and puts the fists to him before laying in the boots and putting MVP on his back with a fireman’s carry before synching in an armlock. MVP battles his way out but gets thrown over his head and goes right back on his todd. Benjamin tags in Kane who continues the beatdown. (I am EXHAUSTED!) Kane lands some fists in the corner before attempting a big boot which MVP counters and manages to tag in Punk who lands a barrage and then lands his knee in the corner and goes for his patented bulldog to finish the combo but Kane lifts him up, but Punk manages to flip out of danger and lands a SICK headkick to Kane. Punk goes for the springboard clothesline but gets caught by Kane who hits the chokeslam for the pin. It’s weird I was feeling good for Punk due to him being the ONLY guy to have his entrance shown, but here he goes and loses, but then again, it could just be WWE doing the make him lose before he wins. YOU JUST NEVER EVER EVER KNOW WITH THESE PEOPLE! After the match, all hell breaks loose as all the combatants tear each other to pieces, well all except Christian who gets a ladder out from under the ring and goes to retrieve the briefcase to symbolize ‘Mania night, but Hornswaggle and Finlay spoil his plans as they tip Christian out of the ring on to the brawling superstars on the outside, so Finlay gets to stand triumphant tonight. The match was fine, solid wrestling affair, nobody stunk up the joint, but nobody shined and it definitely did NOT get me interested in the Money In The Bank Ladder match in the slightest. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s still going to be a great match I’d say, but damn I am SO not excited, nor intrigued despite having NO CLUE as to who’s going to win it.
Winner(s): Christian & Kane & Finlay & Shelton Benjamin via Chokeslam (Kane)
Jesse & Festus vs. Big Show
Well, we all know what this was before the bell rang, but it is still good to see FESTUS again! Festus of course went crazy when the bell was rang, but was stopped straight away with a boot, as Show threw Jesse outside and that’s the last we saw of him for a while. Show continued to beat on Festus who may have gotten less than six punches in the whole match. Show knocked Festus to the outside but waited until he came back in, but gets caught in the corner as Jesse lands a dropkick out of nowhere. This OFFENDS the Big Show, who KNOCKS FESTUS THE **** OUT and then slams Jesse with a Showstopper followed up with a knockout punch for the pin. Squash match. Nothing special.
Winner: Big Show via Knock Out Punch
Another 12 Rounds promo that we’ve already seen. I just realized something, Cena’s career is just like his like ’06 title reign! SAME. OLD. SH*T
Next it’s a recap of the Hardy feud, which was actually really damn good when you don’t think of that little thing that gets in the way, CONTINUITY! But if you ignore that and watch this video without any context it was so damn damn damn awesome! And the video thankfully showed Matt’s PIMPSLAP FROM HELL! What followed this was true evil.
We joined Matt Hardy in the locker room stroking a dog. Matt teases Jeff saying that the the black cloud entered his life the night his trailer burned down as he lost everything, his possessions, his house and of course, his best friend. Matt says he’s been waiting for Wrestlemania all his life and that at Wrestlemania he will quench Jeff’s fire and make him realize that he is an underachieving, selfish child. All the while playing with a kissing the dog, the unholy bastard. This was nowhere near as impactful as I thought it would be, big letdown. Not evil enough, not like when he pulled out the dog collar, that was more shocking and heat inducing in my opinion.
Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero
For one night only, these two men are reigniting their feud from ’07. Thankfully with no Eddie Guerrero mentions. Chavo gets Rey down early with a keylock, but Mysterio escapes with a headlock takeover before they hit the ropes and Rey sends Chavo to the outside only to follow him and land a sliding headscissor. When both reenter the ring, Rey goes up top but gets caught on his way up and is sent to the mat by a top rope hurracanrana. Chavo sinks in a bodylock to a chinlock in the centre of the ring, but Rey escapes with some kicks and lands a few more before going for a springboard moonsault but gets caught in mid air and put in the tree of woe in the corner. Chavo charges as Rey, but Rey evades and Chavo tackles the ring post. Rey lands a springboard seated senton followed by a springboard cross body for a nearfall and then a sunset flip roll through followed by a dropkick for another nearfall. Chavo whips Rey into the ropes and catches him in the Gory Special before dropping him face first on the mat for a near fall. When both men are up Mysterio knocks Chavo into the 619 position, but Chavo moves and hits a variation of the three amigo with a backdrop for the final suplex rather than the standard suplex. Chavo goes for a frog splash but misses and once to his feet Rey gets Chavo in the 619 position, this time hitting it and follows it up with the missile splash for the pin. After the match JBL attacks Mysterio with a huge boot to the head. This match was a lot of fun, really great stuff. Not really a lucha match, but as close as what you’ll get in WWE. It was a really good match though, as to be expected from these two and they didn’t disappoint tonight.
Winner: Rey Mysterio via Missile Splash
Before Cena comes to the ring we get a recap of Cena’s Monay Night antics, his terribly unfunny get well soon poem for Vickie and of course the artists renditions of what Vickie’s baby with Edge and Show would be like (Jericho used to do this stuff SO much better back in ’00/’01). What a wacky gent. Anyway, enough about bad comedy, after the break Cena came to the ring after the break. Cena puts over Wrestlemania to get his promo going, getting the crowd in to it. Cena says he’s on the outside of a love triangle for the World’s Heavyweight Championship as Edge, Vickie and Show have tried their best to keep him out of the match, so much so he had to resort to blackmail to get to the event. He claims that as Wrestlemania he will get the belt back because he is going to Wrestlemania to fight and to win, to become the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION (most interesting promo of this ENTIRE angle so far, none of that triangle bullshit, it put ‘Mania, the belt and THE MATCH over). The prompted Show to saunter to the ring to ruin things and bring up his love with Vickie as it makes him stronger (BOOOOOOOOOOOO) and challenges Cena to find out on Monday just how strong he is. Cena says that’s insane, but of course ACCEPTS! As Show goes to leave, Cena grabs him by the foot and dumps Show to the outside, embarrassing him. I HATED this! It was SO good at the start, Cena was putting over things the way it should be done and then Show came and brought the triangle in to it and just ruined it all. Damn I HATE this god damn love triangle!!
R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy
They exchange blows early but Truth evades Matt’s attacks early with his speed but gets caught in a wheelbarrow suplex. Matt lands a few elbows to the back of the head, gets whipped in to the corner and tossed to the mat. Hardy tries to land a bulldog but gets tossed in to the turnbuckle as Truth looks to use the momentum but gets caught by an elbow in the corner. This only stuns him as when Matt leaps from the top, Truth counters with a dropkick for a nearfall. Truth whips Matt against the ropes and goes for his corkscrew cross body but misses and Matt tries to take advantages and looks to finish but Truth escapes and hits a leaping roundhouse and tries to follow it up with an axe kick but misses and Matt hits a Twist of Fate for the 1-2-3. Fine basic match with the sole intention of giving Matt a win to make him look strong going in to ‘Mania.
Winner: Matt Hardy via Twist of Fate
Recap of the previous chapter of the ‘Taker/Michaels saga from Monday Night, which was awesome, it was HBK in a graveyard claiming he was not scared of ‘Taker and that he WILL end the streak. This was made even greater by the interspliced clips throughout it of ‘Taker’s ‘Mania highlights and Michael’s career highlights. Yes, I have to admit, it was very very cheesy, but this segment is done every year, so you get used to it.
Carlito & Primo Colon & Bella A vs. Miz & Morrison & Bella B
So just as I get my wish, FINALLY, they’re going to UNIFY THE BELTS. This is what WWE do, they make it a GOD DAMN LUMBERJACK MATCH!!!! What did I do to you Vince?? Did I upset you? Did Randy Savage want this match too or something? It’s TORTURE to tease me like that, making me think I got what I wanted only to add a HORRIBLE stipulation. Curse you Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Aaaanyways, to the match, Miz and Primo get things started and Miz takes control early after Morrison hits a cheap shot fromt he outside. They hit a double team on the younger Colon as Miz tags in and continues the dominance before being caught with a kick as Primo escapes by tagging in his older brother who gets the better of Morrison and hits a rolling neckbreaker, but Miz breaks up the pin and recieves a dropkick from Primo for his troubles and as he tumbles to the outside, Primo follows. The Bellas then lock horns and a CAT FIGHT breaks out as they roll to the outside. Inside the ring Morrison look for a high angle suplex, but Carlito escapes mid lift and reverses it in to a BACKSTABBER for the finish! Insane finish, but a really really short match, so there was really nothing of note or interest beside the very innovative finish. Nothing match.
Winners: Carlito & Primo Colon & Bella A via Backstabber
Jeff Hardy promo was up next, he recounts their history, how Matt was born first and witnessed Jeff’s birth (that had to scar the lad), they went on a journey and in the end of it all Jeff ended up the star and Matt tried to take it away from him. Now that Matt has taken so much from Jeff, Jeff is going to take something from him, his BROTHERHOOD! This was, just here. Nothing real interesting, bar finding out that Matt saw his brother being squeezed out. Ew.
Another RAW recap, this time it’s a recap of the latest installment of the Orton/Hunter novella. The Legacy cuffed Triple H to the ropes and were about to hit him with THE EQUALIZER!!! but a trim ass Stephanie McMahon (as absurdly top heavy as usual) came to plead for mercy. This proved a mistake as Orton gave her a DDT from the ropes as her husband was helpless to stop Orton, so Orton decided to take advantage of this sitch and planted a kiss on the McMahon heiress. (A dastardly as this was, I don’t blame him one but, Steph was looking FIIIIIIIINE) With Steph laid out, Orton turned his attention to the WWE Champion and cleaned his clock with a shot from THE EQUALIZER! One word: Tremendous. That’s all I’ll say, and that kills me as I love to talk, but that’s all I can say to some in it up, tremendous!
Diva’s Championship: Maryse (c) vs. Michelle McCool
They lock up early and don’t let go for a good minute, even tumbling to the outside WHILE locked up! They reenter the wring and lock up again as Maryse forces Michelle in to the corner, but Michelle explodes out with a spear. Michelle takes down Maryse after an abdominal stretch. Maryse plays up her knee as Michelle works on it before being sent to the outside twice, the second time Maryse follows, hitting Michelle’s head off the apron and the barrier before rolling her back in and hitting a kick to the back of the head for a nearfall. Michelle lands a dropkick to Maryse’s knee but before she can take advantage, out of nowhere GAIL KIM appears and lays both women out and takes the Diva’s belt and claims that she will be the next Diva’s Champion. GAIL KIM!!! Yay!! Other than that, nothing match, not single actual wrestling move. But it had the return of GAIL KIM! So we can’t fault it TOOOO much!
To finish the show we had possibly the greatest segment in the history of anything, ever in the history of everything. This was just.......WOW!!! Like, just AMAZING! Church music began to play and druids all dressed in white descended down the ramp, they were followed by a man dressed in a long white jacket with a white hat, it was of course Shawn Michaels. This was absolutely amazing, it was the exact opposite of the Undertaker’s entrance, the lights were bright, the clothes were white and the music was angelic. Perfect. Simply perfect. But it wasn’t over here as Michaels then when on to cut an equally amazing promo. He began quoting the Bible, Genesis, Chapter One (“Let There Be Light” and such) and then went on to tell the tale of the contrast between the two, and the similarities. That they are on the top, have been praised and criticized and are loved by the people, but that’s where their similarities end. ‘Taker symbolizes darkness, Michaels light, ‘Taker instills fear, Shawn can’t be scared, this was just some amazing stuff. Shawn claims he will live on forever, unlike ‘Taker’s streak, the man ‘Taker has never beaten and at Wrestlemania 25, that will not change. At Wrestlemania Shawn will descend into Heaven, while The Undertaker will be hurled to the depths of hell. After the promo Shawn decides to strut his stuff as SEXY BOY hits the speakers and Shawn seemingly begins to strip for us, but before the party gets too SEXY, The Undertaker COMES UP FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING (which makes sense considering that’s where hell is, but Hornswaggle’s bachelor pad is also down there as is Cody Rhodes’ hiding spot, I should see if I can get a map or something, they must be all split up in to different areas like Disnleyland) and gets hold of Michaels and hoists him up for the chokeslam but Michaels escapes and dashes up the ramp as the show comes to a close with Michaels strutting his stuff atop the ramp, with ‘Taker visibly frustrated in the ring. The man who he has never beat is in his head, and not only that, he’s landed two superkicks in the process while ‘Taker hasn’t been able to do a thing to HBK, but will he get his revenge at ‘Mania? Well, yes. But the build is still FIVE F***ING STARS!!
Bar the last segment, which I think you MAY know my feelings on at this stage, this was another nothing show that got in me in NO WAY interested in any of the other matches on the card bar the only one I ALREADY was interested in. They came close with Cena/Show/Edge but once again ruined it by bringing Vickie in to it, and with Miz/Morrison vs. The Colons but ruined that by making it a GOD DAMN LUMBERJACK MATCH!! That means no bloody dives to the outside or anything. GOD DAMN IT! PLus there was no Edge this week, which does suck, but it also meant no Show/Edge/Vickie bullhit like last week, so I’m a bit torn on that one and will let it slide this week. The Chavo/Rey match was a lot of fun, one of the better TV matches in a while and the rest of the wrestling was inoffensive, but none of it got me interested in this card. I have never been so uninterested in a Wrestlemania before, but as Dave always says, it’s the last week that counts, so let’s hope they pull something truly spectacular out of the bag, although I very much doubt they will.
As per alway, detes are at the top (also added my Twitter as I’m an attention whore) and you can e-mail me with any comments, complaints, queries or even suggestions as I’m always looking to improve my report, and as you may have noticed this week I added match results at the end of match reports which was suggestion by Jimmy Lazers, so big thanks to him and if anyone else has any others feel free to send ‘em my way. Thanks very much for readin’, see ya next week.