Monday, 04 May 2009 17:13
WWE Raw Report
By: Todd Martin
Date: 05/04/09 from Buffalo, NY.
The Big News: If you hate finishes in your wrestling matches, this was the show for you.
Shane McMahon and Randy Orton fought to a no contest. Shane jumped Orton from behind and they brawled on the floor. Shane set up for an elbow off the top rope onto a table on the floor when Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes ran in. MVP tried to make the save, but the heels beat him up and dumped him to the floor. Batista then ran in for the save and cleared the ring by himself while MVP was still lying beaten up outside of the ring.
Given Batista needs no help and MVP needs all the help he can get, why on Earth couldn’t they have cleared the ring together? What possible harm would come from that? Instead, they made it a point that MVP would fail on his own and then Batista would do it all by himself no thanks to MVP. This was like a perfect little 5 minute demonstration of why they have created two new stars in the past five years.
Vickie Guerrero came out and said her main event wouldn’t be jeopardized. She then proceeded to change it into a tag match. Okay. She announced that Shane and Orton would wrestle at the end of the show, with the winners of Batista vs. DiBiase and MVP vs. Rhodes getting to join the match.
Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy. This was basically a squash, surprisingly. Matt sold his hand, and was pinned after a neck breaker, dropkick, springboard crossbody, high double leg drop and trouble in paradise. Matt sold his hand big during the match, but knocked Kofi out with it after the match. He’s kind of a cross between Bob Orton Jr. and Lex Luger when he was doing the heel steel-plated forearm gimmick.
In the highlight of the show, Santino met with Kelly Kelly backstage. Santino said that Santina wouldn’t be available on the show because she has the swine flu. He then explained this was funny because Vickie Guerrero is pig-like. Chavo Guerrero came in, and Santino went, “Oooh, Chavo. Duh duh duh!” Chavo told Santino not to make fun of the Guerrero family. Santino said he had a message for Vickie, and made a bunch of big noises. He then flexed his muscles in celebration of his greatness, and pranced off. This was a tremendous little segment.
Big Show wanted John Cena and asked Vickie Guerrero for the match. Vickie said that Cena can’t wrestle for two weeks, but that she will make the match for Judgment Day. Elsewhere backstage, the Bellas wanted to go out with MVP.
Cody Rhodes beat MVP via count out. William Regal did commentary. They made no explanation for why he was out there other than to do an obvious yet simultaneously non-sensical interference finish. Rhodes worked over MVP’s leg throughout the match, and as MVP was re-entering the ring from the outside Regal attacked his leg again. MVP was counted out. I suppose a count out is better than a pin, but if the onus is on creating new stars, those guys should probably be winning.
Next up was a sing off between Jillian Hall and her hand picked opponent Festus. They rang the bell and Festus gave his rendition of “Tomorrow.” Festus of course won. Miz then came out, attacked Festus, and threw him out of the ring. Miz called out John Cena again, and said Cena is all hype. He kept ragging on Cena for quite a while.
John Cena finally came out. Here’s his medical condition. He travels to shows. He’s cleared to wrestle in two weeks at the pay-per-view. But apparently right now he’s suffering such overwhelming internal trauma that he can barely move and has absolutely no energy to even lift his arms. I think this is the most unrealistic depiction of physical injury I’ve ever seen in any setting. Anyway, Big Show beat him up. It was hard to muster much sympathy for the guy given his physical behavior was about as believable as that of Festus.
Mickie James beat Maryse. Mickie hit the Thesz press, but missed a baseball slide. Maryse threw her into the barricade and applied a camel clutch. Mickie came back with an implant DDT for the pin. This was fine.
Ted DiBiase beat Batista via DQ. DiBiase used a neck breaker and drop toe hold. He then slapped Batista, which was so infuriating that Batista went insane and just kept beating up DiBiase in the corner until he was disqualified. This was such a crappy finish. It was one of those matches that helps neither the winner nor the loser and just buries the idea of matches in general.
Chavo and Vickie met backstage. Chavo suggested to Vickie that if MVP interferes in the main event he should lose the US title and if Batista interferes he should lose his title shot. Vickie didn’t agree with this, but Chavo just assumed she did and went out to announce it. They’re doing something here with Chavo and Vickie, but I’m not sure yet what it is.
Carlito beat The Brian Kendrick. Michael Cole said that Kendrick made an impressive debut last week on Raw. Huh, and here I thought he lost in just a manner of minutes. Carlito beat him here in 1 minute and 19 seconds when he countered sliced bread #2 and hit the back cracker for the pin. This was another impressive performance by Kendrick. They plugged the MVP stuff with the woman from the View, and Michael Cole talked about how much he loves to watch the View. Boy, that sure makes your announcer look cool. Maybe they can get the Jonas Brothers to team up with MVP to face Legacy next.
Shane McMahon vs. Legacy was, surprise, another non-finish. Legacy worked over Shane. Shane hit an elbow off the top on DiBiase. Rhodes missed a moonsault attempt on Shane. Shane made his big comeback and sent all three Legacy members to the floor. However, he missed an elbow off the top onto Orton on the announcers’ table. Legacy then hit Shane in the ankle with a chair and dropped the steps on Shane’s ankle. They sold that Orton had taken out Shane, and if this is the end of Shane for now, why couldn’t Orton, the main event heel, have finally just beaten him?
This was another bad show in a series of bad Raws, and this may have been the worst. The culprit was once again really horrendous booking, seemingly geared towards keeping everyone at the exact same level above any other goal.