Dan Wahlers on the two-year anniversary of the Benoit tragedy
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Today marks the two year anniversary of the deaths of Chris, Nancy, and Daniel Benoit. It's a day that I know I will never forget. The memories are still fresh in my mind, and thinking about it again today is like picking at that old wound that has never quite healed properly. But in remembrance of the tragic events of that day, I thought I would share the column that I wrote that week. I wrote this column on Wednesday June 27, 2007, two days after the wrestling world was brought to its knees. At the time, my column was one of the very first opinion pieces to appear on any of the major wrestling news sites about the Benoit tragedy. It was one of the only ways I could think of to express the mixed emotions and incredible feelings I had swirling around in my head.
I got more feedback to this column than any I've ever written in my six plus years of working for the Wrestling Observer site. Some positive, and some negative. Some people thought I didn't take Chris to task enough for what he did, others thought I was too hard on him. You can read it again, and judge for yourself. Feel free to send any feedback you have, whether you're reading this again, or for the first time. I'll just say that it was the hardest, and perhaps most emotional piece that I've ever had to write. And in my personal opinion, I feel like it's one of the best things I've ever written, and it's a column I'm very proud of. But it's one that I wish as much today as I did two years ago that I never had to write.
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The Benoit Family Tragedy
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For once in my life, I am at a loss for words. There are really no words that can adequately describe how I feel about the events of the past two days. The apparent murder of Nancy and Daniel Benoit at the hands of Chris Benoit, and then his subsequent suicide is just something that I can’t even begin to fully comprehend or accept. But I’m going to attempt to put my feelings down in words, because it’s what you guys would expect from me.
This is a column I never ever wanted to have to write. I wish I could just crawl in a hole, and make believe it never happened. But unfortunately, this is real life, and it did happen. Three people are dead, and the circumstances surrounding the deaths will just make your head spin. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
I got the horrendous news this past Monday afternoon, “Chris Benoit and family dead.” My initial reaction was that this was someone’s idea of a really bad joke. It had to be a joke. It just couldn’t be true. Not another one. Not Chris Benoit. Please tell me it’s not true. Those are the things I kept telling myself as I came online to confirm the news, hoping against all hope that it wasn’t true. Actually, hoping that this was another sick WWE angle. What the hell, why wouldn’t they go this far, I thought. There are no lines Vince McMahon won’t cross. So why not? My greatest fears were realized when I logged onto Wrestling Observer.com, and saw the post from Dave Meltzer. My heart sank, and tears began streaming down my face.
In my 22 years of watching wrestling, this is the worst thing that has ever happened. It may very well be the worst thing to ever happen in the history of the wrestling business. You’d be hard pressed to find a more unbelievably tragic, and disturbing turn of events. Three days later I still can’t come to terms with what happened. I can’t believe that Chris Benoit is dead, and I can’t even begin to grasp the fact that he murdered his own wife and son. It’s like a bad nightmare that you can’t wake up from. How could something like this happen? There have been so many wrestling deaths, and some have been sadder than others. But this one affected me more than any other.
Chris Benoit was on a pedestal to me. He was a man that I admired and respected perhaps more than any other wrestler. I loved watching him compete in the ring, whether it was the main event, or the opening match. I can’t even believe I’m writing about him in the past tense today. That is so incredibly messed up. Benoit was one of my favorite wrestlers of all-time, and I’m not one of those people that’s just saying that because he’s dead. Anyone that knows me knows how much I loved Chris Benoit, and how much of a mark I was for him. Hell, if you like the true art of professional wrestling, you have to be a mark for Chris Benoit. The guy did it better than anyone I’ve ever seen.
As far as what he accomplished in the ring, he will go down as one of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of boots, and nothing that happened this week will ever change that fact. But I will never look at Chris Benoit the same way again. I will never watch a Chris Benoit match the same way. The love, respect, and admiration I had for him as a wrestler will always be there, and that will never change. But the love, respect, and admiration I had for him as a person is gone. As a person, I am disgusted and repulsed by his actions. As a person he is a murderer. There’s no other way to put it.
Killing your wife is bad enough, but to kill your innocent 7 year old son, there are no words to express how immoral that is on every possible level. That, to me, is the most revolting part of this whole ordeal. And that is the part I am having the hardest time trying to come to terms with in my own head.
All I can imagine is that Chris had some very deep rooted mental problems, and whether they were caused by steroid abuse, drug abuse, or whatever it might be, one thing is very clear. You have to be fucked up in the head to do something like this. And it hurts me so much to think of Chris Benoit in that way, but there is no possible way to sugercoat this, or dress it up to make it look nice. As much as I wish I could.
The reports are that Chris tied up and gagged his wife Nancy, and then choked her to death. He then smothered his son with a plastic garbage bag as young Daniel was apparently sleeping. I can’t even imagine how terrified Daniel must have been as his father was literally squeezing the life out of him. I want to cry when I think about it. How can a father kill his own son? How can someone go so far off the deep end that murdering your own wife and son becomes a valid option? I can’t fathom how that is possible.
He supposedly murdered his wife and son over the course of a couple days, and then sat in the house with the dead bodies for a day or two. Those are not the actions of a sane person. Those are the actions of a person that has broken all ties with reality, and I have no idea what could have drove Chris to take such drastic, final actions. Did he have an argument with Nancy, and he just snapped in the moment, or was this something he planned out? I have no answers, only a million questions swirling around in my head. And these are questions that there will never be any answers to, because the answers died with Chris.
That’s why I say he must have been suffering from some severe emotional and mental problems, and we as wrestling fans would have had no knowledge of that. All we saw was the character he portrayed on TV every week. That’s all these people are. They are characters on TV. We have no idea what they’re like in real life, or what’s really going on in their head. I would have never believed in a million years that Chris Benoit would be capable of doing something so heinous. But obviously, I, nor anyone else knew the real Chris Benoit. It was stupid of me to place a man I didn’t even know on such a high pedestal in my life.
Immediately after his death was announced, I wanted so much to be able to write a nice bio piece on Chris, and talk about some of my best memories of him. I wanted to write about being there live at Madison Square Garden for Wrestlemania 20, the night Chris realized his greatest dream, and the emotion I felt seeing him finally win the World Heavyweight Championship. That was a highlight of my life as a wrestling fan. I don’t know that anything will ever top that night. It’s a memory I will always treasure.
It was the perfect storybook ending. Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, two smaller guys that had always been overlooked for title consideration in the past, standing in the middle of MSG hugging, both as World Champions in WWE. It didn’t get any bigger or better than that. Three years later, both men are gone. What a cruel twist of fate that is. Who could have ever imagined?
I wanted to talk about Benoit’s best matches, and most memorable feuds today. I wanted to talk about how much he meant to me, and how much I loved watching him work. I wanted to honor and remember his Hall of Fame career. But that became impossible when the news came out that he had murdered his family. How can you honor someone that did something so despicable?
An entire career that took more than 20 years of blood, sweat, and tears to build will forever be tarnished because of what happened this week. People will no longer look at Chris Benoit as one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time. They will look at Chris Benoit as a murderer. It will never be, “Oh yeah, remember that great match he had with Dean Malenko.” It will instead be, “Oh yeah, isn’t he the guy that murdered his wife and son, and then killed himself.” And in the end, that may be one of the many reasons Chris decided to take his own life. It was indeed a tragic end to a storied career. And it’s something I still can’t believe I’m writing about. I don’t think I will ever understand.
Chris Benoit was one of my heroes, he was someone that I looked up to for his work ethnic, and the way he carried himself. He was such a class act, the kind of guy you wanted to pattern yourself after. There are few wrestlers that I respected and admired more than him. But that illusion was shattered this week. It was shattered into a million pieces. I will never think of Chris Benoit the same way. And that makes me very sad, and hurts me down deep in my heart and soul.
Three lives were ended this week, a brilliant career was forever stained, a wife and mother lost her life, and a 7 year old boy will never get the chance to grow up, and experience all the best that life has to offer. His live brutally snuffed out by his very own father. There are no words in the English language or any other language to express how deeply sad I am about this, and how much I wish this never happened, and I had been watching Chris Benoit defend the ECW World Title for the first time last night, instead of writing the most heart wrenching, painful column I have ever written.
My deepest heartfelt condolences to the family and friends of the Benoit family, and anyone that was affected by this horrible tragedy. My profound sympathy to the victims in this, Nancy and Daniel Benoit. May you both rest in peace, and find your eternal reward.
Goodbye Chris. Thanks for the memories, and for all the classic wrestling matches. I may never be able to forgive you for your unspeakable actions, but I will certainly never forget you for what you brought to the wrestling business, and the joy you brought into my life. Unfortunately, that joy ended on Monday June 25, 2007. A date that will remain etched in mine, and every other wrestling fans memory forever. Things will never be the same again.
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Dan Wahlers
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