Ongoing main card UFC play-by-play

By Bryan Alvarez

Dave's Internet isn't working so I'm taking over.

Akiyama beat Belcher 29-28 with some weird scores up and down the board, including a 30-27 and one judge who gave Akiyama round one and two but not three.

Henderson vs. Bisping. Henderson super over, Bisping booed but not nearly as bad as at the weigh-ins. Hendo is taking him apart standing right now and the place is going nuts. Tons of "USA!" chants. Dan just stalking him. Bisping with a good kick and jab. Dan undeterred. Dam clinching against the fence, landing knees. Hideous takedown attempt by Bisping and people booed the hell out of him. Swinging for the fences as the round ended. 10-9 Dirty Dan.

More of the same in the second. Dan's nose is cut up. Lots of wild swinging here. Dan moving slower than he was in the first. Both guys hitting jabs here and there but no real power shots. And no sooner should I speak then Dan knocked him the f' OUT. That was scary and Bisping is down and not moving. Place went haywire. Medical team in the ring immediately. Bisping not moving. The first shot was the knockout and Dan landed a second HARD one on the ground after he was out. Bisping is up now. They're getting him out of the ring. He passed Quinton Jackson outside the cage and is asking "What happened?" Dan said the second shot was just to shut him up a little bit. He was asked about Anderson Silva and he said he was game for whatever and it was up to UFC.

GSP vs. Alves for 170-pound title. Showed Alves arriving earlier and he got zero reaction whatsoever, not even boos. Thiago, who barely looks like the same human that weighed in under his name yesterday, is pacing relentlessly. I'd say he's 190-195. Looks like they got rid of Holly Madison after round one. She's nowhere to be seen. She was so slow going around that they had to hold up the rounds to get her out of there. "GSP!" chants. GSP takes him down almost immediately. Alves tries to stand, taken back down. Big pop for that. Alves up, back down. GSP has his back, Thiago stands up. Great action. Crowd signing "OLE!" Clinch and Thiago avoids the takedown. Thiago lands some good shots and a leg kick but is quickly taken down. Thiago quickly back up. Clinching against the fence. 10-9 St. Pierre.

They did the breathing deal between rounds with GSP but no Vaseline this time. More "GSP!" chants. Thiago with some leg kicks. St. Pierre with leg kick, superman punch, takedown. Thiago flat on his back this time. He moves to half guard. GSP mounts but Thiago immediately back to guard. Thiago's face is bloody, looks like his mouth. St. Pierre looking to pass. Has gotten to half guard. Thiago back to guard. St. Pierre with hard shots. Thiago finally slips out, clinch against the fence. 20-18 St. Pierre.

Thiago pacing relentlessly again going into the third. Trading on the feet. St. Pierre tries a takedown and can't get it. Hard leg kick by Thiago. St. Pierre gets the takedown. Big pop every time. Doesn't do much down there and Thiago back up. Leg kick by Alves. Big exchange, no real damage from either guy. St. Pierre droped him with a shot and is trying to finish it on the ground, but Thiago survived and is back in the guard. More LOUD "GSP!" chants. There are sections where people are standing. 30-27 GSP.

LYOTO KARATE showed in the crowd and he gave a smile and thumbs up to big pop. Glove touch to start the fourth. Big takedown by GSP. GSP actively looking to pass and gets the mount. Thiago moves into half guard. Trying to stand up but GSP gets his back. In doing so he loses position and now he's in Thiago's guard. Actually got a pop. Thiago landing shots from the top. Thiago more active from the top than St. Pierre was in same position. St. Pierre is up. More "OLE!" Thiago tried a leg kick and got take down. St. Pierre more concerned about passing whereas Thiago was more content to just land blows. St. Pierre gets his back again and going for rear-naked choke. Can't get it and bell sounds. 40-36 St. Pierre. Thiago looks pissed going back to his corner.

Huge ovation going into the fifth. Slap hands to start the round. More "GSP!" Superman punch by St. Pierre. Thiago with a high kick, blocked. Jab and a takedown by St. Pierre. A few people marking out in the press area, which will get you chastised roundly by UFC officials. Thiago back up. The guy has lost every round but he is still going hard and won't quit. He should probably be going balls-out at this point since his only chance of victory is a finish, but he's not. St. Pierre with another takedown. This is like a Couture fight where the people don't care that it's not the best fight in the world as long as their guy is constantly taking the bad guy down. Thiago back up, Thiago back down, crowd pops. I wonder what the reaction would be if this involved someone other than St. Pierre. Thiago has a minute to finish this fight and he's laying on his back in half guard. Big pop with 40 seconds left in the fight. Everyone on their feet with ten seconds left. Thiago fighting to stand up but his broken back down at the bell. St. Pierre 50-45.

All 50-45 except for one judge who said 50-44.

GSP went over and shook hands with all of Thiago's cornermen afterwards. GSP said he thinks he tore his adductor ligament and he's in really bad pain. He looks fantastically uncomfortable. He did not want to be answering questions. Rogan asked what's next. He said Thiago was his toughest opponent so far and he didn't know what was next. He said the division was stacked so he'd sit down and talk to his manager and UFC. Rogan asked about Anderson Silva at 185. He said it was a question of timing. He said he walked around at 185 and wasn't that big for a welterweight. Said he was 185 tonight, maybe 184. Said he didn't fight to be champion since he was already champion, but before he thought about taking that fight he'd have to put on some weight.

They are doing main event next. Buffer just asked us to PLEASE NOT LEAVE because more fights (Jon Fitch vs. Paulo Thiago) would be taking place after the main event.

Brock out to enter Sandman. Mir got less of a reaction than I expected for ring intros and Brock got booed, but not overwhelmingly. Coming out to Enter Sandman. I'm looking over my shoulder waiting for Tim Flowers to hit me with a chair. I've never heard music played so loud at a UFC as I'm hearing it right now. Ring intros. Mir is in great shape and Brock is a monster. Not as monstrous as he's been, as he did almost no weightlifting when preparing for this fight (which is especially funny when you consider the vignette Mir did with the fake musclehead on the Countdown special). Brock looks very angry like he can't wait for this thing to begin and be over with. Buffer did not do the 360. Big ovation for Mir but not one of the biggest I've ever heard here. Buffer getting through the intros quickly to save time. Mixed reaction for Brock but mostly boos. HOLY SHIT, BUFFER DID THE FUCKING 360. And HERE WE GO.

Brock didn't rush in. Feeling out period. Brock took him down and Mir went straight for a kneebar. Didn't get it. Tried an armbar. Didn't get it. Brock is holding him down in Mir's half-guard. Crowd is booing. Brock is smothering him. Herb Dean is ref. If he stands Brock up here, Brock may kill him. But Lesnar needs to do something. He's now got a modified headlock and landed a few punches. Trying to trap an arm. Landing hard shots. Brock has now trapped an arm and is punching him in the face, but Mir slipped his arm out. Brock doing it again. This is like a schoolyard fight. Brock now punching the body from the same position. Mir's face already looking bad. Brock smothering him and grinding forearm into his face, just being mean. There are people booing. 10-9 Brock.

Mir's face looks like hell but he smiled at the camera. Round two. No glove touch. Brock caught a kick and took him down but let him out because he knew a guillotine was coming. They had a battle at the fence and Frank was doing OK but he got taken down again. Tons of boos as Brock started going to work. It's very clearly that Brock greatly respects his submissions because he is being ultra cautious. Crowd was chanting "STAND THEM UP!" And then moments later, as Brock was turning his face into hamburger meat, they started cheering, and then when Brock landed a giant series of punches and the ref stopped it they popped even bigger. Then they started booing like crazy, I guess realizing that he won the fight, and started booing like crazy, so he flipped them off. Rena Mero, who just gave birth, hit the ring and hugged her man. Definitely not a great fight, and there really isn't anything controversial to talk about.

Brock got in Mir's face afterwards. Rogan asked about it and he said Mir had a horseshoe up his ass, he'd been saying that for over a year, and he just took it out of the guy's ass and beat him over the head with it as promised. He was screaming at the fans to keep booing. He was so fucking great here. He said he was going home tonight and drinking a Coors Light. "A Coors Light," he said, "because Bud Light won't pay me!" Huge pop for that. Then he said, "And hell, I'm ready to get on top of my wife tonight. SEE Y'ALL LATER!" Place went nuts for that. This was one of Brock's greatest moments. Then they interviewed Mir and he was booed. He analyzed in detail, as he is wont to do, why he was eaten alive. It's bad news to let a guy that big grab your wrist, he said. Write that one down. They popped big when he was done.

All three judges gave round one to Lesnar 10-9.

Paulo Thiago vs. Jon Fitch. Nearly everyone is still here. They all listened to Buffer. Fitch took him down and Paul went for a guillotine. What an awesome end to the show that would be as we had three of the first four fights end the same way. It took him like a minute, but Fitch finally popped his head out. Fitch got behind him and laid in some punishment, but nothing too severe. He went for a kimura with seconds left but had nothing. Zero heat for this, by the way.

Fitch took him down again in the second. Paulo went for another guillotine. Feel like I already watched this round. I mean, virtually a repeat. Crowd was way more polite than I expected, but this is the hardest hardcore crowd they've perhaps ever drawn. Still only a few people trickling out. Fitch rode him like a horse for awhile. 20-18 Fitch. Fans are now leaving. They've seen enough.

Fight's over. Fitch takes the decision.

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