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TNA Impact TV report

9.17 TNA Impact
By Jeff Hamlin ( This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it )

The Big News: It’s the Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde and Sarita for the right to become the first TNA Knockouts tag team champions. Also, Matt Morgan continued his program with Kurt Angle in a show filled with wrestling focused on the PPV this weekend.

Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin were back as broadcasters and opened the show talking about being on MGTV, Machine Gun Television.

1. The Beautiful People defeated Tara and Christy Hemme in a Knockouts tag team tournament semifinal match in 4:21. Match consisted mainly of hair pulling spots by both teams. Tara brought back the jigglesault on Velvet Sky, followed by Christy Hemme doing the FFG on Sky. Angelina Love made the save. As Angelina Love fought on the floor with Tara, Madison Rayne came to ringside with hair spray and a paper bag acting like she was going to get revenge for the Beautiful People turning on her. But Rayne put hair spray into Hemme’s eyes, leading to Sky getting the pin with a cradle. Rayne then flipped the paper bag over, which read “I’m sorry,” and she hugged Love. She also hugged Sky, who still acted repulsed by her. So Rayne is back with the Beautiful People, which makes sense with Love out of the picture for the time being. *

Pope D’Angelo Dinero did an interview with Lauren running down Suicide, who he called “Suicid-eee.” Dinero’s gimmick is a jive talking street preacher as Dinero fits the role pretty well.

2. D’Angelo Dinero defeated Suicide in 3:39. Not much of a match. Suicide may have seemed like a good marketing idea a year ago, but Kaz would have been much better off without the gimmick. Suicide charged the ring and they brawled to the floor right away. Dinero did a STO. Suicide threw some chops, and Shelley on commentary said he was connecting with the giant oven mits. Suicide hit a rolling Samoan drop, but ran into Dinero’s knees coming off the top rope. Dinero then hit the DDE (D’Angelo Dinero Express, a running double knees to the back) for the pin. *1/2

The World Elite did an interview, where Kiyoshi took over for Lauren doing the interview. Kiyoshi then asked a question exclusively in Japanese and Eric Young acted like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Young, who comes off like a poor man’s Chris Jericho with every passing week, explained Homicide turning on Hernandez. Young faces

Rhino did an interview in the ring explaining why he turned on Jesse Neal. It was one of those annoying fake shoot interviews that could have only been written by Vince Russo. He said he never played politics, only to watch people move ahead of him. The only time TNA was interested in pushing him was when they wanted to exploit his alcohol problems. When he brought up Neal, they showed one guy in the crowd clapping, which was the only reaction he got. Rhino threatened to make Bobby Lashley bleed on Sunday. Then he started running down Dixie Carter asking why she ignored him after all these years, but gave Lashley extra attention. Interview was running on fumes at this point, but Brother Dvon came out. Dvon brought up Rhino going to ECW, and Team 3-D taking him under their wing. They did? Rhino joined ECW in 1999, roughly around the time the Dudley Boys left. Even when Rhino screwed up, 3-D didn’t turn their backs on him. Dvon offered to make amends to help TNA become the biggest company in the history of pro wrestling. Yeah, sure. Rhino turned on Dvon and unloaded with kicks before Brother Ray ran out and they had a pull-apart brawl.

3. Hernandez defeated Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir in a handicap match in 2:25. Hernandez did a beal out of the corner with his tank top on Kiyoshi, and a hip toss on both men at the same time. Hernandez then did a face first Samoan drop on Kiyoshi, but Sheik Abdul Bashir hit a missile dropkick on Hernandez. Bashir followed with a hangman’s neckbreaker for a two count. Kiyoshi missed a moonsault, and Hernandez cleaned house on both men, leading to getting the pin with a border toss on Kiyoshi. *3/4

Homicide came to ringside afterwards, and Young hit Hernandez from behind with a chair shot to the back. Homicide brought out Hernandez’s briefcase, put it on Hernandez’s throat and Young hit the briefcase with a chair. Mike Tenay was good in playing up the fact that Hernandez had neck surgery not long ago. Hernandez started coughing up bile while Homicide did his wild-eyed facials from his Ring of Honor days feuding with Samoa Joe in chasing away the refs. Effective angle.

ODB did an interview, where Lauren mentioned how much Cody Deaner winning the Knockouts title would ruin the credibility of the belt. Isn’t that what Russo’s booking always does? ODB said the Knockouts title was coming home this weekend.

4. Alyssa Flash defeated Cody Deaner in 1:24. Nothing more than comedy. I have no idea why anyone would want to see the PPV because of the famed ODB-Deaner showdown, but this did nothing for it. Chris Sabin mentioned that Alyssa Flash looked like the Bride of Frankenstein. Actually, with that hairdo, she looks a lot like Bull Nakano. Match consisted of all the lumberjacks beating up Deaner, then rolling him into the ring so Flash could pin him. Then the lumberjacks began fighting with each other. As Deaner walked back up the apron, ODB came out and laid him out with a flask shot while all of the other Knockouts watched on and cheered. DUD

Kevin Nash did a skit with Lauren backstage, and it was great stuff. So Nash has an open casting call for a valet for the “Big Sexy World Tour.” They didn’t even bother with an explanation of why Jenna Morasca is gone. One hot girl after another walked up to Nash with these exotic looking photos auditioning for the job. Lauren acted repulsed, but Nash started coming on to her. She drank some of his wine while he sweet talked her offering her a chance to jump to the head of the line in the search. Lauren looked like she was going to fall for it, but then the fat lady with her boob exposed (and edited out) walked up. Nash wasted no time in casting Lauren aside, put the fat girl on his lap and ended the segment with the line “Any man can be with a 10. But a true swordsman can fence with a girl like this. Stay wet me friends.” That was straight from the Dos Equis beer commercials. As if that wasn’t great enough, Lauren did her best work to date, acting repulsed at first, then shrugging it off and sipping more wine. The only complaint is this would have been better off on the second show of a PPV cycle instead of a go-home show, and it certainly shouldn’t have been the interview leading into a Mick Foley-Nash rematch, but it was funny.

Foley did an interview trying to build up the rematch, but any and all effect was ruined by Nash’s comedy in the preceding skit. It’s really a waste to have Foley wrestle in a match like this because he’s better off as a special attraction by this point.

5. Kevin Nash defeated Mick Foley via DQ to retain the Legends title in 4:21. Mike Tenay and Taz started talking about Nash’s motives on money, which led to gambling, something that Tenay claimed he knew nothing about. Of course, Tenay worked in a Las Vegas casino, where he found wrestling. No shortcuts, no weapons, and for two men as physically shot as these two, that meant no good. Foley brought out the sock, but Nash kicked him and the back of Foley’s head hit the rail. Nash started choking Foley with the sock. Nash remained on offense and the match dragged something awful before Abyss’ music hit. Abyuss came out with the barbed wire baseball bat and Nash bolted. Foley was not happy with Abyss costing him the match. Flat match with a bad finish. ½*

Team 3-D and Beer Money are teaming together in a match tonight to determine who will have an advantage in this weekend’s Lethal Lockdown match against Booker T, Scott Steiner and the British Invasion. It’s Roode and Ray teaming together this evening against Steiner and Brutus Magnus. Weren’t they teasing a split last week? Ray wanted to make sure Roode would have his back. Roode said “testify.”

Abyss was in the back upset that he cost Foley the match. Lauren tried to calm him down, but he was so upset he ran away.

6. Scott Steiner and Brutus Magnus defeated Brother Ray and Robert Roode in 5:02. Ray performed a uranage on Magnus before Steiner cut him off with a forearm to the back, followed by a Magnus vertical suplex. Steiner threw one lame clothesline on Ray. Steiner hit a t-bone suplex for a two count. Ray ducked a clothesline and caught a Bubba bomb leading to the hot tag to Roode. All four men wound up in the ring after Roode caught Magnus with a spinebuster. Roode hit the payoff (cradle suplex) but Rob Terry distracted the referee while Doug Williams ran in and gave Roode a belt shot with the IWGP tag team strap. Yes, they still hold those. Magnus pinned Roode, so the heels have the advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match, in the shock of shocks. **

There was a highlight package of a TNA house show meant to be a benefit for the Boys and Girls Club of Nashville, led by Tennessee Titans player Kyle Vandenbosch. Naturally as they showed off their human side, the action in the ring was Angle throwing a chair shot at Abyss.

Bobby Lashley did a training sequence inside his gym, where he said “I’m going to knock his ass out.” They didn’t bother bringing up that lame angle from last week where Rhino jumped him in the gym.

6. Sarita and Taylor Wilde defeated Raisha Saaed and Awesome Kong in 4:33 in a TNA Knockouts tag team semifinal match. Match lacked crispness. Awesome Kong and Raisha Saaed did a wheelbarrow drop onto Taylor Wilde. Saaed did a muso on Sarita. Kong did a choke sleeper as a rest hold, then sent her spinning to the mat. Wilde came in and did a huracanrana for a near fall before Kong broke it up. Kong kicked Sarita out of the ring, while Wilde pinned Saaed with a german suplex. The Beautiful People (presumably Rayne and Sky) face Sarita and Wilde for the tournament championship this Sunday. Wilde and Sarita did a promo afterwards. Sarita knows less Spanish than Hernandez. *1/4

Jeremy Borash did an interview with Kurt Angle, who said whether you love him or hate him, you can’t deny he gives it his all. Ain’t that the truth.

Sting and A.J. Styles responded that they respected each other, but they weren’t going to lay down for each other.

7. Matt Morgan defeated Samoa Joe by DQ in 3:53. Angle did commentary. Samoa Joe, who looks ridiculously lost in the shuffle with the new company mindset, jumped Matt Morgan before the bell. Morgan battled back with a running splash and sidewalk slam. After a running legdrop against the ropes, Morgan went for the hellavator, but Joe escaped and delivered a back suplex that Morgan no sold. Morgan got a chokeslam and teased the carbon footprint, but Joe got out of the ring. They brawled on the floor, where Joe threw Morgan into the table. Morgan collided with Angle, who started fighting with Morgan. Then Daniels ran out and it turned into a pull apart brawl. *3/4

The brawl continued after a commercial, ending with Angle kicking Morgan low and giving him an Olympic slam through the Machine Gun’s broadcast table.

SUMMARY: Just a show focused on building up the PPV, which after Saturday night will prove to be a difficult proposition. What should be interesting in the months ahead is to see how the departure of Jim Cornette affects the Morgan push, since he was clearly the top face on this show.

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