{Stevie J}

I'm going into this recap extremely biased given that I just watched Pride 33: The Second Coming and watching it was one the great feelings I had all time, all my life. It's hard to imagine that indie league fake pro wrestling, even better than average indie pro wrestling which has achieved the minor level of fame of being syndicated on the AmericaOne Network, could possibly top watching Nick Diaz defeat Takanori Gomi or Dan Henderson HUMBLE Wanderlei Silva. Nevertheless I shall endeavor to give this a shot and pray that unlike last week's episode, this one actually takes place in the year 2007.

"Blood will be spilled. Bones will be broken. Kneel to my strength." Sorry HWA, that was the show I just watched. Still your opening song kicks ass, please never make the mistake that WWE Raw did and change it to something wussified. Tim Tatum, the HWA Executive Assistant, opens on the mic. He says it was a judgment call that the TV title was awarded to JT Stahr, but says that a new points system will be made up of 12 contenders and that Gotti and Scottie Murray will wrestle on their online and the winner will face Stahr at Aggression. OH FUCK HERE WE GO AGAIN. JT Stahr hasn't been the television champion of HWA since losing to Gotti on November 7, 2006; who subsequently lost to Brian Jennings a short time later, who is not even the current champion - Jennings vacated the title and Ganger subsequently won the belt on a show I already recapped for this website. I really don't know who to blame at this point, HWA or AmericaOne, but whoever the fuck is responsible should get their act together. Incidentally is there a less charismatic man in HWA than Tim Tatum? He's what Jeremy Borash would be with no personality. As if things weren't bad enough Jaxon Breeze takes the mic and has to confront manager Patrick Black as he hits the ring wearing a neck brace. "It was a set up Jack! It was a mugging! A travesty of justice! I expect nothing more than immediate suspension of Joe Kopasz." Since this all stems from a match none of us saw that took place at Doomsday let's just fast forward and move on. Next Jaxon annonces that at Aggression there will be a 3-way between Cody Hawk, Brian Beech and Jon Moxley. Music plays and Brian Beech hits the ring to take the mic.

"You know I kinda like what you got the 3-way dance coming up this Friday, or this Saturday, I'm sorry I've got so much running through my mind. But you see Jaxon there's one thing that I forgot that I've been setting my mind on for so long, and that's to beat the hell out of Jon Moxley, but instead I've been worrying about the HWA title. Here's what I'm asking you, to give Cody Hawk the title shot this Saturday, here in the HWA arena, because you see Brian Beech has forgotten what I'm really here to do and that is DESTROY JON MOXLEY for what he's said to my wife and beating the hell out of my son and then embarassing my family. Well Moxley if you're man enough and the one you say you are BRING IT ON because Brian beech has been through it all." This brings out Jon Moxley to the ring. "I'm so touched, I don't think I've ever cried so much. But seriously, you can use your family as an excuse all you want, hell personally I'd call them a mistake. The real reason you want out this Saturday is you know you were never in. You realize now I'm better than you, I'm better than Cody Hawk, I'm the best HWA champion this company has ever seen, and now you're finally running scared. Your leg's tender, Cody Hawk is worse than both of us, and you're just a couple of old men who didn't know when to quit. Go home to your family, your dopey kid and your skanky wife, and tell her I left her money on the dresser." Security restrains Beech before he can attack Moxley. Jaxon gives Beech a street fight match with Moxley tonight. Commercial.

* Chad Collyer v. Tack

Sami Callihan joined the announce booth during the break and claims he's the best technical wrestler in HWA, better than either man in the ring. The two men circle and lock up, Tack takes the arm, Collyer rolls through and knocks him down. The two start again with a test of strength, Tack gets the better and stretches Collyer's arms behind his back, again Collyer rolls out. Collyer and Tack trade holds and Collyer goes for a quick pin, Tack gets into twisting the arm and wrist, Collyer escapes and we have yet another test of strength. Tack is pushed down to his knees but fights back up and pushes Collyer down with a top wristlock, and ends up behind Collyer before having to grab the ropes to get away, and Collyer gives him a kick to the leg for the hell of it. Tack with knees to the chest and another wristlock. *YAWN* These men trade holds of boredom repeatedly. Tack gets a one count and both men get back to their feet. Okay until they get done doing tests of strength and escapes I'm skipping ahead. *FF* Tack gets suplexed from the apron back into the ring, Chad stomps on the gut and as a running knee to the side, whips Tack off the ropes and nails him with a reverse elbow. Stomp on Tack's fingers. Tack gets up, Collyer knocks him right back down. Tack finally hits an enzuguiri and goes behind for a suplex, Collyer counters, and Callihan says he's going to leave the announce booth to show these men how it's done. Tack repeatedly tries to put Collyer in a submission hold a couple of times unsuccessfully. My how this match drags on. Collyer splashes Tack off the second rope for two. Tack tries to package Collyer for two and it fails. He gets distracted by Callihan, Collyer uses it to roll him up, and mercifully this is over. WINNER: TACK.

* Quinten Lee v. Jessi Hyde

This match is already underway as we return. Lee is screaming at Hyde and begging him to bring it on, Lee pounds him down with fists to the back, tries to run him into the turnbuckle but gets reversed for a knife edge chop, then thrown nose first into the opposite corner himself. Lee rolls out of the ring and Patrick Black and his female assistant come over to check on him. Hyde apologizes to Lee when he gets back in the ring, Lee asks for a handshake, tries to sucker Hyde in when it's offered so Hyde drop toe holds him nose first into the turnbuckle again. Lee finally goes for a sunset flip, but Hyde fights it off and pushes a hand right into Lee's face and nose. Lee sells it like death and then gets a dropkick and a facebuster for his trouble. Two count. Lee makes a comeback, hits a headbutt and a stomp to the groin, and slowly stalks Hyde before hitting shoulders and punches to the body in the corner. Hyde responds with punches and chops but gets a knee to the gut off the ropes and another two count for Lee. Patrick Black offers him some advice on the apron as a "Jes-se" chant breaks out. Lee with the double axe to the back and another two. Lee twists the arm behind the back and asks the ref for the submission. Hyde breaks it up with a hip toss instead. Now Hyde tries to go for a stretch but gets tossed out of the ring to the floor. Lee jumps out, slams his face into the apron, and argues with Pompano Joe for a second before starting to get back in.. and Joe pulls him off the apron because of something he said. Hyde baseball slides the stunned Lee and goes outside after him before throwing him back in and hitting a missile dropkick off the top that gets 2 and a half. Running knees by Hyde in the corner, Hyde plants him in the center of the ring, but it's still two. Lee avoids Hyde and wraps his arm around the head, pinning his shoulders to the mat. WINNER: QUINTEN LEE. And now, a word from our sponsors.

* AngryMarks.com - angry after watching shit like this.
* Derek Burgan's fine DVD reviews for F4W.
* And Rocketbusta Radio at TeamGameOnline.com.

We return to a promo in progress by the Irish Airborne, who claim that The Mavericks are afraid of losing their tag team straps. Surprise surprise, The Mavericks take exception and hit the ring. Finally Anal Wasylychyn takes the mic. "Frankly David, the reason we didn't bring the gold out tonight, is because we have the urge to smash it across both of your faces for what you did to us at Doomsday on Saturday. Seriously we didn't bring them out because this goes beyond the tag team championship. We're friends, so we want an explanation why you blindsided us from behind." David: "Sparks flew, tempers flared, and yes we've been under a lot of pressure and yes just maybe we shouldn't have hit you from behind. Then again you guys are the ones ducking us. For all I know you might be paying Foreign Intelligence to screw us over, so choke on that pal." Alan: "I ain't gonna be choking on anything Dave, and Jake. You want a tag title shot, we're happy to go to Jaxon Breeze and give you a title shot. If anybody in this company deserves it, it's the Irish Airborne."

Brock Guffman hits the ring. "Ladies ladies ladies. Back in the old days, I guess the old school, we used to do things differently. Since I've spent the last year and a half in the legal department of HWA I've learned a little thing about negotiating. Mavericks you are a hell of a tag team. I'd even say you were a gifted tag team. And if you didn't look like backup singers for Justin Timberlake maybe we could work something out. It just happens that I myself have acquired a tag team just this week. They are so proud of their heritage, and where they came from, but they have been misused and mistreated here in the HWA. The suspense is killing me, unless you have quarters in your pants the suspense is killing you, so I'll tell you let's bring out the first one right now." Out comes Ganger. Guffman: "Cut the music. That man right there has a destiny to hold a title in the HWA. No not that Ganger isn't great enough, but there are also two other people that I required. Oh and did I happen to mention they're Irish." Irish Airborne attack The Mavericks from behind and lay them out, and The Hippies make the save. Maybe if I hadn't see Airborne for the last 2-3 months of CURRENT television as dickhead heels with Guffman as their manager, this wouldn't have been so predictable. Even trying to look at it from an unjaded eye though, Guffman's promo was poorly delivered and a patently obvious set-up right from the beginning. Commercial.

* Jon Moxley v. Brian Beech (no DQ)

Like almost everything else in this mis-aligned episode, this match is "joined in progress." Brian Beech is whipping Jon Moxley with his a belt. Beech throws him over the top rope and hangs him in a choke. Beech follows him outside the ring into the crowd, throws chairs on him, throws him into the wall, and throws him back over the guardrail right back next to the announce booth. Beech grabs a trash can and whacks Moxley in the head with it, jumps on the apron, and does a running drop elbow to the concrete floor. Beech grabs a chair and whacks him in the back as the crowd anemically chants "Bri-an, Bri-an, Bri-an." Back in the ring and Beech hip tosses Moxley to the outside again, and then Beech jumps off the top rope all the way to Moxley on the floor, and the announcers put over again and again this is a bad idea for Beech with his gimpy leg. The two get up on the announce table and Moxley counters Beech and DDT's him. Moxley picks him up and throws him back in, the announcers feign being uncertain if they're still on the air, and Moxley goes for a cover and gets two. Moxley goes out and throws in a chair, puts Beech's bad left knee between it, but instead decides to wrap it around his neck. He goes second rope and jumps off to crush Beech's neck but Beech gets a foot up to block and then does a Rob Van Dam style facebuster with the chair for a two count. Beech pulls the chair to the center, nails him into it, and gets a two count. Aaron Darkstorm does a run-in, gets kicked out by Beech, Moxley hits a lot blow off the distraction and then hits Moxicity. Moxley wraps the belt around Beech's neck and chokes him out. WINNER: JON MOXLEY. Even if I hadn't just watched Pride 33, I swear to Cthulhu, that would have STILL been a boring and uninteresting episode of HWA. I'm gonna go watch Wanderlei Silva v. Dan Henderson again. G'night everybody~!

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