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That all took twenty minutes.

MICKIE JAMES & Candice Michelle Vs Melina & Victoria: Before the match, there is some pointless nudity. Pointless, because it is only Candice's back that is bare. Still, better than her face. This is a rematch from last week, where Candice managed to pin Victoria, so Vickie wants some revenge to start off the match. They try some wrestling and it is bad. Things pick up as MICKIE and Melina come to slap each other about. Candice makes a blind tag and spin-kicks Melina for the pin.
Winners: MICKIE JAMES & Candice (Time 2:38)

A special montage is shown of WWE wrestlers helping out Make-a-Wish kids.

Santino Marella Vs Chris Masters: (Intercontinental Title) This is Marella's first defence. Don't question why Masters gets the shot. He just does. Masters knocks Marella down early, but he shows his 'Italian fighting spirit' and comes back for more. Italians do have a strong fighting spirit, especially when it involves policemen at football games. Masters spears the ringpost, and Marella rolls him up from behind for the three count.
Winner: Santino Marella (3:15)

For the second week in a row, Mr Kennedy comes to Raw. He wants to remind us that he won't take his Money in the Bank title shot until WrestleMania. Backstage, Maria talks to Randy Orton. "My career, my title hopes - my life - gets back on track tonight". Read into that as you will. Or don't. Whatever.

Umaga Vs The Highlanders: This is to prove to Bobby Lashley how tough and scary Umaga is. It doesn't take long. Umaga thumbs both Scots, piles them up, and splashes tha pair of them.
Winner: Umaga (1:30)

Edge and Mr Kennedy have a snafu backstage. Edge tries to taunt Kennedy into defending his MitB guaranteed title match. He agrees. Numbnuts. Then he shouts his name. Really, really loud.

Shawn Michaels Vs The Great Khali: (No Disqualification, number one contender's match) I'm sick. My fingers don't want to type anymore. HBK tries his best, and the match is entertaining in its own way. Khali slams Michaels through the announce table and the ref deems him unable to continue. Pussy.
Winner: The Great Khali (6:01)

John Cena responds to having to face Khali at JudgEment Day. He makes a poo joke.

Cryme Tyme have a Mother's Day sale. Shenanigans occur involving: Viscera's steak; Eugene's medication; and Ron Simmons' car. Big Dick Johnson appears dressed as Spiderman, or 'Tubby Maguire'. Shad hits him with a bat, because he's Batman. I think I've taken too much cold medicine.

The Hardys Vs The World's Greatest Tag Team: Cade and Murdoch are at ringside doing commentary again. They're funny. Hardys win via Swanton. Post-match, C&M go in and offer their hands. The Hardys shake, and C&M leave.
Winners: The Hardys (3:36)

Carlito explains why he turned on Ric Flair last week. He's, like, angry and that. Then he dumps Torrie and says mean things about her in foreign.

Edge Vs Mr Kennedy: (For the Money in the Bank title shot) Edge attacks Kennedy as he makes his entrance. He beats him up round ringside and hits him with the commentator's monitor. Once in the ring, Kennedy agrees to start the match officially. Numbnuts. Edge spears him.
Winner: Edge (0:06)

Edge gets some more shots in, then leaves with his briefcase. Kennedy leaves with his torn triceps.

Randy Orton Vs John Cena: Ross and Lawler reiterate how important this match is for Orton as he tries to get his life back on track. After a few minutes of action, Khali appears and steals the title belt. Cena runs after him, but gets smacked in the face with said belt. And that's it.

Show's over.

My Thruppence: A somewhat abrupt finish there. Well, I'm gonna declare this a countout win for Orton.
Winner: Randy Orton (4:30)

Yay for Randy. He kinda won the match and he can quit being a twat and whining about it. And now I can go back to sleep. By bye everybody, bye bye.

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