THE BEST HEAT REPORT ON THE INTERWEB
(Commentators - Todd Grisham & Jack Whateca)

Trevor Murdoch Vs DH Smith: You know that move that Murdoch did when he realised that his desire to use the Canadian Destroyer would result in death? It's now called the Ace of Spades. Is Trevor a keen poker player? Does he love him some Motorhead? Does close up card magic rock his socks? Who knows, and frankly who cares? He can do it on a man as big as DH Smith, and it's the most interesting thing about this rather shitty match.
Winner: Trevor Murdoch (Time 8:15)

Hacksaw Jim Duggan Vs Wayne Cough Syrup: Lilian needs to enunciate her jober names better. Cough Syrup jumps Hacksaw before the bell, but loses quickly. Not quickly enough to stop my eyes from bleeding though. In fact, he hasn't lost yet, even though I've typed that he's lost. Oh look, he's lost.
Winner: Jim Duggan (2:49)

Charlie Haas Vs Super Crazy: This is soooooooo the best Heat Report on the Interweb. Super Crazy dominates the early portion of the match, leaving Haas frustrated. Charlie heads under the ring, puts on the mask, and has some success. Crazy rips off the mask, but acts like he's blown out his knee whilst being shot into the ropes. Haas puts the mask back on and goes after the knee. Crazy whips the mask off again, hits a monkey flip, but Haas avoids a missile dropkick, remasks, and locks on the Haas of Pain for the win by tapout.
Winner: Charlie Haas (10:37)

Let's see: Charlie Haas starts wearing the mask, but keeps losing, to prove how rubbish Lucha wrestling is. Thusly and therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only man he can beat is a Mexican. Logic in action.

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