“UFC 82 Live Results”

* Champ Anderson Silva vs. Dan Henderson (for middleweight title)

Henderson is over with the crowd. He’s a real star. Silva is getting booed before he even comes out. He’s accompanied by Nogueira. A very clear face-heel dynamic.

R1:

Silva looks like he’s already found his distance. He’s bouncing around which he usually does when he feels comfortable in there. Henderson with a takedown half-way into the round. He’s in side control. Loud chant for Dan. Not much happening other than the occasional hammer-fist from Dan. Good shoulder-shrugs by Dan but Silva gets back to guard. Crowd erupts as the round closes. 10-9, Henderson.

R2:

Silva comes out looking angry. Dan tries a takedown but Silva ends up on top. Back on their feet, Dan with double underhooks. Dan’s just smothering Silva against the fence. Silva has Dan hurt. He’s caught him in the clinch. On top, pounding down. Henderson had connected with a big right but it didn’t faze Silva at all. Silva has Dan’s back. He’s got the body triangle in. He’s just beating the hell out of Henderson. HE HAS THE CHOKE IN AND IT IS OVER! Henderson fought it for as long as he could but Silva is unbeatable.

OFFICIAL DECISION: Anderson Silva, R2, 4:52 tap out by rear naked choke.

* Heath Herring vs. Cheick Kongo

Herring is out and over. Kongo out. This man has some of the most natural arrogance I’ve ever seen. I cannot believe that Kongo is 15 lbs lighter than Herring – it just makes no sense. This man is huge.

R1:

HERRING HURTS KONGO WITH THE FIRST PUNCH THROWN! Kongo looks to have recovered quickly as he takes Herring down and begins pounding him. Kongo just pushes Herring over – Heath has really bad balance. Herring reverses on the ground. They stood up, Kongo took Herring down, got the mount, and begins punching. They’re up! Herring pulls mount. They’re scrambling. 10-9, Kongo despite the punch at the beginning by Herring.

R2:

Kongo is breathing heavy to start the round. Another takedown by Kongo followed by pounding. Clinch against the cage and these two are throwing heavy knees inside. I doubt it’ll translate well on TV. Kongo takedown, Herring scramble. Herring reverse, on top in north-south. Side control, Kongo is looking to escape. Herring is hitting one knee after another and the crowd is into it like this was PRIDE. These things look to be crushing Kongo’s midsection. I mean that literally, Kongo’s side is taking a battering. 10-9, Herring.

R3:

Kongo lands a big kick to start off the round, herring takes him down, Kongo reverses, Herring escapes, and we’re now 20 seconds in! They’re just going at it like two giant bulls, colliding against the cage with a force that makes you wonder if the thing is going to give way. Hering ALMOST came down with a knee to the head, but stopped himself. Crowd is booing, but I think it’s cause they want to see these two just stand and slug. More knees to the body from Herring. Herring mount with 20 seconds remaining. Kongo tries to get out, no luck, Herring ends the fight on top. 10-9, Herring. I’ve got it 29-28, Herring.

OFFICIAL DECISION: 29-28, 28-29, 29-28, Herring by split decision.

* Chris Leben vs. Alessio Sakara

Sakara out to… I’m not sure what it is but it is great, great, great! He looks in better shape at 185 than he did at light heavy. I cannot get over this man’s music – truly inspiring. I like to think he just walks around all day with this playing in the background. And here comes Leben to generic rap; buyz=none.

R1:

Sakara landed a nice right hand but Leben ate it like it was a tomato. Yes, a tomato. Leben is wildly swinging with no rhyme or reason. Well, there was a reason: cause he hits hard and when he lands, he hurts people. Sakara had been doing a nice job of countering off his back foot, but Leben caught him, dropped him, pounded him, and that was that. Leben just has the uncanny ability to touch your chin and turn out the lights. Also, Sakara’s chin sucks.

OFFICIAL DECISION: Chris Leben, ref stoppage, TKO, R1, 3:16.

* Yushin Okami vs. Evan Tanner

Yushin “THUNDER” Okami out to the Kill Bill theme song. They’re booing him. I noticed a few Japanese walking around town earlier today. I cannot fathom traveling all the way from Japan just to watch Okami fight. The man does have a cool confidence about him. Tanner out and people like him. They like him, they really like him.

R1:

Tanner lands a right down the pipe. Okami lands a huge combo and puts Tanner on his arse. Welcome back to the UFC, Evan. But, Tanner seems to have recovered and has Okami against the fence. More work in the clinch with neither man doing much. Okami working the plum clinch. Tanner lands a right. Okami with a left. They’re trading pot shots. 10-9, Okami.

R2:

Okami knocks Tanner off balance with a high kick. Okami snaps Tanner’s head back with a left. Okami knocks Tanner out with a big Anderson Silva-esque knee to the head. Most impressive performance of Okami’s UFC career. People just booed the heck out of Batista. Awesome. No interview time for Okami. At least they learned a lesson.

OFFICIAL DECISION: Yushin Okami, R2, 3:00 KO.

* Jon Fitch vs. Chris Wilson

Wilson is coming out to some kind of jungle music, complete with bongos and everything. It’s pretty great. He’s also booed. Fitch is coming out to country music. He got a decent reaction once he was inside the cage. He’s also sponsored by a videogame.

R1:

Fitch tried a takedown by Wilson stuffed it. Wilson is really landing with punches while stuffing Fitch’s takedowns. There we go, Fitch muscles him to the mat. Ref standup. Fitch gets another takedown but Wilson immediately threatens with an armbar. Fitch in no danger. Not much to the round, but probably Fitch, 10-9.

R2:

Fitch tried a takedown, Wilson stuffed, but in the scramble Fitch ended up on top. Fitch still on top after nothing happens. He passes to side control. Fitch threatened a head and arm triangle, but then went to mount, but Wilson gets to half-guard. And nothing continues to happen. Wilson tries to scramble, but to no avail. Fitch in side control. 10-9, Fitch.

R3:

3rd starts with both men missing strikes. Fitch with a Whizzer to get out of a Wilson takedown. Fitch lands a beautiful left hook, right straight combo. Wilson with a good kick to the body. Fitch lands a nice combo and misses a high kick. Crowd is booing badly as they’re both just missing punches. Fitch takedown with 2:00 to go. They’re up against the cage and Fitch is pounding away but I don’t get the impression Wilson is in any danger of being finished. Wilson tries a triangle, but Fitch has an arm in. I predict people will boo when this is over. They did. 10-9, Fitch. I have it 30-27, Fitch.

OFFICIAL DECISION: 30-27, 29-28, 30-27, Fitch.

PRELIMINARY CARD

* Andrei Arlovski vs. Jake O’Brien

Crowd is really up for this one before either man even comes to the cage. Heaven help us if O’Brien humps us to tears. Funny that O’Brien is from Indianapolis but he’s getting booed, he’s a big dude though. People REALLY love Arlovski and he’s the biggest star so far. I take back what I said about Cummo’s music: Arlovski is coming out to a groovy tune that features a tornado siren and animals growling. Please, Lord, let Andrei kill this man.

R1:

Takedown attempt by Jake, but Arlovski’s stuffing it. Another shot, another stuff. We’re 1:30 in and nothing has happened so far. Crowd is chanting, “Andrei, Andrei.” Arlovski looks like he’s working a guillotine but he’s mostly just stuffing the never ending shot. Shot, stuff, boo. Anyone with a wrestling background should now be banned from MMA. O’Brien finally gets the takedown. Huzzah. Jake lands an elbow. Andrei is clearly holding on, looking for a standup. This is the 4th straight round of man on man love and people aren’t happy. 10-9, O’Brien.

R2:

Shot, sprawl; guess who did what. Shot, sprawl. SHOT, SPRAWL, NO BUYZ! Arlovski lands a punch to the stomach. Shot, sprawl. Someone start a riot, please. Inside leg kick by Arlovski. Shot, sprawl, takedown. Advantage: O’Brien. Disadvantage: anyone that enjoys life. O’Brien stands up, looks at Andrei, so Arlovski makes his way to his feet and ends up in the clinch. This won’t be good. ARLOVSKI WITH A TAKEDOWN, HE’S IN MOUNT AND HE’S POUNDING! GOD LOVES ME! JESUS SAVES! IT’S OVER, PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!!!!!

OFFICIAL DECISION: Arlovski, R2, 4:17 referee stoppage.

Someone doesn’t get an interview. No contract, no interview. His corner even asked for one and was told no.

They showed a video with UFC stars encouraging people to vote. That was surreal.

* Luke Cummo vs. Luigi Fioravanti

I predict no one will slap Cummo’s hand. Luigi out to indifference. Cummo is coming out to kind of hip-hop version of Darth Vader’s theme song that is maybe the greatest thing of all time. He is dressed like a Ninja version of Zorro. Yup.

R1:

Cummo lands a front kick to the head. Stuffs Luigi’s takedown. Luigi gets a takedown and is in half-guard, but Luke gets to full. Luke has really small arms and as I type that is taken down again. Luigi with a big slam. Luke is being overwhelmed here. Luigi passes to side and is just pounding on Luke. Cummo simply isn’t doing a thing really. Another takedown punctuates the round. 10-9, Luigi.

R2:

Luigi with a takedown to start the 2nd. Luigi sees every armbar attempt Luke throws up and counters with elbows to the face. Cummo stuffs a takedown with a Whizzer but is then tripped down with Luigi landing in side control. Luigi inside Luke’s guard but not a ton of actioin. They stand up on their own. Luigi tries another takedown, Luke stuffs and is on top with :45 remaining. Aaaaand a Luigi takedown finishes this round as well. 10-9, Luigi.

This fight mostly sucks at this point. Ray Longo looks blimp-like.

R3:

Hey, look, Luigi tried a takedown to being the 3rd, who’d a thunk it? He lifts Luke up, it looks like it might be a giant slam, but nothing happens as he gently places him down. Nothing happens, ref standup. ANOTHER LUIGI TAKEDOWN! WOW, THIS IS SO GREAT! Both men, Luigi in particular since he’s the one so keen on the takedowns and Luke had cool theme music, need to be banished from MMA. LUIGI TAKES LUKE DOWN AGAIN! HEAVEN HELP ME, THIS ACTION IS OUT OF CONTROL! AND AGAIN! They must both pay for this crapfest. Luigi threw a left hook that missed. Surprise. LOOK, ANOTHER FREAKING TAKEDOWN! I’m really mad I don’t have internet access right now. I could be doing anything on earth besides watching this garbage. Luigi, 10-9. They’re not even giving Luigi interview time. Geek.

OFFICIAL DECISION: 30-27, 30-27, 30-27 Luigi.

* Dustin Hazelett vs. Josh Koscheck

Dustin out first. He’s local so it’ll be interesting to see his reaction. And the crowd likes him, so that’s that. He has a great shirt that says, “I am not Jon Fitch so stop asking.” Koscheck is out to a THUNDEROUS chorus of boos. This man is quite, quite unpopular. This man exudes charisma.

R1:

Dustin is taller and leaner. He caught Kos with a big high kick and they’re slugging it out like you wouldn’t believe. Kos just threw more punches in 10 seconds than he has in his career. Kos is landing a stiff jab. Right to the body by Kos is answered over top by Dustin. People really don’t like Kos at all. Dustin tries a guillotine and we’re in the koala position. Kos looks clam and backs away. Kos played possum off a left high kick. Kos lands a series of leg kicks. His standing up has improved a lot and he’s getting in their throwing hooks. Takedown by Kos but he lands in a triangle. It looked close but the round ended. Tough round to score, but I’ll go with Dustin, 10-9.

R2:

KOSCHECK BY KNOCK OUT OFF A HIGH KICK! No joke, he actually slipped throwing the thing, but it landed, he got up, pounced, and that was all she wrote for Dustin. They still hate Kos. Now they cheer him after a very humble promo. No buyz. Kos needs to be a 100% prick all the time.

OFFICIAL DECISION: Josh Koscheck by high kick, R2, 1:24.

They’re inducting Mark Coleman into the UFC Hall of Fame now. Crowd loves Mark. He’s coming to the ring with his daughters. Didn’t that Fedor fight teaching him anything? They showed a very nice video package. He’s breaking up a bit as Rogan interviews him.

* David Bielkheden vs. Diego Sanchez

David out first. I don’t think anyone knows who he is. Bustamante is in his corner. Diego out now and people are booing him pretty well. There are a smattering of cheers, but I’m definitely noticing more jeers than cheers. He also looks to have a new body, yet is still a touch smaller than David, so he may just be leaner than usual as opposed to… something else. Diego is bouncing around and looks very energetic.

R1:

Diego immediately shoots. He passes to half-guard. Diego is definitely working here, but 1:15 in, not too effectively. Now he’s landing some ground and pound. Passes to side control and throws a few elbows. David tries a sweep but Diego’s base is solid. Diego looking for a Kimura but uses it to transition to mount. He’s doing the GSP hump. David is doing a decent job at keeping the distance close, but as I type that Diego sits up and reigns down punches and elbows. He’s really pounding the crap out of David and the ref stops it. He still gets some boos. Diego looked impressive as Ishida couldn’t stop David.

OFFICIAL DECISION: Diego Sanchez, R1, 4:43, tap out due to ground and pound.

* Jorge Gurgel vs. John Halverson

Halverson out first. Slight boos as Gurgel is the hometown boy, more or less. Gurgel out to a good reaction. The arena is still filling up.

R1:

John hits a good right a minute in. Gurgel seems to be winging punches a bit more as John is a bit more composed. Crowd has started booing as there isn’t a ton of action here. Gugel is landing with low kicks. John seemed to rock Gurgel with a good left-right combo that backed Gurgel up. Over-under against the cage as John stuffs Gurgel’s shot. John pulls guard into a guillotine but Gurgel has an arm through and pops his head out. Gurgel on top with elbows and the crowd appreciates the action. Close round, maybe to Gurgel just because he did land a bit at the end while on top. 10-9, Gurgel.

R2:

Gurgel comes out with low kicks again. John catches one in the groin and the crowd boos. Darn him for having balls. John’s ok and the action resums. Gurgel with a high kick that’s blocked but the crowd liked it. John jumped to a guillotine again, the tried a triangle but Gurgel easily defended both. Gurgel is doing a good job of posturing while on top and pounding with elbows. Ref is close to stopping the pounding as John isn’t doing much defending despite Gurgel still not having passed the guard. Crowd is loving this. Pass to side by Gurgel with 1:45 remaining. Gurgel tries some sort of Kimura, headlock combo that doesn’t work, but he’s holding on for the armbar. He sits back and the crowd pops. John slips out as Gurgel falls back and ends up on top and start pounding. He lands some very good elbows but it’s clearly Gurgel’s round. 10-9, maybe 10-8.

R3:

John comes out swinging and lands a few good punches that backs Gurgel up. Gurgel has double underhooks. He tris a takedown, John sweeps, they get up, and John lands some right hooks from the clinch. Nothing happens, the ref separates them. They’re both tired and swinging, John lands a big punch, Gurgel answers with a high kick, right hand by John, and then John just collapses to the mat, dog tired. Gurgel pounding from inside the guard, not really making an effort to pass. One minute left and this fight’s Gurgel’s unless something happens. A standup. They’re both throwing leather again and the crowd loves it. 10-9, Gurgel.

I’ve got Gurgel winning, 29-28 (maybe 29-27, or 30-37. Even 30-26 is possible).

OFFICIAL DECISION: 29-28, 29-28, 30-27, unanimous decision, Gurgel. {plug}