The post-Wrestlemania SmackDown is live via pre-record from Miami, Florida with the promise of an appearance from Shawn Michaels.

“You think you know jvdfhgkudshvkidsnh” signals the arrival of former World champion Edge, accompanied by The Major Brothers, Teddy Long, Vickie Guerrero and former ECW champion (and future TNA champion) Chavo Guerrero. Edge proclaims that he feels naked and that losing to The Undertaker has let everyone down, especially Vickie, but that he will soon again be the champion. Chavo takes the microphone and also feels that he let the Guerrero family down, despite Kane being a cheater for not facing him man to man. He also promises to become ECW champion again. The crowd is pretty hot for all of this; sadly, hot is not the word for Vickie, who draws major heat as she announces that both men get their rematches at Backlash and that The Undertaker will face Kane tonight.

“The longest reigning United States champion in WWE history” MVP enters the ring to face arch-nemesis Matt Hardy. Coach makes some kind of “joke”, I presume, concerning MVP being the longest reigning champion. The same Coach who ruined the Undertaker/Edge match at Mania. I know that some hate these editorial comments but to quote James Storm, sorry about your damn luck; my review, my soapbox: Coach needs to go, in my opinion. Regardless, Hardy goes straight on the attack with clubbing blows and a spinning neckbreaker. The action spills to the outside where Hardy slams the champion into the barricade and rolls him back under the ropes. Loud “Hardy” chants echo around the building as Porter turns the tide and switches control into his favour with a choke against the ropes and a head shot into the announcers table on the outside. Back in the ring, MVP drops repeated elbows and a running boot straight to the side of the head, but misses a second rope jump of some kind and allows Hardy to go to work on the left knee with a chop block, toe hold across the ropes and even slamming the ankle of MVP against the steel ring post. Ignore what I said about a hot crowd at this point. Hardy attempts a submission victory with a modified half-crab but MVP is able to reverse momentum, only to walk into the Side Effect and second-rope elbow to the back of the head. Hardy sets up the Twist Of Fate but is blocked the first time, only to nail it on the second attempt to pick up the win. Feud finale? You’d think so, but we’ll see.

Zach Ryder is up next, one on one with Festus. A pre-match interview airs with the “Rated R-Entourage” promising a victory due to learning everything from Edge. The bell rings and Festus takes out both Hawkins and Ryder on the outside. Festus rolls his opponent into the ring and man-handles Zach in the corner, taking him down to the mat and headbutting random parts of Ryder’s body in his “unorthodox” style, quoted from Michael Cole. The action remains mostly one-sided until the very end with Ryder taking a face-first fireman’s carry-into-flapjack, allowing Festus to get the pin.

Shawn Michaels is WALKING BACKSTAGE.

And now he’s walking to the ring to address the crowd. Coach states that Shawn will no longer be The Heartbreak Kid, but the guy who retired Ric Flair. Can we get that as a new theme song? HBK recalls Monday night, where he stood face to face with his idol and got a hug which gave him closure. This brought him to SmackDown so that he could…

Before he can answer, Batista interrupts in serious mode with a lack of pyro, just a hole burning into the eyes of Shawn Michaels (well, eye. The other is keeping watch of the crowd by the looks). Big Dave is upset that Wrestlemania was the last time that he’d see Ric Flair in the ring again, which he takes personally. Shawn took that away from him, which HBK defends. Batista says that HBK made the wrong decision to beat Flair, but Michaels reiterates that he made the right decision, a decision that Dave would have made, surely? Dave disagrees, stating that he’d have put his ego aside for a friendship, something that Shawn and his ego couldn’t do because “Shawn Michaels doesn’t do jobs.” Batista tells Shawn that he should have laid down because now he will never be able to travel down the road with his mentor again. Dave asks if Michaels really sees Flair as a pathetic old dog, and then drops his mic and walks away to a confused chorus of boos. Tellingly, there was a solo “HBK” chant in the midst of it, consisting of no more than two voices.

In a dark, quiet section of the backstage area, ECW champion Kane stands side by side with his brother, World champion The Undertaker. The Phenom takes a last glance at his opponent for tonight and walks away.

Vladimir Kozlov makes what I presume is his SmackDown debut, to no music or titantron video, against former TNA star Matt Bentley (who incidentally is related to Shawn Michaels). Your typical squash ending with a fireman’s carry drop to the knees for the win. Is this the “I love WWE” guy who was on a bunch of Raw shows in the crowd but never did anything else?

The WWE tag team champions John Morrison and The Miz are in action next against Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore in a non-title match. Quick-paced opening with the babyfaces controlling Miz, but Morrison tags in and goes to work on Moore with the swinging neck breaker which ends the match just like that. I didn’t see that coming. Nor did I see The Great Khali, whose music decides to play as the match ends. Khali hits the ring and chops Morrison in the skull before gorilla pressing Yang to the outside. He’s taking that bump a lot, lately. Moore takes the Khali Bomb and Miz is thrown to the outside. Khali has a microphone and begins shouting into it, only for The Big Show to make his presence felt as he joins Khali in the ring. The two giants go face to face and Show takes the mic, telling Khali that he’s in his face. It’s weird to see Big Show looking up at someone. Khali decides he’s had enough and walks away, up to the top of the stage where he raises his arms and screams.

Finlay and Hornswoggle return next week.

Teddy Long is centre-ring with Johnny Fratto (JFSC.tv) and two other Fratto’s. Fratto is only entertaining on Howard Stern when Eric The Midget is putting out a hit on people. Long introduces Cherry and Michelle McCool to reveal the winner of the chopper. Three guesses who wins. It should have been Victoria, but I’ve have happily taken Cherry. But no, the talent less Taker-slaying bint Michelle won. She’s still not over, by the way. Luckily, Miss ‘Toria comes out to rain on the parade, pointing out that the contest was a joke as she tries to attack Michelle. Suddenly, Michelle is attacked by an unnamed blonde female who leaves McCool lying on the outside. I won’t reveal who it is, just in case some of you prefer to find out as it is revealed on TV. I’m sure that the spoiler can be found elsewhere on the site.

After a fantastic Wrestlemania recap video, the stage ignites into the entrance for ECW champion Kane to face his brother, World champion The Undertaker in a non-title match. The early-going sees a pretty simple wrestling approach with both men exchanging various wristlocks and mat holds. Eventually it breaks down into a punch exchange which spills to the outside with both men slamming the other into the fan barricades. Back inside the ring, both men tease a chokeslam but neither follow through and simply knock each other down with a double big boot. Both men do the sit-up spot at the same time in a real neat spot, but the Rated-R Entourage, Edge and Chavo invade the ring for the beat-down which goes nowhere as the brothers empty the ring of Hawkins and Ryder and double chokeslam and Tombstone their individual Backlash opponents in unison to end the show.

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