Show opens with Michael Cole and Jonathan Coachman. What a downer. They alert us that Shawn Michaels has MIXED EMOTIONS.

Edge comes out without that pretty thing around his waist. Follwed by his posse, I have no idea who these people are. And Teddy. Vickie is also with him. And Chavo. I guess Vickie is no longer ruining the Guerrero legacy or whatever their feud was over. Edge says he's ticked off. This is the kids show I guess. He feels naked. Ooh. He feels he's let himself down by losing to the Undertaker. He feels like he let the fans down. Most importantly, he let Vickie down. Soon he will be the heavyweight champion.

He gives the mic to chavo. Mattpat is not happy. Kane cheated. "Chavo sucks" chant. Chavo promises everyone he will soon be the ECW champion. Vickie speaks. They boo. She signs title rematches at Backlash. So she's smackdown GM and she can sign a title match for another brand? Hm. Tonight Undertaker vs Kane, for the 548968th time.

Opening was fine. It was good when Edge was talking, once he gave the mic to Chavo however it began to suck.

MVP comes out. NOW the show has some promise. Here comes Matt Hardy. Fresh off his loss to Orton! They begin with exhanging lots of strikes. Matt has the upper hand and he beats down on MVP. They both exchange having the MOUNT, until it goes outside. They go back in soon after. Matt beats up on him for a while. MVP gets the upper hand shortly, Matt Hardy chants. The commentary is noise pollution. Come back JBL. MVP does his Randy Orton impression with a chinlock. Hardy works on MVP's leg for a bit and he sells it like a champ. Cole alerts us that the ref is allowing a lot of LATTITUDE for this match. Side effect~. Followed by an elbow. MVP counters with a clothesline, which is incredibly impressive to Coach. MVP continues to sell the leg. Twist of fate~~~~~! for the 3 count. MVP was pretty great in this match. Matt was pretty boring though. Overall the match was fine, and it would have been so much better if the commentators weren't so absolutely terrible.

The two Edge guys are out now. They look the same. Are these guys the Naturals? Does anyone care? It's Festus. Cole alerts us that seeing Festus is a TREAT, well Cole, I'm not convinced. Festus goes crazy and both Edge guys go for him. He gets into the ring with one of them. Festus throws him around. Apparently Festus is "athletic and devastating". Well, this match is certainly devastating me. The match is finally over. It was pretty much a long squash, Ryder got barely any offence. Festus just beat him a lot and then pinned him.

Raw flashback for the Flair ceremony. Shawn Michaels addresses his Smackdown fans is next!

Talks about Mania and Raw. And the retirement ceremony. Says he got to look his childhood idol in the eye and hug him. Then out comes Batista, in a tank top and a sleveless leather jacket. What odd fashion sense. He SCOWLS at Shawn Michaels, in some great unintentional comedy. He's happy HBK found closure, but he said he hasn't. Mania was hard for him, we understand Dave, your match was pretty bad. He's taking it personal that Flair is retired. HBK took Flair away. Dave says HBK made the wrong decision. HBK disagrees. Dave wouldnt have let his EGO get in the way of his friendship. HBK had a job to do it and he did it. "Shawn Michaels, MR Showstopper doesnt do jobs". OH!

On to Hour 2!

Shawn says Batista would of done the same thing he did. Au contraire goes Dave. He just didn’t want to do the job to an old geezer. Big words, Dave. Big words.

Shawn says he sorry, but Batista doesn’t take no guff. He is a very angry man. After asking Shawn how he could compare Ric Flair, the greatest wrestler ever, to Old Yeller, he stomps off, but not after giving Shawn the look of death. He is booed going to the back. There was one dude who kept yelling “HBK! HBK!” as they showed a graphic for Undertaker vs. Kane later tonight as they go to commercial.

They come back with Kane and the Undertaker staring at each other. No words are spoken as Taker walks off. Poetic.

A sickle and hammer is on the fancy set as VLADIMIR KOSLOV walks down the ramp with no music. Which is strange because he had some made for one of the WWE music volumes. That musc was awesome. Sadly, he does not seem to be the happy go lucky Russian that loved Double Double E, but more like Ivan Drago. . He’s facing Matt Bentley, formerly Michael Shane, formerly Martyr, formerly of TNA. He kicked him a lot them pinned him with a torture rack backbreaker. This went just a little over a minute, so it wasn’t that bad.

John Morrison and Miz come out separately to face Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore. Coach talks about the Dirt Sheet, which is the second funniest thing on WWE.com besides Santino’s Casa, but Coach made it sound so boring, because that is was Coach does best. Yang and Moore work on Miz to start. Morrison tags in and starts getting the heat on Moore, and then just pins him in 10 seconds with his spinny neckbreaker. Right after the bell, the Great Khali comes out and kills Morrison and Miz for absolutely no reason. Then he kills Yang and Moore for no reason as well. Yang takes a press slam bump stomach first all the way to the floor. Jesus Christ that was not worth it. Kahli starts to cut a promo, possibly in English, and Big Show comes out. They stand toe to toe and Khali backs down. This buried four guys for no reason. But then, it never seems to hurt them that much.

Graphic for Finlay and Hornswaggle’s return to Smackdown next week. Hooray!

Teddy Long is out with some big guidos to announce the finals for the Diva contest. It’s the owners of the motorcycle company Beverly Hills Choppers. The contest is down to Cherry, who comes out to the greatest music of all time. Doo-Wop needs to make a comeback. Michelle McCool comes out looking very, very thin. The owner of BHC announces the winner of the Top Diva contest as…Michelle McCool! She gets a fancy motorcycle that is covered in rhinestones and has a little mirror so a girl can do her hair, in traffic. Victoria’s music hits. She calls Michelle McCool McDrool. This is comedy people. She calls the contest a work, which it was. Victoria calls herself the number one Diva, and then they start brawling. Then a MYSTERIOUS BLONDE WOMAN comes out, breaks that up, and starts beating on Michelle. Cherry looks on in horror as it fades to black.

An awesome Wrestlemania video package airs when they come back. Just an awesome, awesome night. Kane comes out with twenty minutes left. Then another commercial break.

The Undertaker comes out and Coach talks about how great it was to commentate on his match with Edge as Wrestlemania. I hate you Coach.

Kane and Taker lock up and do power stuff. Then they start working on body parts. This is very, very slow. But then, they’re old and tired. They worked really hard on Sunday. Cole made fun of Coach because he sucks. Then called him the best color analyst in the business. Kane and Taker start a punching standoff, which Undertaker wins, but Kane comes back with a boot. Coach then mentions his epic feud with Tajiri. Teased chokeslams, then double boots to the face for a ten count. They both do sit-ups at 7, then Edge, Chavo, Hawkins, and Ryder come in to deliver a beat down. Coach takes about the distinct numbers advantage they have, showing he understands the numbers game much better than Don West. Kane and Taker come back, take out Hawkins and Ryder, and then give Edge and Chavo chokeslams, then tombstones. Smackdown ends with Kane and Taker standing tall over their Wrestlemania opponents. {plug}