So here we go, another season of The Ultimate Fighter is starting. It seems like only a few months ago that Serra and Hughes were shouting at eachother over nothing in particular. Hmm, actually it was only a few months ago, I guess my perception of time is still in good shape. But enough of the doctors report, lets get to the heart of the matter. (ahem)

TUF7 - EPISODE 1: Dana Rickrolls; And Charisma Lessons

We kick off with a brief lil recap of previous seasons, showing the stars of the show. THEN WE CUT TO NAKED GABE RUEDIGER. As well as a few of the other dropouts like Scarola, that blonde guy, Marlon the street fighter that beat up said blonde guy and MONSTAH LOBSTAH. This montage needed more Noah Inhofer, and even though he didnt actually quit, more Jason Thacker. The message here was that this season we wouldnt have these pussies/quiters/fatties as they would have to fight their way into the house (not literally)

So some dudes showed up in the training centre and did a bit of a snooping around. THEN 16 MORE GUYS SHOWED UP. RICKROLLED. A collective WTF from everyone. So we had a few shots of 32 guys standing around, scratching their heads and such. Luckily at this point Dana showed up, with a clipboard, and gathered the fighters around. Dana then introduced the coaches, Forrest Griffin and Quinton Jackson. They were met with subdued applause. Both guys were charismatic, a shocker there. Dana then went on a mini rant againt the posers and pussies from previous seasons, and proclaimed almost as a mad scientist would “I FOUND THE FUCKING SOLUTION TO THAT PROBLEM” He said this as he beamed an evil grin. He then explained the whole having to fight your way onto the show. Rampage said he could smell them shit themselves, probably all the guys who have to cut a ton of weight. Getting a headstart on the process, yknow?

So everyone began training like madmen for the 2 days they had. I wonder where they slept at this point, I thought I saw sleeping bags in the cage, but that might have been guys doing some ground work. Time for the weigh ins!!!!!.....everyone made weight. Excellent. Hoorah and etc. Time for some fights me thinks, and the show thinks the same.

PRINCE MCLEAN vs MIKE DOLCE

Ok, no way is he really called PRINCE MCLEAN, hes like the burger kings healthy son. During the fights you can hear Rampage, Dana and Forrest! Good lord, this is amazingly awesome. This Dolce fellow is quite an animal, he spent most of the fight on top and then murderised the prince with a lethal right hand. In the words of Rampage, DAAAAMN. Well done Mike. Rampage is so charismatic, its a shame he isnt paired up with someone really boring, like Lance Storm. Rampage could make a joke, and Lance could just sit there. It would be a better dynamic. Then Prince had a bit of a cry, and was never seen again. :(

CALE YARBROUGH VS JOHN CLARKE

Forrest knows Cale, so he was pulling for him. This is his first fight too :E. John Clarke was called FATTY by Dana, cos he had to cut a ton of weight. Fight was pretty much on the ground the whole time, with a ton of reversals, but the kind of reversals that just seemed like it was from a lack of skill on both guys part. Eventually fatso gassed, and Cael pounded him out. Cale Yardbird progresses into the house, hes got a bed with his name on it, baby.

STEVE BYRNES VS AMIR SADOLLAH

Brynes already fought in UFC, probably the only guy on the show has. Or not, what do I look like, a recapper? The 3 man commentary team is so great. Take note Smackdown, though who would watch Smackdown? I wouldnt even read a recap of that shit. Brynes spent the first few minutes on top on the ground, but Amir reversed it and so made Brynes stand on his head or something. It was quite confusing. Dana called Forrest a flipflopper, a hell of an insult where I come from. ROUND ENDS, they were unsure who won, but leaned on Amir. Amir dominated early in round 2, Brynes seemed totally gassed at this point. They rolled around like circus clowns for a few more minutes, before Amir won with an armbar. He then proceeded to try and jump up on the cage, and he, well, failed. Maybe he really was a circus clown.

Now we are getting fight highlights (fighter names no longer in all caps) Im cool with that. Are you? Well, tough.

David Baggett vs CB Dollaway

CB came out and just destroyed the guy very quickly. That was it, poor David :(

Dante Rivera vs John Wood

Dante took the guy down, moved him over to his corner, and then did a weird kimura up against the cage, it was pretty cool. Rampage was impressed. That makes two of us.

Nick Klein vs David Mewborn

Mewborn? Come on now. He is another friend of Forrests, but lost quick to Nick by an arm triangle. I think. Nick was BEAMING anyway, very pleased with himself, and why not.

Paul Bradley vs Reggir Orr

ORR. Yes. Bradley took him down, and kept him down for the 2 rounds. Dana was losing his mind. He compared it to watching TURTLES FUCKING. I wonder who does his research, maybe he does his own.... :S

Back to the main card!

JEREMY MAY vs DAVE ROBERTS

Dave is friends with Rampage, so he did a bit of warming up with his bud. Jemery said he didnt care. Well, that was a pointless 25 seconds. Jeremy was right not to care, he dominated on the feet and when he finally did get taken down he was quickly submitted to an armbar. Rampage was very sad. Jermey was winding up Rampage a little bit after, but what can you do? You should always take the opportunity to kick a man while hes down. Words to live by.

Well, that was a helluva fun start. 8 more next week! Hooray! And we were promised that someone will be murdered. I saw an ambulance, and I heard crying. I can hardly wait. Can you? {plug}