WWE RAW
(Commentators - Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler)

After a recap of last week, the show opens proper with the Chairman of the Board, Mr McMahon. He gives his endorsement to King William Regal GM for his actions of last week. He calls them 'innovative, daring and visionary', meaning that's exactly how he sees himself. McMahon asks the crowd to show Regal the same respect they show him. In other words: "Pleeeease boo him, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease".

King Regal comes down, to a mediocre level of boos, but manages to draw as much negativity out of the crowd as possible. He threatens to turn out the lights on the show again if he's not respected. "Regal Sucks". Regal calls for the arena lights to be turned out, which they are. Our King carries on for a bit, until he is interrupted by Mr Kennedy. Kennedy wants a match with Regal tonight. Instead, Kennedy gets a match against the entire ECW roster, whoever they are. HHH comes out. He says stuff, then gets added to the main event, teaming with Kennedy against ECW.

Mickie James Vs Beth Phoenix: (Women's Championship Lumberjack Match) A veritable gaggle of Divas are gathered round the ring, but the four best buttocks are inside it. Basic action early, then The Bethemoth throws Mickie out on the evil Diva side where she takes a pasting and gets thrown back in for a two count. A spot of miscommunication before Mickie gets a neckbreaker, then a Jillian attempted trip leads to a Diva scrap and ad break. Beth dominates as we return, even avoiding a double leg nelson, but an errant Melina bootshot takes Beth down allowing Mickie to retain the title with a roll up.
Winner: Mickie James (Time 9:09)

Regal talks to Chris Jericho about Jericho's theory on Shawn Michaels's not-so-injured knee. Regal surmises that if Jericho is right, he has nothing to worry about for his and HBK's upcoming match against The Miz and John Morrison. Trevor Murdoch is hanging around backstage singing, when Trish Stratus appears. She's lost for words. Ron Simmons isn't. What a waste of Trish.

Todd Grisham's guest at this time is Randy Orton. He thinks he would have won his title rematch against HHH last week, but grudgingly respects William Regal's decisions as king of WWE. Orton reckons the Age of Orton will resume at Judgement Day.

Paul & Katie Lea Burchill Vs John Cutler: William Regal halts the match before it starts, and brings out MIGHTY MIKE ADAMLE to take over from Jim Ross. He has some poorly scripted lines to make him sound like an idiot. Inside the ring it's pretty basic, although there's a nice double footstomp off the top from Katie as Paul has Cutler in a surfboard stretch. The Kerb Stomp gets the win, with once again Katie Lea taking the three.
Winners: The Burchills (3:30)

Mike Adamle leaves.

Jericho has a word with HBK. Michaels still protests hurtage, but promises to do his best. He jolly well better had do.

The Miz & John Morrison Vs Shawn Michaels & Chris Jericho: Michaels selling of the allegedly fake fake injury just looks so fake. Jericho starts off with The Miz, getting the better of him with a delayed vertical suplex and dropkick. Morrison is tagged in, but Jericho stays in control until Miz interferes allowing Morrison to hit a springboard kick. Jericho is beat on for a few minutes, nearly making his own comeback but being cut off. Without being tagged in, HBK hits the Superkick on Morrison. Jericho follows up with the Lionsault for the pin.
Winners: Jericho & Michaels (4:12)

Randy Orton Vs CM Punk: Punk throws a few kicks early, looking like a gay spider. Orton avoids a dive: Punk lands on the apron but Orton grabs a leg and dumps him on the floor. That's a bump I wouldn't take. Along with all other bumps. Orton gets to stomping, but misses a knee drop and gets kicked again. Punk comes back with a running knee in the corner and Bulldog out of it for two, then Regal comes out and turns off the lights. I always thought Punk needed more time in dark matches. "This match is officially over".
Winner: The Darkness (4:10)

Grisham catches up with Orton again, who is now officially pissed at Regal's actions. He's going looking for some answers.

Carlito's Cabana - Rowdy Roddy Piper: Carlito shows footage of Santino asking Roddy Piper to do the Truffle Shuffle last week and getting a slap for his troubles. Carlito accuses Piper of taking it too far, Piper says he's spent his whole life taking it too far. Piper brags off about beating Mr T, Hogan, and Cancer. Carlito and Piper nearly come to blows, when Santino comes down. Santino mentions it took Piper eight years to become IC champ, whereas he did it in his first night in the company. Piper tells Santino to get a designated driver, a comment which most of the audience seem to get. Cody Rhodes comes onto the stage to tell C&S to back away from Piper. They don't want to, so Rhodes brings out his good buddies Cryme Tyme to run them away. Shad says it's all about "Rowdy, Rowdy, yeah yeah", young Cody joins in, and Piper has a seizure. He might be dancing.

JBL Vs DH Smith: JBL cuts a promo getting into his limo, then as it drives into the arena. It's kind of creepy. He has a Mama Juana logo on his jacket. "A teaspoon of JBL spunk in every can". JBL calls Smith 'The last of the Hart Foundation', and tells him that his dad can't help him. Smith puts on his best angry teddy bear face and gets squashed.
Winner: JBL (0:59)

Regal gives the ECW guys a pep talk. Well, he implies that bad things may happen if they don't win.

The ECW Roster Vs Mr Kennedy & HHH: From ECW, only Kane gets his own entrance. There are apparently 14 members of the ECW roster. Elijah Burke starts off against Kennedy. HHH tags in and beats down Matt Striker. It's just weird. And not very good. It's the main event of Raw and Mike Knox is in the ring. There is no discernable action to speak of. Kofi Kingston accidentally dives into Shelton Benjamin after a blind tag, so Benjamin chucks him out of the ring. Boy, I'll be sure to tune into ECW to see what happens between those two.

HHH gets in his obligatory 'beat everyone up' spot. Kane chokeslams Kennedy and tries to chokeslam Chavo off the top but Bam Neely gets involved. Chavo hits a frogsplash on Kennedy for the pin.
Winners: ECW (5:44)

A big squabble occurs, with, once again, HHH beating everyone up. He must be pissed that his 100% record in handicap matches has been broken. At least you didn't take the fall, eh Trips? The lights go out, and when they come back on Randy Orton gives HHH the RKO. Nice ending to a shitty, shitty main event.

I bet that rating for the 100th ECW show will go through the roof.

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