WWE RAW
(Commentators - Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler)

The lights are out, coming on to reveal Lord King William Regal GM in the ring with Lilian Garcia's chin, which proceeds to sing God Save the Queen. The crowd is all over it, leaving Regal horrified at the lack of respect. He decides to make an example out of two completely random young people in the crowd and throws them out. He's stealing material from Michael Barrymore. Mickie James runs down complaining that they are her brother, Rickie James, and his girlfriend Vickie, but Regal is unrepentant. He threatens to strip Mickie of her title if she doesn't leave. Protector of all things beautiful, John Cena makes his entrance. Mickie leaves anyway.

Cena reads some emails from fans. The first one asks why we should respect Regal when he doesn't respect us? Isn't that all Regal himself is asking for? After a couple more messages, Regal agrees not to turn out the lights during any more matches. He also makes Cena Vs Randy Orton for tonight's main event. Cena suspects shenanigans, wondering when JBL would make himself apparent, but Regal declares that if anyone not directly involved in the match interferes, they will be suspended. Not directly involved. Cena makes Lilian sing 'Respect'. It's quite unpleasant.

Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes Vs Santino Marella & Carlito: (World Tag Team Championship) Before the match, Rowdy Roddy Piper makes his way down to ringside, apparently invited down to watch by Santino himself. As the match starts, it becomes apparent that nobody in the crowd cares about it. I guess Bob Holly sucks more than Santino rules. Cody Rhodes steadily gets better every week, but really it's a very ordinary match. Piper distracts an in control Santino, who is subsequently pinned from a Rhodes DDT.
Winners: Rhodes & Holly (Time 3:03)

Mr Kennedy Vs Snitsky: Kennedy reverses a pump handle slam into the Mic Check for the three.
Winner: Kennedy (3:26)

Todd Grisham is standing by with Santino, who is very upset by the antics of Roddy the Piper. It's not the eighties anymore: Hogan's not champ, Reagan's not president, "and Michael J Fox is not going back in time to become a werewolf". Santino threatens to find Piper and hurt him worse than a coconut to the head, and his change of delivery style proves that when the time comes for him to be a serious heel, he'll be able to pull it off. Apart from the whole 'wrestling' side of things obviously, but who cares about that?

Mickie James thanks John Cena for helping her out earlier. Thanks for what? He didn't actually get Rickie and Vickie back into the arena. Despite this, Mickie asks him out for drinks with the three of them after the show. After h-i-lariously pretending he didn't want to lose his focus with such a big match coming up on sunday, Cena accepts the offer: but warns Mickie that a night out with him can sometimes turn wild. "I can do wild" says Mickie in a moment that I may watch several times over.

Mickie James & Maria Vs Beth Phoenix & Melina: Maria starts off with Melina, thankfully leaving very quickly. Beth saves Melina from a cover, but then is bumped off the apron accidentally by her partner. The Bethemoth leaves the match and Mickie pins Melina with a neckbreaker.
Winners: Mickie & Maria (1:26)

Chris Jericho comes down to the ring and shows us all the footage from Backlash with Michaels and his crazy knee. In a text vote, 72% believe Shawn Michaels was telling the truth about his injury, but Jericho initially disagreed with that. Now though, thanks largely to Michaels's contribution in their tag match last week, Jericho has had a change of heart and wants to apologise to Shawn for doubting him. Jericho gives Michaels the offer of calling off their match at Judgement Day, which is when HBK decides to come hobbling out. Despite the hobblage, Michaels comes clean and admits that he was faking the injury. Jericho doesn't buy it, thinking that HBK's trying some mind games. Michaels eventually convinces Jericho by superkicking him in the face and bounding out of the ring.

Lilian Garcia introduces Jeff Hardy, giving him a welcome back. Hardy gets the typical big response, even from this shitty crowd. Hardy gives a little speech, saying he made a mistake and he paid for it, but now that he is back he has some things to do, like become Interco... The mic cuts out and out comes William Regal, who tells Hardy that he should be punished for his sins, ergo...

Jeff Hardy Vs Umaga: Hardy hits a low dropkick through the ropes and a pescado before the bell rings, but then gets his own bell rung (HA!) on the outside. The match starts officially with Umaga in control and he hits a headbutt off the turnbuckle. Hardy avoids a butt charge in the corner, and a Whisper in the Wind is just enough for the three count.
Winner: Jeff Hardy (1:22)

Cryme Tyme Vs Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch: Murdoch gets a quick pin on JTG, but the real action happens after the decision. Lance gets a mic and suggests to Trev' that he sings a victory song. Murdoch seems excited to be asked, moreso than the crowd, and gives us a warble, but his joy ends quickly as Cade punches him in the face.
Winners: Cade & Murdoch (2:24)

Beth Phoenix and Melina have a brawl backstage. A brawl that consists of Beth throwing Melina about. Me likey.

Randy Orton Vs John Cena: Orton has new music. It's going to take some getting used to. First impression: shit. Much crowd positivity for Cena as the match gets underway. A good fast-paced start to the match, even with Orton trying to put on his beloved headlock. Orton takes control and slows things down, and we get duelling "Let's Go..." chants. Cena blocks Orton's stomps, and dumps him to the floor to take us to a break.

It's headlock city as we return, but the pace picks up again as Cena shoves Orton off a RKO attempt and hits his blockbuster. Cena goes up top and scores with a guillotine leg drop causing Orton to roll to the outside. Regal and JBL appear on the ramp, with JBL announcing himself as the new ref for the match. I guess you could say, he is now directly involved in the match. Cena decks the new ref and hoists Orton up for an FU, but JBL gives him a big boot and the fastest three count you ever did see.
Winner: Randy Orton (9:25)

Cena takes JBL down after the bell, but gets a two-on-one beatdown. HHH comes out to even the odds. What's it got to do with him? Cena and JBL brawl away through the crowd as Orton somehow has got in control of HHH in the ring. A cage lowers down over the ring: Orton tries to take advantage but HHH hits a spinebuster and throws Orton into the cage. It's not fixed properly so Orton ends up on the outside, where he looks up upon a mighty HUNTOR.

Decent show, with a good main event that would have been better without HHH sticking his nose in.

{plug}