Now that I've gotten some sleep, here's my non-text message version of Raw/Smackdown in St. Louis:

Dark Match:

Jimmy Wang Yang def. Go Shiozaki w/ Tony Atlas. Jimmy Wang Yang came out first. Next was Tony Atlas to cut a promo saying he had looked all over the world for the next big star and found Go Shiozaki. I don't Tony Atlas did anything during the match but stand ringside and watch Shiozaki lose.

Raw:

Killer Kowalski go the standard black screen graphic to note his passing.

Orton came out to cut a promo running down all the current Raw champs. The tag champs, Santino, and Beth were all skewered. He then focused on CM Punk for a moment before Punk came out to retort. Punk promised Orton that they'd have a match as soon as Orton was ready. Orton leaves and JBL comes down ot he ring in his gear. JBL starts cutting a promo about the scramble match at the PPV. Kane's pyro hits and out he comes. Kane promises that Rey Mysterio will NOT be at the PPV. This promps Big Dave to make his way to the ring to take out everyone and leave without saying a word.

The screen advertises a battle royale tonight with all scramble guys.

John Cena's music hit and the place erupted. It was Charlie Haas in his new 'stealing gimmicks' gimmick. He lost to Kofi Kingston after attempting most of Cena's spots in the match.

Simply Priceless promo backstage with Orton. They are upset that Orton ran them down in his promo. Orton slaps the piss out of Rhodes saying that they are worthless as long as Cryme Tyme still has their belts. Cut to Adamle and Long discussing the ECW scramble battle royale on Raw later tonight before Kane comes in. Kane is mad that Adamle keeps advertising Rey in the PPV when Kane says Rey will never return. Adamle says that he advertised Rey to get the word to Rey that Admle wants him back. He hopes Rey will be at the PPV and maybe even Rey will make his way to Raw tonight.

Next is the battle royale with all the members of the ECW championship scramble at the PPV. Mark Henry wins since none of the guys can lift him to throw him out of the ring.

Jericho and Cade are shown backstage looking over the contract for the Unforgiven 'Unsanctioned' match with Jericho's lawyer.

Jamie Noble w Layla def Regal which appeared to shock the Hell out of Layla.

Katie Lea and Jilian came out to the ring for what is announced as a 6 diva tag team match. Jilian begins to sing but Mickie James' entrance cuts her off mid-song. Next out is Kelly Kelly. The 4 awkwardly stare at each other until beth Phoenix makes her way out to cut a promo on Orton saying that she's the greatest Women's Champion of all time. Candice Michelle makes her return with her God-awful remix song. The match isn't too incredibly terrible until Candice gets the hot tag. She then manages to botch just about every move including the pinning roll-up.

Santino comes out to cut a promo saying how upset he is at Orton for calling him a joke of an Intercontinental Champion. He then says that the Honky Tonk Man was the greatest Intercontinental Champion with a record 62 straight wins and shows a graphic on the screen called the "HONK A METER." It shows a little Honky with a 62 next to his name and a little Santino with a 2. Santino says he's successfully defended the title twice and plans to keep winning until he beats Honky's record.

Out comes D-Lo Brown to job to Santino in a pretty quick match.

Michaels backstage with lawyer to check contract himself.

Morrison and Miz against Cryme Tyme. Simply Priceless run out before the bell to attack Cryme Tyme and take back the stolen Tag Team Titles. Miz and Morrison leave and there's no match. Simply Priceless pass Orton in halls backstage and show him the belts they recovered.

Batista is backstage with the generic interview lady to promise a win tonight even without Rey at his side in the match.

Raw scramble battle royale begins with Orton at ringside but no Rey. Batista and JBL are out quick. Kane wrestles Punk for several minutes before eventually getting the win. Rey makes his return after the bell to attack Kane and play to the crowd.

Michaels and Jericho contract signing. Lawler and Adamle are in the ring to watch over things. Security is at ringside to stop any violence tonight as Mike Adamle has decreed that if they fight tonight, the match is off. Jericho and Michaels dismiss security and Lawler and Adamle once the contract is signed. Jericho talks about Michaels being responsible for Flair's retirement and Jericho's attack on Shawn's wife. Michaels promises no remorse at the PPV. Cade runs in to sneak attack Michaels but Michaels destroys him.

Smackdown

HHH cuts scramble promo. Shelton comes out on the stage to say that he'll win because he's the gold standard, etc. MVP out next to say he'll win because he's most valuable, etc. MVP and Shelton argue at ringside until HHH interrupts to point out that this is the 'go home' show before the PPV. HHH is supposed to come out and talk which is known as a 'promo.' Then they are supposed to come out and interrupt him and then they have a match which he wins before beating them at the PPV, after which they go backstage and aren't seen again until Wrestlemania. He's not sure why they don't know this since they do it every time. While he's talking, The Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel run through the crowd to sneak attack HHH. Everyone piles on until Jeff Hardy runs out for the save. HHH eventually grabs a chair and clears out all the heels. Once it goes to commercial and everyone leaves, HHH holds up his title and says he's dedicating it to "The Killer."

R-Truth appears in the crowd to rap what I guess is his new entrance theme 'What's Up' before Chavo's music hits. He and Bam Neely enter and Neely is announced as R-Truth's opponent. R-Truth does all sorts of twisty, flippy things eventually pinning Neely.

The Undertaker comes out to cut promo on Vickie. He says he's going to put her in a coffin at the PPV. Then he's going to set it on fire. Then he's going to send her to HADES so that she can be with her husband EDDDD…GE. And then he leaves.

Shelton def MVP in a pretty slow, grounded match.

Maryse and Maria clash backstage and no one cared. Maryse says all of her clothes come from Paris and Maria's look like crap. Maria says she makes all of her own clothes because she's good enough, or something. Anyway, they have a match NEXT!

Maryse def Maria. SILENCE. I'm pretty sure a couple people yelled out that Maria is hot but it was dead otherwise.

The Brian Kendrick def Jeff Hardy after Ezekiel attacked Hardy outside the ring.

Ryan Braddock beat quickly by SuperCrazy. Then Koslov came out and attacked SuperCrazy and demanded some real competition which attracks the Big Show. Big Show gets on the mic and goes off about how Vickie keeps overlooking him, but he is up for a fight. The two start to square off but Vickie comes out and demands that they leave. They go and she gets massive boos. She gets in the ring and starts to cut a promo. The boos were so loud that I couldn't make out a word she said during her entire 8 minute promo except 'apologize' and 'won't.' Beyond that, it was the loudest booing I've ever heard and there's no way TV can do it justice.

Victoria made her way to the ring and a video package showed Brie Bella crawling under the ring last week and coming back out with full energy. Bella came out and towards the end of the match, pulled the same swap gimmick with her twin to win again. Funny note, after Vickie left they lowered the lights and showed a promo video for WWE's Tribute to the Troops (which seemed pretty random). As it played, a procession of about 12 security/ring crew guys walked out from stage left, circled the ring, and left again in the darkness. This must've been when Brie's twin got under the ring since they did absolutely nothing else but walk around the ring once.

HHH is backstage with the interview lady. She asks about the PPV scramble match and his lumberjack match with Khali and wraps up her question by asking what his greatest concern is. He replies: "Well, I think my greatest concern is global warming and then maybe the economy in general." He then begins to talk about the matches when Jeff Hardy walks in. HHH starts making jokes about Jeff having 2 strikes already and one more fuck-up will force him to leave the WWE. HHH leaves but pops back in to make a fake phone call noise, talk into his hand like it's a phone and say that's it is Dr. Black calling for Jeff.

All the scramble guys came ringside to be lumberjacks. Khali and HHH came out and had a terrible match, as expected. HHH got tossed out and the heels attacked, but Hardy stood by and let him get beat up. Later, HHH went for a pin and the heels pulled him out to beat on him. Hardy ran into the ring to plancha everyone on the outside and make the save. HHH got back in the ring and managed to get a terrible pedigree on Khali for the win. Hardy made his way in to hit the Twist of Fate on HHH and leave. HHH then got on the mic while still lying on the mat and said he understood Hardy and even though Hardy took all the "wacky pills", Hunter would've waited to sneak attack after the match too. HHH got to his feet and added that Hardy was a coward just like Shelton Benjamin. Shelton hit the ring and got a pedigree. "Anyone else?" he asked? MVP ran to the ring and got a pedigree. HHH then called out to The Brian Kendrick who teased going to the ring, but then headed backstage again. HHH called him a coward and Kendrick ran to the ring to get a pedigree. HHH called out to Ezekiel, asking him if he wanted some too. Ezekiel took off his shirt and HHH said: "You look a lot bigger without that shirt on. But that's OK. C'mon down to the ring anyway." Ezekiel started to, but then changed his mind and went backstage. Shelton started to get to his feel and got another pedigree. Then HHH finally left. {plug}