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| Scott Foy reviews Cyborg Soldier starring Rich Franklin |
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CYBORG SOLDIER By Scott Foy (www.foywonder.com) Don't expect to be able to gauge the thespian skills of ultimate fighter Rich Franklin from watching his first acting gig, Cyborg Soldier. Emotionless monotone is his only manner of speak and his facial expressions range from blank slate to mild confusion. Since that's all that is required of the character he's playing anyway it's nearly impossible to discern whether or not Franklin is doing exactly what is asked of him or if he's such a lifeless actor that you can't even tell when he's playing an impassive stiff. Either way, he makes for a very dull leading man. Everyone knows you don't have to be a good actor to be a successful action star. However, I am fairly certain that being a successful action star requires actually getting to show off your action chops and, shockingly, Cyborg Soldier is fairly anemic in the action department. Franklin gets to throw a few kicks and punches, there's a wee bit of gunplay, and a car goes over a cliff at one point; that's about it. The few and far between action never barely rises above the level of action you'd see in your average repeat of Walker, Texas Ranger. Rich Franklin is Isaac. Sorry, I meant I.S.A.A.C., as in Intuitive Synthetic Autonomous Assault Commando. Technically speaking, he's not really a cyborg like the film's title implies. He's a former death row convict whose memory was blanked out, his brain reprogrammed for superior survival instincts, his molecular structure intensified with nanotech robots that regenerate any physical injuries he suffers - essentially a Universal Soldier. Cyborg Soldier obviously owes quite a bit to Universal Soldier. In fact, if you've ever seen any movie about a military super soldier or cyborg that decides it doesn't want to kill anymore and goes AWOL, on the lam with the assistance of an attractive female, with government agents in hot pursuit then you have absolutely no reason whatsoever to bother with Cyborg Soldier because I can assure you that film was better than this one. After them is I.S.A.A.C.'s egotistical creator, Dr. Hart (Bruce Greenwood, a very good actor trying in vain to make something out of a thankless role). You'd think if he were so brilliant he'd know that capturing the virtually indestructible super soldier programmed only for survival he created would require more than a half-dozen armed goons in an A-Team van. Those hired mercenaries aren't terribly good at their job either. The lead henchman is a numbskull who attempts to fight I.S.A.A.C. with a survival knife even after we've just seen another of his bunch unload a full machine gun clip into I.S.A.A.C. at point blank range and not even so much as budge him. I.S.A.A.C. quickly crosses paths with Deputy Sheriff Lindsey; she's played by Tiffani Thiessen (formerly of Saved by the Bell and Beverly Hills 90210), here looking rather frumpy and often coming across as a woman suffering from a bad case of menstrual cramps. The bad guys frame her for the murder of another cop, she ends up on the run with I.S.A.A.C., and they set out to uncover I.S.A.A.C.'s past while engaging in numerous empty conversations about the nature of being human. You'd think he was Jeff Bridges in Starman he knows so little about the human condition. Here's a sample conversation between the two that starts when Lindsey gets grossed out watching him pick bullets out of his torso with a knife: Lindsey: "Ah, Jesus." I.S.A.A.C.: "Who is Jesus? You speak of him a lot yet he does not answer. Is he dead too?" Lindsey: "Sometimes I wonder." And that's one of their deeper exchanges. Something is seriously awry when trying to remember who you were when you were a multiple murderer awaiting execution is supposed to be the catalyst for regaining your lost humanity. Even more so when it's revealed that the people he supposedly killed were his wife and children. In the wake of Chris Benoit that just doesn't fly. So to summarize, a mixed martial artist who barely gets to show off any of his fighting skills and an attractive actress known mostly for her sex appeal who has been dressed down so as to downplay her sex appeal starring in an unexciting sci-fi action movie boasting a plot hopelessly derivative of countless other similar films that skimps on both the sci-fi and the action and is so flat that if doesn't even entertain in a bad movie sort of way... If Rich Franklin ever had a UFC fight that was as dull and short on action as Cyborg Soldier the restless live crowd would boo it out of the arena. Epic fail. {plug}
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