By Crimson Mask

Lyle Beerbohm (161.5) vs. Rafaello Oliveira (160.5), 160

Beerbohm half a pound over the 1 pound fudge factor but Oliveira didn't care. Lyle is 'Fancy Pants' and Rafaello is 'Tractor'. These nics... I dunno. Both undefeated. Oh Beerbohm is the guy whose Mom makes his trunks. Tonight's are... colorful. Saw him before on Strikeforce or Icon or someplace. 7-0, 2 KOs, 4 subs. Only been training a year and a half. Oliveira is a BJJ black belt, 5-0, 4 KOs, 1 sub. Beerbohm has the height but Oliveira has the reach.

Oliveria flashing kicks and shoots, gets it. Has back. Pounding away. N/S. Side control, standing and striking. Gets back again. Beerbohm reverses but Oliveira going for Triangle and elbows from the bottom. Beerbohm out of the Triangle. Oliveira goes for Kimura. Beerbohm gets Guillotine but Oliveria gets control again and is pounding from the back, Beerbohm cut. They're up, Oliveria still has back, knees the head. Beerbohm breaks out, charges, gets the Firemans Carry. Oliveria gets arm bar. Escape. Rolling. Beerbohm has N/S. They're up against the fence. Clinch. Trading knees, Beerbohm wants the double and gets it into Guard. Beerbohm drops an elbow and opens a bad cut. Oliveira goes for arm bar. Beerbohm spins out and drops more shots. Beerbohm gets control with a front chancery. Bell. Close round. Could go either way. 10-10 by me but if I have to pick, Beerbohm for the comeback.

The cut is really bad. Think it's over. Yup. Terrific fight. Beerbohm gets the TKO and calls out the winner of Diaz-Alvarez. Not so fast, there, buddy.

Aleksander Shlemenko (184.5) vs. Bubba McDaniel (183.5), 185

Bubba choked out Kahlua Panty Hose (okay, that isn't really his name, his name is... is... IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HIS NAME IS) in a few seconds on the last Icon card by coming back with the RNC from the other side after Hose broke it the first time, which was a big upset because Hose was just off HIS upset win over Phony Baroni. Very slick, 12-4, 2 KO, 10 subs, very tall, big height and reach edge. Shlemenko from Siberia, 6 fight streak, 29-5, 19 KOs, 5 subs. Think this is his US debut.

Ref's instructions, Shlemenko obviously doesn't understand English. Bubba southpaw. Clinch and Bubba shoots. Shlemenko holds the cage and gets warned. Shlemenko tries Kimura but Bubba puts him on his back and drops body shots. Shlemenko still going for the Kimura. Half guard. Shlemenko rolls for the sub but Bubba escapes and gets back standing. Shlemenko still going for Kimura. Mauro says he better be careful of the Soo-play and invokes Solie. Now into clinch. Bubba gets the single again. Shlemenko fights his way up. Bubba singles him again into side mount. Knees the body. Shlemenko trying to walk the fence. Nada. Bubba gets N/S to side to back. Bubba raining shots and pulls him back and now has mount and G&Ps. Shlemenko gives up his back again. Bubba pulls back and pulls for the RNC. Shlemenko gets to his knees but Bubba pulls him back again. Shlemenko reverses and makes it up to his feet, misses a spin backfist. Bubba's round big but wait---Shlemenko drops Bubba at the bell. McDaniel is hurt bad. Moaning. The fight is over. What the hell happened? Was it a groin shot? No. It was a flying knee under the heart. Bubba was throwing a left hook at the same time and actually landed it but the knee broke something. Boy is Shlemenko getting heel heat. Another real good fight.

Robbie Lawler interviewed in the cage about his upcoming title defense vs. Joey Villasenor. Robbie KOed him a couple years ago in a few seconds with a Flying Knee but says 'that was then, this is now' and he's expecting a tough fight.

Anthony Lapsley (170.5) vs. Mike Stumpf (172.5), 170

Stumpf a pound and a half over but Lapsley doesn't care. Anthony 'The Recipe' Lapsley??? Stumpf wrestling background, second generation. Also has boxing experience. 10-1, 3 KO, 6 subs, only 22. Lapsley similar background, 28, new KotC champion (won the fight with an arm bar variation he learned 10 minutes before the fight), 3 inches in reach, 13-3, 2 KO, 10 subs. Same height. These guys sound more like JJ guys from their records.

Lapley southpaw, charges with a 2-1, clinch, Lampsley getting the knee to the head. Stumpf back with his own. Lapsley tries a hiplock but Stumpf gets top into guard. Stumpf stands and tries to drop a shot, they're up, Lapsley knees. partially lands a high kick, Stumpf gets a legsweep but Lapsley gets top into side. Gets back. Stumpf gets half guard. Lapsley postures up and drops a couple hard shots. Srumpf pulls him in. Lapsley stands and drops a hard 1-2. Elbows the jaw. Half guard. Drops hammerfists. Stumpf gets guard and elbows from the bottom. Lapsley drops shots and Stumpf tries a triangle. Lapsley stands out, drops shots, and gets the side choke, but from the wrong side for where he is, Stumpf escapes. Lapsley stands, Stumpf misses an upkick. Lapsley dropping bombs. Back into guard. Stumpf heels the kidney at the bell. Lapsley 10-8 IMO. Ton of action.

Lapsley lands a jab, then a straight left. Clinch. Lapsley knees the body. Lapsley powers him down but Stumpf scrambles to back and Lapsley escapes and stands. Drops an ax kick. Gets mount but stands out. Drops a huge Superman and misses. Up and Lapsley gets the single. Stumpf tries Kimura but too close to the fence. Into guard. Lapsley forearms the face. Stumpf goes the legs high for a second but back to guard. Pace has slowed. Lapsley drops elbows. Stumpf comes back with one from the bottom. Ref standup. Stumpf short with a kick, Lapsley lands a straight left. Lapsley gets a TD but Stumpf goes for Kimura and rolls to mount. Lapsley keeping him pulled close. Stumpf goes for the Arm Triangle. Lapsley out the back door and gets top into guard. Lapsley 10-9.

Stumpf misses a hook and Lapsley counters with a left cross and a high kick. Clinch. Lapsley knees the head and lands a long left. Clinch. Lapsley gets the Whizzer, into guard. Pace slows. Lapsley drops hooks body and head. Ref standup. No, it's a TO. For what? Same position. Lapsley just grinding it out from the top. Dropping the occasional shot. Ref standup. Stumpf tries a flying knee and Lapsley catches him and powers him back down into guard. Picking his shots. Crowd getting restive. Stumpf going for Traingle but Lapsley has him stacked up on the fence. Lapsley knees the body and it's back to guard. Ref standup. Stumpf wild with a couple shots and sort of gets a TD at the bell. Lapsley 10-9.

Strange fight. All action for a round and a half and sorta boring for a round and a half. Lapsley should take it 30-27 or 26. 29-29 draw?!!? 30-27 x 2 Lapsley. What the HELL fight was the first guy watching?

Mamed Khalidov (200.5) vs. Jason Guida (204.5), 205

Jason is Clay's brother, last seen suffering an embarrassing loss on the Adrenaline PPV then being the first washout from the current season of TUF without even fighting becfause he couldn't make weight. Makes it this time but still looks a little fat. Clay in the corner. Slapping him before he gets in the cage. 17-17, 3 KO, 10 subs. Khalidov making his US debut, from Russia, lives and trains in Poland, where he says they just train MMA, don't break it down and train the separate aspects. Usually fights at 185. Has scored 2 KOs with roundhouse kicks from the ground. Has the height and reach.

Both righty. Guida lands a left hook and rushes and powers Khalidov down. Up and Khalidov goes for drop rolling kneebar. Guida gets out, scramble. Khalidov goes for heel hook. Khalidov in Guida's guard. Scramble and now Guida in Khalidov's guard. Khalidov goes for arm bar and Guida pulls out, Guida standing and holding the legs. Khalidov flashes the ground roundhouse kick and nearly connects. Guida drops in, Khalidov elbows from the bottom, one opens a cut. Guida stands but drops back into guard again. Khalidov lands a short elbow. Guida stands and Khalidov lands an upkick. Guida drops down and Khalidov transitions to N/S and drops an elbow, warned for back of the head. Up and clinch. Trade knees, Guida gets TD but Khalidov landing elbows from the bottom. Guida stands and tries to drop into side but Khalidov kicks his leg out and gets half guard. Close round. I say Khalidov 10-9. He really isn't a 205er. Should be fighting at 185.

Khalidov short with a low kick and counters Guida's with a right lead. Guida sweeps the legs but Khalidov right up and lands a back spin heel kick. Khalidov mixing shots up and down. Guida looks a little gassed. 1-2 Khalidov. Spin backfist. Guida misses a hook and clinches. Khalidov breaks and is picking him apart. Khalidov gets the TD into guard. Drops a 2-2-1. Guida trying elbows but missing. Khalidov stands but drops back down. Khalidov backs off and they're up and clinch. Khalidov getting through Guida's guard with every shot, Guida shoots, Khalidov sprawls, lands a hard upper to the face with Guida on his knees. Another warning for the down elbow, Guida tries a TD and Khalidov knocks his mouthpiece out. Long break while they look for it. Ref about to have a cow. Guida looks done. There it is. Was Guida sitting on it? Boy this is a long rest. What the hell is going on? Guida won't put the mouthpiece in. Ref threatens DQ. Oh it was the wrong mouthpiece? Now they got the right one. This is bullshit. Khalidov was about to KO him. Low kick Khalidov. Right lead, Guida misses a jab. 1-2 Khalidov. Might have hurt his hand. Hard left hook to the body. High kick. Raining shots and it's over. Guida pushes the ref. What a fucking bum he is. Khalidov should get TWO wins in the record book for this. Very impressive. Versatile, unorthodox, effective AND entertaining. Says he broke his thumb in the 1st.

Dave 'Pee Wee' Herman (243) vs. Kerry Schall (261), 265

Here's the main. Herman is the tall, rangy, agile undefeated fighter with the quirky sense of humor on promos who took out Ron Waterman last time out (and then announced he was contemplating changing his nic to 'Blueberry Muffin'). Was reading in the back before. 11-0, 8 KOs, 3 subs, 10 first round stoppages, trains by himself at home. Only 24, has 2 inches in height and reach .Schall has been around so long he fought Fedor in RINGS, in first, looking sorta heavy, 22-10, 2 KO, 17 subs. 37 years old.

Both righty. Herman with a couple side kicks. Front kick. Front kick. Low kick. Front kick. Clinch and Herman knees the body. Big overhand right Schall rocks Herman and Schall charges. Oh bad idea. He got Herman serious now. Thai Plum and Herman drops him with a series of knees to the body and drops a series of hammerfists for the TKO. On replay one of the knees went low.

On second replay maybe TWO of the knees went low. Quadros asks Herman if he's been working on his Muay Thai. 'Not really.' Where did you get that stuff? 'I have no idea, seemed like a good idea at the time.' Was the knee low? 'Mine or his?' Yours. 'I don't know, I didn't see it.' This kid is from some other dimension but he's gonna make a lotta money and beat a lotta people. I think if Elite had a brain HE'S the one they should be pushing at heavyweight.

Some weird shit but an entertaining card. The two Russians very impressive. {plug}