WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Report 11/7/08
Taped 11/4/08 in Orlando, Florida.

By Ryan Mulligan
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Sign of the night, "I voted for Festus."

Last weekend on "SmackDown," Chavo Guerrero was unsuccessful in his
attempt to cause The Undertaker's brains to explode in mind-bending
terror, Festus nearly bear-pawed a magician, and MVP did the job. This
week on "SmackDown," Vladimir Kozlov attempts to push-kick his way
into a WWE Championship match against HHH at "Survivor Series," while
simultaneously battling mortality, as he goes one-on-one with The Dead
Man, Victoria and Natalya get TWINNED~!, and MVP does the job.

Right off the bat we've got big things poppin' and little things
stoppin', as it's time for another captivating installment of "The VIP
Lounge." MVP says he knows he's been on a bit of a losing streak
lately, but assures us that he'll soon get that one elusive win that
will reward him with a generous payday. A small portion of the crowd
responds to this by chanting, "MVP!" Perhaps a sympathy-fueled face
turn? MVP gets rudely cut off by The Great Khali and Runjin "Epic
Sideburns" Singh at this point, and they decide to bring the "haha" by
informing us that it's time for another installment of "The Khali Kiss
Cam." Seriously? THAT'S what you chose to open the show with? MVP
decides he doesn't want to be involved, although he does stick around
outside the ring to slightly improve the segment with looks of genuine
disgust. Overly long story short: two overweight women from the crowd
are picked, and Khali kisses them. MVP sneaks back into the ring and
"attacks" Khali by punching him in the back a few times, before
bailing. Soon after, he barges into Vickie's office, and she responds
to his bravado by booking him in a match against Khali TONIGHT! This
was one of those segments that make you not want to watch the rest of
the show.

U.S. Heavyweight Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. R. Truth
Truth=over. He opens with a belly-to-back suplex, in effect letting
Shelton know up front "What's Up." However, he hits the ropes and
winds up getting gutbustered. Shelton follows with a ribbreaker, but
fails on a Stinger Splash-attempt and gets clotheslined down. Truth
picks things up with more clotheslines and the introduction of his
foot to Shelton's face. Shelton stops selling after a cover and goes
for a powerbomb, but, much like Kidman, you can't powerbomb Truth, and
so he slips out and connects with the corkscrew flying forearm, which
scores him two. Shelton gets the heck out of the ring to avoid the
scissor kick, but Truth follows him out with a tope con hilo. He
connects with a missile dropkick for two. Shelton winds up on the
apron and drops Truth harshly onto the top rope with a gourdbuster of
sorts. He then quickly scoots back in and hits the Pay Dirt out of
nowhere to pick up the victory. I like the idea of building someone up
with a long string of victories, but having him come up short in his
first (second if you count ppv pre-show matches) crack at a title. The
natural expectation from the fans would've been a title switch, but
the retaining by Shelton makes not only Shelton come off strong, but
adds intensity to the feud, as this was one of the rare times Truth's
been defeated. The match itself had some flow-issues, with the
advantage randomly shifting at points without smooth transitions, but
was generally good.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin

Backstage, THE Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel Jackson run into Jimmy Wang
Yang, and THE Brian Kendrick goes all biblical on our asses in his
threatening of Yang, quoting from both Ezekiel 25:17 and "Pulp
Fiction." THE Brian Kendrick is trying real hard to be the shepherd.
Unfortunately, this segment was not followed up on later by having
Ezekiel accidentally shoot someone in the face.

Ezekiel Jackson (with THE Brian Kendrick) vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
Yang, ring general, begins by dropkicking the knees of Big Zek. Yang
hits the ropes and gets obliterated with the shoulder-tackle of the
year, which he makes even better by selling like he's Marty Jannetty
taking a clothesline. Ezekiel connects with a corner clothesline and a
biel, before finishing Yang off with the one armed-ura nage. THE Brian
Kendrick responds to the victory by dancing and hitting Yang with THE
Kendrick. The lesson learned here is that THE Brian Kendrick couldn't
defeat Yang, but Ezekiel easily could, which means it's only a matter
of time before Zek strikes out on his own.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson

Eve Torres runs into Divas Champion Michelle McCool backstage and asks
her advice about getting started as a wrestler. Michelle responds with
a hilariously clichéd lecture about her having to want it. She then
gets all catty by saying that Maria, her opponent next week, is a good
example of someone who's good at posing for Playboy, but not much
else. Furthermore, she seems to be missing something upstairs! Maria
sidles in at this point, and Michelle quickly regresses back into her
friendly, babyface self. I'm still not sure whether Michelle is
turning, or whether they're just trying to build intrigue for this one
match and/or program, but I don't see how Michelle can be so confident
when Maria has Festus on her side.

This week's "RAW Rebound" focuses on the burial of Big Dave at the
hands of Chris Jericho in the steel cage match for the World
Championship. I don't think I've ever seen someone look like more of a
geek than Batista standing on the top turnbuckle with his bloody head.
Huge embarrassing failure of a title reign.

Jeff Hardy is in Vickie's office begging her for one more chance at
Triple H's title. Vickie responds by saying that Hardy doesn't have
what it takes and even goes as far as to insinuate that Hardy's not
even extreme anymore! She tells him to get ready for his upcoming tag
team match, because that's what he does best! Um, way to bury the tag
team division. Hardy gets all amped up over this and says that tonight
he's going to blow her mind!

WWE Champion Triple H and Jeff Hardy vs. John Morrison and The Miz
JR informs us at the beginning of the match that, "The Cerebral
Assassin has a valedictorian in toughness," which leads me to guess
that JR wasn't the valedictorian at his high school. HHH EXPLODES out
of the corner with a clothesline on Morrison, followed by a suplex and
a tag to Hardy. Hardy goes for a wildly premature Twist of Fate, and
Morrison heads for the hills. Hardy baseball slides both heels down
through the ropes and then connects with a running variation of the
Swanton over the top rope to the floor. Awesome.

After a break, Hardy is in control of The Mizard of Oz. Morrison grabs
Hardy's legs on the apron, however, and Miz is able to shoulderblock
him to the floor. Jeff Hardy is YOUR Charismatic Enigma-in-peril. The
heels hit the slingshot elbow over the knees for two. I love when
crowds pop for kick-outs. Miz cuts off Hardy's momentum with a
variation of Double J's Stroke, followed by a double gutbuster on the
Rainbow-Haired Warrior. Hardy finally fights back with a mule kick and
hooking clothesline on Morrison. HHH is waiting for the hot tag, but
Hardy REFUSES TO TAG OUT! He tells The Game, "I don't need you!" Miz
tags in, but misses his hanging clothesline in the corner. Hardy
knocks Morrison off the apron and hits the descending dropkick on Miz.
The Whisper in the Wind gets two. A sit-out gourdbuster follows. He
ascends for the Swanton, but Morrison crotches him on the top
turnbuckle. Triple H is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.
He enters the ring and mows down both heels. At this point, Hardy
re-enters the ring with a chair and damn near kills Miz and Morrison
with chairshots, drawing the disqualification. The crowd seemed
confused, but sure did pop when the steel connected with the heels'
heads. Triple H, none too pleased with this turn of events, vents his
frustrations by laying out Miz with a Pedigree. Hardy and HHH stare
each other down to end the segment. Good match/better angle. I hope
this is the start of Hardy being crazy reckless and building momentum
for months leading to "WrestleMania" and a WWE title match. That way,
they can keep him out of the main event picture for a while, while
adding even more intrigue to his character.
Winners: The Miz and John Morrison

Eve is with Kozlov, who cuts a promo in Russian and then translates it
into English, which gets more awesome every time he does it. He says
something about looking forward to breaking Taker's body and soul
tonight and that he'll then go on to decimate HHH at "Survivor
Series." They should do training videos for that match like the
Rock/Brock ones. Instead of lifting weights, Kozlov could just go
around push-kicking people, culminating with him push-kicking the head
of a line of jobbers, which proceeds to topple like dominoes. I should
be booking this show.

Hardy busts into Vickie's office and demands to know if that was
extreme enough for her. Vickie says that she and Kozlov have a deal,
and so he's SOL. She says "close, but no cigar," which has been the
story of his career! She's gonna wonder why she gets Swantoned, too.

WELL, IT'S THE BIG SHOW! Show speculates that Taker derives his powers
from fear. Actually, I'm pretty sure druids are involved. He notes
that he's beaten Taker twice and so isn't afraid of him at all. He
says that Taker's made of flesh and blood. Don't forget electricity.
He challenges Taker to a Casket Match at "Survivor Series." Why did
Show sell fear over the casket last week, then? I thought they'd be
going the "Buried Alive" route based on Show using that phrase last
week, but perhaps they're saving that for the blow-off.

MVP vs. The Great Khali (with Runjin Singh)
MVP's got his tunnel back this week. Small favors. He begins the match
working the legs of Khail with swift kicks, but eventually runs into a
forearm or something. Sometimes you can't tell with Khali. He hits the
short-arm clothesline on MVP. That's the set-up for the DDT. He misses
something in the corner, and MVP starts firing away with punches. He
runs at Khali with the Driveby Kick, but Khali cuts him off with the
HEAD CHOP OF IMMENSE PERIL AND CERTAIN DOOM~! The Tree Slam soon after
ends this one. Nothing match. Helms pops up to insult MVP afterwards.
The only way I can see this gimmick working is if Helms actually stops
during matches, gets on the mic, makes a joke and then finishes with
"I'm just sayin'…" before continuing his assault. I'm tired of MVP
losing, by the way.
Winner: The Great Khali

Brie Bella vs. Victoria (with Natalya)
Victoria opens with a headlock takeover, but Brie impressively stands
out of a side headlock. She takes Victoria over with a weird,
slow-motion headscissor. Victoria connects with her fireman's carry
sideslam for two. She goes for the standing moonsault, but lands on
Brie's knees. Brie hits a hilarious "Whoo!" monkey flip. She stopped
while in mid-air just to say "Whoo!" I love it. Victoria catches her
in mid-air and hits a powerslam of sorts, but Brie gets in an inside
cradle out of nowhere to pick up the victory. Who jobs to a Bella
without the aid of twinnage? The heels attack Brie after the match, so
of course she tries to scoot under the ring. However, Natalya grabs
her legs and prevents that. Suddenly, Victoria looks under the ring on
the nearside and starts pulling out the top of Brie's body, so it
looks like she's incredibly elastic. Before JR's head can explode, we
get THE BIG REVEAL~! as both Brie and her twin are pulled out from
under the ring. They shoot each other awesome looks, and the crowd
pops. Back inside, they unleash stereo flying mares and stereo
facebusters! The Bella Twins then start dancing in the ring. Possibly
the best thing I've ever seen. Or at least since Festus and the
mariachis. Backstage, the Colons watch on a monitor and proclaim that
this is indeed cool.
Winner: Brie Bella

The Undertaker vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Big-fight feel. Kozlov gets some good heel heat coming out. We start
off with the "successive shoulderblocks from each man " spot. Kozlov
then runs face-first into Taker's boot and gets clotheslined over the
top to the floor. Taker hits the legdrop over the apron. However, back
inside, Kozlov turns the tables and fires away with shoulderblocks and
punches in the corner. Taker is able to bust out of the corner with a
clothesline, however, which Kozlov sells pretty damn well. Taker tries
to fire him off the ropes, but Kozlov reverses and hits a
belly-to-belly suplex. A slugfest erupts. Kozlov traps Taker's arms
and hits the headbutts to the chest. The PUSH-KICK gets two. Taker
regains the momentum with an avalanche, followed by Snake Eyes, but
Kozlov counters the big boot with a powerslam for two. Awesome.
Suddenly, Taker hooks in the Gogoplata, but Kozlov makes the ropes.
Even more suddenly, Jeff Hardy hits the ring and hits Kozlov with
several chairshots, drawing the disqualification and earning Kozlov
his title shot at "Survivor Series." He then lays out Taker with a
chairshot to the head! Taker sits up, and Hardy bails. Taker is not
happy. He chokeslams Kozlov. Got his heat back. Hardy again runs into
Vickie's office, and he says that next week he wants Taker in an
Extreme Rules Match! The show ends with Taker posing in the ring. I
understand the need to progress the Hardy angle, and the match next
week should certainly rule, but I'm not sure about Kozlov earning his
title shot with such a cheap victory. The match was dead-even before
Hardy showed up, and Kozlov was looking as strong as ever, but him not
winning decisively makes him appear less strong than he could have.
The match was intense, but I would've enjoyed at least five more
minutes of it.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov

Good show this week. They managed to cut down the whackiness to just
the god-awful opening segment, and everything else on the show (except
the match that resulted from that whackiness) ranged from good to
awesome. I'm fine with silliness on a show geared towards children,
but it has to be limited like it was tonight, so it doesn't become
overly annoying. The two top feuds on the show have been handled
nearly perfectly (see above), and the insertion of crazy Jeff Hardy
into the mix should only add to the intrigue. Normally I'd trash this
show on the basis of no Festus, but I'm feeling generous tonight.