|
|
| Updated: Friday July 3rd, 2009 01:54:48 PM PDT |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| WWE Smackdown TV report |
|
|
|
|
WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Report 1/2/09 Taped 12/30/08 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. By Ryan Mulligan Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it This week's festivities kick off with an uncharacteristically joyous Vickie Guerrero wishing us all a Happy New Year, which the mean-spirited New Jersey crowd responds to with booing of all things. She announces that at the "Royal Rumble" it will be Charismatic Enigma Jeff Hardy defending his WWE Championship against her husband, the Rated R Superstar Edge! Furthermore, tonight we'll learn the "SmackDown!" participants in the Rumble match itself. This is the cue for the Kings of Kings Triple H to rudely interject himself into the proceedings. The Game would like to hear that he's in the Rumble right now. When Vickie tells him to wait, he treats the world to fat jokes at her expense. Vickie warns him that his tomfoolery will cost him his spot in the Rumble, but then HHH informs her that since he's the most likely candidate from her show to win it, it would only be endangering her own career to preclude him from competing in the match. Bit of a stretch there. He then busts out the now-infamous Vickie Guerrero action figure, which leads to even more fat jokes, before Vickie finally informs him he's in the Rumble match. He then strips off the doll's clothing to reveal a hilariously thin body. The segment ends with The Game saying he saw nude photos of Vickie on eBay, and Vickie running off before the auction ends. I think I'm gonna stop watching wrestling. Nevermind, YOU-MANGA~! will soon be returning to "SmackDown!" Finlay (with Hornswoggle) and The Great Khali (with Runjin Singh) vs. Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder JR ingeniously dubs the faces, "Corn Beef and Curry." Khali's got a new/awesome theme song. Hawkins begins the match by failingly attempting a boot to Khali's mid-section, which results in his being sent backwards in a hurry. The Punjabi Giant then brings Ryder into the ring the hard way, and we're treated to some classic double noggin'-knocker action, first from Khali and then from Swoggle, who's perfected the art of being mischievous behind the ref's back. Finlay tags in and delivers a seated senton and some European uppercuts to Hawkins. He hits the short-arm clothesline, which is traditionally the set up for the DDT. Finlay winds up on the floor, and so naturally Hawkins winds up getting APRONED~! After Ryder shows up to get clotheslined, however, Hawkins is able to catch Finlay with a baseball slide. Back inside, Ryder hooks in a chinlock. The fascinating heat-segment ends when Finlay and Ryder's heads collide, and the former is able to make the hot tag. Khali enters the ring and stands around while Ryder bumps for him. He delivers the head chop of questionable pain to Hawkins and finishes the match with the Punjabi Plunge on Ryder. After the match, for seemingly no reason, Finlay dumps Swoggle on Ryder and kills Hawkins with the Celtic Cross, before Swoggle delivers the tadpole splash to the latter. The faces then dance around the ring like they didn't just act like total heels. Winners: Finlay and The Great Khali Eve Torres is standing by with FORMER Divas Champion Michelle McCool. We get a replay of Maria's reasonably well-paced two-count from last week, which led to Michelle yelling at her and getting kicked in the head by Maryse as a result, which in turn led to the crowning of a NEW Divas Champion in the form of the ultra-talented one. Michelle, always gracious in defeat, then responded to this by nearly killing Maria all the way to death. Let's just hope Festus was comatose while watching that outrage. Michelle then channels the spirit of Raven and asks, "What about Michelle McCool?" She says that Maria intentionally sabotaged her match and when poor Eve tries to stand up for Maria Michelle tells her not to think, but to do what she does best and hold the mic! I support this heel turn. In Vickie's office, Edge is stewing over the nude photos and is little comforted when The Big Show says that they actually aren't that bad. Vickie then storms out in classic Vickie-style, Show calls out Edge for always hiding behind Vickie, but Edge counters by mentioning the fact that Show got knocked out by a featherweight at Mania. He tells Show to knock out Jeff tonight (Hardys vs. Edge and Show in the main event, btw!) and maybe he'll earn himself a shot at Edge's title at Mania. Jesse and Festus vs. THE Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel BISCUITS AND GRAVY!!! Festus and THE Brian Kendrick in the same match? Dreams really do come true. Festus opens with bear-paws on both heels. Find your seats. He delivers a flying shoulder-tackle on Zek and a vicious bear-paw on THE Brian Kendrick in the corner. Festus slams THE Brian Kendrick and then tags in Jesse and slams him on top of THE Brian Kendrick. We get some non-Festus related stuff that ends when Festus re-enters and hits yet another brutal bear-paw on THE Brian Kendrick. Flying Biscuit on THE Brian Kendrick! I should note that this crowd is totally not reacting to Festus like reasonable people would. Festus goes for a Stinger Splash, but THE Brian Kendrick gets his knees up. THE Brian Kendrick gets caught on a crossbody, but Festus's knees give out and he's unable to launch THE Brian Kendrick backwards. Zek gets the tag and clips the heck out of Festus's knee, effectively grounding the Cornfed Colossus. The heels start working the knee, but Festus is eventually able to throw THE Brian Kendrick into the stratosphere and make the lukewarm tag to Jesse, who attacks both heels to zero reaction. He hits an inverted atomic drop on THE Brian Kendrick, followed by some Delirious-esque corner clotheslines. He hits a nifty spinning suplex on THE Brian Kendrick, but big Zek breaks up the pin-attempt. Festus runs at Zek with a boot, but winds up on the floor after missing. Jesse avoids THE Kendrick, but Zek makes a blind tag and, following a sick back suplex from Jesse to THE Brian Kendrick, is able to end Jesse with the Uranage. Remember when Festus was main-eventing this show against The Undertaker? Truly a great time to be alive. Winners: THE Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel Vladimir Kozlov vs. Hurricane Helms This is one of those matches that should begin and end with a push-kick. Alas. Helms attempts to begin with a go-behind, but Kozlov hip-tosses his way out of that lack of a predicament. He then locks in a keylock, and when Helms momentarily gains the upperhand, Kozlov traps his arms, headbutts him in the chest repeatedly and delivers the all-time classic, the push-kick! This guy needs to be on the offensive for the rest of his career. A Judo-throw by Kozlov is responded to with the least authentic crowd response I've ever heard. Kozlov drops Helms on the top turnbuckle, punts him off and then delivers a fall-away slam for the ages. However, he telegraphs a back body drop attempt and gets booted in the chest. Helms goes for the Shining Wizard and DEAR GOD~! does Kozlov cut him off with the battering ram headbutt! The sit-down chokeslam ends this one. That was one of the best squashes in recent memory. I'm just sayin'. Winner: Vladimir Kozlov JR is the ring, and it's time to learn who the "SmackDown" participants in the Rumble match will be. He announces HHH, The Big Show, Vladimir Kozlov and U.S. Heavyweight Champion Shelton Benjamin as being involved, but can't get any further, because Shelton's getting his interruption-on. He complains that he should've been introduced as "The Odds on Favorite." Well, okay, that's a valid complaint. He tells JR to take his leave, and I'm thinking about incorporating that phrase into my everyday speech. He cuts the standard Gold Standard promo and namedrops people in the Rumble match, but he gets interrupted himself by the voice of the Undertaker (!), who says over the loudspeaker that, "I think you forgot someone." The lights go off and when they come back on the Dead Man himself is in the ring with Shelton! Chokeslam! It's official: The Undertaker is in the Rumble! I'm glad I don't read spoilers, because that ruled. YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH FOR ME!!! Michelle McCool is out to issue an apology to Maria. She feels horrible about how she's been acting lately, you see. Maria can't be here tonight, but Michelle apologizes hoping that Maria can hear her out there in tv land. She then calls out Eve to apologize to her face-to-face. Let's see if you can figure out where this is going. Michelle does indeed apologize, and the two share a warm embrace. HOWEVER, once Eve gets on the floor, Michelle blindsides her with a sneak attack! She sends Eve HARD into the barricade. Running knee to the face by McCool! She rams Eve into the apron. Ground and pound! She finishes the assault with a kick to the gut and walks away all crazy-eyed. I now support this heel turn even more. Vickie and Chavo Guerrero are backstage, when Triple walks in. Vickie wants an apology, and when The Game refuses she books a "Triple Jeopardy" series of matches for next week, which will include a Tables Match, a Handicapped Match and a Last Man Standing Match against unspecified opponents. Who's laughing now? We would later learn that also next week we'll see the Colons defend the WWE Tag Team Championships against THE Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel. It does seem possible, however, that that show could be ruined by the fact that the already dead NJ crowd may be even less alive when watching a second two-hour show. MVP vs. Kizarny A forlorn MVP gets on the mic pre-match and basically acknowledges that he's about to lose to whoever he's facing tonight. Well, maybe if your attitude was a little more positive, positive things would happen for you. Fortunately, he does respond to Kizarny's entrance with the classic MVP looks of disdain and bewilderment. Let me tell you something else about this NJ crowd: they want MVP to win this match. Kizarny begins with a backslide and some arm-drags. He baseball slides MVP to the floor and follows him out with some semblance of an elbow suicida that ends with Kizarny's face smacking the floor. That looked like it sucked. Kizarny hits a rather lame crossbody off the second buckle back inside for two. MVP fights back and sends Kizarny to the floor, where he drops him neck-first on the barricade. On the mat, he hooks in a bearhug. Kizarny escapes, but runs into a belly-to-belly throw. However, he fires right back with a jawjacker and a low dropkick to MVP against the ropes. JR notes Kizarny's high threshold of pain. Yeah, that'll put asses in the seats. Kizarny goes retro with the descending turnbuckle smashes routine initially made famous on the Carny circuit. MVP regains the momentum briefly and goes for the Playmaker, but Kizarny avoids it and wins the match following a neat double underhook DDT into a pinning combination. Good finish to an otherwise bad debut. Mr. Kennedy comes out after the match just to plug his DVD and make MVP feel even worse about himself. I wonder who MVP's going to beat for his first win. Maybe he can go over on Helms. I'm just sayin'. Winner: Kizarny WWE Champion Jeff Hardy and ECW Champion Matt Hardy vs. Edge and The Big Show Edge gets on the stick pre-match and demands respect for himself and Vickie. He says that come the Rumble he'll be champion for the seventh time. He also says that the fans always blame him for things that aren't his fault, but that when the "juvenile, irrational" period in wrestling known as Jeff Hardy's WWE Title reign ends, then they'll finally be something that he can honestly be blamed for. This guy rules. Jeff is now miming some of the lyrics to his song, and that needs to never happen again. Edge and Matt begin, which sees Matt delivering successive arm-drags and a back suplex. He tags in Jeff for double back-elbows leading to the first-drop/senton combo on Edge. Show gets kicked off the apron, but when the Hardys launch Edge over the top Show is able to catch him and place him gently on the floor. After commercials, Edge is now in control of Jeff, stemming from Show illegally delivering a hooking clothesline to Jeff from the apron during the break. A Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two for Jeff. Matt tags in, but misses big-time on a moonsault attempt. Matt is YOUR Hardy-in-peril. Show enters with chops and an epic suplex. Edge tags back in and hits the splash over the second rope for two. Move #521: arm-bar. Show comes in to help work over the arm, but then decides to deliver body blows, seeing as how that's his forte. Edge comes in and hooks in a front headlock. Matt almost makes the tag, but Edge rolls him up for two. Hammerlock! Matt gets out of that, but runs face-first into Edge's boot. At this point, The Big Show leaves. Edge and the world look on in confusion. Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, but Edge counters with an Edgecution for two. A spear-attempt sees Edge get kicked in the chest. Side Effect! Jeff gets the hot tag (and this time's it actually hot) and unloads with an inverted atomic drop and the split-legged leg drop. Matt comes back in for some Poetry in Motion, followed by the corner clothesline/bulldog combination. Twist of Fate by Matt! Swanton by Jeff! Victory for the Hardys! Winners: The Hardys Not much of a show this week. The tag team main event was fun, but mostly formulaic, and the announcers could have at least speculated as to why Show would leave the match, as I can think of a few reasons just based off what happened on tonight's show. Elsewhere, the less-than-thrilling debut for Kizarny, the reliance on promos and the overall lack of crowd heat hurt the show. What did work was Michelle McCool's heel turn and the brief Undertaker appearance, but not enough was done elsewhere storyline-wise to really make this week's show stand out. Finally, my apologies for the lack of a report last week. Hopefully that didn't ruin everybody's holidays. |
Note to webmasters/reporters: When recapping news from this site or from our newsletters, please include a link to www.f4wonline.com as opposed to "From F4W", "From Figure Four Weekly" or derivatives. Thank you!
For the most in-depth and detailed news and analysis on pro-wrestling and MMA, always turn to Wrestlingobserver.com/Figure Four Weekly Online, the #1 website of its kind on the Internet. Members receive online access to both the Wrestling Observer and Figure Four Weekly newsletters and growing archives, Wrestling Observer Radio with Bryan Alvarez and Dave Meltzer three times per week, the popular Bryan and Vinny Show twice per week, additional radio shows including Figure Four Daily with Alvarez, Mike Coughlin's Five Star Radio, the Dr. Keith Lipinski Show, The Adam and Mike Big Audio Nightmare, and the Karl Stern Wrestling History Show, the infamous BOARD, and more! Members also have full access to the thousands of hours of audio in our radio show archives which date back to 2005. For your convenience, we offer secure online payments using your VISA, Mastercard, American Express, Discover card or PayPal account. Don't miss out on the fun, sign up now! Don't miss out on the fun, sign up now!
Want full access? QUICK AND EASY $9.99 SIGNUP!
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
|
|