ECW IS STRIP POKER on Sci-Fi TV report

By Larry Csonka
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Let the bodies hit the…FLOOOOOOOOOOR!:

Balls Mahoney welcomes us to Extreme Strip Poker. He promises that one or more will get naked. Trinity, Kelly, Maria, Candace, Ashley and Krystal all discuss what they are wearing. We also got a warning before the show, telling us about nudity. I find it fascinating that Balls Mahoney of all people gets to host this. They are at the WWE Studios for this stuff if you care. Balls says they only get one card, lowest card has to remove clothes. So this isn’t exactly poker now is it? They all drink, but not Kelly because she is like 19. Ashley loses first and tosses her top off. There’s a lot of silicone in this room.

The opening video runs.

Styles and Tazz welcome us to the show.

Rene Dupree vs. CM Punk

Lock up and a hammerlock by Punk. Dropkick to the hip of Dupree and a snap mare and cover for 2. We see that Kelly has lost a hand and loses some piece of clothing. Dropkick by Punk and rights to Dupree. Knees now and Dupree fights back and then gets back dropped. Punk tossed to the apron and elbowed, then dropkicked to the floor. Dupree tosses him back in and covers for 2. Rights by Dupree now and into the neck vice. Trinity lost a hand apparently and loses a top. Punk flips out of a suplex try and exchanges rights with Dupree. Kick misses, but he connects with a back elbow. Off the ropes and a leg lariat to Dupree who sells it awesomely. Running corner knee and then a cover for 2. Kick by Dupree, rights and off the ropes, snap powerslam by Punk gets 2. Anaconda vice applied and Dupree taps.

Winner: CM Punk @ 3:30 via Submission

Back to strip poker and Maria and Candace tied and they both remove clothing. Riveting stuff. Balls catches some stockings in his mouth, it is good to be him I suppose. Candace loses her skirt.

We are back from commercial with more strip poker. This hand is dealer’s choice. That means he chooses what article of clothing the loser takes off. Krystal loses and Balls picks her bottom. She removes the skirt and Ashley slaps her fine ass, she acts upset but she liked it.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn w/Ariel

Lock up and to the corner they go, rights by Dreamer and then boots. Irish whip by Dreamer and then another. Misses a charge and nails the steel post. Ashley loses a hand and takes her shoes off. Amazing! Thorn boots away at Dreamer and then works the arm. Thorn works the arm on the ropes and Dreamer is in pain. Candace loses a hand and her top. Boot by Thorn, scoop slam and then misses a head butt. Boot by Dreamer, rights to Thorn. Thorn is down and Dreamer with a suplex. Elbows by Thorn, off the ropes, sit out powerbomb by Dreamer for 2. Thorn tries to use the stick and misses. Dreamer counters and missed a 2nd rope elbow. Sit out Uranage by Thorn gets 2. Stunner off the ropes by Dreamer, DDT by Dreamer and that is all. Winner: Tommy Dreamer @ 3:55 via pin

Back to strip poker. Krystal loses again. She removes her shoes. She throws them at Balls. Balls apparently has a woody and apologizes to the ladies.

Tazz and Styles hype the main event for tonight and we head to a commercial.

Back from commercial with Styles and Tazz hyping the main event again.

We see clips from 2-weeks ago and the match between Holly and RVD featuring THE GASH~! Good stuff to put over Holly as a tough bastard. We then get clips from last week where he was denied a rematch and Test attacking him with the chair.

Back to more strip poker. Trinity talks about John Cena being hot and they hype the Marine. They then talk about Batista. Krystal asks Kelly what is up with CM Punk, but Balls says it is time for another hand. Kelly loses the hand and dances a bit as she takes off her skirt. She then takes off her top. The bra is next and is off. We only see her from the back as we head to commercial.

Back from commercial with a video of the premiere of the Marine, which was at Camp Pendleton.

Styles and Tazz hype the flick as RVD, Sabu and Sandman make their individual entrances. Sandman’s entrance, nor extreme strip poker are NOT wellness (~!) approved.

Back to strip poker and Ashley loses her skirt.

The Big Show, Matt Striker and Test all make their individual entrances.

Krystal loses another hand and loses her top. Where is Kelly’s nakedness?

Sabu, Rob Van Dam & The Sandman vs. The Big Show ©, Matt Striker & Test

RVD and Test begin the match. Lock up and to the corner they go, Test misses RBD who gets some forearm shots to Test. Test gets pissed and just beats RVD down in the corner. Irish whip and elbows by RVD. 2nd rope cross body gets 2 for RVD. Spinkick to Test, step over wheel kick to Test and a tag to Sabu. Rolling thunder/sling shot leg drop combo gets 2 for RVD and Sabu. 2nd rope leg lariat by Sabu gets 2. Tag to Sandman and rights to test. Off the ropes and a back elbow to Sandman. Rights to Sandman and a tag to Matt. Rights to Sandman and then boots. In strip poker, Maria loses her skirt. Off the ropes and Matt tags Show. Show tosses Sandman doen and then chops away at him. Head butts and Trinity loses her skirt in strip poker. Chops by Show, Sabu tags in and rights to Show. Off the ropes and test nails Sabu and Show then beats him down. Test tags in and Sabu fights him off with rights but test levels him with a clothesline as we head to commercial @ 4:43.

Back from commercial @ 8:00 with Test in control with a side back breaker and then side slam for 2. Tag to Matt and he delivers rights to Sabu. Off the ropes and an eye poke and neck breaker to Sabu for 2. Face wash and a running boot by Matt sends Sabu to the floor. Test slams him to the steel post repeatedly and RVD makes the save. Back in and a neck vice by Matt. Knees to Sabu and a clothesline takes him down and a cover for 2. Tag to Show and rights to Sabu. Double choke toss by Show. He mocks RVD and then chops Sabu down. Rights by Sabu, off the ropes and a right to Show. Off the ropes again and Show elbows him down. Maria loses her top as well, no tits kids. GOOZLE by Show…but Sabu gets a DDT to counter the chokeslam! 1…2…no! Show grabs his leg and tags Test. Test lays the boots to Sabu. Bear hug now. Sabu chops out…JUDO CHOP~! Off the ropes and a clothesline takes Sabu down. Tag to Matt, 2nd rope…and leaps into a spinkick! Enziguri to Matt…tag to RVD! Clotheslines to Matt. Spinkick. Rolling monkey flip to Matt. Corner spinkick and then the top rope leaping kick by RVD. Up top…Test in and RVD with a kick to him. AIR SABU to Test. Sandman clotheslines him to the floor. They take Show down and RVD gets the frog splash on Matt. Sandman wants a tag and gets it. RVD plancha onto Test. Sandman beats on Matt, up top…ROLLING ROCL connects and that is all!

Winners: Sabu, Rob Van Dam & The Sandman @ 14:51 via pin

The ECW originals celebrate their win.

Back to strip poker and Kelly is holding her tits. Candace loses and takes off her bra…but stops because she thinks Balls is stacking the deck. She accuses Maria of cheating. She rips her top off and then Candace’s is ripped off. Then panties are gone, all blurred. What did you expect? Balls chants ECW as we see blurred nudity.

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