* Effectively immediately, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has mandated that the New York Giants may no longer rely upon their crushing running attack that boasted two 1000-yard rushers last season -- becoming only the fifth team in NFL history to achieve that feat on the heels of their Super Bowl victory. "As Mirko Cro Cop stated so well, it's nothing more than pure raw power," said Goodell. "We prefer technique. So the Giants must abandon their running attack in favor of a more flashy passing game. That's athleticism. Just ask Frank Mir."

* Effectively immediately, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig has mandated that the New York Yankees may no longer rely on their dominating power hitting to win ballgames -- despite the fact that they are on a blistering pace that could bring them within range of the single-season record for team home runs on their way to another World Championship. "As Mirko Cro Cop stated so well, it's nothing more than pure raw power," said Selig. "We prefer technique. So the Yankees will now have to bunt and steal bases if they want to score. That's athleticism. Just ask Frank Mir."

* Effectively immediately, NBA Commissioner David Stern has mandated that the Cleveland Cavaliers may not plan on controlling the paint this season in their pursuit of a possible World Championship -- despite the addition of one of the game's most dominating centers in Shaquille O'Neal. "As Mirko Cro Cop stated so well, it's nothing more than pure raw power," said Stern. "We prefer technique. So we're going to nip this one in the bud before it even gets going. If the Cavaliers want to win, they'll have to do it with three-pointers and working the weave. That's athleticism. Just ask Frank Mir."

Thank you, Brock.