Thursday, 08 May 2014 20:47
5.8 Impact Wrestling
The Big News: MVP became the latest heel authority figure by turning on Eric Young and announcing he will face Young in the main event at Slammiversary. The Menagerie debuted, which only made me question why a company wouldn't re-sign a proven act like Bad Influence instead of relying on a carnival gimmick, which never seems to get over in wrestling.
Bully Ray drove into the TNA headquarters parking lot cracking the new Black Label Society album vowing to hunt down Dixie Carter and put her through a table. Wouldn't that warrant an assault charge?
Eric Young came out and said he wanted to defend the TNA World title tonight, but he didn't have a match booked. So he issued an open challenge. Bobby Roode came out despite losing to Young last week, which Young reminded him of. Roode said he had a match with Gunner before he wrestled Young and still demanded a rematch. Roode said he goes back with Young some 17 years, riding on roads throughout North America. Roode reminded him they signed their first TNA contracts on the same day and held the tag team titles together as members of Team Canada. He said they needed to go to war against each other one more time, and if Young beat him again, Roode promised to never ask Young for a title shot again. Young put over Roode as one of the best professional wrestlers in the world and agreed to the rematch. They shook hands. Roode was a rogue babyface. It was a good set up for the segment, but it turned out to be totally meaningless.
MVP met with Young in the back and told him he respected his fighting spirit. But he also told said he already had a challenger lined up for Young tonight and so he had to call off his match tonight with Roode. Young objected, and MVP started laying into him, then lowered his voice and asked him to take the night off. MVP said he promised young would face someone at Slammiversary that he had never faced before. I'm not sure how that's supposed to be reassuring. Young agreed and MVP said he would break the news to Roode that he wouldn't be getting the title shot.
1. The Beautiful People defeated Madison Rayne and Brittany in an Evening Gown match in 11:34. This was an elimination match where if a wrestler had their evening gown stripped off of her, she would be eliminated. The gowns made it almost impossible to wrestle in and the match was really bad because of it. Brittany was stripped off first when Angelina Love tripped her and Velvet Sky took her dress off, leaving Brittany scampering off to the back in her bra and panties. After getting double teamed by the heels for a few minutes, Love took a bump to the floor and Rayne speared Sky and stripped her down for an elimination. So it was Love vs. Rayne remaining. Rayne hit a sloppy Rayne Drop, then started using beals out of the corner with a loose garmet around Love's neck. Rayne hit a spear, but Sky came back down to ringside wearing only a towel. Sky supposedly flashed Rayne and the referee Brian Stiffler, and it was so lame. Stiffler had to pretend that Sky was naked, but no one else in the crowd reacted at all. You would think that if Sky was naked, the place would have been turned on its ear. While Stiffler was distracted, Love put hair spray in the eyes of Rayne and tore away her gown to win. DUD
Back in Nashville, Dixie went into her office where she was met by Rockstar Spud and ordered him not to let Ray into the office. One of the people in the office was wearing a Ray Fears Dixie t-shirt and bowed to her.
Magnus' old friend Bram went into the locker room. Bram informed Magnus that he agreed to a deal with MVP. Somehow, Bram got booking power to put Magnus in a match against Willow. How does happen for someone who has been around for two weeks? There are many people who couldn't pick this guy out of a lineup with a gun to their head, and now he's booking matches? Bram said he wanted Magnus to be the old Magnus, but he would be out at ringside watching Magnus.
2. Ethan Carter the Third pinned Kurt Angle in 3:28. This was a total storyline match where Angle hit three German Suplexes, then went down favoring his left knee. Ethan Carter the Third tried to work on it but Angle hit an Olympic Slam, then went down again favoring the knee. EC3 hit a spear on the knee coming out of the corner and pinned Angle clean. Referee Brian Hebner held up the trusty David Finley X sign after Angle's 2nd collapse and immediately after the finish. They did a good job of playing this up like a shoot as the crowd chanted Angle's name as they went to break while Mike Tenay and Taz sounded melancholy. EC3 didn't even make heel facials as he appeared unsure what had happened *
In the back, Angle was helped to the back and told the doctor he blew his left knee out and heard it pop. The doctor looked like Leon White's younger brother.
MVP came out for the announcement of the main event at Slammiversary. He announced the Young-Roode rematch was cancelled for tonight. Roode came out pissed about the cancellation. MVP said Roode had his chance last week and lost. MVP said there were no handouts in this company. Roode said he's been in this company for ten years while MVP wasn't there. Roode shoved MVP and they had a pull-apart brawl that had some heat. Pat Kenney somehow ordered Roode to be removed from the building. We never got a main event announcement.
Bully walked in to the front office and found Katherine the Secretary, also sporting a Ray Fears Dixie t-shirt. In fact, it was featured on a video monitor above the receptionist's desk. Spud tried to stop Ray, but he carried him to Dixie's office. Ray wound up inside Dixie's office, where she was absent. However, Ray ordered Katherine to gather all the employees together because they were having a meeting.
Rebel from Knux's new group The Menagerie waved fire outside the building as a huge crate pulled up on a forklift. Knux said it was their home.
Al Snow and a horde of security guards ordered Roode out of the building.
3. The Wolves defeated Bro Mans in a ladder match in 7:00 to retain the TNA Tag Team Titles. DJ Zema distracted Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards before the opening bell, and Robbie E. and Jessie Godderz rammed ladders into their midsection before they even got into the ring. The Wolves teased a double tope, but Robbie and Jessie rammed the ladders into their heads. Then Edwards' head got sandwiched between the ladder rungs, and Bro Mans hit knee lifts from opposite ends agains the ladder. Bro Mans tried to suplex Edwards onto a ladder outside the ring, but Richards helped his partner down. Both teams climbed up adjoining ladders, and Richards knocked Godderz down with a head butt, but Richards went down as well. Edwards and Godderz took a sick bump out of the ring as Edwards tried to give Godderz a vertical suplex. Godderz didn't have a chance to catch himself at all and fell badly on his left leg. If Godderz wasn't injured after that, he's made out of elastic. Richards then hit a double stomp on Robbie, who was bridged on a ladder outside of the ring held up by the apron and ring steps. The Wolves were set to grab the belts when Zema ran in trying to interfere. So Zema took his weekly bump where the Wolves hip tossed him onto Bro Mans outside the ring. The only difference was this time, Zema was on top of a ladder when he got launched. Fortunately, Bro Mans made a good catch. Wolves got the belts. Ladder matches grow more challenging because it's hard to reinvent the wheel, but this was full of creative spots. Granted, they had to squeeze a lot of them into seven minutes, but you can't fault the effort. ***1/2
Two guys from the Menagerie came out of a crate. It was Rob Terry in a Skellator mask (of course he was never identified by that name) and someone carrying balloons in clown makeup. This was instantly going into the TNA gimmick Hall of Fame with the Johnsons, Black Reign, Rellik and the times they tried to turn Sting heel.
Spud arrived into Dixie's office to find that Ray wasn't there. He had ordered a staff meeting.
4. Knux pinned Kazarian in 2:07. Crazy Steve came out honking a horn, while Rob Terry is known as "The Freak," which is just as creative as all hell. There were people standing on stilts outside the ring dressed like Beetlejuice. It was really sad seeing Kazarian out there who has been with this company for the better part of ten years. Now he's just playing out the string until his contract ends. Just last year, he was part of the most entertaining act in the company, and in prior years he seemed like one of about a dozen guys ready to break through the glass ceiling. This might be his farewell appearance and he had to play set-up guy for a gimmick that looks DOA. Knux won with a spinebuster. *
Spud walked into the conference room where everyone sat stonefaced and seemed scared shitless. Spud thought that Ray had left and started talking junk about him, then uttered the classic Billy Crystal line from "City Slickers:" "He's behind me, isn't he?" Indeed Ray was. Spud is really great. The employees, talking like robots, repeated in a monotone chant that the company motto was "Bully Fears Dixie." Ray said he thinks he knew exactly what they needed. He sent Spud away to get two cases of beer, even though it was only 11 AM.
Mr. Anderson is wrestling James Storm next week. Gunner asked Anderson in the locker room about Samuel Shaw.
Back at TNA headquarters, the same employees who were stonefaced 35 minutes earlier were raising heel, drinking beer and playing loud music. Ray offered to leave if Spud told him where Dixie was. Spud swore he didn't know where she was. Ray promised to leave if Spud had one beer with him. Spud agreed as long as he didn't tell Dixie. Just as Spud starting drinking, Ray power bombed him through a table. Ray then lifted Spud's cell phone and discovered Dixie's address. Ray asked the employees what the new company motto was, and they all chanted "Tables." So it seems the skits will continue next week with Ray going to Dixie's house. As much as Ray tried to copy Steve Austin in 1999 during these segments, they were still very entertaining.
Then we had to go to a Willow interview. That's carny for "buzzkill." Willow talked about Jeff Hardy's match with Magnus that was the finals of the TNA Championship tournament, the Dixieland match. This it was a series of words spoken in a way no one else on Earth talks.
5. Willow defeated Magnus by DQ in 2:21. Bram threw Willow into the ring steps for the DQ. Magnus acted like he didn't know what Bram was doing and seemed uncomfortable. Bram handcuffed Willow to the turnbuckles, grabbed a wrench and slammed it against Willow's body. Magnus walked up the ramp ordering Bram to calm down. So it seems Bram and Magnus will feud, which will make Magnus a face. Or Magnus will become more aggressive and become a tandem with Bram. I'm still wondering how Bram can book matches after just signing with the company. DUD
MVP told Young to come to the ring for the Slammiversary main event announcement.
Angle was in the emergency room, where a physician told him he had no mobility in his knee and his ACL was torn. He was forced to have surgery, which means Angle is being written out of the storyline for now. At least it would appear that way. Angle appeared to be as thrilled as Johnny Manziel being drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Come to think of it, Angle appeared to be more chipper than Manziel.
The main event segment was MVP making the main event announcement and called out Young. MVP gave him a pep talk and said his responsibility was to find the best competition for Young. MVP gave the new number one contender a big buildup and waited for the music to start playing. When the music didn't play, MVP wound up turning heel and sucker punched Young. The response by the crowd must have been disappointing because they piped in
"you suck" chants, while the fans really didn't seem to have much interest. MVP then announced himself as the mystery challenger.
SUMMARY: Everything that happened in the ring in this show was ranged from bad to terrible. Yet the Bully Ray skits were a lot of fun. But MVP as a heel authority figure is just so tired and was a bad move this early into his stint. There are now two heel authority figures in TNA, which is excessive, to say the least. Sometimes this company feels like you're watching someone beat their heads into a wall and you're screaming for them to stop, but they can't help themselves.