Thursday, 29 May 2014 20:38
5.29 Impact Wrestling
The Big News: Samoa Joe made his return running in during the main event to go after MVP, Kenny King and Bobby Lashley. It was another show dominated by MVP's crew. Also, TNA has their first lesbian storyline in a while with Brittany coming on to Madison Rayne. Now I know how people who reviewed Raw in 1999 feel.
Bully Ray came out still selling being put through a table last week by Ethan Carter the Third. He unveiled six tables that had the names of Bobby Lashley, EC3, Kenny King, MVP, Rockstar Spud and Dixie Carter. MVP came out and said they weren't going through tables, but he was ready to fight as long as he had company behind him. King and Lashley joined MVP, then EC3 and Spud attacked Ray from behind. Spud is now wearing a neckbrace, looking like Daniel Bryan during his buildup to Wrestlemania. EC3 pulled down the table that had Spud's name on it and carried it to the ring, but Eric Young, Austin Aries, Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards ran in the ring for the save. Spud tried to hide under the table hoping no one would notice. Aries challenged MVP's group to a six-man tag. Ray then gave Spud a Super Bomb through his custom named table.
MVP, Bobby Lashley and Kenny King defeated the Wolves and Austin Aries in 13:42. Early on, MVP, King and Lashley all took bumps to the floor. The Wolves hit MVP and King with stereo topes and Aries hit Lashley with a double axehandle off the top rope. Davey Richards was largely taken out of the match when MVP kicked his bad ribs, and was later rammed into the steps. Richards spent most of the rest of the match on the floor. Edwards got the heat. Aries got the hot tag, and hit MVP and King with roaring elbows. An injured Richards got tagged in for a double foot stomp on King, but Lashley nailed Richards with a spear, which was how Richards got injured last week. MVP pinned Richards after a Drive-By Kick. **1/2
Bram told Magnus he was tired of telling Magnus to become more aggressive. Tonight, Bram said he was going to wrestle so he could set the right example for Magnus and told him to join him.
EC3 found Dixie backstage and told her what happened earlier on. Dixie said she had business later tonight with MVP and she wanted EC3 with her.
2. Bram defeated Tigre uno in 2:21. Bram makes the most exaggerated facials after highspots imaginable. Hell, he does that during transition moves. This was straight out of a 1998 Nitro where a talented worker like Juventud Guerrera would job to Horace Hogan because Eric Bischoff couldn't figure out else to do with Juvie. Bram pinned Tigre Uno after a Bloody Sunday DDT. *
Postmatch, Bram tried to use a turnbuckle wrench on Tigre until Magnus stopped him. Again, Bram wanted to see the old Magnus, who would have ripped Tigre's mask off years ago. Funny, the old Magnus was adorned in a cheesy Russell Crowe gimmick when I first saw him. Magnus said maybe Bram needed stiffer competition, like Willow, for instance.
Gunner walked in and told Mr. Anderson they were teaming tonight. Anderson wanted to know what Gunner was trying to do helping Samuel Shaw. Gunner said maybe he just needed some listen.
Madison Rayne and Brittany talked backstage. Brittany said she needed a partner to face the Beautiful People tonight. Rayne tried to tell Brittany she wasn't ready for them and they were going to find a way to embarrass her. I guess the wrestling prowess of Velvet Sky does take years of scouting to solve. Anyway, Brittany promised Rayne she wouldn't face them tonight.
3. Gunner and Mr. Anderson defeated Bro Mans in 3:13. Robbie E. and Jessie Godderz stayed on offense most of the match after DJ Zema distracted Gunner before the bell. Anderson got the hot tag and gave Robbie the Mic Check. Gunner got the pin with a head butt off the top rope. *1/4
Postmatch, the Menagerie came out with Bro Mans looking at them like Spike TV executives look at the reports on Friday morning. Taz was laughing at all this as Crazy Steve, Knux, the Freak and Rebel made their way to the ring. Mike Tenay asked "Didn't the circus ever come to Jersey?" Didn't this whole gimmick start in New Jersey because Knux's father had his circus business almost destroyed by Hurricane Sandy in 2012? The reception to the Menagerie was summed up by one close-up of Rebel, where she did her split on the bottom rope while one fan applauded and the rest looked indifferent. DJ Zema wound up taking the move formerly known as the Freakbuster by the Freak.
Brittany found Gail Kim backstage. Forgetting that she promised Rayne she wouldn't face the Beautiful People later tonight, Brittany asked Kim to team with her later tonight against them and Kim agreed.
Dixie and EC3 came out and wanted to continue their conversation with MVP from last week. Dixie threatened to go to the TNA Board of Directors and tell them the disrespect and abuse of power MVP had shown her. MVP said he had access to plenty of money at his disposal and wasn't afraid to play chicken. I had no idea what they were talking about. Young and Ray came out carrying pipes. MVP called Young a Patsie who would be his foil at Slammiversary. Young started to go after MVP, but Ray told him this wasn't the time or place. MVP then ran down Ray as a fake tough guy. Ray started to go after MVP, and Young reminded him about time and place. MVP then ordered Young and Ray to face each other tonight with EC3 as the referee. Ray refused. MVP said he would wrestle on else be fired. Ray cut a good promo basically saving face for being forced into a match by a heel GM, saying all of the heels in the ring would eventually go through tables. In retrospect, I have no idea why Young and Ray came out in the first place. There's no indication where this MVP-Dixie storyline is going since they still aren't getting along.
Angelina Love and Sky did a promo about facing Kim and Brittany.
Kurt Angle did a promo from his home in Pittsburgh saying his underwent successful surgery. He thanked everyone for their support. No indication about his return. Ordinarily, the very fact a company would air this promo would be a buildup to his return. But this is TNA.
4. The Beautiful People defeated Brittany and Gail Kim in 5:33. Brittany played the over exuberant rookie who wanted to beat the Beautiful People by herself even though Kim was a successful veteran. Brittany constantly had a chance to tag in Kim but didn't because she didn't know any better. Finally, Brittany was forced to make a hot tag to Kim, who was in the midst of her comeback when Brittany tagged herself back in, much to Kim's consternation. Brittany immediately missed a handspring moonsault, and Sky pinned Brittany after Love gave her the Botox Injection. *
Young talked with Ray backstage. Ray said if he beats Young tonight, he becomes the number one contender for the World Championship tonight. They shook hands.
Brittany called out Rayne to the ring and asked her why she didn't team with her tonight against the Beautiful People. Rayne said she tried to tell her she had had issues with the Beautiful People since she entered the company. Issues so deep that only the three of them know about, and she didn't want Brittany involved in it. Brittany said she will take full responsibility for whatever happens, and she just wanted to be with Rayne. That line actually got the biggest pop of the night because a lesbian storyline hasn't been done in wrestling in awhile. Brittany repeated the line she just wanted to be with her like she was coming on to her. Rayne asked her to keep her distance. Brittany wanted to know why Madison didn't like her. Fans started chanting "TNA." Love and Sky came back out and said Rayne broke another girls' heart. Sky said that was the real Rayne, always hurting other people. Rayne made a comeback promo on Love challenging her to a rematch for the Knockouts title next week, and the fans chanted "boring" because they were more interested in the lesbian storyline. At some point, it might have been a good idea for Rayne to remind Brittany that she was a married wife of a Marine who just became a mother last year, but that's just me.
EC3 was met in the locker room by MVP, Lashley and King. King said they would have EC3's back, and they would be closer than he even knows.
King came out while Christy Hemme was doing her introductions for the main event and handled the introductions himself, billing Ray from "Hell's Toilet, New York weighing 602 pounds." Young was basically introduced as being a temporary champion. Young and Ray started to go after King but he ran off. EC3 refused to get in the ring with Ray and Young ready to beat him up, so Lashley came out as the special enforcer and MVP as the guest timekeeper.
5. Eric Young and Bully Ray went to a no contest in 10:18. The storyline that Ray would be number one contender if he won was totally ignored. Match consisted mainly of Ray and Young staring at the heels outside the ring. It was as exciting as it sounds. Young and Ray both rolled outside the ring at various points, both times to get railroaded by MVP and King, respectively. Ray was in the middle of his flip, flop and fly spot when he tried to give Young a 12-to-6 elbow, but EC3 grabbed his arm and ordered "no elbows." Apparently, EC3 learned officiating from Steve Mazzagatti. Finally, Ray hit EC3 with a Yakuza kick to end the match. MVP, Lashley and King ran in to attack Young and Ray until Samoa Joe made his return for the first time in weeks to clear the ring, giving King the Muscle Buster. Joe and MVP had a staredown. 1/2*
SUMMARY: Without Roode, A.J. Styles, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and Chris Sabin, TNA's depth has really taken a major hit. Feels like the roster is being held together by scotch tape and bubble gum lately, which has really impacted match quality. The way the Wolves have been booked has only hurt matters. The Brittany storyline at least got the crowd interested, but it feels like desperation because of the poor ratings of late.