OUR OVW Announce Team this week is Dean Hill and Michael Titus, as Gilbert Corsey is off on assignment, and OUR OVW Ring Announcer is Shannon the Dude.
OUR OVW Champion Jamin Olivencia comes out the the ring in order to get down to some business! His problem is with a 6-4, 350 pound pile of crap called James "Moose" Thomas! He states that Moose and his manager Timmy "Rampage" Danger are bullies that put a bull’s-eye on his back, so he's just going to put a bull’s-eye on their backs instead. Jamin holds up a contract for Moose to sign for a title shot at 10/5 Saturday Night Special. Danger comes out still using a crutch as Jamin wonders where Moose is. Danger says Moose is in the back but not to worry about where Moose is because Danger is handling things on the front end. Jamin wants the contract signed now but Danger says this about more than a title shot, calling Jamin nothing more than a self-centered egomaniacal little twerp whose ego is out of control! Danger adds that Jamin has held everyone in the back down for so long that they all hate him, and suggests that Jamin might have some deep-seated insecurity. Danger than says that Jamin slit everyone's throat to get the belt but at SNS the only slit throat will be his! Danger takes the contract and says he will go talk to Moose then run it by the lawyers and get back to him before Saturday. Jamin gets all up in Danger's face and tells him they had better have an answer by the end of the night or he will kick both of their teeth in!
Titus is in the back with the ladies. He says tonight is a tremendous opportunity as we are reaching the climax of the Miss OVW contest. Tonight will be a 3-corner ladies elimination tag match! The teams are: The Blossom Twins (Holly & OUR OVW Ladies Champion Hannah), Lovely Lylah & Taeler Hendrix (who doesn't look too impressed about Lylah being her partner), and Lei'd Tapa & OUR OVW Hula Hoop Champion Ray Lynn (who is happy that she gets to tag with her "friend" Tapa though the feeling is not mutual). Titus turns to Jessie Belle, who is in a two-piece camo outfit, and tells her that due to injuries, she is the odd girl out. Jessie asks Titus if she can find another lady to be her partner, can she take part in this. Titus agrees.
Match #1: Rockstar Spud vs OUR OVW TV Champion Elijah "Pope" Burke
OUR OVW Senior Official Chris Sharpe is read to get things underway as Titus says that Burke may have pulled the wool over the Marauders' eyes but Shiloh Jonze is regrouping them! Sure enough, Jonze, Raul Lamotta, Joe Coleman, and Nick Dumeyer hit the ring for an attack! They are joined by Clint Poe and another guy in black tights and a mask. Marauders dump out Spud as Jonze pops Burke in the back of the head with an international object. Burke is overwhelmed and is unable to channel Jim Brown in "Mars Attacks!” The match never officially started and we go to break.
Back from break, Burke is in the back and he is very angry! He says this is bigger than Pope versus Marauders, it's about the TV title. He challenges Jonze at SNS, saying it's a lot easier to jump on The Elijah Express than it is to jump off!
"Team Boomstick" Jay Bradley comes out and he is happy since he has SNS off! He says "Strongest Gamer Ever" Marcus Anthony changed his mind on a rematch supposedly because he already lost to Bradley once. Bradley says Anthony has never encountered someone like him and certainly doesn't want another Boomstick. He adds that Anthony has big muscles but no marbles! Bradley says he needs a workout tonight, which is why he brought OUR OVW
Official Josh Ashcraft out to the ring, so he asks who wants to taste the boomstick (he says chicks dig it!). Anthony limps out and Bradley immediately mocks him. Anthony says he'll be OK at SNS so he can stomp a mud hole in Bradley but tonight he has an opponent for Bradley-"Welsh Colossus" Rob Terry!
Match #2: "Team Boomstick" Jay Bradley vs "Welsh Colossus" Rob Terry (w/"Strongest Gamer Ever" Marcus Anthony)
This is already underway as we come back from break. Terry grabs Bradley by the leg and yanks him out of the corner and down to the mat. Terry catches Bradley off the ropes and slams him. Bradley begs off then tries to low blow but Terry blocks that. Terry sets up for a chokeslam but Bradley hits the Eyepoke of Doom! Bradley tries to leave but Anthony blocks his path and Terry catches up to him to bang his head into the apron twice. Back in, Bradley gets in a smidge of offense and neckbreakers Terry but again mocks Anthony instead of covering him. Terry gets back to his feet and lariats Bradley followed by another lariat over the top rope. Bradley runs over and chopblocks Anthony then exits the ring area. So I guess it was a countout.
Mobile Homers (Ted McNaler & Adam Revolver) and Brittany Devore are in the back and evidently their luck has run out doing the scratch-off lottery cards. McNaler suggests they take their gambling money and head to Atlantic City (wouldn't Evansville be closer?). Revolver calls McNaler a genius! McNaler produces more scratch-off cards that in theory will win them the necessary gas money. Jessie Belle comes up to Brittany and asks if she would be Belle's partner. Brittany says she ain't got time for any Miss OVW stuff, she's got gambling to do!
The Body Guy has gathered an audience in the back. He says they have all been bullied by the Assassin, but Mr. Marvelous Melvin Maximus interrupts by saying "I think he's only after you, boss." to which Body Guy tells him to shut up. Body Guy asks who's with him but the group disperses. One person in the group is Stephon J Baxter, who is stopped by Jessie Belle. She asks Stephon if he knows any other girls around here. She then gets an idea and leads him away by the hand.
Danger and Moose are in the back. Danger shows Moose the contract from Jamin and Moose seems rather pleased. Moose rhetorically asks what happens when you back a rabid dog in the corner and Danger rhetorically replies with what happens when you piss off a 300 pound Moose. Danger verbally pumps up Moose as he browses the contract and since Danger adds that his mom's lawyers reviewed it, Moose approves of this.
Match #3: The Blossom Twins (Holly & OUR OVW Ladies Champion Hannah) vs Lovely Lylah & Taeler Hendrix vs Lei'd Tapa & OUR OVW Hula Hoop Champion Ray Lynn vs Jessie Belle & "Stephon-ie"
So this is a tag team elimination match where when one team member gets pinned, that team is eliminated. Lylah is getting snapped on by Taeler, which is making her even more nervous and insecure than usual. Jessie brings out her partner "Stephon-ie", who Dean wonders if it's Martin Lawrence or Tyler Perry! "Stephon-ie" is in a dress, tights, wig and even lipstick. Dean still can't tell the Blossoms apart and Titus suggests that Hannah will be the one closest to the title belt:) Titus quickly rattles off what are supposedly standings in the Miss OVW contest. "Stephon-ie" blocks a Blossom down then picks up Lylah and slams her before prancing around a bit. Ray Lynn tags in and offers a handshake but "Stephon-ie" tries to go for a wristlock. Ray Lynn pulls "Stephon-ie" into a headlock but instead ends up pulling off the wig!! Ray Lynn is horrified at what she sees but then pulls the dress off to reveal "Stephon-ie" wearing a purple bra and padded briefs over his wrestling tights! The other ladies pinball "Stephon-ie" as Jessie Belle storms off to the back. Tapa thrust kicks "Stephon-ie" and pins him. Taeler shoves Lylah into Tapa and Lylah gives Tapa a couple of forearms before Tapa headbutts her twice. Tapa rams Lylah's head into the mat then chokes her in the ropes and claws her face. Tapa slams Lylah then kind of wanders in the ring, giving Dean a moment to plug OVW Old School on Sunday. Tapa tags in Ray Lynn via a palm to the forehead. Ray Lynn immediately goes for a sleeper on Lylah, who gets to her feet and spins around to throw Ray Lynn off. Taeler yells at Lylah to tag her in, so she obliges. Taeler slaps Ray Lynn around before shoving her into the Blossom corner. We get Double Blossom Dropkicks for Taeler, who tries to tag out but Lylah has hopped down to the floor since she's upset with Taeler's verbal abuse. A Blossom twin rear chinlocks Taeler, who escapes and makes the tag to Lylah anyway. Lylah gets double Rock Blossomed for 2 but Taeler breaks up the pin. Tapa clobbers one Blossom and headbutts her then the other comes in firing away with forearms but Tapa thrustkicks her into the other Blossom and both twins are down. One Blossom charges at Tapa but she gets picked up in the Tongan Death Grip. Tapa puts the Blossom over her shoulder but instead drops backwards and rolls for the pin. At this point ref Ashcraft calls for the bell to end the match because somewhere along the way, Taeler and Lylah just vanished! Tapa beats on one Blossom, dumps out the other one when she tries to save her sister, then does the F-5 thing on the first Blossom twice!
Match #4: "Mr. Pec-tacular" (tm) Jessie Godderz (w/"Best Rudy Ever" Rudy Switchblade) vs Michael (not PS) Hayes (w/Mohamed Ali Vaez)
Hayes & Vaez are OUR OVW Tag Team Champions and will be defending the titles against Rudy & Godderz (Best Team Ever) at SNS. They do some grappling to start as Godderz goes from a waistlock to a full nelson to a front facelock on the mat and holds it for a bit. Hayes gets free but Godderz blocks him down and reapplies the facelock before rolling him up for 2. Hayes makes Godderz miss an elbow and grabs a headlock of his own but Godderz armworks free. Hayes grabs another headlock but Godderz pulls him into a headscissors briefly before he rolls free and grabs another headlock. Godderz shoots Hayes into the ropes and dropkicks him out. Vaez comes over to encourage Hayes and send him back in, where he delivers an elbow to the charging Godderz. Hayes gets caught off the ropes and powerslammed hard by Godderz, so much so that ref Sharpe leans over to check on him. Godderz comes over as well but Hayes kicks him in the face and sends him staggering into Vaez, who has climbed up on the apron. Sharpe has to separate Rudy and Vaez as they scuffle. Sharpe gets tied up with Vaez and Rudy kicks Hayes in the groinular region. Godderz sunset flips Hayes but Vaez sneaks over and kicks Godderz in the head which allows Hayes to get the pin.
Jonze is in the back with the rest of the Marauders. Jonze mocks Burke’s goal of cutting the head off the snake saying that while the Marauders' numbers have gone up, Burke's numbers have gone down! Jonze says he's getting the TV title at SNS!
Dean and Titus update us on SNS. Hannah Blossom is OK and will face Lei'd Tapa. The Miss OVW winner will be crowned. Vaez and Hayes defend the tag titles against Best Team Ever. Burke defends the TV title against Jonze with the Marauders! I guess fans had better wake up the kids and get grandpa out of the tub for this one!
Jamin Olivencia comes back out. He says the time is up for an answer from Moose & Danger as he looks around for them. Danger comes out with the contract in hand and tells Jamin he got exactly what he wanted, that is a match where he defends the title against Moose! Danger then announces that they added a stipulation: the loser must leave OVW forever! Danger gets all happy because he thinks Jamin is scared. Jamin gets all up in Danger's face and says he's not scared and shows no fear, in fact he'll even make this a no-DQ match! Moose runs in as Danger hits Jamin with his crutch. Jamin turns to face Danger and Moose bashes Jamin with the crutch then bangs his head into the mat repeatedly before adding one last crutch shot. Moose stands over Jamin holding the belt as the show goes off.
THOUGHTS: I can't imagine either Olivencia or Moose leaving OVW at this time but they did make it no-DQ. I wonder if maybe since Moose was out for so long that this isn't him doing a last brief run. Will we see who the masked Marauder is at SNS? Somehow when Jessie Belle said she would find a partner, I immediately thought of Mickie Knuckles. Oh well. Does anyone else think that Bradley re-injures Anthony at SNS to delay Terry & Anthony cashing in their tag title shot so we can see more of Hays & Vaez vs Best Team Ever? This was an OK show so I'll give it a thumbs in the middle.