Friday, 21 September 2012 08:11
WWE Superstars Report (with Drinking Game Experience notations) ~ 9.20.12
The Superstars Drinking Game Experience Rules Re-cap : The game is
simple, and it makes Superstars infinitely more enjoyable to watch.
You *drink when any of the following occur :
~ Every two count (that does not lead to three).
~ When any announcer says : “Wow”, “Man-o-man”... or “Ground and pound”
~ When any move is identified as “a potential submission maneuver”.
~ When a move is identified incorrectly.
~ When any Superstar mugs the crowd (during a match).
~ When any match ends clean with a Finisher.
~ Every “Tie Up” and “Dreaded Superstar's Rear Chin Lock”.
~ When the show goes to a video package.
~ Every repetitive spot (either inside of matches, or from one match
~ Every botched spot.
~ Every time that you find a typo in the column.
~ Every time that I shout out a reader, or reference a member of The Empire.
Got it? Good luck!
This week Superstars opens with the entrance of a man whom we haven't
seen in quite some time. Our Superstars Curtain Jerker of the week
does indeed ~ “Come from Money”.
It is the returning Ted DiBiase. Scot Stanford and Josh Mathews
welcome us to Superstars, and discuss how Ted is happy to be making
his return this week. In explanation of Mr. DiBiase's absence, Josh
explains that young Teddy was apparently sidelined in March with : “a
bevy of injuries”.
DiBiase Junior's opponent tonight on Superstars is JTG (whom we also
have not seen in a while). Stanford : “This JTG is so fly... that when
you hang out with him after 11pm, it's considered a red-eye”. I have
no idea what that is supposed to mean... I suspect that Stanford
writes his own material.
Full disclosure warning ~ I am a little bit tired tonight. I worked a
double shift today, so when/if this show gets a bit boring... I may
nod off for a bit. I suggest (for your own amusement) that you *drink,
whenever I fall asleep (*zzzz)...
Match # 1 : Ted DiBiase ~vs~ JTG
This Superstars Curtain Jerker opens with.... a Single Leg Takedown
into a Vertical Press from Ted DiBiase (forgoing the usual Tie Up ~
good on ya). JTG quickly kicks free, and attacks Ted with some stiff
Forearm shots. JTG with a Shoulder Block, and some major crowd mugging
(*drink). A distracted JTG turns right into a Dropkick from DiBiase.
Ted follows with a Clothesline over the top, some crowd mugging
(*drink), and then a running Suicide Dive to the floor, and more crowd
Ted rolls JTG into the ring, hooks the cover, and picks up a two count
(*drink). Ted tries for the Turnbuckle Mounted 10 Punch Spot, but JTG
sweeps his legs out from under him, and Ted crashes face first into
the top turnbuckle. JTG with a Flying Clothesline, and a quick cover
for a two count (*drink). JTG with some stomps and punches, and
another quick cover for another two count. Both men up, and JTG hooks
a Belly to Back into a Falling Neck-breaker for another two count
JTG tries to follow up, but Ted hooks a quick Small Package for a
flash two count (*drink). JTG up quickly, and he drops Teddy with a
Running Knee to the gut. JTG with a series of Knee Drops, and another
cover for a two count (*drink). JTG with a stiff Irish Whip into the
buckles. DiBiase hits hard and crashes to the mat. JTG hooks the leg,
and picks up another two count (*drink).
Stanford (on the Cena/Punk match from Night of Champions) :
“Man-oh-man, that was one match for the ages, on Sunday night...
Historic night... To say the least” (*drink).
JTG with a Body Scissor, and some leg and elbow strikes. Teddy fights
up and free. They do some rope running, and DiBiase comes out ahead
with a Running Clothesline, followed by a running knee to the head.
Ted Jr. follows up with a Sit-out Spine-buster, which earns him a long
two count (*drink).
JTG in the corner, manages to get a boot in the face of a charging
DiBiase. Ted is staggered, JTG tries to take advantage with a quick
leap off of the middle turnbuckle... directly into a DiBiase Dropkick.
Teddy covers, and gets another long two count (*drink). DiBiase up
quickly, he walks into a Drop Toe Hold that slingshots him off the
second rope, and into a Reverse Rolling Cradle by JTG. Ted still has
the wherewithal to kick out at two. Stanford : “Wow! Very Close!”
Both men up. JTG tries for an Irish Whip. Ted quickly counters into
the Dream Street. DiBiase hooks the leg, picks up the three count, and
is back to his winning ways here on Superstars.
Winner Via Dream Street ~ Ted DiBiase (*drink).
Replay ~ Counter into the Dream Street by Ted DiBiase. Three count.
JTG is still down and out, as Ted celebrates with his “DiBiase Posse”.
Stamford pimps tonight's Main Event Tag Team Match of The Prime Time
Players ~vs ~ The Usos, as Superstars heads into a commercial break.
Commercial ~ Breast Cancer is no laughing matter. Susan G. Komen for
the Cure is trying to help find a cure for breast cancer, and save
women's lives. Visit komen.org and support however you are able. I can
tell you without a shadow of a doubt gang ~ Cancer F*cking Sucks!
Back on Superstars, just in time for the somnambulistic entrance of
Jinder Mahal... and I promptly nod off.... (*zzzz).
I wake up seconds later, excited to see one of my personal favorite
Superstars' regulars ~ Drew McIntyre, making his way into the ring.
I'm puzzled tho...
I wonder if these two are teaming up, or facing off against each
other, seeing as they are both full fledged heels (to my knowledge).
My query is quickly answered as, I see Drew uncharacteristically
smiling, and interacting with the crowd. The announcers describe D-Mac
as “rejuvenated”, and they put over his “toughness” for insisting on
competing with the broken wrist...
As I quickly realize that apparently, Drew has turned face... When
exactly did this happen?
Match # 2 : Drew McIntyre ~vs~ Jinder Mahal
This match opens with the traditional Tie Up (*drink), as Stanford
launches into his usual rant about how both men are considered
“National Heros” in their native countries - I ranted about this last
week, so no need to repeat it here.
Jinder with a Go Behind. Drew counters with a Standing Switch, and
Jinder grabs the ropes for a break. Drew with a (foolish) clean break,
and Jinder (naturally) catches a cheap shot Elbow Strike. Jinder hits
a Shoulder Block. Mahal with an Irish Whip, Drew does the Face-ish
Rope Running Spot, complete with Leap Frog/Drop Down into a Flying
Dropkick. Drew pulls Mahal up, and unloads with a bevy of fisticuffs
that beats Jinder down in the corner. Drew mugs the crowd (*drink),
and he gets a little bit of a pop from the obviously confused
Superstars crowd. I suspect they are also wondering when Drew switched
Drew whips Mahal into the buckles and charges, but Jinder steps aside.
Drew hops up to the middle buckle, but Jinder captures his arm and Arm
Drags him down to the canvass. Mahal with his standard assortment of
Knee Drops, and then he goes to work with attacks targeting the broken
wrist. The (obviously still confused) Superstars crowd hilariously
begins a “USA” chant. Mahal with a weak looking Double Under-hook
Butterfly Suplex, and a quick cover for a two count (*drink).
Jinder locks on a Top Wrist Lock, as the announcers continue to put
over Drew's new alignment. Stanford : (McIntyre) is very valiant to
even compete with the hand still in the cast... Drew does not believe
in excuses. He will *not* use the wrist as an excuse if he loses”...
For the record ~ Less than two weeks ago (when Drew was still a heel),
these same men were seriously questioning the legitimacy of Drew's
injury, and clearly suggesting that he was trying to gain an advantage
by using the cast as a weapon... Which he was, in fact, doing.
No Excuses McIntyre fights up and free. He hits the ropes, and runs
directly into a Knee Strike to the gut by Jinder. Mahal with a Running
Kick directly to the injured wrist of McIntyre, and a quick cover for
a another two count (*drink). Jinder scores with a Basement Dropkick,
and more stomping on the wrist. Mahal with more Knee Drops to the
wrist, a Side Russian Leg Sweep, and another cover for two (*drink).
Drew tries to fight up, but Jinder continues to work the wrist. Mahal
hits the ropes, and runs directly into Drew's cast, which drops Mahal
to the mat hard. Drew with a Snap Vertical Suplex, and a cover of his
own for a two count (*drink). Both men up slowly, and Drew catches
Jinder with a Running Boot to the Face. Drew mugs the crowd (*drink),
and gives the old Batista “Thumbs up/Thumbs down” gesture. McIntyre
then hooks Mahal for a Future Shock DDT...
Drew hits it, and covers for the easy three count.
Stanford : “Goodnight, Jinder... Wow!” (*drink).
Winner via Future Shock DDT ~ Drew McIntyre (*drink).
Replay ~ Cast shot from Drew. “Signature Future Shock DDT”. Three count.
Mahal is MIA. Facey Drew is all smiles as he celebrates on the ropes,
posing for the (still confused) crowd.
Up Next ~ An update on Jerry “The King” Lawler, as Superstars heads to
another commercial break.
Commercial ~ We are getting some different commercials this week, as
we're watching Superstars on Hulu, instead of on the WWE website (the
show was not yet posted on WWE.com as of this report). So ~ I'll just
take this moment to plug David Parker's continuing awesome coverage of
WWE Saturday Morning Slam. This weeks show features Justin Gabriel
(among others). You can find the full recap, right here on the f4w
website at : http://www.f4wonline.com/more/more-top-stories/118-daily-updates/27511-wwe-saturday-morning-slam-tv-report
Back to Superstars for a quick update on The King. Jerry has left the
hospital, and he has returned to Memphis this past Monday... He looks
to be in fantastic shape, which is truly awesome news....
Long Live The King!
Back on Superstars, we are joined at the announce desk by Matt
Striker, and we get to witness the ostentatious entrance of the man
who is (apparently) from : “Harvard Law School” (hilarious) ~ David
The Lawyer's opponent tonight here on Superstars is Tyson Kidd.
Striker offers this gem of wisdom about Tyson : “There are many in the
WWE locker room (said with a tone of disdain), whom believe that Tyson
is the most complete WWE Superstar on the roster... Now, respect from
your peers is one thing, but letting the world know how good you are?
That is what Tyson Kidd is seeking to do”.
What does that mean exactly? No clue.
Match # 3 : Tyson Kidd ~vs~ David Otunga
Otunga goes for that traditional Tie Up, but Tyson counters into a
Hammerlock. David powers him into a Hip Toss, and then mugs the crowd
(*drink). Otunga goes for the Tie Up again, and Tyson again counters
into a Waist Lock. Otunga with a Standing Switch, and then Tyson uses
an innovative step thru the ropes, and counter into a Hammerlock.
Ref calls for the clean break. Tyson mugs the crowd (*drink), and hits
a nice Drop Toe Hold. Tyson with a La Magistral Cradle for an early
two count (*drink). Otunga up quickly, and he hits a kick to the
mid-section (how drool) to gain the advantage (*zzzz).
Otunga with an Irish Whip. Tyson wakes me up with his Hook the Ropes;
Boots in the Face; Backflip onto the Apron Spot. Otunga shrugs off the
attack, and hits a stiff Running Forearm that drops Kidd to the floor.
Otunga follows Tyson to the floor and hits some... boots and forearm
Otunga rolls Kidd back into the ring, and hits a stiff Running
Shoulder-block. David hooks the leg and gets a two count (*zzzz).
Otunga with The Dreaded Superstars Rear Chin Lock (*zzzz). Tyson fight
up. Otunga transitions into a Full Nelson, but Tyson counters with a
quick drop down into a Front Roll-Up for a flash two count (*drink).
Both men up quickly. Tyson with a series of kicks that drop David to
his knees. Tyson with a Running Basement Dropkick to the face of
Otunga. Meantime Striker unloads with an endless stream of totally
dated, and unfunny lawyer jokes... which puts me back to sleep
Tyson loudly mugs the crowd (*drink), which wakes me up, and then he
hits a Low Cradle Belly to Back Suplex (called “Nice” by Matt Striker
~ Well done Teacher Man). Tyson with a cover for a long two count
(*drink). Tyson quickly up to the top rope, David charges the corner,
and Tyson leaps over top of him, and lands on his feet. Tyson charges
Otunga in the corner, but The Lawyer catches him with his Thrust
Spine-buster (Verdict), and picks up the three count (*zzzz).
Winner via The Verdict ~ David Otunga (*drink).
Replay ~ Closing sequence with Striker making all kinds of lawyer puns
as Otunga hits The Verdict and picks up the victory (*zzzzz).
Kidd is still down and selling, as Otunga drops to knee and gives us
the body builder poses (*zzzz).
Damn ~ I'm going to break with tradition and grab a five hour energy
shot, as Superstars fades to another commercial break.
Commercial ~ It's time for my weekly pimping of my favorite column on
the f4w website. It's Emerson Witner's always awesome NXT Report.
You're not reading it? Your loss Suckers!
Seriously, the NXT show is more exciting than Superstars, SmackDown,
and Impact combined... and it's more exciting than (most) three hour
Raw shows to boot... Keep up with all of the exciting developments
right here : http://www.f4wonline.com/more/more-top-stories/118-daily-updates/27574-wwe-nxt-tv-report-seth-rollins-vs-rick-vitor-non-title
Or...if you're totally bored by NXT, you can read this other
fascinating f4w.com Witner piece on Sting as a Hall of Fame Candidate
(for the record, he got my vote this year) :
Please enjoy, and also ~ *drink.
Anyway, back on Superstars for The Raw Rebound. You have to know how
this works by now. For the full Raw Re-cap, read Rob (McCarron)'s
Riveting Raw Report at :
Peligro's Cliff Notes ~ Video package (*drink) highlighting the Night
of Champions Draw, followed by developments from this past Monday's
Raw show. Cena wants a rematch. AJ makes a Main Event Tag Match. Punk
takes the AA. The Champion's foot is on the ropes! Three count
Replacement refs suck... Controversy rules.
Everyone knows that I love CM (who did an awesome job during all of
this), but didn't they just do this (exact) same story with Alberto
and Sheamus? Punk played the (cheated heel) role roughly one thousand
times better than Alberto did... but it says a whole lot about your
“creative” department when you are repeating the exact same story
lines that you did (literally) weeks ago. It's kind of sad, really.
Back on Superstars for the entrance of the team that was once
“Millions of Dollars!” ~ The Prime Time Players. Titus and Darren seem
to have (thankfully) left that gimmick behind, as they struggle to be
taken more seriously. We get a replay from Raw of the PTP assaulting
the all luchadore team of Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara, this past Monday
Their opponent's tonight in the Superstars Main Event Match are the
Uso Boys. The Usos still have an awesome entrance, tho the Titan-tron
still identifies them as “The Uso's” ~ *drink, if you know why that
Match # 4 : Superstars Main Event : The Usos ~vs~ The Pryme Tyme Players
Darren Young and Jey Uso kick off the Superstars Main Event Tag Match
with a Tie Up (*drink). Young with a Go Behind into a Fireman's Carry.
Jey slides off of his back, and then Jey muses Darren's hair, which
suitably annoys Mr. No Days Off. Jey whips D-young into the Samoan's
corner, tags Jimmy, and the Usos hit their double team Back elbow into
a Tandem elbow Drop Combo. Jey mugs the crowd (*drink), while Jimmy
covers Darren for a two count (*drink).
More quick tags and double teaming from The Usos. Eventually Darren
escapes the Samoan's corner and makes the tag to Big Titus. Jey tries
some Knife Edge Chops, but Titus no sells, hits a Body Slam, and does
that weird Barking Call (*drink). Jey leaps to tag Jimmy, who staggers
Titus with a Flying Enzuigiri. Titus tags Darren, who steps into a Hip
Toss by Jimmy. Darren pops up quickly, and tries for an Irish Whip
into the Turnbuckle, but Jimmy violently reverses. Jimmy sends Young
hurling into the corner, where he tumbles over the post, and crashes
out to the floor.
Jimmy quickly hits the top turnbuckle and launches a Flying Body Block
on Darren on the floor. Titus tries to intervene, but Jimmy ducks, and
Jey catches Titus with a Flying Body Block off of the apron as well.
Both of the PTP are laid out on the floor, both of the Usos roll into
the ring, where they both mug the crowd (*drink twice).
Jimmy is control of Darren Young with some Knife Edge chops. Darren
counters an Irish Whip and sends Jimmy over the top rope and to the
floor. Darren tags Titus, who goes to work on Jimmy on the floor.
Titus rolls Jimmy into the ring, covers for a two count (*drink), and
then locks on the Dreaded Superstars Rear Chin Lock (*drink).
PTP make quick tags and do their double team Suplex Drop. Darren
covers Jimmy three times, for three separate two counts (*drink three
times). Titus tries for a running kick, but Jimmy counters with a Back
Body Drop. Jimmy makes the Hot Tag to Jey who comes in and goes all
“Casa del Fuego” with chops, kicks, a Flying Twisting Forearm Strike.
Jey follows up with the Running Ass Attack in the corner, and a cover
for two (*drink), but Titus breaks it up.
Jimmy comes in and takes Titus to the floor. Jey with the Samoan Drop
on Darren, and he quickly goes up to the top rope. In what appears to
be somewhat of a botch, both Titus and Darren cut Jey off, and
eventually he crashes on the top turnbuckle, and falls to the mat.
After a few seconds of awkwardness, PTP make the tag, and hit their
Demolition Double Team Falling Elbow Drop (Decapitator). Called
“Detestation Incorporated” by Matt Striker, tho I believe they call it
~ The Ghetto Blaster (tho it is decidedly *not* the old Bad News Back
Whatever you choose to call it, Titus hooks the leg, and the Pryme
Tyme Players pick up the three count in this Superstars Main Event.
Winners via Ghetto Blaster ~ Pryme Tyme Players (*drink)
Replay ~ Ghetto Blaster. Three Count.
The PTP do some creepy dancing, and then some “Millions of Dollars”
posing, as Josh Mathews signs off, and Superstars fades to black.
~ Analysis ~
The Good ~ Lots of “wrestling” on this weeks' show again. Which is
always a good thing in my book. No Diva's match ~ Which is also good
news. I'll take one thousand David Otunga matches... just so long as I
don't have to watch Layla... or Kaitlyn... or any of the current WWE
The Bad ~ Drew McIntyre follows in the footsteps of Tyson Kidd and
Natalya, whom both turned sides on Superstars, with literally no
explanation as to why, when, or how. What's the story with Drew's face
turn? Nobody knows. I know that Superstars is a “no angles” show, but
that's no excuse for pulling a complete 360 turn with one of your
characters, and not bothering to explain it at all. That's lazy
booking... something the folks in “creative” have been giving into a
whole lot lately.
The Ugly ~ Easy call. Two words : David Otunga (*zzzzz).... Whoops,
fell asleep while typing the man's name. Good Lord Dude! You look
great. You can even carry yourself on the mic... but then you get in
the ring... and do that thing that you do...
Man-oh-man (*drink), Otunga truely “sucks the sweat off of a dead man's balls”.
All in all ~ This was another solid edition of Superstars. Lots of
solid wrestling action. Nothing that was too unbelievably difficult to
sit through. Otunga sucks, but he's in there with Tyson Kidd, so it
can only be so bad. Three passable matches, and a short Raw Rebound.
Not as good as last week's show, but still trending in a positive
direction. I have no problems suggesting that you should check out
this show for yourself. If you choose to, you can find it right here
See you next week Gang!