WWE Raw TV report - The lie detector isn't answered
Monday, 03 December 2012 21:01
WWE Monday Night Raw
December 3, 2012
Tonight is the night.................John Cena and CM Punk talk. Not necessarily to eachother.
This milestone broadcast of WWE Raw begins with KANE and Daniel Bryan coming to the ring. Little known fact, Kane is the tag team champions. During Kane's entrance, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler showed me video of Smackdown. The Shield attacked Daniel Bryan and Kane on Smackdown, apparently. Who knew? Well, now, Team Hell No is unified and no longer bickering with eachother. For now. The Shield were shown in the upper deck, standing in front of some luxury suites. Kane took the mic and challenged Rollins, Ambrose, and Reigns to come down and fight. They stayed, with Black smirking. The Prime Time Players then entered, with new and downgraded entrance music, for this match. During their entrance, Cole mentioned Vince McMahon is rumored to be in Greensboro. Holy frick.
Match: Prime Time Players vs Team Hell No
During the match, Michael Cole, confused, called Ambrose "Daniel Ambrose." Star. Also, Cole pumped out some stats about Kane having wrestled the "most matches in WWE history." He said the magic number was 899. I assume that means televised matches. I also assume that stat is wrong. During the match, while the battle went back and forth in the ring, the members of the Shield slowly made their way down to the ring. Each, seperated, walked down the steps in the lower bowl of the arena waiting for the right moment to... do whatever they're about to do. As they got closer to ringside, Kane and Bryan grew more concerned with the group. This didn't hurt their chances of winning, however, as Bryan reversed a rollup into one of his own on D-Young to get the pinfall victory. Immediately, The Shield attacked Bryan and Kane. The three hit a tandem powerbomb on Daniel Bryan to finish their beatdown, and then left through the crowd to a chorus of boos.
Backstage, John Cena and Sheamus were annoying me. Sheamus has a new shirt, though, so at least several parents of idiot kids will share my annoyance soon.
Backstage, AJ was shown walking through the hallway in preparation for her match. Cole mentioned that AJ is finally returning to do what she loves to do. However, while saying that, she looked anything but thrilled.
Match: AJ vs Tamina
The WrestleMania blowoff to this incredible feud is finally here! Well, that was nothing. Tamina got most of the offense, as a powerhouse heel tends to do early on. However, AJ managed to get the win by schoolboy'ing Tamina as she went to the turnbuckles to hit her Superfly Splash. So she ends up getting her revenge in a short three minutes. Wait a minute. Did I just hear myself say... Nevermind.
CM Punk's music hit after this match, and Punk and Heyman cockily walked to the ring. Cole mentioned the number of days Punk's had the title, and Lawler, being a dick, mocked Cole for knowing the length of Punk's reign. COMMERCIAL BREAK.
Back from break, Paul Heyman was bashing the WWE Encyclopedia. He said there isn't enough written about CM Punk in the new book. However, there is one thing in the book he liked. You see, after tomorrow, CM Punk will become the longest reigning WWE Champion of "the modern era." He claimed Punk should be on the WWE Mt. Rushmore. Punk took the mic, and said he was unfairly persecuted still even though he has proven to be the best in the world. Words cannot describe, but Paul Heyman's reactions in the background during the following Punk promo were incredible. After a bit of whining about having to defend his title against Ryback, again, Punk claimed he's the reason everyone attends and watches WWE programming. If it weren't for him, nobody would have "anything to look forward to on these dismal three hour Monday Night Raws." Well, him, AJ, and the very slight chance that "Above Average" Mike Sanders might make an appearance. Punk told all the fans to leave the arena if they don't like him.
The Miz interrupted Punk's diatribe, telling the audience to sit and enjoy themselves. He also claimed to know for a fact that Maddox was in Punk's back pocket, that The Shield were working for Punk, and that last week Punk would have been Ryback's dinner had The Shield not made the save. He challenged Punk to join Miz TV tonight to take a lie detector test tonight regarding all the controversies over the past few months. Miz called Heyman a walrus when Paul spoke up, and an actual "walrus" chant broke out. Yep. Punk thought the lie detector challenge was a joke, but Miz goaded Punk into accepting the test.
Match: John Cena & Sheamus vs Dolph Ziggler & Big Show
This show already feels two hours old and it has been forty five minutes. Cena and Sheamus won after Cena pinned Ziggler with AA. Cena hit the AA at the same time Sheamus hit White Noise on Big Show, which Jerry Lawler said was one of the most impressive things he had ever seen. This was a pretty long bout, being the hour one main event. Good work, too, which made this less drawing than many recent Sheamus segments.
A replay of Punk's earlier denouncement of rumors of him being involved with The Shield was shown.
Tribute to the Troops will feature Flo-Rida and Miss Piggy, among others.
Mr. Damien Sandow was allowed to beg my indulgence for a moment. He will not abandon us on his quest to make us more intelligenter. Sandow asked for a volunteer from the crowd to try and become Sandow's apprentice. A man wearing a Little Jimmy shirt was chosen, and the 'fan' got in the ring. Sandow asked him what H20 made up. Water. He asked who the first President of the US was. Washington. He finally asked which English poet wrote "Much have I traveled in the land of gold." It's actually "realms of gold" but whatever. The fan asked, "Seriously?" and Sandow said he could not be more serious. John Keats, although the fan didn't know it. Sandow kicked the fan out. Michael Cole said he knew all along. Santino came out to wrestle Mr. Trivia Guy. Bad comedy for a minute, leading to this...
Match: Santino vs Damien Sandow
Sandow won with The End. Not a lot to this, and the crowd wasn't too into it. And that does it for this week folks! Hmm? Only half over? Oh.
Michael Cole begged us to TOUT a question to Damien Sandow, seeing if we can stump him.
Backstage, Dolph bitched to Vickie Guerrero that Big Show was only out for himself, and it's his fault they lost. Dolph said he could beat Cena. He begged Vickie for a rematch with Cena at TLC. Dolph then told Vickie someone was in her office. She walked in, and it was... BRAD MADDOX. Mad Ox stole Goldust's catchphrase, inserting his name, however.
Back from break, backstage, Brad was begging for a contract from Vickie. Brad had a personal camera man still following him around. Brad tried to suck up to Vickie to get what he wanted. It kind of worked, actually. Vickie gave Maddox a match, and if he wins, he gets a contract. Seems like we've done this before. Maddox asked who his opponent would be, and Vickie hinted at Khali without telling him.
Match: Alberto Del Rio vs Sin Cara
Sin Cara didn't look thrilled. Cole put over the budding romance between Rosa and Al. Lawler said she's just after his money and cars. Interesting. Yeah, Sin Cara was working in slow motion here. Maybe not the worst thing, as his offense looked more fluid with the slower pace. Alberto locked in his cross armbreaker for the win after avoiding Sin Cara's attempt at his senton off the top rope.
Backstage, the rumors were true. Vince has arrived. He sent a stage hand to alert Vickie that Vince would like to see her in the ring.
Vince McMahon and Vickie Guerrero had their meeting. This was a remake of their segment in the UK, as Vince prodded Vickie to make the match he wanted for TLC. Vickie made Dolph vs Cena. Vince said to try harder. She made Dolph vs Cena in a No Dq match. You dummie. It's called TLC. Should give you a clue. Oh, Vince said exactly that, and told Vickie to thing hard. Vince then whispered something in her ear. She screamed out "A ladder match?" Vince said that was a great idea! Vickie wondered how that would work since neither man was a champion. Vince wondered if it would workd if maybe the Money In The Bank briefcase was on the line. Vickie questioned that over being unfair to Dolph. Well, she's right. Vince said Vickie hadn't been fair to John and AJ lately. Vickie made Dolph vs Cena for TLC in a ladder match for the MITB briefcase. Vince wasn't done with Vickie. He asked if any action should be taken against Punk if he's proven to be a liar later. God, Vickie is so great in these segments. She was fantastic here. Vickie agreed with Vince, that action should be taken. She made Paul Heyman vs Ryback for next week if Punk fails the lie detector test. This saved the show. Except...
Why doesn't Dolph cash in MITB on Smackdown? Maybe he will, although I doubt it. Makes no sense for him not to. Use it while you got it. Don't take the risk.
Match: Brad Maddox vs Randy Orton
Maddox came out to no music, although he did have a Tron background that said "The Brad Maddox Experience." Cole put him over as a YouTube star with his new channel. I don't see this ending well for Mr. Maddox. Well, yeah, this was a squash. Orton pinned Maddox with an RKO. Maddox, tonight, was one of the highlights for whatever reason. He shows a lot of confidence and lack of nervousness for a rookie.
After the match, The Shield assaulted Orton in the ring. HEAT! Another three team powerbomb on Orton here.
Backstage, Paul Heyman and Vickie Guerrero squared off in her office. I don't think he's thrilled with the prospect of battling Ryback next week. John Cena then came in. He said thanks to Vickie, for basically giving him the championship. Vickie then talked about John and AJ some more. God, end it.
Match: R-Truth & Kofi Kingston vs Wade Barrett & Antonio Cesaro
Teddy Long came out before the match could start. So wacky, this is already a tag team match! Uh Oh, are they all now facing the Undertaker!?? Nope, Teddy made this tag match a fatal four way championship match. #RAWactive will decide which title is on the line, the IC or US title. Back from break, it was revealed that the title on the line would be the US title 83/17.
Match: R-Truth vs Antonio Cesaro vs Kofi Kingston vs Wade Barrett for the United States Championship
It was clear tonight that Michael Cole, while not being dickish to Lawler, is starting to revert to a full on heel persona. He's taking the sides and viewpoints of the bad guy characters, as he went off on how this was unfair to Cesaro. For the most part, only two men worked in the ring during this one as they would shift in and outside the ring. The finish saw each man land or get landed with a finisher, until finally Cesaro nailed Kofi with the neutralizer for the win. Good match.
MizTV: Miz introduced a member of the local sheriff's department to assist with the lie detector test. Miz tried to tell the audience about how a lie detector test works, and failed. Punk mocked Miz for being a sophomoric joke teller. He said Miz' title reign was forgettable, so Miz is trying to bring Punk down because he's jealous. Punk was great here, bashing Punk and the lie detector guyer and the crowd and everything. Miz was beat red, almost nervous that Punk was bashing him so bad and absolutely right in doing so. The lie detector results were being shown on the Tron, so everyone could see when the needle was moving. Punk was asked a few baseline questions and answered them correctly. Punk turned one of the questions into more bashing of Miz' title reign. The crowd wasn't too much into this except for chanting 'walrus' at Heyman. This segment also did an awful job of promoting Miz as a babyface. He was a total joke here. Miz finally got to the good questions, which first involved Punk being asked if he could beat Ryback. Punk said yes, but that was indicated as a lie. Miz asked about Maddox. Before Punk could answer, the Shield showed up and destroyed the test and beat down Miz. Punk and Heyman bailed as The Shield tore the house down and beat down Miz in the ring. Daniel Bryan & Kane came down to get revenge but the Shield got the better of them, also. Then, The Ryback came down and sent The Shield packing. Bryan and Kane ran the Shield out through the crowd. CM Punk returned and was attacked by Ryback. Ryback hit Punk with Shellshock, then got a table, ladder, and chair into the ring. Punk had no Shield to save him now. Ryback, with the crowd behind him, powerbombed Punk through a table to finish this. Perfect use of Ryback tonight.
This show had okay moments, but overall lasted forever and was pretty lame. Dolph is dumb if he doesn't get his title shot on Friday, the WWE champion called Miz a joke for an hour and Miz had little to no response, and Cena/AJ stuff isn't over. The good: Ryback's stuff tonight, Punk on the mic, Vince and Vickie, and Brad Maddox.