Here is the report for Ohio Valley Wrestling episode 696. This episode is available for your viewing pleasure at http://www.ovwrestling.com/tv/696.
Our announcers are Dean Hill, Gilbert Corsey, and Michael Titus as OUR OVW Director of Authority Trailer Park Trash/Frank Miller comes out to the ring. He calls out his former assistant Ms. Josette Bynum, who he kicked out of the building last week along with Flash Flanagan. The voluptuous Ms. Bynum comes to the ring in a really tight turquoise dress and has her cell phone stuck in the front of the dress. TPT orders her to pull the phone out and call Flanagan, who he is positive is outside the building. Flash comes to the ring and stands beside Josette. TPT says he is tired of getting jumped from behind then shows some security camera footage from last week where TPT is leaving the building to go to his truck but gets attacked! TPT says this stuff is going to stop now! TPT tells Flash there is only one way he can get back into OVW: face him in a match at Saturday Night Special on 1/5! This will be no-DQ, falls count anywhere, hardcore match and if Flash wins, he gets to be back in OVW. TPT says people have asked him why he hasn't punched Flash or Josette in the face, to which he explains that the Board of Directors has told him not to do that unless it's a sanctioned match. Josette laughs and taunts TPT then Flash agrees to do the match, warning that it will be TPT's last match. As Flash backs off, TPT yanks on the mic cord and crotches Flash, who goes down on the mat! TPT reiterates that he didn't touch Flash and since TPT surmises the ring is a dangerous place for them to be, he calls security to have Flash & Josette escorted from the building again.
James "Moose" Thomas is in the back seeking some backup for his running battle with both Crimson's Army and Platoon of Wayne. He encounters OUR OVW Southern Tag Team Champions The Gut Checkers (Sam Shaw & Alex Silva), but they politely decline because they have their own issues with the Best Team Ever (Rudy Switchblade & Jesse Godderz) plus they have a match tonight. Moose accepts this and tells them to kick ass.
The announce team plugs a house show in Austin, IN then go to OUR OVW Ring announcer Terry Boddie.
Match #1: OUR OVW Southern Tag Team Champions The Gut Checkers (Sam Shaw & Alex Silva) vs The Wildcards (Shiloh Jonze & Raul Lamotta)
Ref holds up the belts thus making this a title match. Gilbert notes how smooth and fluid the Gut Checkers' work has become lately. Ref makes them break a double team maneuver, allowing Jonze to attack Silva from behind. Silva escapes brief double teaming to tag in Shaw and they double dropkick the Wildcards. Jonze receives a Silva Surfer followed by a Breaking Point from Shaw and gets pinned.
Match #2: "The Justin Bieber of Professional Wrestling" Dylan Bostic (w/OUR OVW Women Champion Taeler Hendrix) vs Ace Hawkins
Dylan & Taeler are also referred to as "The Ken and Barbie of OVW" by Titus, who has Gilbert's vote for "Suckah of the Year", lol. Gilbert notes Hawkins comes to OVW with a lot of accolades but still needs to prove himself here. Hawkins gets in a flurry of offense until Taeler uses her radiant beauty to distract him. It is noted that Bostic seems more aggressive than usual but then Hawkins gets him with an Ace-acanrana then goes to springboard off the ropes bust slips, allowing Bostic to hit a lungblower for the pin. Taeler nearly tackles Bostic running in to hug him.
Randy Royal is spotted leaving TPT's office. Tony Gunn comes up to him, telling him he is inspired by his speech last week and wants to be his trainer. Gunn wants to get Royal back on that pedestal. Royal doesn't really have a workout partner so he's OK with it.
Time for "THE MIX TAPE"!!!!!!!!with Timmy Danger and Eddie Diamond!!! My favorite part of the show!! You can still vote for "Suckah of the Year" via Twitter @TimmyDanger or @DuardoDiamond #Suckahoftheyear! They have a gold-wrapped beer bottle called "The Golden 40" which will be handed out. They start with "Match of the Year" but Diamond decides they ned to do something fresh, so the change it to "Shot Caller of the Year", which will be a referee with special achievements in being hot all year. The award is a leather box of chocolates to enjoy with Diamond! Josh Ashcraft is nominated, as is Taryn Terrell, who ends up being the winner. Diamond slaps on aftershave but Danger slows him down by saying Taryn is not here plus she has a restraining order against them! Chris Sharpe comes up to accept the award as Diamond yells at him saying the chocolate is for Taryn!
Cliff Compton (with different entrance music) comes out with both the real OVW TV Championship belt and the "retired" title belt plus a small trash can, which he sets in the ring. He says he was at the Mayo Clinic last week and the doctor told him he broke all 32 bones in his foot -twice! He was told that the doctors would have to amputate the foot but he declined, deciding instead to become "Batman"-a real-life vigilante for justice, coming back to OVW to re-right the wrongs and reclaim his place as the "real" OVW TV Champion as he was never pinned to lose the title. Compton says we will never hear the words "lying" and "Cliff Compton" in the same sentence since he is now the TV Champion, dropping the "retired" belt in the trash can. OUR Actual OVW TV Champion Jamin Olivencia runs out and chases off Compton, then grabs both belts.
James "Moose" Thomas encounters "Smooth" Johnny Spade in the back and asks Spade for backup. Spade brushes Moose off, saying he doesn't trust anybody.
Still almost half the show left as we go to the main event!
Match #3: "General" Crimson & "He-Man of Homeland Security" Jason Wayne & "Master of the Universe" Joe Coleman vs James "Moose" Thomas & The Mascara Mafia (Paredyse & Brandon "Espy" Espinosa)
Wayne gives the Coaltion Forces' (his and Crimson's combined groups’ moniker this week) mission statement: To strategically remove certain individuals from OVW and set their sights on anyone that Moose recruits and make sure he does not have the allies to face them in war. Crimson declares war on every terrorist that comes before us and they will continue to do it this week. Crimson says "Bring out the terrorists!". Dean yells at the Forces to get in the ring! Coleman, then Wayne are worked over by Moose and the Mafia at the outset. Dean suggests that Moose is slowly gathering allies to deal with the Coalition. Paredyse pulls the top rope down, causing both Crimson and Wayne to tumble out to the floor with Coleman as the show goes to break. Espy is being worked over by the Coalition as we return as an angry Dean refuses to compare them with real soldiers. Espy flips away and tags in Paredyse, who hits the Pie in the Sky on Coleman for 2 before Wayne breaks it up, resulting in everyone jumping in briefly. Paredyse hit a neckbreaker on Coleman but Jack Black runs out and give Paredyse a Blackhole Slam before scurrying back out and we go to break again. Back to action, Paredyse is getting worked over by the Coalition but escapes Crimson's sleeper and tags Espy back in. Espy ends up in the wrong corner as Dean reminisces about Wayne being a nice guy when Wayne first came to OVW. Espy enziguris free of Coleman and tags in Moose for a few lariats then Paredyse crossbodies Coleman for 2. Crimson breaks this up and drags Paredyse to the wrong corner for more Coalition beatings. Paredyse escapes and tags Espy who runs right into a Wayne rock bottom as Titus complains about not being on the roster page on the OVW website (which is true as I stopped typing to check this, lol)! Espy gets more Coalition abuse until finally kicking away from Wayne and here comes Moose! Sideslam by Moose on Wayne for 2 followed by other assorted finishers until Black returns only to be dumped out by Moose. Wayne sneaks up and pins Moose with the Handful O'Tights to score a victory for the Coalition. The six plus Black scrap in the ring after the bell! Moose grabs the metal rod but Doug Williams runs out to take it away from Moose. Williams hits Espy, Paredyse, and Moose with the rod. Wayne jabs Paredyse with the rod as "Smooth" Johnny Spade runs out and superkicks the four Coalition members then walks away as the show goes off.
Thoughts: Wondering if this episode was the second one taped on 12/12, as it did seem kind of skimpy. Other than confirming Flash vs Trash, and Spade's coming out presumably due to Williams being in the ring, nothing much really progressed here. By my count, the main event went like 25 minutes which was probably twice as long as it should have been. Just a hunch that the 1/5 Saturday Night Special will include a Coalition vs Moose & Friends match. Can't wait to see who wins the "Golden 40"! This show did kind of drag for me, especially at the end, so I'm going low thumbs in the middle.