WWE NXT TV report

May 9, 2013
LIVE! From Full Sail University

by Emerson “I make a funny” Witner

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Here's what you need to know about NXT:

-They have a champion, it's Big E. Langston, who defeated Seth Rollins for the title on January 10. The show was taped after The Shield debuted at Survivor Series, but before Big debuted on Raw. Big originally refused to go to Raw when Vickie Guerrero offered him a spot, but did go to Raw once AJ lost power. Go figure.

-They also have Tag Team Champions, Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas. Originally Neville and Oliver Grey won a tournament for the belts, which concluded on February 14. However The Family injured Grey on March 7, putting Oliver out of action until the end of the year. On May 2, Dusty Rhodes forced Neville to pick a new championship partner, so he picked Dallas

-Dusty Rhodes is the Authority Figure, but his job title seems to change from week to week.

-The insanely popular Paige, Emma, Audrey Marie and the love of my life, Sasha Banks were the only four NXT Diva's until February 7 when ring announcer Summer Rae (not Summer Rain) attacked Paige.

-Rae, now referred to as the First Lady of NXT, shelved Paige with a debilitating shoulder injury. Paige recovered and is now trying to whoop Rae like a red-headed step child. Rae, instead of fighting, is too busy Fandango-ing

-Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper and Rowan (Husky Harris, Brodie Lee and Erick Rowan) have formed a weird family, called simply The Wyatt Family. They are currently feuding with both Bo Dallas and Adrian Neville.

-The Shield still make random appearances on the show, causing chaos.

And that's everything you need to know about NXT. (Now we know!) (And knowing is half the battle) (G.I. Joe!)

1.) Damien Sandow defeated Baron Corbin in 3:07. No bloody idea who the hell Baron Corbin is. Obviously I do my homework. Turns out he used to play in the NFL for the Colts and Cardinals. I'll give you a wild guess how that turned out for him, since he is here on NXT. Sandow hit the elbow of disdain, which I again will not try to spell the Latin translation. Damien then hit The Silencer for the win

-After the match Damien formally challenged Big E. Langston to an NXT Title Match.

2.) Paige defeated Bailey in 4:58. Paige is not as pale as she appears on tv, which makes you wonder how dark the people who look tan are. This match was slightly more competitive than you would think, I guess Paige can't just beat everyone in sight. Paige with a Fisherman's Suplex, but no bridge for a near fall, so she just yelled and threw Bailey around by her hair. Paige then finished her foe off with the Paige Turner.

-After the match Summer Rae ran in and attacked Paige from behind! That fiend! She laid out Paige with one forearm to the back. That is a vicious forearm.

-To the back where Someone is interviewing NXT Champion Big E. Langston. Big said his streak has been very impressive, but so is his yo yo collection.

Sandow walked in to make another challenge. Big made him do math, with the answer being FIVE! So Big is now a comedy geek on the geek show.

3.) Sakamoto went to a No Contest with Briley Pierce in 1:22. Sakamoto is the former handler/bitch boy of Tensai. Briley is the brother of Dolph Ziggler and the former backstage interviewer of NXT. It's funny that they gave him the name Briley Pierce, but acknowledge that Dolph is his brother. The match was alright for 82 seconds until Conor O'Brien stormed the ring and destroyed both men

-Conor continued the beating after the bell. I miss Kenneth Cameron and him as The Ascension.

-Renee Young is talking to Briley and Sakamoto backstage. They are very mad at Conor O'Brien. So mad that Sakamoto cannot speak English.

4.) Kassius Ohno (w/trimmed beard) submitted Camacho in 6:12. Camacho hasn't been seen since I met him at Axxess after waiting a long time in line because some Spanish Media types were interviewing him and Hunico. I don't know which surprised me more, that Hunico finally broke out of Mexico or that someone wanted to interview Hunico and Camacho. Or maybe that the biggest stars I could meet at Axxess were them and Michael McGillicutty. Two heels in this match, but Ohno played baby face, giving Camacho 65% of the match before making the comeback. Ohno hit, and I quote, “a flying misdirection kick to the money”. I would have just called it a one legged dropkick. Ohno won with the Kassius Klutch, which is almost the No Lock, just with Ohno facing the other direction.

-After the match Ohno took the mic and apologized to Mr. Regal. As he did that The Family came out for the main event and eyeballed Ohno as they went to the ring. Bray Wyatt did more than just eyeball him, before smiling and stepping back. Before Ohno could just leave, he was attacked by Rowan and Harper. Bray pushed them back, before dropping Kassius with the STO. I guess that makes Ohno a face now.

I hope Ohno gives those men A Flying Misdirection Kick To The Money.

-Millions of Dollars! Prime Time Players video aired. They will not be on the show next week, but Big E will defend his championship against Damien Sandow next week.

5.) The Family (w/Bray Wyatt) defeated Interim NXT Tag Team Champions Adrian Neville & Bo Dallas to win the championships in 10:19. Last week The Family won a non-title Triple Threat tag team match over these men and that somehow led Neville to giving Dallas his other championship belt. The highlight of the early part of the match was Bo bringing Harper over to their corner and Neville was allowed to tag in by tagging Harper. That seems like something that shouldn't have been allowed. We go to the commercial after Neville hit The Flourish and came back as he was doing a flipping back flip type dohicky onto Rowan. He almost retained the gold by hitting His Finishing Flipping Move onto Harper, but Rowan made the save just in time. I really wish he would give these moves names so I would stop making fun of Tony Dawson. Or maybe not. Making the save was all that was needed to get the advantage on Neville, as they got the heat on The Man That Gravity Forgot. Neville made the hot tag after falling down when Harper went for a big kick in the corner. Dallas and Rowan went back and forth, both men getting a number of nearfalls until Rowan sent Dallas into Neville, which sent Adrian crashing into the barricades. Harper tagged in and scored the clean pin and won the championships with a spinning lariat. That is a bit of an upset!

The kings are dead! Long live the new kings of the NXT Tag Team Division! See you all next week.

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