WWE NXT TV report

May 16, 2013
LIVE! From Full Sail University

by Emerson “I can't believe they fired Derrick Bateman” Witner

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Here's what you need to know about NXT:

-They have a champion, it's Big E. Langston, who defeated Seth Rollins for the title on January 10. The show was taped after The Shield debuted at Survivor Series, but before Big debuted on Raw. Big originally refused to go to Raw when Vickie Guerrero offered him a spot, but did go to Raw once AJ lost power. Go figure.

-They also have Tag Team Champions, The Wyatt Family (Erick Rowan and Luke Harper, managed by Bray Wyatt). They captured the titles on May 9, defeating Bo Dallas and Adrian Neville

-Dusty Rhodes is the Authority Figure, but his job title seems to change from week to week.

-The insanely popular Paige, Emma and the love of my life, Sasha Banks were the only three NXT Diva's until February 7 when ring announcer Summer Rae (not Summer Rain) attacked Paige.

-Rae, now referred to as the First Lady of NXT, shelved Paige with a debilitating shoulder injury. Paige recovered and is now trying to whoop Rae like a red-headed step child. Rae, instead of fighting, is too busy Fandango-ing

-The Shield still make random appearances on the show, causing chaos.

And that's everything you need to know about NXT. (Now we know!) (And knowing is half the battle) (G.I. Joe!)

-Before I begin, last week Briley Pierce and Sakamoto vowed revenge on Conor O'Brien for attacking them during their match. I will bet you five dollars they do not get their revenge.

-We have a new female ring announcer and Jesus Christ she is horrible. Speaking of horrible, Tom Phillips is at the announce table (he's not too bad) and joined this week by the Assistant to the Raw Managing Supervisor/Assistant Raw Managing Supervisor Brad Maddox.

1.) Summer Rae pinned Natalya in 6:16. This was set up last week when Summer interrupted Natalya who was cutting a promo for some reason. Perhaps she was talking about how sexy The Great Khali is. While I do not agree with her choice in lovers, Natalya is a hell of a worker and was able to carry Fandango's #2 girl to a good match. Summer called a time out. Despite heels doing this for 25 years and referees pointing out that there are no time outs in wrestling, Black Ref allowed the time out. Summer kicked Natalya right in the head as we actually went to a commercial during a Diva's match. We come back from commercial as Rae drops all 84 pounds of her down onto the arm of Nattie. Despite her hated rival being on the offense most of the match, Paige didn't bother coming to the ring until Natalya had the upper hand. She scooted down, Nattie ran into her and Summer won with a roll up.

-Backstage Renee Young interviewed Sami Zayn, who will debut next week. Sami is, of course, El Generico without the mask. Next week he will face Curt Hawkins. Sami pointed out that Renee was hot and said he isn't nervous about facing a former WWE Tag Team Champion since he has an “International reputation”. 

-Bray Wyatt came out with his Family. Bray was wearing Undertaker's old Phantom of the Opera mask for some reason. He says this is the face of a monster. Great he is Kane from 2003 now.

2.) Bray Wyatt (w/The Family) defeated Danny Burch in 2:03. Typical Matt Morgan big man squash match. Sorry, was watching Matt Morgan do an online interview talking about how people on the internet are idiots.

-Backstage Bo Dallas walked up to Adrian Neville. Adrian said he wasn't happy and neither was Oliver. Bo cut him off and started his heel turn. Bo pointed out that he was talking to John Cena, WWE Superstar, winner of the 2013 Royal Rumble and Neville had to point out that he knew who the hell John Cena is. 

Anyway, in two weeks there will be an NXT Battle Royal and the winner will be the #1 Contender to the NXT Championship. Bo told Adrian that he (Bo) signed up and there weren't any more slots left. Adrian told him not to worry, since he signed up as well.

3.) In a 2-on-1 Handicap Match Conor O'Brian defeated Sakamoto and Briley Pierce in 2:36. Well I guess they get to job on their way out the door. Conor doesn't normally look very big, but he looks like a giant in the ring with these two men. Sakamoto got his ass kicked. Pierce tagged in, ass full of fire...and had his head kicked off. Why should Tensai be the only person to beat up Sakamoto? Finally Briley and Sakamoto double teamed Conor. Scott Armstrong thought he was still officiating TNA, so he let it go. Conor quickly dismantled both of them, pinning them with a Double Flapjack.

-After the match Someone came out onto the stage with Adam Bomb's old goggles around his neck and got the attention of Conor.

-To the back where Tony Dawson interviewed Corey Graves about the ups and downs of the last few months of his career. Graves gave a promo that made me think he needed to be on Anti-Depressants. Oh and he is going to be in the battle royal in two weeks. 

Bray Wyatt walked in and talked about war.

4.) NXT Champion Big E. Langston (w/NEW theme) defeated Damien Sandow in. This match isn't just for anyone's NXT Championship, it's for YOUR NXT Championship. Or so says the pretty blonde lady who can't ring announce very well, but for some reason is the ring announcer instead of Byron Saxton, who is quite competent at his job. Tom Phillips puts over time and again how important it is to be the NXT Champion, since the only two NXT Champions, Rollins and Langston, were both a part of WrestleMania. And Axxess. I shouted FIVE at Big at Axxess and it was amazing how many weird looks I got from people who didn't know any better. At least Big chuckled. Big beat the crap out of Damien for the first five or six minutes of the match, but then somehow, someway, the Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses took over. Sandow told Big to submit to a rear chin lock. Big, being disrespectful like he is, decided not to. We got dueling chants as Big battled back with a belly to belly suplex. Big with a number of clotheslines, before hitting his full body attack. Damien kept sneaking out of The Big Ending. Sandow missed the Elbow of Disdain once, but hit it a second time...but Langston kicked out at two! Big got out of a neck breaker and hit The Big Ending for the win!

-That is it for this week. In two weeks it is a Battle Royal! Until next week, say your vitamins and take your prayers.

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