Monday, 05 September 2011 22:20
WWE Raw Report
By: Todd Martin
Date: 09/06/11 from Columbus, OH.
The Big News: HHH fired Kevin Nash.
CM Punk came out to a decidedly mixed reaction. He said he’s different in that he doesn’t have a filter and that makes him a target. Punk said he wants Nash, who is the status quo with the same music since 1996 and the same beard and hair dye since the first Gulf War. He added that HHH and Nash are trying to trick him into believing they are enemies when really they are still friends and Nash will have HHH’s back at Night of Champions. He told Nash to face him as a man. They delayed a bit before Nash came out, which I think it something they should always do to make it feel real rather than contrived when there is an impromptu challenge.
Kevin Nash came out and said he does what he wants and fights when he wants. Punk ran through Nash’s gimmicks. Nash told Punk to look at each man and noted every time he comes down he leaves Punk lying. He said that HHH pulling him from the match just protected Punk from getting killed. Punk responded by referencing the Longest Yard and saying that when Nash won the WWF title for the first time it was the year Justin Bieber was born, Arsenio Hall still had a show and Punk couldn’t legally drive. That seemed mean enough that people booed.
Nash was walking to the ring when HHH’s music hit. Nash told HHH that Punk is a cancer and HHH needs to get rid of him. HHH said normally he’d be inclined to do that but this week he discovered the truth. HHH said he got security footage from Staples Center and that it was Kevin Nash who went into HHH’s office and sent himself a text from HHH’s cell phone. So, apparently Nash snuck into HHH’s office hoping HHH wouldn’t be there but that HHH would leave his cell phone lying around rather than just keeping it in his pocket. And then he would send a text to himself from HHH rather than just claiming HHH sent it, when HHH would know he was lying either way. Okay.
Nash admitted to doing this and said that he made WWE cool again. Wait, what? He said WWE isn’t big enough for both him and Punk. HHH said that he doesn’t like Punk but Punk hasn’t lied to him and all Nash does is lie. Nash was incredulous HHH would pick Punk over him and started poking HHH and challenging him. HHH responded by punching Nash. He then said Nash is fired. Punk laughed at Nash and wished him best of luck in his future endeavors. So wait, why does Punk believe Nash and HHH aren’t still in cahoots? And why would Nash be upset when he made it clear last week he was happy to get fired and collect his guaranteed paycheck at home? They showed Kevin Nash and John Laurinaitis leaving together.
Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Great Khali and Jinder Mahal. The heels worked over Bourne. Kingston tagged in and hit some clotheslines. He went for the boom drop on Mahal but Khali pulled down the top rope. Mahal held Kingston for a Khali chop but Khali accidentally hit Mahal. Kingston then tagged Bourne and Bourne hit the shooting star press for the win.
Beth Phoenix beat Eve Torres. Kelly and Natalya did commentary and I found them more irritating than Michael Cole at any point on this show. They were bickering back and forth in such an annoying manner and Natalya just kept saying WWE Universe over and over again. I swear she said it 12 times in 2 minutes. Beth won with the glam slam. After the match, Natalya jumped Kelly from behind. Natalya and Beth are no longer the Divas of Doom but rather the Divas of Salvation. Well, I guess it’s better than Diego going from Nightmare to Dream.
They aired three vignettes backstage throughout the show with Alberto Del Rio trying to convince people that they needed to take out John Cena. Drew McIntyre did a cameo in the first saying he sees Christian as a victim of injustice before Del Rio basically told McIntyre to beat it. Christian recognized Del Rio was trying to get him to do Del Rio’s dirty work. Later, Wade Barrett said he doesn’t need any convincing to go after Cena. And still later, Del Rio tried to convince Dolph Ziggler that Vickie Guerrero was going to dump him because of Cena. The Bellas made a brief cameo flirting with Del Rio, so they may be linked going forward.
CM Punk beat R. Truth. Before the match, Truth said he has been speaking his mind long before Punk. They did some comedy based on the idea that Truth is really, really stupid. I suppose it’s better than being portrayed as a criminal. Miz said that they will be wrestling Bourne and Kingston at Night of Champions. Miz made fun of the Air Boom name. Truth worked over Punk’s leg for a while. Punk came back with a superplex, high knee, bulldog and springboard clothesline. Miz tripped him as he was bouncing off the ropes so the referee ejected Miz from ringside. Punk then hit the GTS for the pin.
After the match, HHH came out. Punk told HHH he didn’t buy HHH punching Nash. So wait, why did you laugh at Nash and wave goodbye to him? HHH said he changed their match at Night of Champions to no DQ and said he might fire him afterwards. Punk liked this suggestion, despite it being such an obvious opening for interference from Nash or other HHH cronies. I guess that’s okay if Punk shows up with help of his own, but if he doesn’t he’s a complete moron. Punk suggested a stipulation that if HHH loses, he resigns as COO. HHH just accepted this no questions asked.
Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. They showed footage of Ryder’s youtube stuff before the match, which was a nice way to make him feel more important. They got heat on Ryder very briefly. Lawler tagged in and hit punches and kicks. He hit the fist drop off the second rope on Otunga but Ryder begged to be tagged in. Lawler eventually relented and Ryder hit the Rough Rider for the win.
Randy Orton beat Heath Slater. Slater hit an enzuigiri and spine buster. Orton came back with a power slam, draping DDT and RKO for the win. I’m all for more matches like this one where you just put over one guy strong. But the two guys on the roster who need this the least are Orton and Cena. Backstage, Cena teased being annoyed at Ryder but instead congratulated Ryder and walked off.
John Cena came out and said that Alberto Del Rio keeps ducking him. He predicted Del Rio would come out and explain why he couldn’t fight Cena on Raw. Del Rio came out and said he’s trying to give Cena a fighting chance at Night of Champions by not injuring him prior to the match. Del Rio then said he couldn’t say the same for his buddies, los rudos of Raw. That was amusing. Christian, Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler attacked Cena. John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley made the save. Teddy Long came out and said he has been given the authority to intervene on Raw when necessary and made an 8 man tag elimination match.
John Cena, John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley beat Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Christian and Wade Barrett. Morrison hit a one man Spanish fly and one man double dropkick, but was distracted by Christian and Ziggler applied the sleeper. Swagger tagged himself in and applied the ankle lock on Morrison. Ziggler left the ring and Morrison tapped. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Riley and applied the ankle lock for another submission.
Sheamus hit punches, a knee lift, a shoulder block off the top rope and Brogue kick on Barrett for the pin. Christian slapped Sheamus so Sheamus chased Christian through the crowd and up the stage until both were counted out. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Cena but Ziggler tagged himself in. Ziggler and Swagger argued until Ziggler walked into an FU for a pin. Swagger put the ankle lock on Cena but Cena reversed it into the STF for a tap. Del Rio ran in after the match but was caught with another FU.
I didn’t care for this show. The Punk/HHH/Nash storyline in particular is a complete mess and building up Cena for another title match just isn’t something I’m excited to see in 2011.