WWE Raw Report
By: Todd Martin
Date: 10/24/11 from Austin, TX.
The Big News: John Cena wanted to wrestle Miz and Truth. John Laurinaitis made Cena and Zack Ryder versus Miz and Truth. But Miz and Truth beat up Ryder and then beat up Cena two on one. So Laurinaitis announced that because of that, Cena would get to choose his partner against Miz and Truth for Survivor Series. And you’ll never guess who Cena chose after all those developments.
HHH came out to start the show. He said he was always taught that in the wrestling business you can either make friends or make money, but he has been lucky to make money and still have his share of friends. He cited Shawn Michaels, Sean Waltman and Kevin Nash. However, when HHH reached a position of power he realized some people were just there because of that power. HHH said he thought Nash would be there for life but Nash changed. Nash tried to break his neck, but instead he broke his heart. Some of the crowd mocked the cheesiness of that line.
HHH called Nash out to the ring for an ass whipping. John Laurinaitis showed up instead and said that to his knowledge, Nash wasn’t there. HHH told Laurinaitis to shut up and not enter the ring. HHH said Laurinaitis reports to him and told Laurinaitis to go find Nash. So what exactly does Laurinaitis have power over? HHH said that if Laurinaitis couldn’t find Nash, HHH would embarrass the company by finding Nash on his own and ending up in jail. He told Laurinaitis to sign Nash to a big contract to come back. Wasn’t the story that Nash had a no cut contract so that he would be paid and under contract whether he worked or not?
As HHH was leaving, Kevin Nash attacked him from behind with a sledgehammer. HHH sold it huge and collapsed backstage. He was being carried into an ambulance on a stretcher when Nash pulled him off the stretcher and hit him with the sledgehammer again in the head.
Randy Orton and Sheamus beat Cody Rhodes and Christian. He heels worked over Sheamus, who got the tag to Orton. Orton hit a powerslam, neck breaker and draping DDT on Christian. Orton went for the RKO on Christian but Rhodes attacked him from behind. Orton went for the RKO on Rhodes but Rhodes escaped. Christian hit an elbow off the second rope and the heels took back over for a brief period.
Orton got the tag back to Sheamus, who hit a knee lift and back breaker on Rhodes. Christian hit a spear behind the referee’s back on Sheamus and Rhodes covered, but Orton broke up the pin. Orton gave Christian the RKO. Rhodes went for a springboard kick and Sheamus attempted to counter with a botched Brogue kick. Sheamus then hit the razor’s edge for the win. This was a fun match.
John Laurinaitis was on the phone backstage with Stephanie McMahon. He said that HHH was fine and that he wasn’t responsible for what happened. He spoke with David Otunga briefly about how he didn’t want there to be a perception of unsafe working conditions. John Cena then came in and told some jokes after losing the title match last night via interference. But he told them with an angry tone, and that’s the important thing. Cena wanted R. Truth and Miz. Laurinaitis offered Miz and Truth vs. Cena and a partner of Laurinaitis’ choice. Cena responded with a Dynamic Dudes joke.
Dolph Ziggler beat Santino Marella. Jack Swagger distracted Santino and Ziggler hit the zig zag for the win. Swagger put Santino in the ankle lock after the match but Mason Ryan ran in for the save. That’s easiest spot to get a big reaction but the crowd didn’t care at all. Backstage, Zack Ryder celebrated upon learning he would be Cena’s partner in the main event.
Alberto Del Rio came out and said that he proved once and for all that he is better than John Cena. Del Rio said he would be moving on to new challengers but that nobody is better than him so he will be champion for a long time. CM Punk came out and said he has beaten Del Rio multiple times and didn’t get a one-on-one rematch with Del Rio after losing the title.
Del Rio responded by correctly pointing out Punk didn’t even win the night before, when he was pinned at Vengeance. Del Rio said losers don’t deserve title shots and Punk should go win a match. Punk responded by threatening to put Del Rio to sleep. John Laurinaitis came out and said he was in charge this segment. Punk suggested Punk vs. Del Rio for the title at Survivor Series. See, I would have thought the whole “pinned in your last match” would be a pretty good counterpoint.
Punk wanted to know the catch. Laurinaitis bumbled over his words and wanted Punk to tell him that he respects Laurinaitis. Punk said things aren’t better with Laurinaitis in charge and told another Dynamic Dudes joke. Punk said “I respect you funk man” as a combination Brian Pillman/Curb Your Enthusiasm reference. Laurinaitis gave Punk another chance.
Punk said he respects Laurinaitis’ deer in headlights look, how he doesn’t know how to hold a microphone, how he used to wrestle with a mullet, how he got to the top of the WWE structure with brownnosing and not talent, and now no one in the business has done so much with so little. Laurinaitis responded that Punk isn’t suitable for a title shot and that he would take another week to think it over. Punk then attacked Del Rio. He went for the GTS but Ricardo Rodriguez made the save and got the GTS himself. Laurinaitis was just terrible in this segment.
Alicia Fox beat Natalya. They did some mat wrestling early, which was actually pretty good. Alicia then used a kind of sloppy rollup for the win, which still looked much better than most of the finishes on this show. Beth and Natalya jumped Alicia after the match but Alicia escaped.
Wade Barrett beat John Morrison. Barrett worked over Morrison. He went for wasteland but Morrison escaped. Morrison went for starship pain but Barrett rolled out and Morrison landed on his feet. Morrison went for a springboard kick that was supposed to be caught into wasteland but that was botched so Barrett picked him up and gave him another wasteland for the win.
Michael Cole stood on the announce table to complain about what Jim Ross had supposedly been saying on Twitter. It’s worth pointing out at this point that the entire theme of this show was Twitter. They talked about it over and over again during every match like some sort of bizarre obsession. It was so irritating.
Anyway, Cole had some photoshopped pictures supposedly sent out by Ross on Twitter. It was basically just a chance to make fun of Ross’ weight. Cole challenged Ross to a Michael Cole Challenge next week. Cole said that if Ross wins, Cole will quit and Ross can have his seat back. The Michael Cole victory celebration is going to be unbearable.
John Cena beat Miz and R. Truth via disqualification. Miz and Truth attacked Zack Ryder backstage before the match and took him out. They worked over Cena for a while. Cena made his own comeback but when he went for the FU on Miz, Truth almost hit him with a water bottle for a DQ. That was a great finish. They beat up Cena some more after the match and brought chairs into the ring.
Laurinaitis interrupted, telling Miz and Truth to stop. He told them to leave and announced Miz and Truth vs. Cena and a partner of Cena’s choice at Survivor Series. Cena thought it over and then decided on the Rock. You know, this entire show wouldn’t have felt quite so completely fake if they hadn’t publicly announced that themselves over a month ago.