WWE Raw Report
By: Todd Martin
Date: 06/04/12 from Greenville, SC.
The Big News: John Cena hasn’t been listening very carefully to WWE’s PSAs.
The show started with Michael Cole in the ring introducing John Cena. Cole blamed the injuries caused by Big Show on Cena. Cena was incredulous about this. Cole said Cena being a comedian was more important than supporting his friend Big Show. Cena told a My Little Pony joke in response. Cena said maybe he didn’t defend Show on Raw but he was going to get rid of John Laurinaitis on the PPV and then Show would be re-hired. Cole noted that Cena didn’t know he would beat Laurinaitis for sure and labeled Cena arrogant. He added that Show did what he needed to feed his family and took the sure thing signing with Laurinaitis.
Cena responded by making fun of Show’s weight. Cena then said Show took the easy way out. Cole suggested Cena is jealous of Show for being tougher than Cena. Cole labeled Cena overrated and said he hopes Show will put all the viewers out of their misery having to watch Cena every week. John Laurinaitis then came out and said Cena would get to pick his opponent for the show, other than Laurinaitis or Show. Cena, having been thoroughly tooled by Cole verbally, decided he’d beat up the announcer. What a bully.
Michael Cole pleaded with John Laurinaitis backstage not to wrestle John Cena. Laurinaitis said everyone’s job is being evaluated and he has to give people what they want. Cole said people don’t want to see Cena beat him up. Laurinaitis said they do and left.
Sheamus beat Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler worked over Sheamus for most of the match. Sheamus came back with white noise and the Brogue kick for the pin. This was a good match but it’s so frustrating that after jobbing Ziggler out for months in a tag team, they finally did the breakup and had a natural point to try to give Ziggler a fresh start. Instead, he just lost again to emphasize fans shouldn’t expect anything out of him. Alberto Del Rio attacked Sheamus after the match.
David Otunga told John Laurinaitis backstage that Vince McMahon is coming to Raw next week to give Laurinaitis a job performance evaluation. Didn’t McMahon have those powers stripped by HHH last year?
Sin Cara beat Hunico with a kick to the face, springboard huracanrana, handspring elbow and La Mistica into the pin. This was very crisp and well worked. Cole claimed Cara is the most popular star in the history of Mexico twice, which is quite the fib.
Ryback beat Stan Stansy and Arthur Rosenberg. Those have to be the most ridiculous names ever. The jobbers told a poem together before the match. Ryback won with a double Samoan drop.
Kane beat CM Punk. Punk hit a tope, a double ax handle off the top rope to the floor and a top rope crossbody. Kane took over by throwing Punk over the top rope and hitting a side slam. Kane went to the top but Punk knocked him off. Punk hit a running knee, bulldog and springboard clothesline. Punk went for GTS but Kane escaped and hit a kick to the head for two. Kane went for the choke slam but Punk countered with a neck breaker for two. Punk hit an elbow off the top for two.
At this point, Kane and Punk got into a brawl on the floor. As Punk was getting back into the ring, Bryan kicked him twice. Kane brought Punk into the ring and went for a choke slam. Punk countered with a kick to the head. A.J. then ran out to argue with the referee about Bryan’s interference. Bryan came over to argue with A.J. Punk hit a tope and attacked Bryan but as he went back into the ring he was caught with a choke slam for the pin. This was a good match with a shitty, overbooked finish.
After the match, Kane knocked down Bryan. He approached A.J. and A.J. smiled at him seductively. Kane backed off and left. A.J. acted confused. Backstage, A.J. said she likes when men look at her while playing with Josh Mathews’ tie. She asked if he likes aggressive women.
Kofi Kingston and R. Truth beat Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. The heels worked over Truth. Truth got the tag to Kingston. Kingston hit clotheslines, the boom drop, a springboard crossbody and trouble in paradise for the pin on Hawkins. This was another good match and I’d love to see a lot more matches like this where one midcard wrestler or team proves to be better than a lower card wrestler or team. It makes the winners feel more important and you’re not sacrificing anything important.
John Cena beat Tensai. Laurinaitis announced that Cole vs. Cena would be no DQ if Cena beat Tensai. Cole was in his very worst over-the-top obnoxious mode in this match. It was just unbearable. Tensai dominated the match until missing a senton. Cena then hit shoulderblocks, the Cena slam, the five knuckle and the FU for the pin.
John Cena then beat Michael Cole. Cole ran away but Cena caught him and brought him back. Cole pleaded with Cena but then started threatening and poking Cena. Cena slapped Cole and took off Cole’s pants. He slapped Cole hard and had Cole apologize to Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross. He had Cole put over Ross’ BBQ sauce and then poured BBQ sauce all over Cole in his underwear. He then sprayed Cole with a fire extinguisher. He set up for the FU but Tensai ran out and hit the choke slam. Cole covered but Cena kicked out and luckily for Cena Tensai decided to simply leave. Cole went after Cena with the fire extinguisher but was caught in the FU for the pin.
By 2012 WWE standards, this show was pretty good.