Saturday, 31 August 2013 14:27
Live from the BMO Harris Bradley Center (that's the arena)
Milwaukee, WI (that's the city we are in)
By: Mike Coughlin (that's me)
Anthony Pettis challenges Benson Henderson for the Lightweight Title (that's the main-event and why you should watch)
Germs. Ladies. Quick Results will be at the very bottom of this here report, so go there if you don't care about a random person's opinion (and, really, why should you?).
Since people always seem to care about these things, the arena looks pretty damn empty. About 15 people sitting in the upper deck, and 45 in the other seats. If it later fills up, I probably won't change this because why be truthful and honest when you're in the reporting and Interneting business?
Ok, update: upper bowl is still pretty empty. Lower bowl is more filled. Two years ago, this was fuller. No idea what that really means though. I mean, OH NO, THE UFC IS NOT POPULAR!
Do see the disclaimer at the bottom regarding my "conflict of interest" for tonight.
**PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook)**
FIGHT ONE - Jared Hamman vs. Magnus Cedenblad
Uh, Magnus might be wearing a thong... Overhand right by Magnus. Hamman tries a takedown. He gets it. Magnus is all "how about a guillotine." They roll. Magnus is mounted with the choke. Hamman taps. That was quick.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Magnus Cedenblad d Jared Hamman, R1, submission (guillotine)
"It's good" said Magnus. "Yah. That is good. Yah."
FIGHT TWO - Ryan Couture vs. Al Iaquinta
Pretty low of Randy not to be here cornering his son...
Al with a good jab-jab-right combo. They're feeling one another out early (it's homecoming season)(boooo that joke). Solid right to the body by Al, who has found the range on his jab early. Couture moves in for the clinch but it is easily stuffed. Odd sentence to write. Because his dad is good at the clinch, you see. Al is a large contingency of fans here who are cheering and he responds by catching a kick, putting Couture down, letting him up, and exchanging punches. Dipping lead hook to the face by Al. He's simply a more polished striker right now. Excellent hook to the liver by Al. Couture with a flying knee. It lands. Al shakes it off. Al's corner is yelling for him to pressure. Couture is doing better when he mixes in his kicks. Al takes down Couture and lands ground and pound to secure the round. Crowd cheered loudly. They enjoyed the round.
Mike Score: 10-9, Iaquinta
"Don't get hit by a stupid ass fucking flying knee" said Matt Serra to Al.
Al opens the 2nd with the jab again. Couture looks to have slipped. Dives for a takedown, slips behind, Al turns, and they're clinched against the fence, separation. Couture reaches for a clinch, Al side steps and throws him to the side, like a less impressive version of what Tim Boetsch once did. I'm on repeat now, I know, but Al is simply controlling and winning this fight because of the jab. Everything he throws, including a nice combo that just landed, is timed off of it. Couture ducks under a punch nicely for a shot but it's stuffed. Couture misses a right and Al counters with a kick to the head. It was all toes or Couture would've been hurt bad. Al with a big combo that finished with a right kick to the head. Couture is tough and he's game but he's just not in Al's class striking, and ti's not like Al is some world-class striker or anything. Couture just took a deep breath. There's still six minutes left in this fight. Al once again ends the round with a takedown and ground and pound.
Mike Score: 10-9, Iaquinta
Couture with a spinning back kick to open the 3rd. He now drags Al down, briefly. Couture could win if he kicked more. That's a fact. Fact, I say. Or write. Whatevs. Al with a good left hook. A "stupid ass fucking flying knee" from Couture. Al isn't doing much this round. He isn't exactly passive but I suspect he's simply being more cautious, knowing he's got two in the bank. As I write that, he bullies Couture to the fence and is unloading. Couture clearly desperate as he misses a spinning backfist. Al on top with ground and pound as the round fades to a finish.
Mike Score: 10-9, Iaquinta (30-27 for Our Pal Al)
OFFICIAL RESULT: Al Iaquinta d. Ryan Couture, unanimous decision(30-27)
Kenny Florian walked by and said, "Hey, Mike." I don't see another Mike around here but ... there must be one. If not: uh, sup, KenFlo.
FIGHT THREE - Soa Palelei vs. Nikita Krylov
Krylov's nickname is "Al Capone." $50 says Dave refences Nikita Kolof (sp?)(I don't really care how it's spelled.)
Round One of Fifty
The Samoan with a takedown, which he managed only after dastardly cheating Russian grabbed the fence in the most blatant manner in the history of mankind. Half-guard, against the cage, with Soa trying to drive his knee through for a pass. He's punching the Ruskie now. Do Kiwi's hate commies? Was that at thing in the cold war? Nikita with an active guard, missing an armbar but going for an oma plata. His toe got stuck in the fence and the ref punched it away. Soa in side control and now mount. Pounding. Has the back. Still pounding. He looks high and Nikita is trying to come out the back door. He does. On their feet and Nikita immediately starts unloading with punches. He's making the most of his time standing. Soa behind but Nikita tries a Sakuraba-like Kimura. He doesn't get it and is on his back. I think he's actually Ukrainian but I'm American so he gets called Russian. Geography. Nikita tries what I'm sure someone will call a wacky Lucha submission. He doesn't get it. Soa pounding as the round ends. Fun round, so check it out.
Mike Score: 10-9, Palelei
Round Two of Fifty
Quick takedown from Soa to kick off the second stanza of this heavyweight affair. He (Soa) has a Kimura locked up but instead steps over to mount. La Femme turtles in response. Nikita is trying to roll to guard but Soa is aware and stuffing it. Nikita still like a big fat failure turtle. Soa with a punch. They stand but Soa has the body locked up. They both look somewhat tired. Fat heavyweights do that. Just realized Ben Rothwell is on this card. And then the quickest stand up in the history of man. Seriously. Nikita letting loose. Soa taking it and throwing isolated shots back but it's all Nikita here. It's a barnburning slobberknocker. Helluvan exchange. Soa is so tired and Nikita is throwing whatever he wants. Mercy me, Soa takes a punch. Does EVERYONE from Kiwi-land have a great chin? This crowd is ridiculous. These guys are throwing heavy leather and they're cheering and the moment there's the SLIGHTEST pause, they boo. And they weren't doing this earlier. They must hate heavyweights that breath or something. Oh well.
Mike Score: 10-9, Nikita
Round Three of Fifty
And we start where we left off, with punching. Soa lands a massive right. They're hugging one another (not clinching, hugging) as they rest. Soa has Nikita set up for a piledriver. Nikita just kind of drops to his knees from exhaustion. Soa is hitting him but he's tired as all get-out. Mount. Sad punches. It's over. Or not. Or, YES!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Soa Palelei d. Nikita Krylov, R3, tko, ref stoppage
Blonde ring girl walked over and asked me what the wi-fi password is. I refused to tell her. I also don't remember it. We had a moment, what can I say?
**PRELIMINARY CARD (FOX SPORTS 1)**
FIGHT FOUR - Chico Camus (Roufus) vs. Kyung Ho Kang
Kang noticeably bigger. Chico rushes in with a right that excites but misses. Chico right staggers Kang a slight bit. Kang using his length well. Kang with a takedown. Chico reguards. Kang trying to pass. Chico with a leg lock attempt but Kang recognizes and defends well. Kang with a good elbow from on top. Kang almost mounts but Chico gets to half-guard. Kang passes to side. Kang tries to mount again but no luck. Elbows from the mount are landing hard. Chico is moving well but he's losing. Round ends with a nice scramble, Chico throwing wild bombs, and the crowd cheering.
Mike Score: 10-9, Kang
Sloppy punches from both guys and they both miss but in the confusion Kang with a takedown. Chico again showing the ability to move from the bottom but Kang is excellent at maintaining his center of gravity and ending up on top in every scramble. Good upkick by Chico. Kang responds with an attempt at mount but no luck. This round if a repeat of the first. Kang with the instep pass to side control. Kang goes for mount, roll, armbar, misses, Chico on top in the guard. And apparently a woman got naked or something because the crowd went nuts. Chico landed shots now. Kang wall walking but Chico recognizes it and sucks his hips back down. He's trying to get the back in the weirdest way and now punching. The crowd is making every punch seem like the biggest bomb of all time. This is fun.
Mike Score: 10-9, Chico
Huge right by Chico. They're swinging and throwing and punching and kicking and things like that. The more this becomes a brawl, the more it favors Chico as Kang is giving up his length advantage. Kang with a takedown. Half-guard. We've been here before. Pass. Reguard. Nothing happening here. Kang is trying to grapple instead of pound. Two minutes remain. Honestly, either guy can win this still. They stand as Chico escapes. Kang is stuffed on a takedown but a weird roll takes place and he ends up on top. Chico got too aggressive in taking the back. A minute to go and they're in Chico's full guard. Kang still not landing any good shots. Or shots period. Big upkick. Kang is down and turtled. Chico pounding he's on top and landing big shots. That honestly might be enough! Place is going freaking crazy!
Mike Score: 10-9, Chico (but damn close)
OFFICIAL RESULT: Chico Camus d. Kyung Ho Kang decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27)
Bit surprised by that 30-27...
FIGHT FIVE - Pascal Krauss (Roufus) vs. Hyun Gyu Lim
Copp, give me some German to use with Pascal.
Early feeling out process. Pascal showing more diversity with Lim seeming to be a bit wilder. These are both big boys. Lim had Pascal on the ground but backed away. Looks like it'll be a kickboxing affair (to remember). Lim's dropping his left and Pascal is finding the overhand right as a result. Pascal was rocked. Bad. He's down. Up. Still wobbly as hell. He's on (American) dream street. Lim swarming. Pascal finally diving for a leg to buy time. Lim up and a right hand stuns Pascal and a HUGE knee ends the night for our German hero. Quite exciting. We're 1-1 in the Korea vs Roufusport battle.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Hyun Gyu Lim d. Pascal Krauss, R1, KO
FIGHT SIX - Louis Gaudinot vs. Tim Elliott
"I know karate, I know jiu-jitsu" goes the entrance music. And GOOD LORD did one of Elliot's cornermen just bob his head like a true bro to that groovy tune.
Louis got ... something in his eye. Looked like a toe. (I'm sure it was a finger, but shut up.) Tim with a takedown. He's trying a guillotine from the top. Louis moves out. Tim battering the body. Upkick. They stand. Good action. Tim's walking Louis down but Louis has green hair. So there. I can't wait for Breaking Bad tomorrow. TIm rolling for a leg lock. Louis moves away and then bows like a ballet dancer. Good combo by Timmy Tim that leads to a takedown. He's swarming with elbows while Louis moves and survives and presumably breathes. Tim just stepped on his stomach. Ugh. Big knees in the clinch then a takedown. That was a mistake by Tim because Louis was hurt. He could have died even.
Mike Score: 10-9, Tim
Tim just dropped a dropkick to the knees. Seriously. Kevin Nash is laughing at him. (In Kev's defense, these men are dangerously close to qualifying as actual midgets.) Tim's length is the difference, as he's winning at distance and the knees in the clinch are brutal. Also: his Amish beard of doom gives him powers. TIm just did a karate kick, so his theme song is accurate in that respect. Knees in the clinch against the cage. Nice overhand right by King Louis. Takedown by Timmy. Good ground and pound here. Even amongst flyweights, Louis is small. I'm only semi-kidding when I wonder if he can ride roller-coasters.
Mike Score: 10-9, Tim
Tim may have a pot leaf tattooed around his belly button. Half-guard after a takedown to begin the round with Tim on top. Deja vu (all over again)(cliched hack). Louis with a hand down as he stands up. Louis lands a big kick to the beard of power! But, a Tim takedown leads to someone in the crowd yelling "Fuck his ass." The hell is he watching? Tim mounts, Louis moves, knee inbetween for the knee-shield, Z Guard, half-guard, whatever you wanna call it to sound smart. Grinding away, somewhat blah. I'm interested now in whether Louis has Che or a lion head tattooed on his calf. I think it's a lion. Roar.
Mike Score: 10-9, Tim (30-27)
OFFICIAL RESULT: Tim Elliott d. Louis Gaudinot, unanimous decision (30-27, 30-26, 30-26)
Blondie just came over, again, and asked to look at the list of fights. She's clearly looking for excuses to talk to me. Oh, hey, I get married in 20 days...
FIGHT SEVEN - Jamie Varner vs. Gleison Tibau
Round One (FIGHT!)
Kicks early by Varner and he's definitely light on his toes. Tibau has that Brazilian way where he looks 50 even though he's probably in his 20s. Not much early as Varner is dancing for the most part. Tibau is doing a good job of not following but instead cutting off the cage. Grazing liver shot from Varner. Brief clinch with Varner landing a knee as they separate. Tibau explodes with a takedown at the one minute mark. He passes to half-guard. Varner desperate to get up but Tibau is heavy on top.
Mike Score: 10-9, Tibau (because of the takedown)
Round Two (FINISH HIM!)
Varner starts the round by being a moron and flying in with a knee that leads to him being taken down. I'll bet his mother hates him right now. Tibau is staying tight and heavy and not necessarily looking for the pass. He was thinking arm-triangle for a second. Varner has the underhook and that's forcing Tibau to be cautious. Tibau takes the back beautifully then transition to mount. Varner is flailing around on the bottom. Impressive control from Tibau. Gets the back again. Then back to mount. Varner is avoiding serious damage to his credit. Tibau with the back again. He's isolating an arm to suggest armbar but Varner's corner is barking to watch for it. Good punches to the face area (i.e., the face) by Tibau. One minute to go. Well, in this round. Tibau is content to not take any risks here. Crowd is booing but it's kind of one of those positions where I can't fault either guy for what they're doing. Varner is surviving a terrible position and Tibau isn't being reckless.
Mike Score: 10-9, Tibau
Third Round (of a scheduled three)
Varner swinging like a wildman from Borneo to kick things off here. Fighting like he's desperate. Like his next meal depends on it. Tibau, well, he's just not getting hit. Tibau with a nice entry into a takedown but Varner gets to his feet. This feels like it mght just be going the distance. (I'm trying to jinx it.) Varner with hooks and a stuffed takedown try. Varner just shook his right hand. Probably shattered it in 5 places. Big left hook by Varner connects squarely. Big upper cut by Varner has Tibau hurt. So what does Varner do? Takes him down. Moron. Tibau is now tying Varner up. Varner landing some good shots though, but I think he might need a finish (first round was a toss up though).
Mike Score: 10-9, Varner
She just came over and asked to use my iPhone charger. I'm gonna have to fight them off with a stick.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Gleison Tibau d. Jamie Varner, split decision
MAIN CARD (PPV/Illegal stream)(don't do that - really)
FIGHT EIGHT - Erik Koch (Roufus) vs. Dustin Poirier
Thank goodness Koch didn't shave his head again... Good exchange of kicks by the two of them. Dustin misses a combo. Both are light on their feet. Koch got caught. He's dropped but he has a DEEEEEEEEP triangle. WTF? How is Poirier alive still? Holy crap! Koch still threatening with it after a roll of survival from Dustin. It's locked in again but Dustin pulls away and stands up. Koch looks gassed though. Dustin pressing Koch up against the cage and landing knees to the mid section. Big left hit Koch square. And a HUGE right dropped him. Koch is in huge trouble here. Koch uses the underhook to stand but is slammed down. Dustin is still in kill mode. Dustin with a d'arce choke attempt. It looks deep. Koch is fighting it off. He has ten seconds. HE SURVIVES AND THE PLACE EXPLODES! Amazing first round.
Mike Score: Poireir, 10-8
Round Two (PLEASE GO A BILLION ROUNDS)
Koch starts the 2nd moving and sticking with his punches. Amazing his legs are under him. Dustin is walking him down and waiting until Koch's back is against the cage before his throws. A left did damage just now, Koch clinches, but Dustin takes him down. Dustin trying to take his back and now setting him up for a rear naked choke. Koch slips out. Mount. Dustin with an arm-triangle threat. Koch trying to wall-walk but Dustin doing a good job of moving him away. They get up but Koch's pants are, no shit, almost around his knees. Well, hello, Sailor. Koch pulls his pants up while sprawling. What a lad. Crowd is trying to will Koch to Hulk Up. Smothering here by Dustin and as they break he lands a good elbow. Koch's face is a mess and he just doesn't seem to see the left of Dustin coming.
Mike Score: Poireir, 10-9
Koch with good punches early. They have some more sting on them than before buuuut, the left of Dustin again lands. It has a home now. As it has all night. Dustin trying for the takedown and just grinding on Koch. Koch with a takedown. Koch looking to pass the half butterfly guard of Dustin but the Cajun is moving well. Koch with an elbow and another one. They're good but they won't win. Dustin setting up an armbar but Koch recognizes and resets his hips. Dustin turtles. Dustin takes the back. He has a minute to pull off one helluva comeback. Dustin trying to escape out the backdoor. Which will happen it looks like. Or not. Thirty seconds now. Body triangle. 10 seconds he tries the choke. He's pulling it just as the round ends. Amazing fight.
Mike Score: 10-9, Koch
OFFICIAL RESULT: Dustin Poirier d. Erik Koch, unanimous decision
FIGHT NINE - Ben Rothwell vs. Brandon Vera
Affliction once paid Ben Rothwell TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS to fight for them. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! Vera has given up on life and now weights 240 lbs - no one ever paid him $250,000.00 to fight though.
Vera moving around early. Big Ben looking for one big punch. WAR VERA! Good combo from Vera. Right hand from Ben knocks Vera off balance (or it hurt him). OMG. Vera just kicked Ben in the gut and it was sickening. Vera faked walking away and landed a good left. The speed is the key at the moment. Vera keeps his hands quite low. Too low for a guy who has been cut 56 times from the UFC. Ben with a nice inside leg kick. Vera's setting up a kick to the head now. I can smell it. Ben kicks Vera in the wiener with about 2 seconds left in the round.
Mike Score: 10-9, Vera
Round Two (HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND)
Vera looks a bit hurt early from a Ben fat swarm. Clinch against the fence. Disgusting. Inside uppercut by Ben. Vera is slowing and that's allowing Ben to land more. Combo from Vera finishes with a leg kick. Vera throws the high kick. It missed. I'd have paid him $250,000.00 if it landed. Ben has Vera's back against the cage and tees off. Vera high kick blocked (the money is no longer an option, by the way).
Mike Score: 10-9, Rothwell
I'm gonna try to trip Ben. Kick by Ben to the liver-ish-area hurt Vera. He backed up and probably wanted to cry. Ben is leaning his hairy mass on Vera against the cage now. Ben looks like he's trying footwork or head movement maybe but, no joke, it looks like he's having a seizure. That said, holy crap, BEN HULKED UP AND FINISHED VERA WITH STRIKES!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Ben Rothwell d. Brandon Vera, R3, tko
FIGHT TEN - Chad Mendes vs. Clay Guida
Guida might - might - be unstable. I also saw him somewhere recently but have zero clue where. I may have imagined it. Ya know, her phone is currently plugged into my computer charging. If I was a devious man, I could go through it. Sigh. Instead, I'll watch the grown men get into a fist fight.
Guida starts off doing his caveman dance routine. Leg kick by Mendes is answered by a Guida right hand. Chad is loading up on his right hand. Clay tries a takedown it is answered by the legendary Team Alpha Male guillotine. Deep. Guida escapes. (I've turned into Joe Rogan.) Chad barely misses a big uppercut. Chad shot is stuffed with ease. Chad right hand lands. It's basically Chad looking to time Guida and Guida trying to do his in and out thing, but with more combos than normal, which is good but also leaves him in the pocket. And off of one of those combos, Chad gets the takedown. A few elbows now as we're less than a minute until the round ends.
Mike Score: 10-9, Mendes
Guida aggressive to start. Not effective but at least aggressive. Mendes backing away now, making Guida chase him. Suspect he'll use that to set up the right or a takedown. Instead, he set up getting hit in the dick with a kick. An odd strategy, to be certain. They're both throwing down. Guida tries a takedown and that was a mistake. Mendes sprawls perfectly and runs around, getting behind Guida. Clay scrambles as he does and gets to his feet where he eats a knee. Mendes shoots from too far outside and is stuffed. Guida lands a punch, gets Mendes against the cage, is in deep on the hips for a takedown but ... not happening. Mendes easily throws Guida down, scrambles behind, and now has Guida where he wants him. Guida tries to spin out but ends up allowing his arm to be isolated. Mendes on the neck and they stand. Guida stalking and Chad playing matador.
Mike Score: 10-9, Mendes
Guida really pressing now and runs into a big right that drops him. Mendes swarms. It's over. Guida is finished. Mercy me, Mendes hits hard. That's four in a row now, I believe, and he's definitely improving.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Chad Mendes d. Clay Guida, R3, tko
OK, now Arriany (sp?) just asked to charge HER phone. Man, I must have it going on. Who knew Apple was so sexy?
FIGHT ELEVEN - Frank Mir vs. Josh Barnett
There's some weird karmic justice to Barnett fighting someone with the commission approval to use drugs.
What the fuck? They're just going nuts on each other. Both are throwing like, I dunno, dudes who throw tons of punches and kicks and knees. Barnett is battering the crap out of Mir now. Brutal knees and work in the clinch. He's muscling him around. Mir ain't in a good way at all. HUGE KNEE ENDS MIR'S LIFE! That may be the most impressive performance of Josh Barnett's career. WOW! Mir is protesting but whatever. He's lucky to be alive.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Josh Barnett d. Frank Mir, R1, KO/TKO/Death
**MAIN EVENT: UFC LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP**
Benson Henderson(c) vs. Anthony Pettis (Roufus)
PETTIS TAPPED HENDERSON IN THE FIRST ROUND WITH AN ARMBAR!
OFFICIAL RESULT: ANTHONY PETTIS WINS THE LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD BY TAPPING BEN HENDERSON IN THE FIRST FREAKING ROUND!
PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook)
Magnus Cedenblad d Jared Hamman, R1, submission (guillotine)
Al Iaquinta d. Ryan Couture, unanimous decision
Soa Palelei d. Nikita Krylov, R3, tko, ref stoppage
PRELIMINARY CARD (FOX SPORTS 1)
Chico Camus (Roufus) d. Kyung Ho Kang, unanimous decision
Hyun Gyu Lim d. Pascal Krauss (Roufus), R1, KO
Tim Elliott d. Louis Gaudinot, unanimous decision (30-27, 30-26, 30-26)
Gleison Tibau d. Jamie Varner, split decision
MAIN CARD (PPV/Illegal stream)(don't do that - really)
Dustin Poirier d. Erik Koch, unanimous decision
Ben Rothwell d. Brandon Vera, R3, tko
Chad Mendes d. Clay Guida, R3, tko
Josh Barnett d. Frank Mir, R1, TKO
**MAIN EVENT: UFC LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP**
Anthony Pettis d. Benson Henderson, R1, submission, armbar
I also figure there should be a disclaimer, though if you've listened to my show, you'll already know it. (No one listens, I know. This will also make me sound like a MASSIVE jerk, so I apologize in advance.) One of my good friends is a man named Daniel Wanderley. A third-degree black belt in BJJ, he's recently become the head BJJ coach for the Duke Roufus Camp. I myself have trained at the Roufus school a number of times. I've personally rolled with some of the people fighting on the card tonight, even had dinner with some. I do not think they would know me from Adam. I also act as Daniel's attorney at times. I have had no professional dealings with anyone fighting on the card. I don't think this should make me biased but y'all would know better than I. I mean, it's not like I'm really important, ya know?