Tuesday, 23 August 2011 12:31
Explaining What Matt Hardy Said
By Michael Barton
"When the side windows glass smashed into my face, arms and neck, some of the blood that did felt almost angelic. I went from being afraid to die to feeling like I was almost being reborn with some sort of an ABSOLUTE PURE LIFE-FORCE. It was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I felt like I'd just received the blood of an angel flowing inside me--I know this sounds crazy! Due to these, I only have urges to help people. And miraculously, all my vices are gone."
- Matt Hardy, when discussing his car accident from Saturday.
This is one of the more difficult columns I have ever tried to write, mainly because this issue is one that is very close to my heart. For many of those who do not know, I am in recovery. Some days are good, some days are bad, but I do my best every day to fight the urge to use something to escape from reality. To many in the world, even Dave, this paragraph written by Hardy makes no sense. To myself and millions of others who struggle with the issues related to addiction, this is a phenomenon that is often referred to as a “spiritual awakening.”
Being an active addict results in three basic things eventually happening to all of us – jails, institutions, and death. If an addict is lucky, it is one of the first two, although many times lives are lost to drinking or drugs long before they should be. Look at how many wrestlers have died before the age of 50! I think there is a phrase that should be changed in our culture, the one about people partying like rock stars. I think rock stars should be replaced with wrestlers for drinking and drug use is prevalent within the business. There are stories that I could share but choose not to, because the purpose of my article today is not to put myself over. It is to simply try and explain how hard this fight is on a daily basis.
I have well over two years clean and sober, something that, today, I am very proud of. To those who do not suffer from any issues related to addiction, having a drink or smoking a joint is a one and done thing. They wake up and function normally the next day without any desire to escape again. For me, another saying comes to mind - one is too many and a thousand not enough. I am only 35, which is still fairly young, but my body is already dealing with the issues of living a reckless lifestyle. I have been inside the jails and institutions, longer than anyone wants to. Thankfully, the man upstairs has given me an opportunity to continue on, and today I do my best to help others through my own experience. So when I saw this post from Matt that makes sense to few, I understood it completely.
Two plus years ago, I attempted to take my own life. I was just so tired of the lying, the deceit, the stealing to get high, moving from place to place and job to job and not caring about the consequences of my actions. When I woke up in a hospital bed close to two days later, I felt different. People say that when you wake up from a suicide attempt, you feel one of two ways - you’re either upset that you didn’t succeed or you are thankful that you are still here. I was lucky in that I woke up feeling the latter. I understand the change that went on within Matt Hardy in that car. It doesn’t mean that he is cured for the rest of his life, but it does mean that he has finally seen that there is a different way. For Matt I sincerely hope that this will be the catalyst that causes change within his life. He seems like a good guy. He appreciates his fans. And if he works hard at understanding addiction and what it means to be an addict, he has a chance to change not only his own life, but possibly others as well. One day at a time, Matt – one day at a time.