Wednesday, 02 November 2011 15:03
WWE Superstars ~ October 27, 2011
Glad to be back on the site Gang!
Welcome to WWE Superstars ~ Your announcers are “The Teacher” Matt
Striker (Matthew Kaye ~ Not to be confused with Brian Woermann aka
Matt Stryker) and Jack Korpela.
Who the hell is Jack Korpela? You may well ask.
According to Wikipedia:
Jack debuted in WWE in 2006 hosting shows on WWE Classics on Demand.
In September 2007 he became the host of The Bottom Line, replacing
former host Todd Grisham, but he would only host Bottom Line for 2
years and 2 months when he was replaced by current host Scott
Stanford. Also in 2007, Korpela commentated a number of episode of WWE
Heat, along with Josh Mathews. Until May 30, 2008 when WWE Heat was
replaced internationally with a new show featuring classic matches,
called Vintage Collection. Jack Korpela became the host of After Burn,
WWE Experience, and Free for All, when Josh Mathews became the
commentator of former WWE program, ECW on Syfy. On February 9, 2009
Jack Korpela debut as the host of the WWE's newest program: This Week
in WWE. On December 9, 2010 he became commentator of Superstars
replacing Todd Grisham, who would move to NXT that December. Korpela
would commentate on WWE Superstars along with Matt Striker. Korpela
would once again replace Todd Grisham on September 6, 2011 as the
commentator of NXT, as Grisham would leave for ESPN.
Korpela kicks off the show with hype for this week's Superstars Main
Event ~ Kelly Kelly & Eve (no last name given) ~vs.~ The Bella Twins.
He also introduces his broadcast partner as “The awesome and
intelligent Matt Striker”. Korpela has said ten words, and his
credibility is already shot.
We are informed that the match will feature “three former diva
champions in the same ring at the same time”. Which is true... as far
as I can tell. Kelly, Eve, and one of the Bellas (Brie, I believe) are
all indeed former WWE Diva's Champions... I think.
Let's go to work :
Superstars kicks off with “Disfigured” and “Grotesque” IC Champion
Cody Rhodes (w/ baggers in tow). As Cody makes his way to the ring,
Striker describes The Rock & John Cena Survivor Series team as “The
team that maybe brings the greatest motto in life: 'Rise Above Hate &
Just Bring It'.” Deep thoughts from The Teacher. Striker goes on to
say that The Rock & Cena will team up for the first time ever at The
Survivor Series. Korpela immediately contradicts Striker, and points
out that we have not actually heard an answer from The Rock yet, so
Striker back-peddles and acknowledges that Rocky “may not accept the
invitation”... Even tho the match was announced three weeks ago.
Ted DiBiase is out next, and he is literally skipping to the ring...
which is odd. This match is described as “Former friends, now bitter
enemies”. Korpela tells us that Ted Jr. is “absolutely in love with
life”. He apparently loves to chat with fans on social media, and
bring them into the “DiBiase Posse”.
Ted DiBiase ~vs.~ Cody Rhodes
DiBiase starts out with side headlocks, arm bars and arm wringers. The
announcers treat a simple back body drop as if it were a high spot.
Korpela oversells it like Jimmy Bower calling a “DANGEROUS!” Takeshi
Morishima Back Drop Driver. They debate Cody's controversial face
mask, which will become relevant later in the match.
The match is all DiBiase to start. Cody eventually hits a high
dropkick, but gets tossed to the floor on a missed charge in the
corner. Ted follows him out and Cody goes for a springboard kick off
of the apron to the floor, but DiBiase hits a dropkick counter and we
go to our first commercial.
When we come back, Cody is somehow in control in the ring. Striker
says that while we were away “Cody took some shortcuts to gain the
advantage”. Korpela informs us that 20 years ago at Survivor Series
Ted's Dad captained a team against Cody's Dad.
Research (and hazy memory ~ I was indeed watching way back then)
tells us that it was 1990 (technically OVER 20 years ago) when The
Million $ Team ~ Ted DiBiase, The Undertaker, and Rhythm & Blues (The
Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine) (with Virgil, Jimmy Hart, and Brother
Love) defeated The Dream Team ~ Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and The
Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart), when The Son of a Plumber
was eliminated by A Dead Man, and The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase
pinned Bret “The Hitman” Hart (clean), to become the Sole Survivor
from his team.
Perhaps DiBiase will be able to use that history to motivate him to a
Back from the break with DiBiase hitting the ten punch in the corner.
Cody dodges a corner charge, and Teddy hits the steel. Cody crotches
Ted on the top rope, ties him to the Tree of Woe (Ala Kevin Sullivan),
and then stomps a mud-hole in him. Rhodes hits a Gourd-buster (Ala Arn
Anderson), and then a whacky overhand wrist-lock thingy. Cody appears
to be distracted, staring at himself on the Titan-tron, but he
There is a sudden surprise commercial right in the middle of the
match. No lead in. Very abrupt. This particular commercial happens to
be the super creepy K-mart commercial with Randy Orton sitting on the
dining room table of a family. At the end of this commercial it is
strongly insinuated that Randy is serving as the Mother's “Love
Don't believe me? Watch it again. The message is clear. At the end of
the commercial Randy says “I am The Best” with a sly smile. The Mother
agrees ~ “Indeed you are!” while Husband and Son stare at them in
awkward humiliation. Very distressing stuff. Hardly PG fare.
When we return to Superstars, Striker says that Cody's movements are
“indicative of someone with deep seated mental issues”. Rhodes
maintains control with more stomps and kicks. Cody with a Hammerlock
(called correctly by Korpela). More stomps and kicks until DiBiase
finally starts to wake up. We get a series of counters, with DiBiase
eventually getting the advantage with a running clothesline, inverted
atomic drop, and wait for it... A Big Punch!
DiBiase Covers, but Cody kicks out at two.
Ted hits a Sky High Power Bomb (Ala D-lo Brown). Cody kicks out at
two. Ted wants to take off Cody's mask, but Cody uses it to throw a
headbutt at DiBiase. The announcers feverishly debate the legality of
the face mask as if it were Bob Orton's arm cast. Meantime, Cody uses
the advantage to spring to the top rope, where he launches a
shockingly beautiful Moonsault Block (Ala Shawn Micheals... or Kurt
Angle) that he rolls into a cover... DiBiase kicks out!
Striker puts over Cody's “awe inspiring athletic ability” as Rhodes
rolls DiBiase up from behind for another long two count. DiBiase rolls
thru and goes for Dream Street. Cody holds the ropes, uses the mask
for a stiff head-butt that stuns DiBiase, then hits Cross-Rhodes for
Winner by pin-fall : Cody Rhodes
Sorry “DiBiase Posse”, tonight is not your night.
Replay : The impressive Moonsault Block. The Mask-butt, and the Cross-Rhodes.
Cody acts all wacky on the ramp, but there is no bagging of DiBiase tonight.
We cut to a Main Event teaser ~ Kelly Kelly & Eve (no last name given)
~vs.~ The Bella Twins. This is followed by the obligatory “Did You
Know” factoid. This week we get this misleadingly worded gem :
“Earlier this month Smackdown became the 2nd longest running weekly
episodic in television history... only behind Monday Night Raw.” When
you say it like that – it certainly sounds impressive.
Ezekiel Jackson is out next. Korpela pushes him as “The
Personification of Domination”. He certainly is big. While he strolls
to the ring, Korpela plugs the Rock's “inevitable return to the ring
at the Survivor Series”, conveniently forgetting the point that he
himself brought up earlier about how The Rock has not actually agreed
to the match yet... Try not to think about it.
Jinder Mahal is out, and let's face it... He's in trouble here. He
tentatively makes his way to the ring while Jack and Matt put over the
WWE 12 video game.
Jinder Mahal ~vs.~ Ezekiel Jackson
As the match begins, Korpela explains to us that Jinder's wealth
allows him to buy trainers from all over the world, while Jackson
trains in Gianna, South America. Where all he can afford to do is “Run
hills with his brother... Push ups and sit ups”. Apparently that's all
you need to do to get a physique like Zeke.
Striker sneaks in a Michael “Dynamite” Dokes reference here, claiming
that Zeke reminds him of “a far more powerful and intimidating Michael
Dokes”. Proud of his archaic reference, he quickly points out that
“maybe one person will get it”.
I don't get it... but I do have Wikipedia at hand, which informs me
that Michael Marshall Dokes (born August 10, 1958 in Akron, Ohio) is a
former American boxer in the heavyweight division, nicknamed
"Dynamite." It also informs me that in 1999, Dokes was sentenced to
between four and 15 years in prison after being convicted of an attack
on his fiancee in August 1998. Late in 2008, Dokes was released on
parole. He is currently fighting a battle with liver cancer.
Cheery story... Thanks Matt Striker.
This match opens with yet another side headlock (agents ~ anyone
watching this stuff?) by Zeke, who follows with a Shoulder-block, and
quick cover for two. Standing wrist-lock by Zeke. Jinder tries to
rally with some punches and stomps. Zeke counters a Jinder suplex
attempt with one of his own. Jinder hits some knees and kicks, goes
for a cover, and gets two. Jinder hits a Rude Awakening Neck Breaker
for another two count. Jinder uses a choke and some knee strikes.
Covers again for a one count.
Jinder goes to the Randy Orton Chin-lock of Doom. Zeke powers up.
Jinder transfers into a Cravat, which he compliments with some knee
strikes (Ala Chris Hero). Korpela talks about Jinder's top notch
training, just as Jinder blindly leaps into the corner like an idiot.
Zeke dodges this suicide attack easily, then follows with a big corner
clothesline, which Mahal sells big. Zeke with another clothesline.
Then a body-slam, followed by another body-slam.
Jinder tries to counter a third Body-slam with a kick to the gut, but
Zeke no sells and hits a running double arm Vader Strike. Striker
claims that the body-slams have “softened up the lower lumbar
region... The back” as Zeke locks in the Torture Rack Backbreaker (Ala
The Total Package).
Jinder, in an awkward position, is forced to tap out on Zeke's
forehead. Which just looks... odd... Either way, according to Korpela
: “This one is over!”
Winner by submission ~ Ezekiel Jackson.
Replay : Vader Strike, and “The Torture Rack Submission Hold”. The
Gianna Goliath wins. According to Korpela, he has “Muscles on top of
Another main event teaser ~ “Two former divas champions are sick and
tired of the Bella's rude comments. Can Eve and Kelly quiet the
Commercials : Shawn/Bret looks fantastic. Can't wait to see it.
Excellent promo for the dvd here. On the flip side, The Official WWE
Superstar 2012 calendar looks... slightly less fantastic. Probably
take a pass on that.
Superstars comes back to Air Boom's ridiculous entrance. I haven't
seen that much jumping, running, skipping, and slapping hands since
the Rock n' Roll Express.
Here we learn that there is a change in announcing at the half way
point of the show. We are now joined by Josh Matthews and Scott
Stanford for the “Raw Portion of the show”. Josh and Scott are “the
better looking duo” according to Scott Stanford. Who the hell is Scott
Stanford? You may well ask.
Stanford debuted in 2009 replacing Jack Korpela as the host of The
Bottom Line. In October 2010 he became the new play-by-play
commentator for WWE Superstars replacing Michael Cole and called his
first episode on the October 7 edition of Superstars with Jerry
Lawler. This announce team was short-lived, however as in mid November
injured wrestler CM Punk who'd began commentating on WWE Raw replaced
Lawler on Superstars. At the end of December, Punk left the commentary
team after assaulting John Cena on Raw and SmackDown with a
chair. From the December 31 edition of Superstars Josh Mathews became
the new color commentator with Stanford doing play-by-play. In
addition to his commentary duties, he hosts the PPV Preshow every
month, along with Jack Korpela. Stanford also makes appearances in
Zack Ryder's weekly Z! True Long Island Story YouTube series. On the
show, Stanford revealed on himself as the man who attacked Ryder's
best friend, becoming a heel in the process.
Now that you are up to date on the announcing staff ~ Air Boom has
“taken the WWE by storm”. This is the team described by Micheal Cole
on Monday Night Raw as “Truly awesome since winning the WWE tag team
titles”. This despite the fact that they have lost twice (clean as a
sheet) in two straight appearances on WWE television (Awesome Truth on
Smackdown, and Barrett/Rhodes on Raw).
Let's hope they can pull out a victory on Superstars at the least.
Their opponents here? JTG and Primo ~ I kid you not. I had no idea
either guy was still with the company, but Josh says that: “Should
Primo and JTG find instant chemistry, they'll be in line for an
instant opportunity at the WWE tag team titles”.
During the awesome JTG/Primo entrance, we get this legendary exchange :
Stanford : “You know what I say about JTG?”
Matthews : “Uhh... I don't.”
Stanford : “This guy JTG is so fresh, he sleeps in a zip lock bag...
For goodness sake... Look at him!”
Air Boom (*WWE Tag Team Champions* Kofi Kingston & Evan Borne) ~vs.~ Primo & JTG
Kofi starts with crossovers and leapfrogs. He tags the latest WWE
wellness policy casualty, and we get some crisp double team moves from
the Air Boomers. A nice sweep from Borne, who hits a flying
head-scissors and a high dropkick on Primo.
Borne then misses some sort of springboard kick, and JTG and Primo
get some heat on Evan. We get a flying leg-drop from Primo, then (yet
another) Chin-lock of Doom. Borne fights up, and uses an innovative
leverage counter that springboards him over Primo, and into his corner
where he tags Kofi who comes in as the proverbial Casa Del Fuego.
High (stiff) dropkick to Primo from Kofi. Kofi springs up top and hits
an interfering JTG with a flying forearm, then hits a springboard
frog/cross body block on Primo for a loooonnng two count.
Kofi does the Ultimate Warrior power up... Then a Boom Drop, and sets
up for the finish. JTG interferes, grabbing Kofi's foot from the
outside. Primo uses the distraction to catch a roll up from behind for
a two count. Kofi kicks Primo thru the ropes.
Primo stops on the apron and attempts a springboard attack of some
sort. Kofi evades the move, and hits a beautiful Ranhei (which I
believe he calls the SOS). JTG is forced to save Primo. Borne comes in
and throws JTG out. Primo tries to throw Borne out, but Evan hooks the
rope, and stops short on the apron. Evan hits a kick to the head on
Primo. Primo turns around and eats a Trouble in Paradise.
No cover. Instead Kofi hits a Leaping Hot Tag to Borne who then nails
a picture perfect “Air Borne”... 1-2-3.
Matthews : “Primo is done.” Indeed he is. Good to know the champs can
still beat someone.
Winners via pin-fall : Air Boom
Replay : Borne kick to the head from the apron. Trouble in Paradise. Air Borne.
Stanford : “Even sweeter in slow motion”.
Yet another main event plug ~ Stanford : “Come on Josh! Get excited
baby! It's the divas in our main event tonight.”
Great. I'm excited... Really, I am... Really.
Wrestlemania commercial ~ Rock vs. Cena. This does feel like sort of a
big match. I hope they don't blow it...
Vengeance recap ~ Footage of the ring breaking. Stretchers. Broken
ring. General carnage. “What is the future of the world heavyweight
championship? Find out tomorrow on Smackdown”.
Raw Rebound ~ Cena wants Miz & Truth. Laurinaitis will pick Cena's
partner. Zack is excited to be in the Raw Main Event! Woo Woo Woo!
You Know... Ouch... Zack is down. Handicap match. Cena “taking a
pounding”. Cole : “This match is not a good idea King”. Cena fights
back, and is about to win on his own. Awesome Truth are forced to take
a DQ loss. They attack Cena with chairs. Johnny Ace doesn't want any
more chaos. He boots Awesome Truth and allows Cena to choose his
partner for Survivor Series. Cena oddly chooses The Rock.
We are asked ~ “Does Rock even want to team up with Cena? Tune into
Raw this Monday night to find out.”
Divas Tag Match Main Event time. Eve (Torres ~ although it is still
not displayed on the graphic) is out first. Kelly Kelly gets both of
her names on the graphic. The Bella Twins are out next.
Stanford : “Holy Catsuits Batman! Man oh man!”
Match starts off with the Bellas using some classic heel tactics. Brie
(perhaps?) doesn't want to engage with Eve. She tries to hide in her
own corner, but Eve charges in and goes to work. Running clothesline
from Eve, followed by an ass wiggle and then a handspring moonsault...
of sorts. Described by as Stanford as : “ A Bootysault... if you
The Bellas get the heat with a ref distraction and hair pull. They
work over Eve with some old school Anderson family style offense on
the arm/shoulder. Eve crawls for a tag but the Bella cheap shots Kelly
in the corner, and then they double team Eve. Double team arm wringer
and hair pull take down. Hammerlock slam (of sorts), and then an arm
bar (of sorts). Bellas continue to work mid 80s Anderson heel team (is
Arn the agent for this show?) Eve tries for a desperation sunset flip,
but Bella counters with a knee drop to the arm, and goes back to work
on the arm and shoulder.
Bella with a sloppy arm wringer, and another hammerlock (of sorts). I
give them (and the agent) credit for wisely keeping things simple.
Stanford mentions the Bootysault again... in case you missed it.
Kelly starts doing some disinterested half-assed clapping in the
corner. She looks totally bored. Nonetheless, Eve is inspired, and
gets the advantage with a Samoan Drop out of nowhere. Luke Warm Tag to
Kelly, who comes off the top with a Thesz Press (of sorts). She takes
out the other Bella in the corner, hits a slap to the ass, and then
she hits the ropes (sort of) and hits a satellite head scissors
takedown. Stanford calls it “a helicopter spin... Man you can't ever
see too much of that one can you?” He is officially the worst
announcer on the show (still better than Micheal Cole).
Kelly then hits a Kind-of-a-Facebuster (of sorts), then a Clam-face
(my term ~ they still call it a “Stink-face”... which is sort of an
insult to Kelly isn't it?) Kelly is set up for the win, but she gets
distracted and caught by a Bella Hot Shot. Eve comes in and takes out
the interfering Bella with a dropkick thru the ropes to the floor.
This leaves Kelly and the legal Bella in the ring. Kelly hits the
Winners : Kelly and Eve via pin-fall. The Bellas don't seem to care
much. My analysis ~ It could have been worse.
Replay : Eve with the dropkick thru the ropes, and Kelly with the
Fame-ass-er which Stanford informs us that she calls the K2.
Apparently that stands for Kelly Kick... SO clever.
The show fades out and Stanford leaves us with the line : “It will
certainly be interesting to see how this Diva division works things
That's Superstars Gang. All in all, not a terrible show. I was
moderately entertained. Better than some Raw, Smackdown, and Impacts
of late, but not as good as the Ring of Honor show... or the laugh
riot that is Inside MMA (especially since they went live).
See you next week yo.