WWE Raw TV report
Monday, 05 August 2013 20:39
WWE Monday Night Raw
August 5, 2013
Green Bay, WI
Stephanie McMahon Opens Raw
Tonight, without an entrance, Stephanie McMahon opened the show discussing Daniel Bryan and how her dad doesn't think he is championship material. We then saw a video of Daniel Bryan going through a corporate makeover, complete with spa treatment and a meal. Of steak. They didn't change his look much. No shaving, no cutting of the hair. He did have his hair slicked back, though. Bryan looked ashamed that he changed his look. Bryan then came out in a suit and ponytail. This is not going how the Steve Austin makeover in 1998 went. Bryan spoke, heeled on Cena a bit, and finished by saying that while John Cena is an entertainer, Daniel Bryan is a wrestler. Bryan built himself up as the poor man making good and struggling to get where he is, while Cena is the guy who has it all with the mansion and several cars. Bryan said he'd do what the company wants him to do, for now, but at SummerSlam, he'll make John Cena tap out. Vince McMahon strutted to the ring. Vince said he didn't want Bryan to be champion, and made fun of his size and look. Vince said Bryan only needed one more thing to complete his makeover - Shave the beard. A bunch of extras brought out a barber's chair, while the crowd chanted "No!" Vince brought out Wade Barrett to do the shaving. Guy with beard shaving other guy with beard in a segment where Vince hates beards. Bryan slowly got in the barber's chair, while Vince prodded him along. Wade was about to shave Bryan's beard when Daniel gave him a headbutt, and turned the tables. Bryan shaved half of Wade's beard and then ran off. He revealed a new "The beard is here!" T-Shirt, while Vince threw a tantrum in the ring.
Hot and cold segment. Pretty forced. The more WWE tries to push Bryan as a face, the faster crowds will turn on him. He was doing so well when they didn't try so hard.
Rob Van Dam vs Alberto Del Rio
Ricardo returned, and Miz was on commentary. Late in the match, RVD went for his split legged moonsault and failed. Ricardo put his water pale in between the top and middle turnbuckle, followed by Alberto trying to throw RVD headfirst into it. That also failed. RVD then got the pinfall with his whacky leg roll. So RVD pins the world champion in a quick match, but isn't getting the title shot at the PPV... yet.
After the match, Alberto Del Rio turned on Ricardo. He superkicked the guy, then beat him with the water pale. To finish it, Alberto drop kicked the steel steps into Ricardo's head on the outside of the ring. Dude's in trouble. Just to clarify, this segment featured Miz, RVD, Alberto, and Ricardo. No Christian, who is Alberto's opponent for SummerSlam. As of now.
Cody Rhodes Super Babyface
Cody Rhodes found the MITB briefcase he had originally thrown into the Gulf of Mexico. He offered it back to Damien Sandow after a very long video recap of how the briefcase had originally been stolen. Cody left the ring, Damien got in to get the briefcase, but as Damien got in Cody ran in and the two brawled. This had no heat.
Mark Henry vs The Ryback
Walkout finish. Less than two minutes went by when The Ryback walked out, giving Henry the countout victory. And that was it.
The first hour of this show sucked. It wasn't bad, but it sucked. If that makes sense.
Backstage, the Bellas were talking Total Divas. Eva Marie showed up, and was befriending the Bellas. The trio made fun of Nattie. Natalya showed up and slapped the natural breasted Bella.
John Cena Addresses The People
John was even more heelish towards Bryan than vice versa. He was pissed at Bryan for saying he wasn't a wrestler, or someone who worked hard to get where he was. He called Bryan unoriginal, and Cena won't change for him just like he hasn't changed for anyone else. John says he's been mowing people down since January, and SummerSlam will be no different. John was really good here, and played more a babyface than Bryan did, honestly. As soon as Cena stopped speaking, Randy Orton came out. Orton told Cena not to take his eye off Orton as a threat. With Cena and Orton in the ring, the Shield made their way down to the ring. Shield surrounded the ring when Daniel Bryan ran in to even the score.
Brad Maddox rushed out. He made a 6-Man tag between Shield and Orton, Bryan, and John Cena for the main event tonight.
Tons of Funk vs Wyatt Family
Tensai finally stopped putting the fake Japanese lettering on his face. ROWAN pinned Tensai with the running splash in a complete squash that featured TNA level directing. Cameras missed the leadup to the finish involving Tensai and Luke Harper. Oh well. After the match, Bray Wyatt hit the spinning reverse STO on Brodus Clay. Bray called the devil's favorite demon a lie, while Bray is filled with a thousand truths. Bray told Kane to follow the buzzards. Kane's ring fire went off, and from the Tron, Kane told Bray that he's evil for his own personal amusement. At SummerSlam, Kane said that no one will be able to save Bray from inside a ring of fire. Inferno match?
Backstage, Punk reiterated that he's coming for Paul Heyman.
Last week on Smackdown, Layla turned on Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn vs Layla
Former DGUSA/ROH referee Jason Harding debuted here. Dude rules. The match three days in the making. Layla's reasoning for turning on Kaitlyn was that she wasn't getting enough attention. Layla controlled the first part of the match, with Kaitlyn dominating the end, until AJ Lee's music hit. AJ skipped around the ring. AJ's distraction allowed Layla to hit the Chick Kick on Kaitlyn for the win. Layla calls the kick the 'bombshell.' AJ and Layla skipped around the ring together after continuing to make a fool of Kaitlyn.
Christian vs Heath Slater
Christian pinned Heath Slater with the spear.
CM Punk vs Curtis Axel
Punk attacked Axel on the ramp as he tried to get to Heyman. He had no such luck. Then, before any finish in the match, Punk got to Heyman and grabbed him briefly to cause a DQ. Again, before any damage could be done, Brock Lesnar came out. Before Brock and Punk could face off, Curtis Axel grabbed Punk but was given a GTS for his efforts. Punk and Lesnar then got their hands on eachother. After a pretty wild back and forth brawl all over, Brock finally gained control when Punk was paying too much attention to going after Heyman. Brock finished Punk off with a few chair shots to the back inside the ring. Punk was busted open on the chin. This was great.
Backstage, Renee Young asked Paul Heyman about what just happened. Brock spoke instead, telling Punk that Brock himself was not only the Beast, but the Best in the World. Brock told Paul to say something stupid (which got a gigantic laugh), so Paul did. Paul challenged Punk to a fight next week on Raw.
Cut to FANDANGO~!
FANDANGO vs Kofi Kingston
Kofi Kingston's return is no buys. Didn't miss him while he was gone. So, the short version. Kofi won, pinfall after Trouble in Paradise. Kofi wore long tights. An actual finished surprised me a little based on Fandango's walk out history.
Backstage, Steph was crying to HHH after Vince apparently yelled at her for the makeover segment being a disaster. Well, Vince is right. It was. Oh, and come on Steph, big girls don't cry. HHH said Vince has lost it. HHH, very angry, said he was going to stop Vince from doing anything to hurt SummerSlam.
In the ring, the Real Americans were standing tall in the ring. Zeb said the heartland of America has no heartbeat anymore.
Real Americans vs The Usos
Antonio Cesaro pinned one of the Usos with the neutralizer. End of the match broke down with all four men brawling. With referee Jason Ayers dealing with Zeb Colter at ringside, Swagger landed a cheap shot on the losing Uso leading into Cesaro's finisher and pinfall.
Big E Langston vs Dolph Ziggler
During the match, Kaitlyn came out and fought with AJ. The two got in the ring, with Dolph trying to separate them. Big E came up on Dolph and nailed him with a bullrush, finishing with the Big Ending for the pinfall victory over the former world champion. The match had a quickly paced beginning before the women got involved. JBL emphasized how dumb Kaitlyn is for always ruining everything.
WWE spent some time promoting some reality TV show. Not Total Divas, either.
6-Man Tag Main Event
DQ. Shield lost when they broke up a Bryan submission attempt and triple teamed the #1 contender to the WWE title. Strong match while it lasted, which wasn't long. After the match, Randy Orton RKO'd both Daniel Bryan and John Cena. He postured like he was going to cash in the MITB contract, but the Shield stopped him. When Orton left, Shield destroyed both Cena and Daniel Bryan. Story was Orton is virtually guaranteed to be champion, so it doesn't matter who wins between Bryan and Cena. As for Shield, who the hell knows what they'll be doing at SummerSlam. Nothing was certainly set up tonight.
I'd almost call this a wasted show, really. Nothing bad, it just didn't click. Oh well, we're almost guaranteed some good stuff next week with Punk and Heyman, so there's that. Bye!