WWE Monday Night Raw
November 11, 2013
Tonight! After the sudden settlement of the Big Show v. WWE lawsuit, how will Big Show respond to being beaten up at the end of last week's show just like your average WWE Superstar? Also, what role will Libertarian Kane have now that he has joined HHH's regime? Lady Gaga has a new album out today driving America wild, so WWE had to pack up and head to England for tonight's WWE Raw!
John Cena narrated a Veteran's Day video supporting the United State military. Also, The Authority (without authority to keep Big Show's life ban in tact) is on vacation.
Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes & Goldust
Tonight's edition of Raw opened with Randy Orton coming out to tell us that since the Authority is on vacay, he has power over tonight's show. England's favorite GM Brad Maddox came out, to much Applause, to assert his own authority. Before Brad could make a match, Libertarian Kane came out to try and claim authority of his own. He is now the Director of Operations of WWE. Sweet title, bro. The crowd treated this Judas to "You sold out!" chants. Brad brushed Kane off, which was hilarious, and made Orton vs Cody Rhodes. Kane cut him off to make Orton vs Goldust. This argument brought out Vickie Guerrero, who overruled them to make both Rhodes vs Orton in a handicap match. This was so weird... Vickie, who always sucks up to HHH and Stephanie, just put their golden boy in a handicap match when she didn't have to. But, she did so while saying she had full confidence in Orton's skills.
The Rhodes beat Randy Orton via countout when Orton, after a lengthy battle that lasted through two commercial breaks, decided just to give up and leave the ring. Big Show was no fan of this, and he ran out to cut Orton's escape off. Show pummeled Orton all around the ringside area, eventually chokeslamming him through the announce table. The camera zoomed in on a seemingly injured Orton for a while, as Orton clutched at his left arm in agony.
After break, backstage, Big Show got in a cab to go grab a pint.
Poor Cole, JBL, and King have to sit the rest of the show without an announce table.
Los Matadores & Santino vs You'll Never Guess
3MB wrestled tonight in Union Jack gear as, well, the Union Jacks. Crowd was amused, and treated 3MB as babyfaces. The gimmick adjustment for the night didn't help, however, as Santino pinned Jinder with the Cobra in a short match. Fernando, Diego, Torito and Santino all had their fun in the ring after the match. Alejandro was nowhere to be found.
Backstage, Orton was getting checked out by the doctor. Brad Maddox apologized to Randy Orton for that handicap match taking place. Vickie then came in to apologize, too. Well, she should, because she sucks as a suck up. Libertarian Kane came in and took a harder stance with Orton, threatening Orton not to stray from Kane's orders.
The announcers have a new table for them now.
Damien Sandow vs Kofi Kingston
Sandow got the jobber entrance tonight, but won with You're Welcome, his full nelson slam. Not a lot to this.
Backstage, Curt Axel and Dolph Ziggler were preparing for thier match tonight, which is set for the Intercontinental Championship!
Next week's Raw is RAW COUNTRY. What does that mean!? Will we see the return of Hardcore Country? Will we see the Honky Tonk Man? Will we see Country-3MB? I'm So Happy I Could Die! I wonder if Daniel Bryan's brother Luke will be there.
Dolph Ziggler vs Curtis Axel
You know you're no one special right now when you lose without interference to Curtis Axel. WWE's Summerboy did just that as Axel pinned the Show Off with the Axelizer. Good competitive match with the fans really pulling for a Ziggler win. At one point in the match, Axel whipped Dolph into the corner. Before landing in the turnbuckles, though, Ziggler launched himself over the ropes and dropped right to the floor in a painful looking fashion. Seemed unnecessary. Boys, boys, boys. When will they learn?
Backstage, Kane and Maddox were discussing their decisions so far tonight. All the sudden, now that Kane is in a suit, no one is afraid of him. Maddox made John Cena vs The Real Americans for later. To one up him, Kane made The Shield vs Daniel Bryan & CM Punk. Maddox offered a handshake in truce, but Kane declined.
Zack Ryder is this week's WWEShop pitchman. He did a great job, actually.
Nikki Bella vs Tamina Snuka
Tamina won a nothing match with the top rope splash, but the real action happened after the match. AJ Lee wanted to Just Dance, but as she skipped around the ring, Brie Bella snuck in and dropkicked her right in the face. Tamina saw this, and tried to help but she got dropkicked too! Brie Bella is on a roll!
WWE 2K14 gave us a preview, or review rather, of Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels from WrestleMania 26. The video game version of Jim Ross made an appearance here as the announcer.
Backstage, Randy Orton was still getting checked out by the doctor in the longest time it has every taken to diagnose a bruised forearm. The Shield showed up, and got a tongue thrashing from an upset Orton wondering where they were when he was getting beat up. Dean, Seth, and Roman all said that they don't work for Orton, Kane, Vickie, or Brad and told Orton not to worry about where they were.
Fandango vs Tyson Kidd
Full fledged FANDANGO-ing was back tonight in the UK. The Fame of this theme really took off in Britain earlier this year, and now they got to relive it tonight. So, this storyline. Kidd is upset with Fandango because, while filming Total Divas, Natalya and Fandango were training together. Fandango, though, did so without a shirt. Kidd was jealous of this. This, in a word, sucked. The match was fine, however. Tyson tried a top rope sunset flip, but Fandango caught Tyson's legs and pinned the man clean.
Zeb Colter cut a Veteran's Day promo on the way to the ring for the next match. He began with a fun English accent. He called England a foreign land full of bad food and soccer thugs. Yada, yada, yada and a Mr. Bean zinger later, we had the next handicap match of the night.
John Cena vs The Real Americans
This was a fun match with Cena getting the win over Jack Swagger with the STF. All the way until the end, Swagger and Cesaro were getting the best of Cena with the ability to tag in and out while Cena had no room to rest or gain an advantage. As the match began, Alberto Del Rio's music hit and he came out for commentary. He'd make his presence felt again after the match as he beat down Cena and applied the cross armbreaker to injure Cena before their title match at Survivor Series. Big E, the new savior of babyfaces, ran Del Rio off but the damage had already been done.
Backstage, after the break, Del Rio had words with the interim Authority of Lib-Kane, Mad Ox, and Vickie. Kane made Del Rio vs Big E Langston for later.
The Ryback is here! R-Truth is rapping! I'm Starstruck! Raw's about to head to the Edge of Glory! Contrived here at this point. Anyway, Truth changed up his lyrics tonight to insult Ryback something fierce.
The Ryback vs R-Truth
Truth won with a rollup. Really. That happened. The Ryback, boy, I don't know.
Alberto Del Rio vs Big E Langston
The live audience cared more about doing the wave than watching this match. Yeah, Alberto's kind of boring. Del Rio won with the armbreaker, which he applied after escaping from the Big Ending.
Get to the main event already.
Paul Heyman Returns!
Paul Heyman, in a wheelchair, was in the ring as we came back from break. Curtis Axel was at his side. No Ryback. Oh, here's why. Paul Heyman turned big on Ryback. He said that Punk couldn't beat Heyman by himself, but he needed help from the big dummy Ryback. Ryback is a failure, you see. Paul crushing the big oaf here. Paul crushed the fans, too, for cheering Punk on as he beat up an innocent father of two. Paul came to Raw, taking a break from treatment for his injuries, to announce that he would be coming back with a vengeance. He was going to cast a shadow over CM Punk, and at this point Punk interrupted. Curtis Axel tried to cut off Punk from getting to his manager, but it didn't work. Punk took care, easily, of Axel. The immobile Paul Heyman was screaming at Punk to leave, but Punk decided instead to dump Heyman from his wheelchair and cane him to near death. For all the love of Heyman, which is well deserved, he really is shitty at selling these cane shots.
Bryan & Punk vs The Shield
There was no winner in this match due to FACTION WARFARE. Late in the match, the lights went out and when they came back on, Luke Harper and ROWAN had arrived in the ring in menacing form. Punk and Bryan were still in the ring, as were Ambrose and Rollins. Harper and Rowan were waiting for someone to move, which finally happened when Punk pushed Rollins into Harper. Harper didn't like this, and started barking at Rollins. Punk and Bryan took this chance to bail from the ring. Harper and Rowan stared off with Rollins and Ambrose, and when it looked like cooler heads would prevail, Harper hit a spinning forearm to Ambrose and a brawl broke out. The Shield brawled with the Wyatts until Bray, of all people, talked some sense into all of them and put the focus back on Bryan and Punk. Those two idiots failed to leave ringside while their enemies were brawling, so the six evil men turned their attention on them and we had a beatdown. As Punk and Bryan were trying to fight off the onslaught, the Usos and the Rhodes ran down to help out their new buddies. We had a huge brawl in the ring that Punk, Bryan, Cody, Goldy, Jimmy and Jey finally got the better of. As the show went off the air, Michael Cole pondered what the Authority would have to say next week about all the chaos of tonight.
Next week: Raw Country! No idea what that means, but it sounds like You and I will have a great time!